# very very very very low libido **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [July 17, 2008, 7:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732 "2008-07-17T19:30:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/21 "2009-06-11T18:16:39Z")
> [@](#): > > I can’t help but wonder about the whole procreation thing. when that goal is gone… what’s the point? men want sex to feel loved, women have to feel loved to have sex. _click_ hope other get it,too 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Experimator](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/experimator/32/1015_2.png) [@Experimator](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Experimator)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 6:53pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/22 "2009-06-11T18:53:23Z")
Pheros do not do anything to raise libido or develop a desire for sex. If she has a low libido then no matter how much TUTH you use, it will not do anything. I am in the same boat as you. My wife’s libido is zero. But I keep getting many sexual hits from other women. Libido has nothing to do with how much you help at home, cook for her, take her out, have pleasant conversations, buy her gifts, surprise her every often with something nice. Libido is a physical disorder or call it a condition of the human body that cannot be increased with anything I mentioned above. Some women’s desire for sex is low because they do not get attention from their partner. The moment that is fixed they are back in the game. However, some women have a physical limitation and they can never have adequate desire even if the root cause if fixed. It is their physical ody composition. I have had several conversations with my wife on working on it but she just doesn’t feel it. So, I simply disconnected my desire to get intimate with her. Took me a few weeks but I don’t get attracted to her anymore. But my desire to be with a women is still there. There is no easy solution, bud. Try to seek counciling together. ---
**Author:** ![Whitehall](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/whitehall/32/1087_2.png) [@Whitehall](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Whitehall)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 7:04pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/23 "2009-06-11T19:04:47Z")
The odd thing about absent libido is one seldom has a memory of what it was like when it was more active. There is little state memory in the nervous system. Like I said before and as Yashasharma colloborated, when it’s gone (physically), one doesn’t miss it and there is little to do about it. We need to remember that one of the prime functions in female is inhibitation. Women have to ration their egg exposure since pregnancy comes at such a high cost. Like anything else biological, it can get out of whack, or it could be a proper adaptation to circumstances - no more babies. Marriage customs don’t always recognize biological variances - monogamy needs escape clauses sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 7:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/24 "2009-06-11T19:35:38Z")
> [@](#): > > Libido has nothing to do with how much you help at home, cook for her, take her out, have pleasant conversations, buy her gifts, surprise her every often with something nice. Libido is a physical disorder or call it a condition of the human body that cannot be increased with anything I mentioned above. we agree to disagree then. id like to think i know something about a woman’s libido changing, since i have experienced my own fluctuation and KNOW for what reasons that was… if its medical, there will be other physical issues as well. NOT just missing libido 😉 but a _girl_ knows that … check for other symptoms. that should help in the deciphering. ---
**Author:** ![TheCentaur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@TheCentaur](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/TheCentaur)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 7:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/25 "2009-06-11T19:40:54Z")
> [@yashsharma](#): > > Libido has nothing to do with how much you help at home, cook for her, take her out, have pleasant conversations, buy her gifts, surprise her every often with something nice. Libido is a physical disorder or call it a condition of the human body that cannot be increased with anything I mentioned above. > > There is no easy solution, bud. Try to seek counciling together. yes, and intimacy to a woman doesn’t mean sex. we’re replying to the post in order to see what could be done immediately to recover lost libido. most of the time its something simple. seeing a doctor and getting blood profiles and a complete physical exam is the only way to rule out the physical portion of it. but sending your spouse to the doctor to ‘get it fixed’, when all she needed was a little emotional support is a bit of overkill. counciling is nothing more than 3rd party discussions. they’re useful for spotting communication issues, but again, there are things that can be done at home before involving anyone else. there are issues that need to be solved, and the hope is that they’re easy ones that we can work with. sometimes they’re not. i grieve a little when one of these quests to rekindle turns for the worst, like this one: > [@So much for the pheros...no point now](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-much-for-the-pheros-no-point-now/29565): > > Well, the main point or reason I bought any pheros at all was in order to hopefully spice things up a little with the hubby; and when I found IH, I thought that would be a great addition as well. I know I haven’t been as great with the reporting lately as I was at first, but the reason for this is that none of them did any good for what I wanted: despite my best tries, (along with everything else I’ve tried) I found out that he has been cheating on me. frowning And has went to see a lawyer abo… same goes for Diamond’s journal. at this point in my life, I could not fathom a marriage without some physical intimacy. I don’t just desire to be with women, I desire to be with My Wife, even though the ol’ urge on her end is a bit low. she loves me enough to give me attention, even if she doesnt feel like it, because she wants to express love in a way I can understand it, just like I want to do for her. the fact that he cares enough to ask and try, is encouraging. thats why communication is key. if, in the end, she doesn’t know why she’s not aroused, and he’s done all in his power to get the roadblocks out of the way and understand her, (and she understands herself and has tried as well) _then_ its time to see a doctor. this forum is only designed to help so much. if its something she’s unwilling to try for, then there isn’t any way that we can assist. its out of the scope of the users here. then theres the “fake it till you make it” approach. that might work, too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![alwayson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@alwayson](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/alwayson)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/26 "2009-06-11T20:20:55Z")
Get your wife to weight train with hardcore excercises like squats, pushups, pullups, dips etc. Then give a thoughtful gift in the beginning of the day you plan to have sex. Treat her as you would when you are first dating. Give plenty of compliments. One put down can kill libido for months. ---
**Author:** ![alwayson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@alwayson](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/alwayson)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/27 "2009-06-11T20:24:45Z")
> [@yashsharma](#): > > Libido has nothing to do with how much you help at home, cook for her, take her out, have pleasant conversations, buy her gifts, surprise her every often with something nice. Libido is a physical disorder I bet you have trouble with your women. Libido for women is MENTAL. Sooner men understand that, the better civilization can evolve. ---
**Author:** ![Whitehall](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/whitehall/32/1087_2.png) [@Whitehall](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Whitehall)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 9:59pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/28 "2009-06-11T21:59:29Z")
So why do we men expect regular sex twice a week with our womenfolk? The answer is to ensure she’s filled with blocker sperm. Read the “Sperm Wars” book I recommended in the Lounge posting on recommended readings. Rejection of her man is tantamount to cheating on him. Let’s not get too much into a mind/body dichotomy. The mind floats on the brain which floats on the rest of the physiology. Physical causes can destroy libido as can relationship issues. Unfortunately, too many wives have rejected the notion of “wifely duty” and think that if THEY don’t want to then tough noogies for the guy. This is a fundamental power imbalance in our legal and social structures that devalues and undermines monogamous marriage. All this stuff about hearts and flowers and dishwashing is a hopeful acclimation to that power imbalance. In my view, if a wife wouldn’t gladly open her legs for her husband, then the man should have no qualms about finding another woman, permanently or just visiting. I support the “European” model - keep the wife but find something on the side. There are plenty of lonely women out there who more than happy to borrow someone else’s man for awhile. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/29 "2009-06-11T22:10:08Z")
lol whitehall. that explains alot 😃🙄 ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/30 "2009-06-11T22:12:14Z")
husband: its that time… wife: _sigh_ okay. lets get this overwith. husband: right on, its your duty! wife: well get on with it, i have stuff to do. oh so hot! write this stuff in a book, its getting me horny ! LOL ---
**Author:** ![Whitehall](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/whitehall/32/1087_2.png) [@Whitehall](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Whitehall)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2009, 10:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/31 "2009-06-11T22:26:28Z")
Sorry, Lor, but the battle of the sexes goes on. Either way (no sex period or no joy during the act), the end result is a damaged marriage, one that is less than it could be. Isn’t lack of sexual companionship still grounds for divorce in those states where one needs a reason? It still is a civil tort when the action of a third party, as in traffic accidents or other accidents. Maybe I was a bit too self-revealing. ---
**Author:** ![Experimator](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/experimator/32/1015_2.png) [@Experimator](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Experimator)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 1:34am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/32 "2009-06-12T01:34:47Z")
> [@Whitehall](#): > > So why do we men expect regular sex twice a week with our womenfolk? > > The answer is to ensure she’s filled with blocker sperm. Read the “Sperm Wars” book I recommended in the Lounge posting on recommended readings. Rejection of her man is tantamount to cheating on him. > > Let’s not get too much into a mind/body dichotomy. The mind floats on the brain which floats on the rest of the physiology. > > Physical causes can destroy libido as can relationship issues. > > Unfortunately, too many wives have rejected the notion of “wifely duty” and think that if THEY don’t want to then tough noogies for the guy. > > This is a fundamental power imbalance in our legal and social structures that devalues and undermines monogamous marriage. > > All this stuff about hearts and flowers and dishwashing is a hopeful acclimation to that power imbalance. > > In my view, if a wife wouldn’t gladly open her legs for her husband, then the man should have no qualms about finding another woman, permanently or just visiting. I support the “European” model - keep the wife but find something on the side. > > There are plenty of lonely women out there who more than happy to borrow someone else’s man for awhile. You stole my thought. LOL Right on, dude! Agree with you on every point. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 1:40am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/33 "2009-06-12T01:40:11Z")
> [@Whitehall](#): > > Sorry, Lor, but the battle of the sexes goes on. > > Either way (no sex period or no joy during the act), the end result is a damaged marriage, one that is less than it could be. > > Isn’t lack of sexual companionship still grounds for divorce in those states where one needs a reason? It still is a civil tort when the action of a third party, as in traffic accidents or other accidents. > > Maybe I was a bit too self-revealing. damaged is a very strong word. how about a sick marraige that CAN get well again? lack of sexual companionship may still be grounds for divorce, but then the idea of divorce is contrary to why people get married to begin with ! sickness and in health.. till death do we part… or something like that? i had to tease you a little and we would naturally have different perspectives. thats more natural than not,lol. but the _whys_ of why we do things arent the same sometimes. its hard to wrap our gendered minds around why the other thinks the way they do, but as long as the bottom line is that BOTH want to make it work, it can be fixed. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/34 "2009-06-12T01:43:29Z")
> [@yashsharma](#): > > You stole my thought. LOL Right on, dude! Agree with you on every point. so is this working for you? ---
**Author:** ![Whitehall](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/whitehall/32/1087_2.png) [@Whitehall](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Whitehall)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/35 "2009-06-12T02:07:38Z")
Lor has a very good point of view. Of course, last time I got married, the wifey didn’t go for the the classical vows “sickness and in health” although I endorse them. They were something like “If it works great, if not so sorry!” If one’s mate is seriously sick then self-sacrifice makes sense. I’d want the same if the situation was reversed - Golden Rule and all that. That’s just. If low libido is a treatable medical problem and she doesn’t make the effort, then she’s cutting herself a special deal. But if she expects to be supported and share my labor, but freezes me, then we need to renegotiate the terms of the marriage contract. If it is bad attitude, then there are limits. I’ll meet my partner half way. PS. Gads, I sound grumpy! ---
**Author:** ![Carrie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/carrie/32/1537_2.png) [@Carrie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Carrie)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 2:31am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/36 "2009-06-12T02:31:28Z")
> [@TheCentaur](#): > > another book you can read is the 5 languages of love, sometimes you can do everything you think you know to show your wife you care for her and love and want her, and she wont respond. my brother MADE his wife a 10 year anniversary ring, and she just yawned at it. I can understand the buying flowers and such, because its easy to revert back to the habits that got her turned on in the first place. > > I would highly encourage you to learn to listen. just ask questions, don’t comment; see how deep she’ll let you in. Instant Honesty, and CTTM2 WILL HELP, I GUARANTEE. even a quick google search for “relationships and communication” will bring up some tips on how to understand what’s going on in her mind. to you , a cuddle and makeout session may be noble and relaxing for her. to her, you may just be there to steal the last little bit of her energy and attention. > > I may be facing this soon, since we are on our last child. I can’t help but wonder about the whole procreation thing. when that goal is gone… what’s the point? men want sex to feel loved, women have to feel loved to have sex. please please please for the love of god, do not cheat on her. it would be easier to lose a leg to a landmine than to defraud her emotionally and physically. there is nothing worse in life than to have someone who chose you tell you they’ve given themselves to someone else because you couldn’t cut it. > > for us married men, our women are the only fountain we can drink from, and it is hard to get them to understand that. shift your physical needs to a higher plane and enjoy the interactions there. I give GREAT foot rubs and back rubs. I Cook insanely good meals. I try to smell nice(besides pheros) I say “I love you” and I mean it. I try to talk about things we could do together, where we’ll go, what feels good physically,mentally, sexually. a little story-telling goes a long way. change the scene, but keep both of you in it. set some goals to do something, look forward to something. > start a fantasy. > pour the effort you would use to cheat on her, into her, and your relationship will be for the better. > > This is a lot of work, but remember, you can tell her how you feel, too. keep the exchange going, there may be more at stake than just sex. Listen to this guy, he knows what he’s talking about. His advice is GOLD. ---
**Author:** ![Carrie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/carrie/32/1537_2.png) [@Carrie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Carrie)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 2:34am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/37 "2009-06-12T02:34:45Z")
> [@Whitehall](#): > > So why do we men expect regular sex twice a week with our womenfolk? > > The answer is to ensure she’s filled with blocker sperm. Read the “Sperm Wars” book I recommended in the Lounge posting on recommended readings. Rejection of her man is tantamount to cheating on him. > > Let’s not get too much into a mind/body dichotomy. The mind floats on the brain which floats on the rest of the physiology. > > Physical causes can destroy libido as can relationship issues. > > Unfortunately, too many wives have rejected the notion of “wifely duty” and think that if THEY don’t want to then tough noogies for the guy. > > This is a fundamental power imbalance in our legal and social structures that devalues and undermines monogamous marriage. > > All this stuff about hearts and flowers and dishwashing is a hopeful acclimation to that power imbalance. > > In my view, if a wife wouldn’t gladly open her legs for her husband, then the man should have no qualms about finding another woman, permanently or just visiting. I support the “European” model - keep the wife but find something on the side. > > There are plenty of lonely women out there who more than happy to borrow someone else’s man for awhile. OMG this is making me so hot. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 2:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/38 "2009-06-12T02:47:06Z")
> [@Whitehall](#): > > Lor has a very good point of view. > > Of course, last time I got married, the wifey didn’t go for the the classical vows “sickness and in health” although I endorse them. They were something like “If it works great, if not so sorry!” > > If one’s mate is seriously sick then self-sacrifice makes sense. I’d want the same if the situation was reversed - Golden Rule and all that. That’s just. If low libido is a treatable medical problem and she doesn’t make the effort, then she’s cutting herself a special deal. But if she expects to be supported and share my labor, but freezes me, then we need to renegotiate the terms of the marriage contract. > > If it is bad attitude, then there are limits. I’ll meet my partner half way. > > PS. Gads, I sound grumpy! not grumpy… you sound experienced in this vein . ---
**Author:** ![Whitehall](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/whitehall/32/1087_2.png) [@Whitehall](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Whitehall)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/39 "2009-06-12T02:48:23Z")
Carrie, Do you have a specific point you’d like to make? I think I’m just saying that responsibility for a happy marriage runs both ways. Sex and reproduction remains the foundation and purpose of marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Carrie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/carrie/32/1537_2.png) [@Carrie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Carrie)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2009, 3:08am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732/40 "2009-06-12T03:08:12Z")
> [@Whitehall](#): > > Carrie, > > Do you have a specific point you’d like to make? I think I’m just saying that responsibility for a happy marriage runs both ways. Sex and reproduction remains the foundation and purpose of marriage. The Centaur’s post says it quite well. If you want to remain engaged, embodied and afire with your woman, you’d do well to listen to her, be intimate with her, stay open in your own heart, dream with her, and not bail because it seems easier in the short term. Life is rocky; be a friend to have a friend, and most especially if eros is your goal. Elsewise lies divorce. You and I have both been there, we know that road. I’d rather find another way, wouldn’t you? [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732.md?page=1) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/very-very-very-very-low-libido/15732.md?page=3)