# The Quest for Congruence - Diary of a Feminist Man **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Journals\ **Created:** [April 8, 2013, 2:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691 "2013-04-08T14:43:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2013, 2:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/1 "2013-04-08T14:43:29Z")
Hi all, long post coming up. Congratulations if you get to the end! I am a 42 year old man from England living in a celibate marriage. I have taken up mones in an effort to support the intimacy and communication my marriage needs. A beginner, I have been wearing mones for the last 11 days and combined this with lots of research on the forums - so far I have scanned and read through most of the posts in the most recent 326 pages of the Men’s Tricks and Tips Board 😮 Perhaps this diary will cover ground not covered often elsewhere - the progress of my marriage back towards intimacy with a helpful nudge from mones. Or perhaps it will demonstrate the limits of mones…we shall see! **Background** I have been in a sexless marriage for six years, since the birth of our second child. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to work out the connection between these two things but truth be told my wife has never been particularly interested in sex. In fact she seems to be fearful of the vulnerability inherentin sexual closeness. I’m communicative and tactile by nature and have attempted to talk things through many times without luck. I have kissed, massaged, stroked and otherwise devoted hundreds of hours to relaxing and encouraging her to be intimate. All with no result, I haven’t even seen her naked in all this time. Before you think I must look like Ron Jeremy without his easy charm, I’m physically fit and look more than presentable. If I was intent on having an affair I could have one tomorrow. But that’s not what I want, hence the mones. **Conjecture** I have spent so much time trying to work out the reasons for this situation. If I can understand why she isn’t interested perhaps there is a chance to improve things. Also, the success of mones depends on understanding the problem and finding the right mone mix/associated congruence to make it all work together. I believe the following cover most of the possible reasons for her lack of interest in sex (all in the absence of her views because she won’t talk about it): - General low sex drive - She gives all her energy and affection to our children - A hormonal imbalance - She isn’t comfortable with her body - She finds vulnerability and intimacy difficult - She (subconsciously) finds me a good, sensitive provider but this doesn’t make for sexual attraction and heat - Some other unresolved issue between the two of us (and which I’m not aware of) **Where Congruence Comes In** Two weeks ago I ordered some A314, AS and TUTH, not really knowing what I was doing. I have also received P102 and [P130](https://a314.com/product/p130/) as togo freebies (much appreciated) As I have tried these out and read hundreds of posts on the forum I have come to a new appreciation of the subtlety inherent in mones use and effectiveness. I now believe them to be a creative way of addressing personal development. The key isn’t to find a magic pill but to help you understand yourself and other people at a much deeper level and change behaviours more permanently than a spray and go will ever do. The short time I have been using mones has shown me they work but not quite in the way sometimes portrayed. I’m not by nature a dominant male despite looking very masculine, and I’m finding living with the mone imprint an inspiration to be more assertive and congruent with the signals I’m giving out. **My Mones Experiences So Far** I have variously used A314, IS and P102 and P130 in small doses and various combinations at both work and home. I have used TUTH in small doses at home. **A314** - already the absolute cornerstone of everything. As a non-dominating man with a strong identification with the feminine I have found (mostly female) responses very interesting. **At work** (a feminine environment) some older female colleagues have sought to keep my attention, extend conversations and otherwise respond positively. I put this down to the A314 as being consistent with other reports. **Self effects** - noticeable, more assertiveness and confidence. However some of this may be confidence from knowing I’m wearing the mone. **At home** my wife was first ill and then on her period so things have been slow to get going. However I have noticed a certain ‘softness’ in her response, a greater wish to be cuddled and inhaling happily from my neck and upper chest for long, pleasant seconds. **IS** - I have used this mainly together with A314 and haven’t perceived very obvious results although I suspect the two are working well together. My wife has made a couple of comments that indicate IS has changed something in my way of carrying myself and the aura I give. People do seem cheerful around me but I’m not certain about whether IS is the reason. **TUTH** - I’ve been cautious with this - it has had no impact on my wife so far probably because of her period. She is entering her fertile period now so I’ll try it again…however I remain uncertain because it a lot hinges on the reasons for her sexual disinterest. If she has a psychological barrier or just doesn’t desire me TUTH may just scare her off. I will continue to major on the socials and A314. **P102 and P130** - not yet experienced enough to know hits for these but will pay them more attention when the novelty of the consumer line wears off. **Next Steps** I have IH and P83 on order and will introduce them to the mix. I now appreciate the importance of the socials and really believe IH will be very important to open up the communication between us, I’m really excited about that. My wife is already much more open to physical affection with the mones but I don’t want sex before we crack the communication side of things. If the communication comes first and naturally leads to sex she will associate the two things in that order and understand that communication and intimacy come first. In the longer term I can already sense how mones can shape both my perceptions and those of others but also that if I rely on mones alone it will ultimately be hollow and ineffective. Now I can see that perceptions _can_ be changed I will work first on my congruence and hope that eventually these changed perceptions will become second nature. Apologies for the mad length of this post. I hope to write a new (shorter) entry every few days, thanks for reading so far! ---
**Author:** ![1Alpha](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/1alpha/32/190_2.png) [@1Alpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/1Alpha)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 6:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/2 "2013-04-09T06:36:04Z")
Your joshing about the length right?! I’m at the end and wanting more!! What happens with IShine by itself, that its effects on those around you? Are the ladies at work, some looking to jump you now that you have these mones? What’ll happen with the IH? What about P102 and [P130](https://pheromonelabs.com/product/p130/)? Sadly, no report on them…yet! Waiting for the next installment. From your comments on the non dominant male vibe that you put out, your better half may feel much more comfortable, subconsciously, with the more fatherly vibe of the -rone in A314 so that she may feel comforted by you with the A314 cloak. Possibly with a few more exposures, she will start associating that vibe to you without the A314. Your post has been dully noted and I for one, nominate it for recognition by the forum! 🙂 1Alpha . ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 10:26am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/3 "2013-04-09T10:26:44Z")
> [@1Alpha](#): > > Your joshing about the length right?! I’m at the end and wanting more!! What happens with IShine by itself, that its effects on those around you? Are the ladies at work, some looking to jump you now that you have these mones? What’ll happen with the IH? What about P102 and P130? Sadly, no report on them…yet! > Waiting for the next installment. > > From your comments on the non dominant male vibe that you put out, your better half may feel much more comfortable, subconsciously, with the more fatherly vibe of the -rone in A314 so that she may feel comforted by you with the A314 cloak. Possibly with a few more exposures, she will start associating that vibe to you without the A314. > > Your post has been dully noted and I for one, nominate it for recognition by the forum! 🙂 > > 1Alpha > > . Wow, I’m taken aback 1Alpha, thank you! More on the reactions of women at work. The response isn’t universal but I can report a major showing of cleavage during a meeting (not at all expected) and a couple of instances of female co-workers not wanting to let a conversation go, just extending it on and on almost as if they don’t want to leave my presence. And both of those with heavy eye contact and attention. All of these I put down to A314 but I’m still learning how the molecules interact so may change my mind. I’ve only tried [Instant Shine](https://a314.com/product/shine/) by itself once and had a giggly conversation with my wife before the tone settled down to simple happiness at being together. P102 and P130 reports to come when things become clearer. However, I did spray P130 along with A314 the first time I wore mones and oddly both me and my wife stumbled over words for a while, almost as if we were tipsy. Not sure if that was the P130 though. Thanks for the words on the dominant vibe. I came home from work without mones on today and she was ready and waiting hold me tight. Not sure if she was subconsciously disappointed not to pick up the cloud but hey, she seemed happy to see me 🙂 More soon! ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2013, 3:01am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/4 "2013-04-12T03:01:43Z")
My latest update is below - as the mones continue to work for me but not without plot twists. On Wednesday night I was sitting with my wife after the children had gone to bed. I wore: x2 A314 x2 IS Cuddling up to watch the football, my wife commented on how David Beckham still ‘had it’ and wondered aloud how he achieved it. She then looked me in the eyes and said ‘how have _you_ kept it?’ Now I’m youthful-looking but that just felt like the lovely sparkly IS talking… Later that night we went to bed and cuddled some more before I said I needed to go and do some work. Her tone almost imploring, she said ‘please don’t go, I want you next to me’. I didn’t read this as being at all sexual (I know her well and it didn’t feel like that) but read it as the A314 spreading a little love. It wasn’t what she said but the way she said it that surprised me, almost a yearning in her voice. I stayed… So my IH and [P83](https://a314.com/product/p83/) arrived on Thursday. I was really excited about this, planning to go all out to raise the intimacy and sharing to a new level, perhaps finally discuss things that needed dealing with and, you know, get a little physical. On Thursday night I wore: x2 A314 x2 IS x2 IH x1 P83 And would you believe it, one of our daughters started blowing chunks within 10 minutes, continuing to do so through the evening and night. Now it was pretty horrible for my daughter and I was caught between my concern for her and my own pissed-off-ness that I had sprayed myself for no reason. In the event we spent most of the night looking after our daughter rather than our own relationship. Once again a reminder that mones are subject to reality and don’t control reality! Working things through in my own mind I increasingly realise that A314 is super-helpful for me personally. I plan to wear it alone at work, perhaps with the occasional social spray. On the whole I have enough charm to get through any work situation without mones but my personality is a little diffident and, well, over-polite. A314 helps me be comfortable with being assertive and I’m loving that. My workload is easier to manage and I’m more confident in asking people to do things for me (partly because I can see them listening and responding more) For home use I’ll keep changing it up, my marriage being the most important thing to me. It will take longer to find the right mix but I’m having fun trying. To feel my wife moulding her body to mine as she tries to get as close as possible is that extra 10% that mones have given me. So in a sense, first base has been achieved. Second base is helping her to open up and share emotionally. Third base is her articulating or making clear her desire. A home run is, well, a home run 🙂 I’ll keep posting every few days. Thanks for reading. ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:11am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/5 "2013-04-14T06:11:44Z")
The last two evenings have seen my optimism dented somewhat…probably inevitably given my high hopes. On Friday night I packed in: x2 drops A314 x2 sprays Instant Shine x2 sprays [Instant Honesty](https://a314.com/product/instant-honesty/) x2 sprays P83 And on Saturday on wore the same minus the P83. Both evenings we sat down to watch The Masters Golf, me soaked on mone goodness, my wife seemingly oblivious. On Friday night I was actually more affected by the IH than her but then, it doesn’t take much to make me open up emotionally. Otherwise I have been having much better results when wearing A314 by itself during the day. My wife is responsive to this when worn alone in the sense that she will seek me out and hug me, nuzzling into my neck as she does so, her body softening into mine. But the total mone package seems to be too much, either driving her away or at the very least not having any impact. I’m learning to appreciate that she may be _so_ non-sexual that TUTH just doesn’t and won’t hit her. After all a woman has to have the sexual antennae in the first place to respond, right? But what about IH and P83? This will need further investigation. I’ll keep attempting new mixes and approaches alongside having an ear and eye for anything that will open her up to a deeper relationship with me. If any of you reading this thread have any suggestions for mones or mixes I would really appreciate it. I realise it is early days and that this is a complex situation. But I’m determined to work it out. ---
**Author:** ![1Alpha](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/1alpha/32/190_2.png) [@1Alpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/1Alpha)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:44am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/6 "2013-04-14T06:44:34Z")
Good to have your observations put up regularly! I agree that TUTH may NOT be the way… might as well take off your pants in front of her in the living room! Not making things interesting for her. I would suggest, toning down the combinations to 2 or possibly 3 at the most. Get a good handle on a combo as your [P83](https://a314.com/product/p83/) with IH may be a bit too much in concert. But, you’ll get more into the mones with usage with time. The other thing that could be happening is that it is so much different from the ‘normal’ you, it doesn’t compute, yet, in her thought of who “Feminist Man” is in her experience. Yes, OD is also possible, with a confusing mone signal. Remember, OD stands for Other than Desired response…🙂 1Alpha . ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2013, 6:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/7 "2013-04-14T06:58:12Z")
> [@1Alpha](#): > > Good to have your observations put up regularly! I agree that TUTH may NOT be the way… might as well take off your pants in front of her in the living room! Not making things interesting for her. > > I would suggest, toning down the combinations to 2 or possibly 3 at the most. Get a good handle on a combo as your P83 with IH may be a bit too much in concert. But, you’ll get more into the mones with usage with time. > > The other thing that could be happening is that it is so much different from the ‘normal’ you, it doesn’t compute, yet, in her thought of who “Feminist Man” is in her experience. > > Yes, OD is also possible, with a confusing mone signal. Remember, OD stands for Other than Desired response…🙂 > > 1Alpha > > . Thank you 1Alpha. Your perspective is very helpful and reflects things that have also crossed my mind albeit in a more muddled way. Very common schoolboy errors on my part methinks. Point totally taken about my discongruent mone self, especially if I change from the caring, sharing FM to the ol’ horndog FM from day to day. I’ll start being more consistent from here…probably just A314 and IH tonight. And a more relaxed attitude… ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2013, 1:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/8 "2013-04-15T13:26:10Z")
An interesting couple of days. Last night I wore: 2 drops A314 2 sprays IH Aside from perceived slight self-effects of increased poise and physical confidence not much to report until…my wife responded to my (I thought) gentle chiding by saying in an unfamilar little-girl voice “you’re so stern…” then she went quiet. Hmmm…another lesson learnt the hard way. Two sprays of IH _doesn’t_ trump the strict father-figure vibe of two A314 drops, at least for me. That was about it for yesterday really. Tonight I wore (completely against the advice of 1Alpha 😉): 1 drop A314 2 sprays IH 2 sprays [P83](https://a314.com/product/p83/) Another quiet evening (but then my wife and I only get an hour together most evenings, just the two of us) apart from her at one point drifting off into a reverie about sitting in the warm sun on a desert island that sounded strangely erotic and quite unlike her. The evening unexpectedly ended with the most soulful kiss my wife and I have ever shared 🙂. Then she went to sleep but I didn’t care about that 🙂 It may sound strange that we haven’t kissed with passion before and it even reads weirdly on the screen. Her mind and body are so alienated from each other (whatever the reason) that she has never kissed with any confidence or even knowledge of how to do it. But tonight was different…not so different as to be kissing a different woman but different enough to be authentic and quite delicious. It is noticeable that both ‘hits’ (the desert island fantasy and the kiss) were with her in prime position to breathe in my application points (lower neck and upper chest). I’ll be repeating tonight’s prescription tomorrow for sure. But to stress, my hope longer-term is not that my wife will kiss me for my mones but that her passion will be kindled to the extent her fire is self-sustaining… Work-wise nothing profound but a couple of daytime drops of A314 and IS resulted in two lengthy corridor conversations that came out of nowhere and lasted much longer than they should have - both with work colleagues. One a woman in her 50s and the other with a man, also in his 50s. Neither of them seemed to want the conversation to end. But that is a sideshow, really, compared to the main business at hand. Of which more soon. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Dragon](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/miss_dragon/32/866_2.png) [@Miss\_Dragon](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Miss_Dragon)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2013, 10:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/9 "2013-04-17T22:00:25Z")
How have things been going for you lately? ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 9:34am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/10 "2013-04-18T09:34:51Z")
Oops, double post. See next page. ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 9:44am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/11 "2013-04-18T09:44:35Z")
Hey Miss Dragon 🙂 The last two evenings I wore A314 (two drops) and IH (two sprays) with little noticeable effect at home. Yes, my wife stroked my leg and arm a little more than usual but when I responded in any way she took a step back, withdrawing into herself. This has been the pattern for years. I’m returning to congruence here - relying on A314 as I instinctively do is probably the right approach to work from BUT my affectionate, tactile nature is conflicting with it’s signals. Not to mention my need after all these years to hold and be held. While not into playing ‘games’ and without being cold I’m going to back off every step of the way for a while and let my wife come to me.I know the mones are having an effect, the rest is down to attraction and psychology. Time to live up to my phero signature, I have nothing to lose and a lot to gain. ---
**Author:** ![1Alpha](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/1alpha/32/190_2.png) [@1Alpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/1Alpha)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 10:48am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/12 "2013-04-18T10:48:27Z")
Thanks for that update! You have the best view… and understanding as to her inclinations. We can provide you our thoughts… as sometimes we can’t see the forest for the trees… eh? I just thought of this when I saw your journal update! Have you used TAC with her? I don’t recall seeing that you’ve used TAC. One of my all time fav’s for getting my LTR in the mood… 🙂 I’d hope that it could work for you as well! 1Alpha . ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Dragon](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/miss_dragon/32/866_2.png) [@Miss\_Dragon](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Miss_Dragon)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 12:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/13 "2013-04-18T12:24:30Z")
I agree with your idea about backing off. Since she withdraws when you reciprocate affection, perhaps it would be best to rely on “come to me” tactics for a while. When she develops a pattern or habit of being physically affectionate, it will seem less obvious or unnatural for a little reciprocation to happen. This situation reminds me a bit of trying to befriend a feral cat. I happen to have a real soft spot for cats, any kind. Especially feral. If I see a cat outdoors, I always try to interact with it. The more feral it is, the less socialized, and thus the most opposed to my advances. In that sort of case, I would need to find something to lure it to me. If I can sit downwind with a juicy piece of meat (again, smell comes into play!), I have the best chances of tempting the cat. But even so, any movement or attempt to pet it could make it run away. It takes a lot of meat and a lot of patience to make an untamed cat comfortable enough to stick around and let me attempt a scratch or two. Any thoughts on revisiting your use of instant shine? You seemed to be getting some good less-inhibited results with that one. Light-hearted interactions stimulate social bonding chemicals in the brain. As I’ve heard it said, “Get a woman laughing and you get a woman loving.” I must commend you for this project you’ve undertaken. It’s a really, truly good man who will stick with his woman and strive for mutual wellbeing in the most difficult of circumstances. She is truly blessed. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Dragon](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/miss_dragon/32/866_2.png) [@Miss\_Dragon](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Miss_Dragon)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 12:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/14 "2013-04-18T12:31:17Z")
Also, it sounds like your wife suffered some sort of major traumatic abuse at some point in her life. If you know this to be fact, it might help if you research successful rehabilitative strategies. If you don’t know this for sure, and she is too private to tell you, it might be good to look up signs and clues of an abuse victim and see if she lines up with any of it. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Dragon](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/miss_dragon/32/866_2.png) [@Miss\_Dragon](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Miss_Dragon)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 12:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/15 "2013-04-18T12:43:31Z")
Another thought…aside from physical, what are some other forms of reciprocation you are using? Perhaps she would be more receptive to verbal or gifts or acts. For instance, when she cuddled you and said she wanted to be on an island with you, maybe she wouldn’t accept a caress, but perhaps she’d accept you saying, “I’d like that, too” or “tell me more” ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/16 "2013-04-18T15:22:24Z")
Much food for thought here, 1Alpha and Miss Dragon, I appreciate the amount of thought you’ve both put into this. **1Alpha** - ha, ‘wood for the trees’ indeed. It is tricky disassociating my personal enjoyment of the effects of, say, A314 from the mones that actually work best for my relationship. My assumption has been that I’m very relational already and that A314 adds that bit of authority-charisma that may be missing at home. But if my wife is easily scared off it may be counter-productive… Thanks for the nod to TAC - I hadn’t really looked at the Experimone series. The reviews and forum comments look very positive but right now I’m awaiting delivery of Ammo and IG on top of previous orders. Delivery costs to the UK are pretty high so I’ll be patient and add TAC to my next order in a couple of months. **Miss Dragon** - woah, a lot to think about there. My wife has the wariness of a feral cat when it comes to doing things she doesn’t wish to do. An example. Apparently (her parents tell me) she had a difficult experience at the dentist when she was a young girl and has not been back since. That would chime with the trauma theory and her response to it. However she once blurted out (I guess because she thought I suspected it) that her difficulties with sex/intimacy weren’t because of a difficult/traumatic experience. Take that as you will. I have had two previous relationships and both women experienced serious abuse as girls. They both had an intense adult sexuality which may or may not have been connected to their previous experiences. In both cases it was only when they told me their stories that I could join the dots so that it all made sense. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I have an open mind on her reasons and motivations but as you suggest am alert to the signs of abuse or trauma. Reciprocation…it must be difficult for her to know that her husband has a high sex drive with nowhere to go as it were. I try to minimise the insecurity she may be feeling with expressions of love and commitment if that is partly what you mean. On a more subtle level I was interested to order IH because she only rarely talks about her past and I really wanted her to open up more. My promptings and encouragement to share only get so far at the moment. However, I’ll take your suggestion to heart, I can see how important it is to continue gently encouraging and leading. And IS, interesting you say that. I’m really getting to like the stuff. It is light and airy and as you say may be what is working best. Laughter is actually one of the things that is keeping us bonded in the absence of sex but the IS may well be helping with general closeness and unspoken communication. I will use it consistently at home and see if creates a positive feedback response. Still so much to learn about [pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/shop/) and what I like about them is the prompt they give for us to think about psychology and what goes on under the surface. Not least, 1Alpha and Miss Dragon, in your thoughtful posts. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2013, 1:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/17 "2013-04-23T13:36:13Z")
Well well well, I think I’m getting closer to my sweet spot. I took delivery of Ammo and [Instant Gentleman](https://a314.com/product/gentleman/) yesterday and settled on: A314 two drops to the jawline Ammo (x1) two sprays to the chest IG two sprays to the neck I find the scent of Ammo very sweet so that got things off to a good start. And straight off, what a sexy mix. Laid back, confident and sensual, the perfect accompaniment to an English spring day. I have since been wearing this combination at both work and home. At work I see an impact on women in meetings with deep eye contact, easy agreement with my views and a general sense of trust. I’m not sure about more overt flirtation hits at work for the obvious reason it isn’t the right environment. But it struck me today that unless it is super-obviously a hit I’ll dismiss it as normal because most of the women I work with have flirted with me at some time or other. If that sounds conceited, oops, it’s not intended to be a boast. Now we come home life and the fact I will always notice a hit there, notable as it would be. But despite my impatience we were exhausted yesterday evening because it was our daughter’s birthday. I crashed early without going heavy on the mones. Tonight after work, feeling great from the day I washed and reset the above combination with high hopes. And my wife couldn’t keep her hands off me. Not in an especially sexual way but in a ‘I don’t know where to put my hands but I need to be touching him’ kind of way. Her fingers stroked my leg, then my hand, then my arm, never settling in one place. Then she would pull her hand away before it would move back to my leg again. Perhaps indicative of an internal conflict but always a smooth, relaxed uncertainty that I think grew out of the trust that IG seems to engender. Trust feels like the key thing here. After so long without physical intimacy I’m very aware of the importance of trust. And seduction. I want my wife to want to give herself to me without fear, feeling like it is the most natural thing in the world. Tonight has been a massive step forward. I took the liberty of slipping my hand inside her bra, stroking her nipple gently. In the past I have felt her tense and sometimes push me away if I did that to the extent I haven’t even attempted it for the longest time. But tonight she relaxed against me, her breathing deepening slightly. That was as far as it went but that’s just fine by me. The smoothness of the mones ironed out all the creases between us and I felt finally like I was in a ‘normal’ relationship in which it is OK to be intimate. I have found the A314, Ammo, IG combination the best so far. I feel desirable, sexual and in control. Congruence also feels easy. I’m not sure if this congruence is an indication of suitability to my personality and natural mone signature or whether the mix itself creates the self-effect that backs it up. Whatever, I’m smiling 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Dragon](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/miss_dragon/32/866_2.png) [@Miss\_Dragon](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Miss_Dragon)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2013, 12:02am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/18 "2013-04-24T00:02:37Z")
Wow, that’s wonderful! Sounds like you’ve really found a good mix! I recently started playing with p130, perhaps this is something you might like to look into. It strikes me as an anti-anxiety molecule. If you are sensing any remaining anxiety with her, this might help to take the edge off. You can read about it here: > [@P130: The Cure For Fear](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/p130-the-cure-for-fear/42347): > > Normally, I would write this entry in my journal - and I will follow up on this there (see my signature). However, to make it more visible and to honor a promise I made to the team at Androtics, I’m posting it here. I’m reporting on putative 130, or P130. Much of the following was written on my iPhone yesterday as I experienced both self and outer effects of the putative. I’m also updating it with a current narrative. It is a hybrid post of past and present experiences and thoughts. I’ve incr… ---
**Author:** ![Feminist\_Man](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/feminist_man/32/1583_2.png) [@Feminist\_Man](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Feminist_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2013, 4:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/19 "2013-04-24T04:00:06Z")
Thanks Miss Dragon! It is true that things are getting better with the help of mones but that doesn’t mean [P130](https://a314.com/product/p130/) or the TAC suggested by 1Alpha couldn’t bring in a new flavour. After all, I may still be a long way from the promised land… What has been your personal experience with P130 so far? Are you using for self-effects or effects on others? ---
**Author:** ![1Alpha](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/1alpha/32/190_2.png) [@1Alpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/1Alpha)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2013, 6:28am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691/20 "2013-04-24T06:28:57Z")
Good times… The long term changes usually come about slowly. Glad things are coalescing for you and the missus. As to [P130](https://pheromonelabs.com/product/p130/), I would test that out first with the smaller 5 mu. I’m not saying that some have had a good response with that molecule, just that in my experience, it’s been a ‘bitch generator’… In me and my SO. For some, it brings out a relaxed confidence. For TAC, I also have personal experience and highly recommend it. Here is a couple of my posts on the TAC response on one of my threads: [TUTH Immunity... Is it possible? How to conteract it!!! - #25 by 1Alpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/tuth-immunity-is-it-possible-how-to-conteract-it/42693/25) Also, K-Train had started his thread long before I got to PheroTalk… [Does TAC Really Intesify Orgasms?](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/does-tac-really-intesify-orgasms/189943) As you have seen, you need to continue to tweak the application of the mones to your particular situation. You do need more of a sniper rifle approach than a shotgun approach. Many here are just happy with the ‘spray everything on and see what happens’. As you have a particular goal, you have a more complicated application with your particular relationship. Keep it up, I’m glad your doing well! 1Alpha . [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/the-quest-for-congruence-diary-of-a-feminist-man/58691.md?page=2)