# what do you do when an ex knows a dirty secret about you? **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [July 26, 2010, 6:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/what-do-you-do-when-an-ex-knows-a-dirty-secret-about-you/40320 "2010-07-26T06:18:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jayarea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/48db29/32.png) [@jayarea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jayarea)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 6:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/what-do-you-do-when-an-ex-knows-a-dirty-secret-about-you/40320/1 "2010-07-26T06:18:41Z")
i broke up with my longtime gf a few days ago. it was rough and she did not take it well at all. today she emails me saying she knows one of my secrets. it’s not dirty but it can be used against me, and i thought i was the only person to know. there’s really nothing i can do, right? i think she emailed me out of hate. i don’t see her as a person to talk bad about people. just kinda stressing over this and had to post… :o ---
**Author:** ![Scipio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Scipio](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Scipio)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 6:28am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/what-do-you-do-when-an-ex-knows-a-dirty-secret-about-you/40320/2 "2010-07-26T06:28:33Z")
Well it could two things. One, she wants to pretend she still has a connection with you and is just bullshitting so you will talk to her and the ball will be in her court. Two, she knows about your mone usage and will try to slander your name by telling people with misconceptions about [pheromone](https://a314.com/) usage that you’re manipulating/drugging people. I would either have her tell you secret to validate it. Find out if its worth it. or just completely ignore her. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 10:22am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/what-do-you-do-when-an-ex-knows-a-dirty-secret-about-you/40320/3 "2010-07-26T10:22:37Z")
Secrets are funny things. They only have the power we give them by keeping them secret. Once a secret is no longer a secret it tends to lose that power and just becomes information. She can only use this secret against you if you give the secret power. Unless this secret is of a totally serious nature like you killed 10 people and buried them in the back yard its probably not as devastating as you think it is. Most people when told the secret dont pay it much mind so I would not stress about it. If the secret does get out take its power away by not paying attention to it or facing it head on. Often you can turn a secret to your advantage in some way. In all likelihood she wont even tell your secret, she is probably just hurting and lashing out. Stressing about it wont make it go away it just gives it more power. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![England](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/england/32/1163_2.png) [@England](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/England)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 3:04am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/what-do-you-do-when-an-ex-knows-a-dirty-secret-about-you/40320/4 "2010-07-27T03:04:46Z")
Unless you did something really bad to her, this is really immature behaviour coming from her end. Of course, I haven’t read the email so I can’t say if it’s written in a derogatory style but if it is, she probably wrote it during a very angry and emotional moment. That’s no excuse in my books; people need to learn to count to ten, calm down and think before they speak. The fact that she’s hiding behind email rather than talking to you face to face makes me believe even more that she’s being immature and irrational. As you’ve been going out with her for long time, I presume you know her well and you said in your post that she isn’t that kind of person to talk shit about other people. So I wouldn’t dwell on the matter too much. But from what you’ve told us about her, she didn’t deserve you and good riddance. ---
**Author:** ![mobocaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mobocaster](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mobocaster)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 10:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/what-do-you-do-when-an-ex-knows-a-dirty-secret-about-you/40320/5 "2010-07-27T10:36:40Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > Secrets are funny things. They only have the power we give them by keeping them secret. Once a secret is no longer a secret it tends to lose that power and just becomes information. She can only use this secret against you if you give the secret power. > > \ > > In all likelihood she wont even tell your secret, she is probably just hurting and lashing out. Stressing about it wont make it go away it just gives it more power. This > [@England](#): > > Unless you did something really bad to her, this is really immature behaviour coming from her end. And this. Don’t let it bother you and **do not let her know or see that it bothers you in any way**. Keep calm, keep yourself aloof, just laugh it off or offer sympathy for your poor troubled ex. This is emotional blackmail pure and simple, and almost any right-minded person knows that after a break-up, this kind of shit tends to get bandied about. Also, they tend to know that the person doing the mud-slinging is the person who needed to be broken-up with in the first place. And if they don’t, they are as immature as your ex, so why bother with them? Unless of course it is the kind of secret that would land you behind bars or in deep shit with some other unsavoury characters, in which case, I’d be consulting a good lawyer or considering a change of appearance/identity! Good luck. 😛 🙂