# The Gift Of Gab **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [December 31, 2008, 8:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-gift-of-gab/24413 "2008-12-31T20:21:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2008, 8:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-gift-of-gab/24413/1 "2008-12-31T20:21:59Z")
First of all, thank you for your replies to my intro. I have received my first order of pheros: Ammo, Instant Shine, [Instant Openness](https://a314.com/product/instant-openness/), and togo’s of TUTH and a gift of Instant Honesty (thank you). I just ordered Mystery Method and plan to start reading it once I get it. I realize that pheros can only do so much. They may assist in the attraction department, but in the end it is still me that has to hold interest and conversation. I, unlike others, do not have the gift of gab. I find that after introducing myself I have a hard time coming up with things to say.😕 The second thing to say is probably the hardest for me. I end stand there thinking of what to say and before I know it I am in a mental panic nervously rubbing my hands together, looking down, and struggling for something to say. I know that a lot of my problem is confidence, but I feel if I had some more ideas of what to say to continue a conversation, I might be more successful. So my question is, could you PUA veterans post some things that you use to continue conversations once they seem to have run dry? And, if you could post some ideas for what to say after “hi my name is” I would greatly appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![ntk23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/65b543/32.png) [@ntk23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ntk23)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-gift-of-gab/24413/2 "2009-01-01T02:42:36Z")
I’m not a PUA, veteran or otherwise, but I can give a conversational formula that will always work in the early stages to build rapport, and that is simply to talk about the other person and their life, which takes a little practice but really does work. Because people love to talk about themselves 🙂 You start off by asking one or two “open ended” questions; don’t go overboard with lots of questions or you will come across as an interrogator and scare people off. This means you ask someone questions that cannot be answered with a potentially conversation-killing straightforward “yes or no” answer. Then you use the answers to kind of like “probe” for more information, or “ask questions without phrasing them as questions.” And get onto subjects that are very dear to the other person’s heart. For example if you asked a girl “what do you like to do in your free time?” (a great question BTW that should get your interlocutrix accessing some good internal states of mind as she thinks of it 🙂) and she said “painting” you can say “painting? cool, must be a great feeling when you really capture an idea on canvas perfectly\*” (or something like that!) - of course you can bet an artistic pursuit like painting means a lot to her, and she will just love to talk about it. Indeed she could be talking 90% of the time with you just steering things along with the right questions/statements the other 10% of the time. Of course if your conversation brings up things you have in common, be sure to let them know this, too! There’s more to it than this brief note, of course. Google stuff like: NLP conversation, rapport, open-ended questions… Hope that makes a bit of sense. It’s very late here, and I’m very tired, LOL. Happy New Year BTW! - now this is not phrased as a question, but is one really, you’re asking her whether she feels great when she gets a painting done, in this example. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2009, 1:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-gift-of-gab/24413/3 "2009-01-01T13:24:16Z")
This can be hard for some people. You have a expert talker here so your in luck LOL 😉 The flowing conversation looks like this. Opening statement followed by a question They respond You make a statement pertaining to there response and then ask a question. They respond and in most cases ask a question of there own. You respond and make a statement and ask a question and so on and so on. Its not as hard as it sounds as I will illustrate below. First thing you do when you enter a room, bar, club is take in who is in there. Notice things about them. This will give you a feel for who will be more open to conversation and interaction and what there likes and dislikes may be. It gives the first impression. Then you pick your target and make initial contact, Usually by doing the observing I mentioned above you can come up with a opening. This is basically the hardest part. Sometimes in groups its easier but I personally feel approaching the lone person is easier. Be sure to smile and make eye contact a lot as well as be a good listener. Listening and really hearing what they say is crucial. Once you have your opening. Try to ask open ended questions that require more then a yes or no answer. When they answer this information given will lead you into your statement. Dont ask question after questions repetitively though. Make a statement so this will give them a chance to ask you something. Then you can reply to there question and make a statement of your own followed by a question to keep things flowing. If you find the convo is ebbing this is the time to pull out your PUA Tactics. Why wait ?.. because women are not stupid, we know the pick up tricks as well as the men do and if you lead with PUA material right out of the gate you come off as…well as a PUA. You want to use the techniques without being obvious your using them. Make them part of your personality. If you force them, you are not being real and this will stop a convo dead in its tracks. Then we go back to our friends and laugh about the stupid pick up line this guy used on us. You want to leave them thinking wow that guy was interesting or fun to talk to. I have often been on the phone with Steve who is a experienced PUA while he is out at Buckies and I can hear him talking to others. Its natural not forced, he has made it a part of his personality and can do it without thought. According to him that wasn’t always so, it takes practice. So before you hit the bars or clubs practice on those you dont really care if they have a interest in you or not. This will make it more comfortable for when you approach that lady of interest. If you fail with the practice people dont get upset. Look at the experience and learn from it. What could you have said different to keep things flowing. Make a mental note for the next time. Not everyone has a good sense of humor but that can be learned as well. Making amusing statements, teasing or what the PUA’s call negging can help deepen comfort levels and help open people up more as long as your not insulting. There is a fine line between a insult and a neg. Example… Lets go to Dunkin Donuts for a Basic practice run shall we … 😃 Pay attention to the words I put in **bold** print I enter the building with a confident stance. Make eye contact and smile at whoever looks up to see who came in. Some will make eye contact and smile back. Some will glance away in nervousness or disinterest. ( we will work on those people later) Already I know who is more open to talking to me. Now I am taking them in and noticing things about them. Not the nervous ones the eye contact people. The guy in front of me is holding a bag of Irish Blend coffee. My opening. Me… "Oh wow they have Irish blend, I always wanted to try that, Have you had it before ? " _Make eye contact_, _smile smile smile Its hard to be mean or ignore smiling people._ Victim… Yes its very good, Me… I like the French vanilla blend, so far its my favorite, I hear they have holiday Cinnamon stick blend. Wonder how that one tastes. _This can be a statement or a question._ Victim, Yes they do, they have had it in the pots at **work** this past week. ( he mentioned work, hold onto that for later) Me… Oh really, did you try it ? Victim… Yes Me… Did you like it ? Victim … No Alert alert the conversation is lagging. Make a statement and ask a question that requires more verbal communication Me… We dont have a coffee machine at my work so we have to bring it in made. What kind of work do you do ? Victim… I manage a **store** Me… Thats Great, What kind of store ? I work for the post office. _You need to offer a little info on yourself to get some in return. People reciprocate its human nature._ Victim… I manage a **sporting good store** in the **mall** across town. Do you work here in (insert town name) ? Ect Ect … By now you have a feel whether the person is open and interested in talking to you and if you want to continue talking to them. Sometimes you may not want to. In which you can cut it short by making a statement and not asking a question. If you like the person this is where you introduce yourself. With the people who didnt make eye contact when you came in or looked nervouse and look away quick you may need to introduce yourself a little earlier but practice on the easy ones first. Me… "Oh By the way My name is Tisha, and you are ? " Umm lets call him Ted. Go right back into the convo and answer his question. When you just walk up to someone and say Hi My name is Tisha and then start talking its not natural or flowing. This is done more in a business setting not a social setting. As long as you introduce yourself in the first 3 to 5 minutes of conversation its not considered rude. He just gave me a ton more material to work with. I can talk about sports, hobbies, things he sells in the store, the mall, or move toward a more personal level and ask him what sports he participates in. The point of the above conversation is that by listening to what they are saying and holding onto those keywords and phrases you can revert back to them and ask questions and make statements even with very little response to work with. Plus you can work what you learn from the PUA’s into it slowly to perfect your own personal technique. One more tip… Use postive speech. Instead of saying I hate Cinnamon stick coffee say I like vanilla better then Cinnamon. Postive words and phrases make people feel more comfort and inspire them to respond with positive statements. It influences there attitude and state of mind. Whoops one more tip 🙂 While asking a girl what they do for fun is good dont do it to soon in the convo unless you have observed they have a real outgoing personality. You want to establish the rapport first then move it into a more personal territory. Suppose I had ask the guy above "what he did for fun right after I said “I like the French vanilla blend” it breaks the flow on conversation and sends alerts up. You move into that after the first 5 minutes of convo after you have established a rapport. Good goddess I can go on forever with tips LOL I should write a book. Hope this helps some I am sure the PUA’s will have more suggestions for you. But its best to start with the basics when your shy. Believe me I have taken people out and given them lessons in how to approach and create a flowing convo and its something you work toward and progress with with practice. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-gift-of-gab/24413/4 "2009-01-02T15:30:10Z")
Thank you Tisha for taking the time to post that. I will try some of these things. ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-gift-of-gab/24413/5 "2009-01-02T16:30:30Z")
Jester, these techniques are very similar to the ones taught to British police officers for interrogating suspects or witnesses. It never ceased to amaze me how much information I got from people by using open ended questions such as ntk23 and Tisha describe here. Couple that with some good body language and you have hit gold. One small thing to add, don’t be afraid to keep quiet. Ask your question, lean forward so as to invite a response, when they finish talking just keep quiet for 5 seconds or so, if they don’t carry on talking in that time, just ask something simple such as “and then what happened?”. 90% of people feel the need to fill the silence with their own voice, be one of the 10%! It will take practice but (like all the best things in life) it will be worth it, in so many areas outside of your lovelife. I, for example, use these techniques when going for a job interview, it can really impress the interviewer. At my last interview, I walked out having been offered a job two grades higher than the one I had applied for!