# Why the phrase "be more confident" by itself is bad advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [April 16, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108 "2009-04-16T15:42:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/61 "2009-04-19T15:52:38Z")
> [@TheAttractor](#): > > Tisha, you said it perfectly. I can agree with everything, except one part: the one about telling yourself positive statements, the “positive thinking”, basically. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t buy into it psychologically; it feels too New Age for me. I’ve adopted it a modified version of it, though. Instead of saying “I can do it” when I’m not sure if I can, I say “I’m willing to try it just to see if I can do it.” This more realist version works better for me. when you posted this, i thought about it. “versions”. everyone really believes that their way is the better way,eh? i think (it happens) that if everything that everyone says is true (because it _IS_ true for them) then this is all just a matter of searching (hard) in our own past for things that we _were_ very successful in , with the idea that you cant be thinking two thoughts simultaneously and this will temporarily take the place of negative thoughts. not easy when that is not your habit. i honestly think that both parties here have had some negative and positive feedback in life, but one side can easily negate and ignore negativity, and focus on anything else, and the other side wants to analyze what went wrong and why. the act of focussing on anything wrong in hopes that it can be remedied usually enhances/exaggerates/encourages the bad feelings already there and its a domino effect. maybe more often than not? i just want to mention that TheAttractor’s posting style here is attractive because it reads less like a “lecture” and more like a 50-way conversation… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gegogi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gegogi/32/1536_2.png) [@Gegogi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gegogi)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2009, 6:15pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/62 "2009-04-19T18:15:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Once upon a time there was a guy who had a fiance. His fiance cheated on him with at least seven different guys. Then she left him for a drunk abusive plumber whom she went off to screw and do drugs with. He had two choices: he could view it as a bad experience, become bitter, and kill everyone involved, or he could view it as a painful lesson that offered him the chance to learn and grow into a better, stronger man. Sheesh, that happens to everybody at least a few times (seriously!). ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 12:09am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/63 "2009-04-20T00:09:05Z")
> [@Gegogi](#): > > Sheesh, that happens to everybody at least a few times (seriously!). i can honestly say no man of mine ever left with the plummer. _knocking on wood_ ---
**Author:** ![JohnnyPaper](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/johnnypaper/32/338_2.png) [@JohnnyPaper](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/JohnnyPaper)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/64 "2009-04-20T01:47:58Z")
I have a friend who is excellent in theory. In fact has worked hard and is an excellent psychologist. However, he lives his life in mental chains because he lives in his theory and NEVER takes action…he then wonders why things don’t work out, especially with women. Besides that he smokes an ounce a week of dro and continues to theoretically attack tomorrow. WASTE OF TIME! This is not the same as getting a game plan to put INTO ACTION. And another thing is there is a serious distinciton between a scientist doing experiments for the greater good when his rejection is based on his thoughts and their results…I.e. the rejection possible is only from the experiment (inanimate, not human, noth human of the opposite sex, not judgemental etc.) which will result in new trials. Rejection from other judgemental beings, aka humans (and I suppose aliens if you know some of them) is what can jack with confidence IF you let it do so. Simply put as an example…not all legos fit together, same with humans…However, the ones that look like bricks and have a shitload of connection points seem to have an advantage, but they still only connects with the likes. If you play golf, I’m sure you’ve been on tee box #1 and had people waiting behind you on a busy day. You still have to hit the damn ball no matter how many people are watching you. Same with women and anyone else…just hit the damn ball and try to get it in the short grass.😃 No matter if you try or not, take risks or not, get laid everyday with a different woman or not, do things well in front of others or not, etc etc. **YOU ARE STILL GONNA GO TO BED AT NIGHT AND WAKE UP WITH THE NEXT DAY.** In fact this is what I tell myself and smile when I have jacked something up and didn’t like results. Just gotta get movin, put one foot in front of the other and go through the next day. However, take mental notes and try to improve areas where you need to do so. My 2 cents. -JP 🆒 Edit: Here is a challenge. You wanna get some confidence/ behaviorial change/ whatever you wanna call it with women, then no chicken choking until you bring a girl home and get laid. If you don’t masturbate and you are a sexually charged person, then you will end up trying multiple time in a night and night after night day after day unitl you get laid. This little exercise should help you, just make sure you are going places where the women look good or you may end up with a dirty legged 5 in your bed. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/65 "2009-04-20T02:48:04Z")
> [@](#): > > just make sure you are going places where the women look good or you may end up with a dirty legged 5 in your bed. 😉 Now here is a excellent example of peers inadvertently taking away confidence. Its not done with bad intention but simple words can have so much power. The labeling of people. Not just women mind you. I agree that no one wants to be with a “dirty legged” person or someone who is unclean in some way that’s different but the number thing you guys use based on how a person looks is not only unfair to women in general, it works in your own subconscious to whittle away at your own self esteem and confidence. How you may ask… Because to label others you need to label yourselves. How many people who are or consider themselves “5” may be sitting in this room reading this right now ? How many of you who use this number system to judge a person are actually truthfully a 10 ? It makes being a 5 sound like its a bad or unworthy thing. One persons 5 could be the next persons 10. But its still negative energy to label a person. Many of you here have never seen my face especially if your new here. Most people would say I am a 6 to a 8 just looking at me. But then they meet me and get to know who I am and suddenly those numbers go up. What a disservice others give to people men or women by labeling them by looks. When I stand in a room full of people to me every one of them is a 10’s in my book. Everyone of you here is a 10. Its not until we get to know a person that those Made up labels change but even then your 5 could be your best friends 10. I have a hard time just writing about it because labeling comes so hard for me. Its just so wrong on so many levels Perfect example of the unfairness of labeling… https://www.youtube.com/embed/luRmM1J1sfg?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque Just type in the title over at Youtube because the enbedded thingy dosnt work. The number 10 is standing on the stage. What a unfair disservice they did by labeling her when she walked out but her confidence glows through like a beacon of light, Then she sings and all those same people who labeled her and snickered, laughed and rolled their eyes suddenly looked like little 3’s compared to the light that shined on that stage. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![mikotorocks714](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mikotorocks714/32/1509_2.png) [@mikotorocks714](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mikotorocks714)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/66 "2009-04-20T04:03:47Z")
I agree! That was awesome! I also felt that it was unfair that they were going to be against her, but then she starts to prove them wrong with the voice of a goddess! Ah, now _that’s_ kicking ass if I’ve ever seen one _without_ hurting anyone. And the best thing about it, is that she has the personality to boot. > [@tisha23](#): > > Now here is a excellent example of peers inadvertently taking away confidence. Its not done with bad intention but simple words can have so much power. The labeling of people. Not just women mind you. I agree that no one wants to be with a “dirty legged” person or someone who is unclean in some way that’s different but the number thing you guys use based on how a person looks is not only unfair to women in general, it works in your own subconscious to whittle away at your own self esteem and confidence. > > How you may ask… Because to label others you need to label yourselves. How many people who are or consider themselves “5” may be sitting in this room reading this right now. How many of you who use this number system to judge a person are actually truthfully a 10. > > It makes being a 5 sound like its a bad or unworthy thing. One persons 5 could be the next persons 10. But its still negative energy to label a person. > > Many of you here have never seen my face especially if your new here. Most people would say I am a 6 to a 8 just looking at me. But then they meet me and get to know who I am and suddenly those numbers go up. What a disservice others give to people men or women by labeling them by looks. When I stand in a room full of people to me every one of them is a 10’s in my book. Everyone of you here is a 10. Its not until we get to know a person that those Made up labels change but even then your 5 could be your best friends 10. I have a hard time just writing about it because labeling comes so hard for me. Its just so wrong on so many levels > > Perfect example of the unfairness of labeling… > > [YouTube - Britains Got Talent 2009 - Susan Boyle (HQ, WS)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luRmM1J1sfg) > > Just type in the title over at Youtube because the enbedded thingy dosnt work. > > The number 10 is standing on the stage. What a unfair disservice they did by labeling her when she walked out but her confidence glows though like a beacon of light, Then she sings and all those same people who labeled her and snickered, laughed and rolled their eyes suddenly looked like little 3’s compared to the light that shined on that stage. > > Tisha ---
**Author:** ![Gegogi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gegogi/32/1536_2.png) [@Gegogi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gegogi)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 4:57am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/67 "2009-04-20T04:57:21Z")
> [@](#): > > just make sure you are going places where the women look good or you may end up with a dirty legged 5 in your bed. I have to agree with Tisha, rating women (or men) with numbers is simplistic and moronic and says more about the one doing the rating (IQ, values, etc.) than the one being rated. ---
**Author:** ![Brock](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/brock/32/1823_2.png) [@Brock](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Brock)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 5:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/68 "2009-04-20T05:36:28Z")
Steve, I hope you’re giving out lots of 50$ GCs in this thread! That said, I completely disagree with the first post. Robbie hit it smack on (along with everyone else agreeing with him and/or paraphrasing what he said). You CAN magically say ‘I will be confident today’ and that is the beauty of it. Confidence is a choice. That _baseline of confidence_ is really bullshit. One bad experience can bring it from 100 down to 0, and it can stay at 0 for months or years if you let it. That’s because it is a choice. Whether negative or positive, confidence is choice. Sure, flattery and fluke success helps, but essentially, success and flattery comes with being confident. I’m a salesman, and I’m also very good with the ladies, and it is a recipe of several factors like courage, confidence, optimism, improvement, being a challenge, self motivation, etc etc. But confidence is the key to any recipe for success. ‘Be more confident’ is the best advice you could give. Being better at things you’re already good at builds selective confidence, being more confident in something you’re already confident in doesn’t really process right in my mind? To be truly and wholesomely confident, you gotta have balls in all sorts of situations, some intestinal fortitude to just go for it. Tish here is a perfect example of confidence. She says she’s a 6-8, then when people meet her and experience her confidence in herself, the ‘rating’ goes up. That said, I know plenty of ‘10s’ who, after meeting them, go down to 4-6 because they are just horrible people with insecurities or are self absorbed. TheAttractor, based on every post you’ve made, if people followed your advice they’d be setting themselves up for failure. TheAttractor, you CAN do it. Every atom of you exists as an example of the Universe becoming conscious of itself, life wants to experience a vast amount of things through you. If you don’t have the confidence to believe in yourself, you’re letting life down. ‘Fake it til you make it’ is also great advice. If you’re not naturally confident, fake it, and with time it’ll become second nature to you. Faking it allows you to trick your brain into programming itself to be more confident without effort, it does take years for the connections to really solidify, but it WILL happen. _ **Persistance overcomes resistance.** _ ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 6:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/69 "2009-04-20T06:47:06Z")
> [@](#): > > i just want to mention > that TheAttractor’s posting style here is attractive > because it reads less like a “lecture” > and more like a 50-way conversation… I don’t think anyone is lecturing anyone else at least not deliberately. I value all the styles in here because it shows nuances and insight into the people we all spend so much time with. I pretty much find everyone’s writing style fits them and makes them individuals. It tells you something about them. That’s the great thing about forums. Its kinda go’s back to labeling to though. Once you label someone in your mind its hard to see whats under that label. Its why I hate labels so much. Frankly I dont want everyones opinion or beliefs to be the same as mine because then I stop growing as a person. Some would say I lecture at times, I have even admitted this myself, but its just my personality and how I express myself when presenting my opinion. But if that’s all you see when you read it then don’t see me, only the label you have given me. > [@](#): > > i think (it happens) > that if everything that everyone says is true (because it _IS_ true for them) > then this is all just a matter of searching (hard) in our own past for things that we _were_ very successful in , > with the idea that you cant be thinking two thoughts simultaneously > and > this will temporarily take the place of negative thoughts. > not easy when that is not your habit. Great point, We have all shared “our truths” but finding your own truth isn’t always easy. Negative thoughts seep in to even the most confident people. No one can go around thinking positive all the time but you can create new habits to replace old ones. Just takes time and ultimately time is really all we have. I have always felt that reaching out and helping each other, excepting and respecting each others opinions and discussing them without judging each other or feeling somehow wronged because some one’s “truth” is different then your own is what helps us grow as people. I love all the posts in this thread because they all have worth to me and give me insight into myself and others. > [@](#): > > I agree! That was awesome! I also felt that it was unfair that they were going to be against her, but then she starts to prove them wrong with the voice of a goddess! Ah, now _that’s_ kicking ass if I’ve ever seen one _without_ hurting anyone. And the best thing about it, is that she has the personality to boot. I know, she has had so many disappointments and bad experiences that she has spoken of in interviews yet that one confidence in her voice out shined any lack of confidence she had in other aspects of life and it go’s back to that original post. My hubby teases me cause I cry every time she sings LOL Did you listen to her sing “cry me a river” its on youtube to ? ---
**Author:** ![Gegogi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gegogi/32/1536_2.png) [@Gegogi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gegogi)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 7:35am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/71 "2009-04-20T07:35:58Z")
Years ago my official job title was “lecturer.” At Harvard the same position is called a “reader.” Now I’m a professor, so I guess professing is a higher form of verbal communication than lecturing or reading. > [@](#): > > I don’t think anyone is lecturing anyone else at least not deliberately. I value all the styles in here because it shows nuances and insight into the people we all spend so much time with. I pretty much find everyone’s writing style fits them and makes them individuals. It tells you something about them. That’s the great thing about forums. I concur, people just do what comes naturally to them and hence their writing is a little piece of their personality. Of course a talented pro writer can assume assorted verbal persona but nobody here approaches that skill level, so we get an honest snapshot of their personality. Besides, wouldn’t the world be a painfully boring place if we all thought, looked and acted the same? I must say I don’t agree with the “two camps” division of confidence modus operandi. I view the above mentioned ideas forming a continuum, not opposing philosophies. There is no one thing that creates confidence but, instead, a process consisting of endless events and lessons learned from them. As individuals we learn differently and at different rates, so each one of us develop a sense of confidence at different points along the way. Also, earning, acquiring, learning and mastering confidence is a process without beginning or end. It is something we take up daily until we’re old 'n funky. Sure you may be confident in your skill as a PUA but timid and unsure on the tennis court or boardroom. Success in one area can help greatly as you understand the process of developing skill, knowledge and confidence, but being confident in business doesn’t instantly translate to confidence in bed or on the stage. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 1:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/72 "2009-04-20T13:09:07Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > I don’t think anyone is lecturing anyone else at least not deliberately. I value all the styles in here because it shows nuances and insight into the people we all spend so much time with. I pretty much find everyone’s writing style fits them and makes them individuals. It tells you something about them. That’s the great thing about forums. > > Its kinda go’s back to labeling to though. Once you label someone in your mind its hard to see whats under that label. Its why I hate labels so much. Frankly I dont want everyones opinion or beliefs to be the same as mine because then I stop growing as a person. > > Some would say I lecture at times, I have even admitted this myself, but its just my personality and how I express myself when presenting my opinion. But if that’s all you see when you read it then don’t see me, only the label you have given me. Tisha, i wasnt singling you out or labeling you, (it wasnt about you at all) i was just saying that i dug attractor’s style … enjoying someone’s style isnt implying that yours is “bad”, only that his is _attractive_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TheAttractor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/theattractor/32/575_2.png) [@TheAttractor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/TheAttractor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/73 "2009-04-20T14:30:59Z")
Quick announcement: the thread title has changed. It is now: Why the phrase “be more confident” by itself is bad advice. The original title “Why ‘be more confident’ is bad advice” might have given some people the idea that _actually being more confident_ could somehow be a bad thing. It goes without saying that being more confident is a good thing, and I never disagreed with that even for a second. But if you look at the new title, I’m sure it makes sense to more people than the old one. It’s the phrase that I said was bad, not the confidence it talked about. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 2:46pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/74 "2009-04-20T14:46:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Tisha, i wasnt singling you out or labeling you, > (it wasnt about you at all) LOL I know that, I know from your posts your not that way. 😃 I was just giving my opinion on it and I know you were not saying anyone else’s was “bad” When I said… > [@](#): > > But if that’s all you see when you read it then don’t see me, only the label you have given me. I didn’t mean “you” personally, I meant it in regards to whomever is reading it really. More of a statement or affirmation if you will, about myself. No worries 😉 Tisha ---
**Author:** ![mikotorocks714](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mikotorocks714/32/1509_2.png) [@mikotorocks714](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mikotorocks714)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/75 "2009-04-20T15:16:25Z")
Now, now ladies! Hugs for all! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Robbie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2acd7d/32.png) [@Robbie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Robbie)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/76 "2009-04-20T17:35:17Z")
> [@Lor](#): > > i just want to mention > that TheAttractor’s posting style here is attractive > because it reads less like a “lecture” > and more like a 50-way conversation… > 😉 I’m glad you wrote this, I’m sure I come across as a lecturing know-it-all. This post will probably be no exception. So ya know, I’m not out to change your mind, but to clarify my intents to anybody else who should be reading this… In my first post to this thread, in the moment, I thought I was being funny while making my point. Rereading my own post later(after people started to thank me), I felt I came off as very snarky. For the record, I’ve never felt even slightly upset as some others in this thread. Certainly nowhere near angry enough to neg rep anyone. To me, the action of neg repping _alone_ speaks _ **volumes** _ about the person, their outlook AND its relationship to this thread. If anything, I feel sorta detached (read my reaction when I realized I was neg repped). I feel like I’m just explaining. Sharing what I’ve read about the concepts of Milton Erickson Richard Bandler, Dwayne Dyer and a lot of other psychologists and psychiatrists who spent their lives studying people and are all way smarter than I could ever hope to be. The Attractor can dismiss them all if he wishes, that’s his choice. The elements you find so attractive about The Attractor’s posts, I find annoying. Where I find myself getting annoyed is when, while blowing off these concepts, he is also _making crap up_ to fit his arguments such as his minimum base line whatever, his projection about Thomas Edison (Edison used to _sleep in his suit_, wearing the same one for weeks at a time-- in humid New Jersey-- a guess on my part, but I doubt Edison looked to others for validation the way The Attractor suggests). This attitude strikes me as arrogant, self-important and _lazy._ There is a wealth of free information out there by real professionals, no need to make junk up. If there are two trains of thought out there, it’s reactive (I’ll just wait for the “good experience” to come to me) and the proactive (Life just messed me up, I can bitch and moan about it or I can get it there and do something about it, which will make me feel better about myself). (Again, not MY made-up concept) My other annoyance is about blaming your friends for their “bad” advice. The ironic thing (to me, at least) is that people usually hang around people who are similar in thought to themselves. If your friends aren’t able to offer you great advice on how to develop confidence, isn’t it likely that if they knew the answer, they’d be applying it _to themselves?_ They’re messed up too, how come _you_ aren’t helping _them?_ Actually, if you’re over your head _and_ making it up, I find that even worse advice. Maybe this will also sound like lecturing, but in books on influence by Robert Cialdini and Kevin Hogan, they sight studies (perhaps the same study) that demonstrated that people are much more likely to follow through when given specific instructions rather than something nebulous like “be more confident.” But the _average person_ doesn’t know that tidbit, so why complain? That’s my point. Is “be more confident” bad advice? For some people, that might be all they need to hear. For most others, the advice may be incomplete, in and of itself. That’s why there are doctors, libraries, the Internet. Do whatever works for you. For some people, that means waiting for a “good experience” to come knock 'em across the head. ---
**Author:** ![TheAttractor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/theattractor/32/575_2.png) [@TheAttractor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/TheAttractor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/77 "2009-04-20T18:32:45Z")
Given the mixed reactions, to each his own, I guess. In a large forum like this one, there are bound to be polarized disagreements. As for the baseline confidence level (a.k.a. “crap”), I probably phrased it badly (like the original thread title), so it’ll teach me to look at things from other people’s point of view. And maybe it wasn’t as good a concept as I originally thought at the time, but oh well. Let’s drop it and move on. And to clarify, I never said anything about waiting for a good experience. I was talking about going out and finding one. How to find one is up to each individual to decide. Because when you look back on it, you’ll know that it was _you_ who made a decision to try something new and put in effort to actually do it. I think that can give you courage to try other new things. It’s not so much the good experience itself, but the decision on your part that led to it. Yeah, the experience “just happened”, but your conscious decision and effort made it happen. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/78 "2009-04-20T19:13:16Z")
> [@TheAttractor](#): > > Given the mixed reactions, to each his own, I guess. In a large forum like this one, there are bound to be polarized disagreements. As for the baseline confidence level (a.k.a. “crap”), I probably phrased it badly (like the original thread title), so it’ll teach me to look at things from other people’s point of view. And maybe it wasn’t as good a concept as I originally thought at the time, but oh well. Let’s drop it and move on. > > And to clarify, I never said anything about waiting for a good experience. I was talking about going out and finding one. How to find one is up to each individual to decide. Because when you look back on it, you’ll know that it was _you_ who made a decision to try something new and put in effort to actually do it. I think that can give you courage to try other new things. It’s not so much the good experience itself, but the decision on your part that led to it. Yeah, the experience “just happened”, but your conscious decision and effort made it happen. if i could continue repping i would. totally _respectful._ ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 7:27pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/79 "2009-04-20T19:27:02Z")
> [@](#): > > And maybe it wasn’t as good a concept as I originally thought at the time, but oh well. Let’s drop it and move on. I don’t know if your concept was wrong. It was your truth at the time of writing it, but I think it was a great subject to start a dialog on. I am glad you won your nomination for it to. We may not all agree but I know that all of us took something and learned from everyone’s posts and opinions and that’s what counts. I know I did. I am sure a lot of people who didn’t post in it but read it took something from it as well. Kudos for a great subject and for winning your nomination 😉 Tisha ---
**Author:** ![Robbie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2acd7d/32.png) [@Robbie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Robbie)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/80 "2009-04-20T20:05:26Z")
> [@Lor](#): > > if i could continue repping i would. > > totally _respectful._ How is a neg rep totally respectful? 🙄 ---
**Author:** ![TheAttractor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/theattractor/32/575_2.png) [@TheAttractor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/TheAttractor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2009, 8:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/81 "2009-04-20T20:25:14Z")
It was an error in judgment at the time, and I said I was sorry. If admitting one’s fault and saying sorry isn’t respectful, then I don’t know what is. After all, I did what I could to correct the situation, so my conscience is clear. [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108.md?page=3) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108.md?page=5)