# Why the phrase "be more confident" by itself is bad advice **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [April 16, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108 "2009-04-16T15:42:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/142 "2009-04-23T16:06:23Z")
> [@Robbie](#): > > Thanks for the neg reps and your comment-- saw this after having a long conversation with Steve, you can ask him what animosity I have. > > (Edit: I just saw that Diane999 also neg repped me too. Wow…) > > Let me repeat, as I understand it, as you used the rep system, that is an abuse. > > Pages and pages of poisonous bile. > > You win. I’m gone. i can honestly say that i _have_ talked to steve. still no “animosity” reason given. im sorry that you believe you are the one being attacked. when other’s feel attacked and those feelings are not considered,it hurts. i imagine that might be how your feeling, that you would consider leaving. if this thread is read again from the beginning, anyone could see that a bunch of buttons were pushed from my simple thank you and appreciation to a random poster for a job well done. i dont have the perspective you have for believing the thank you is undeserved, but everyone is entitled to apreciate whomever they choose. several verbal negs had to be posted before i came to reacting. this can be checked if anyone cares to re-read the thread. bile, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. some only see bile,some only see beauty. some start off seeing beauty and then negativity like a virus takes over. again, re-read from the beginning , one can easily see where the thread reflects pushed buttons. if you wish to post what i wrote in the neg, i have no issue with that. i hide nothing. i would like to mention here that in no way did i imply in any way that you ought to leave. it never even occured to me that it could happen as an outcome of one neg. you leaving is in NO WAY a “win” for me. my only WIN is to not be **attacked**. my only WIN is to be able to have an opinion that does not get **belittled**. my only WIN is to not be **accused** ,and then if wrongly accused, apologised to. i did nothing to warrent your negative behaviour towards me that started early in the thread. . if i reacted later,after the fact, then i am human. i make no apology for having feelings. i do,however, apologise if i have in any way inspired you to leave. that was never my intention. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/143 "2009-04-23T16:12:32Z")
> [@Bella](#): > > Yeah, well, good luck with that. > > I swore on my mother…sorry mom…that I was going to stay outta “discussions” like this as they usually degenerate into what this has become. But I’ve held my tongue long enough. > > Please don’t leave the forum Robbie. _ **You have a lot of friends here who really do respect you and your opinion.** _ I’m just one of them. We need more people here _exactly like you._ > > You’re not the first one to jump ship over bullshit like this. Yeah, that’s right, pure unadulterated bullshit. Just beautiful, really. It stinks to high heaven here and there’s no amount of cover that’s gonna fix it. It’s rotten. > > I have never neg repped _ **ANYONE** _ and I’m not going to start now. It’s counter productive, petty and childish. If ya wanna ban something ban that. > > The truth is _if_ Garamon had the best interest of this forum, and the members, at heart he/she/it would step up. Well, it’s clear _ **that ain’t gonna happen** _. Frankly, it’s the only way to really clear this up and put it to rest. > > Oh, BTW, I befriended Garomon yesterday and was accepted. Then when I checked my profile today I had been _unbefriended_. LOL. > > Well, a **BIG** heads up, kiddies.\*\*\* I\*\*\* ain’t goin’ anywhere. 🙂 > > Bella thats not true. both steve and tisha stated (scroll back) who garamon _is and isnt_. garamon is entitled to privacy,just like you. _no one has asked you who you are_. _witch hunt_. this fact HAS been cleared up, and HAS been put to rest. no one asked or wants robbie to leave. _including myself._ you are stirring a cold pot. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/144 "2009-04-23T19:13:08Z")
For the Love of pete. > [@](#): > > Thanks for the neg reps and your comment-- saw this after having a long conversation with Steve, you can ask him what animosity I have. > > (Edit: I just saw that Diane999 also neg repped me too. Wow…) > > Let me repeat, as I understand it, as you used the rep system, that is an abuse. > > Pages and pages of poisonous bile. > > You win. I’m gone. Robbie take a break if you feel you need to but dont stay away over stupid rep points.. Your not the only one who has ever gotten them. I have some real nut job ones myself. I have been called rude names and accused of corrupting every male in here. (they are currently praying for my soul LOL) hell people talk crap about me all the time in here. They think I dont know but I do. It means nothing and you should not let that distract you from the rest of the forum and why you are here. I have never neg repped anyone in Pherotalk because to do so would be to spread negative energy. Its against everything I believe and am made of. Sure there have been times I wanted to, times when I slip up and hurt someone with words but I pay for it in some way later. It will come back to the person 3 fold, maybe not in the form of a neg rep but in some negative way. You may think I am kooky but mark my words it will. I am not directing this at the people who did choose to neg rep, I dont judge them in any way. Its your own personal choice. But I am a witch and its what I live by. An ye harm none do what ye will It doesn’t apply to just witchcraft, it applies to life. I truly hope you will reconsider. Lor is right, no one wins if you leave and that was not anyone’s intention here. It was never a contest. > [@](#): > > The truth is _if_ Garamon had the best interest of this forum, and the members, at heart he/she/it would step up. Well, it’s clear _ **that ain’t gonna happen** _. Frankly, it’s the only way to really clear this up and put it to rest. We take the privacy of each member in this forum very seriously. Many people lurk. Many people are here because they have social anxiety to such a extent that they can not even post on a forum. Please do not make those people feel they are not welcome here because pheromones, social anxiety and improving the quality of life is what this forum is all about. There is no rule you have to post. > [@](#): > > Soon we feel silly when we see “Marlene” who isn’t on the members list hanging out in the visitors list. We don’t want to bother anyone but it worries us enough to pm a buddy, “have you seen?”. By the time the buddy looks “Marlene” is gone. She pops up a few more times and then stops…“well it probably was just someone who was checking out the forum, but how come she was in the visitors list but not the members list?”…and we feel silly. > > Then we notice “snake”. “snake” visits every body’s profile. “Who is this?” So we click to see their profile and get a message saying we aren’t authorized to go there. “Now wait.” we think “this slithering nasty snake thing can view me and see who my friends are and what’s said in my profile but I can’t see it?” And we think about “Marlene”. And we feel silly and wish we knew more about the internet. All is well soon and nasty slithering spying “snake” goes away. If it says you are not authorised to see someone profile it just means they have not been approved into the forum yet. Same thing if they’re not on the members list yet. They still **can not** see your profile or the journals. You may see their names in there because they are trying but they’re seeing the same message as you. You are not authorised to view this section of the forum. Eventually they PM me or Steve and we look into why. Usually they simply didn’t hit the link in their confirmation email upon joining. There are no conspiracies to worry about here and if you trusted me as your moderator you would know that. You simply had to ask. I will not tell you private details but I will look and be sure your safe. I consider the belief there is a conspiracy my failure Tisha ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/145 "2009-04-23T20:00:08Z")
> [@](#): > > I have never neg repped anyone in Pherotalk because to do so would be to spread negative energy. Its against everything I believe and am made of. Sure there have been times I wanted to, times when I slip up and hurt someone with words but I pay for it in some way later. It will come back to the person 3 fold, maybe not in the form of a neg rep but in some negative way. You may think I am kooky but mark my words it will. I am not directing this at the people who did choose to neg rep, I dont judge them in any way. Its your own personal choice. But I am a witch and its what I live by. negativity is _intention_. the intention to NOT be positive. sometimes its just posting something that inadvertantly tears someones insides out because it struck a nerve. neg reps are mirroring how the post is affecting someone, when saying “ **please dont do that,it hurts** ” doesnt work. in some cases,neg repping is saying _quit it_. to someone who isnt hearing you. its the intention behind the action,not the action itself. just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/146 "2009-04-23T20:21:58Z")
Not to mention the countless SPAM bots I have banned and removed their profiles. You’ll never see a banned SPAM bot profile either ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/147 "2009-04-23T20:23:56Z")
Great thread about confidence. Speaks volumes about ALL of us. So we are not as confident as we would have everyone else believe. I’ll be the first to admit it. Can anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![mikotorocks714](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mikotorocks714/32/1509_2.png) [@mikotorocks714](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mikotorocks714)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/148 "2009-04-23T20:53:36Z")
No one’s perfect, we’re all insecure in some way or another. Just some more so than others, I guess in a way it does show in this thread (insecurities.) However, that’s normal, so don’t be affraid to not be perfect as no one is. > [@Steve](#): > > Great thread about confidence. Speaks volumes about ALL of us. So we are not as confident as we would have everyone else believe. > > I’ll be the first to admit it. Can anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![diane999](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diane999/32/1110_2.png) [@diane999](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diane999)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 9:10pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/149 "2009-04-23T21:10:19Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > Great thread about confidence. Speaks volumes about ALL of us. So we are not as confident as we would have everyone else believe. > > I’ll be the first to admit it. Can anyone else? I’m confident in a lot of things. In those things I kind of exude it. I’m _not_ confident in a lot of things, but I don’t try to have everyone believe that I am. We _all_ struggle. It is human nature. _But_ what most people don’t realize is that it is in our _shadows_ where our both out weakness and our power lies. In that I mean this, when I accept my faults, and honor myself anyway… then I can begin the process of tackling those faults and gain strength and mastery and confidence from the struggle. When I try to _hide_ my shadow from you and from myself, and pretend to be what I am not, and stand before you falsely, my shadow saps me, makes me weak, fearful, and anxious. To accept that shadow is to be whole and real and intense. To pretend that it doesn’t exist or for me to insist to you that it doesn’t exist, for me to pretend to be perfect, is to be a pale imitation of all I could be. Now, I’m a really old lady, so I’ve been on this path a while. And so, I know that the above is true. I know I will never be perfect. I’m not striving to be perfect. I’m striving to be _whole_. Diane ---
**Author:** ![renny](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/renny/32/2104_2.png) [@renny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/renny)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/150 "2009-04-23T21:36:48Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > Great thread about confidence. Speaks volumes about ALL of us. So we are not as confident as we would have everyone else believe. > > I’ll be the first to admit it. Can anyone else? I’ll admit it. Anyone who’s ever faced a defensive football line, bluffed a low hand at poker, stood for barracks inspection, changed their first poopy diaper, hosted a party or been bluelighted on their way home from a concert would surely admit that they are less confident than they portray to the world. There’s a quote on this board somewhere about ‘saddling up anyway’ 😉, but that’s another word that starts with ‘C’. > [@mikotorocks714](#): > > No one’s perfect, we’re all insecure in some way or another. Just some more so than others, I guess in a way it does show in this thread (insecurities.) However, that’s normal, so don’t be affraid to not be perfect as no one is. Reps Mik, you’re exactly right. It’s normal. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/151 "2009-04-23T22:03:21Z")
> [@](#): > > negativity is _intention_. > the intention to NOT be positive. > > sometimes its just posting something that inadvertantly tears someones insides out because it struck a nerve. > > neg reps are mirroring how the post is affecting someone, > when saying “ **please dont do that,it hurts** ” doesnt work. > > in some cases,neg repping is saying _quit it_. > to someone who isnt hearing you. > > its the intention behind the action,not the action itself. > just my opinion. I am not telling you that you should believe what I believe. Like I said how and why you rep is a personal choice. I stated my personal choice. When someone says something hurtful to me and I want them to stop I ask them to by PM. I know it was not your intention to hurt Robbie and I know you were hurt by the accusations made about you. But hurt whether intended or not is still hurt. Its a negative emotion, one that is hard to control. Like I said negative builds on itself only if you let it in. Keeping it out is the part we struggle with. I am not saying I have never unintentially hurt anyone. I am human like everyone else. > [@](#): > > Great thread about confidence. Speaks volumes about ALL of us. So we are not as confident as we would have everyone else believe. I am a very confident person most of the time but again I am human so there are times when it waivers and I meditate, get my chakra back in balance and use postive affirmation to center and ground myself. > [@](#): > > To pretend that it doesn’t exist or for me to insist to you that it doesn’t exist, for me to pretend to be perfect, is to be a pale imitation of all I could be. This is true, I was just telling Mark this. You can not grow until you face your ghosts whether those ghosts are past relationships or deep past emotions. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2009, 11:15pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/152 "2009-04-23T23:15:31Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > Great thread about confidence. Speaks volumes about ALL of us. So we are not as confident as we would have everyone else believe. > > I’ll be the first to admit it. Can anyone else? Holy WOW! This thread is just taking a life all its own. I brought this up to hopefully steer the thread back into the right direction. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mikotorocks714](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mikotorocks714/32/1509_2.png) [@mikotorocks714](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mikotorocks714)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 1:53am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/153 "2009-04-24T01:53:35Z")
You’re like a mad scientist Steve! He, he. > [@Steve](#): > > Holy WOW! This thread is just taking a life all its own. I brought this up to hopefully steer the thread back into the right direction. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 5:50am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/154 "2009-04-24T05:50:42Z")
> [@mikotorocks714](#): > > You’re like a mad scientist Steve! He, he. hmmm maybe we can say alchemist ? to steer something is a great skill, but being able to look at what is _already there_ and see the gems within it is taking something hard and cold and turning it into gold. ---
**Author:** ![magicj76](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/magicj76/32/1858_2.png) [@magicj76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/magicj76)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 12:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/155 "2009-04-24T12:25:22Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > Great thread about confidence. Speaks volumes about ALL of us. So we are not as confident as we would have everyone else believe. > > I’ll be the first to admit it. Can anyone else? Sure ! There are times when we have confidence, times when we don’t… it reminds me of a hard time you had a few weeks ago Steve. It reminds me of the current time for me and it’s going to last I’m afraid. Many reasons to that. Sometimes it’s easier to BE confident. Sometimes it isn’t. there’s a minimum of confidence to keep, a minimum a self-knowledge so that we do what we KNOW is better and avoid doing super things we know we’re gonna spoil. EGO is a big part of all that. And EGO-knowledge is even bigger. And again pheros are here to help up boost that ego when we don’t do it naturally while we should. (oh it’s getting so complicated!) Pheros helps us through others. When we feel down, not confident about ourselves, pheros are here to send invisible signs to others, who then react positively (unless OD-ing), giving us more confidence through their words and/or reactions. It the “reversed law of attraction”. when we feel down, some elements come up to put back balance. _Ok , stop, my english is getting worse. Diane, can you reword my post please ? You’re so good at it._ ---
**Author:** ![diane999](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diane999/32/1110_2.png) [@diane999](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diane999)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2009, 12:41pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/156 "2009-04-24T12:41:50Z")
> [@magicj76](#): > > Sure ! There are times when we have confidence, times when we don’t… it reminds me of a hard time you had a few weeks ago Steve. It reminds me of the current time for me and it’s going to last I’m afraid. Many reasons to that. > > Sometimes it’s easier to BE confident. Sometimes it isn’t. there’s a minimum of confidence to keep, a minimum a self-knowledge so that we do what we KNOW is better and avoid doing super things we know we’re gonna spoil. EGO is a big part of all that. And EGO-knowledge is even bigger. > > And again pheros are here to help up boost that ego when we don’t do it naturally while we should. (oh it’s getting so complicated!) > > Pheros helps us through others. When we feel down, not confident about ourselves, pheros are here to send invisible signs to others, who then react positively (unless OD-ing), giving us more confidence through their words and/or reactions. > > It the “reversed law of attraction”. when we feel down, some elements come up to put back balance. > > _Ok , stop, my english is getting worse. Diane, can you reword my post please ? You’re so good at it._ Ego is an often maligned thing. It really should be honored for the role it plays. Ego is our body’s balance point, that point where we feel safe and secure. It’s purpose is to keep us there, where we feel safe and secure, and to warn and attack when our security or safety of body feels threatened. In this regard it has always performed faithfully, and true, and has never, ever failed us. Ego is a good thing. The hard thing about Ego is that it can seem so inflexible. Ego forms during our childhood years, when we are powerless and vulnerable. And because it is so faithful and true, it will continue to function as though we were _still_ children, still vulnerable, still weak, and still powerless. It keeps us _uber_ safe, _uber_ non-vulnerable, and it seems nothing can get beyond this so-loyal guardian. But we aren’t children any more. The nice thing about Ego is that it is trainable, is flexible, and can be made more appropriate to our current life situations. Part of that is identifying when Ego becomes alarmed, taking the time to step back, count to ten and analyze: “Am I _really_ in danger, here, in this circumstance?” and holding yourself still long enough for your body to calm down from all the alarm chemicals it has running through it… before reacting. Over time, this ability to step back and analyze gives us the ability to react and respond more appropriately. And Ego is trained for a better role, and we don’t waste energy fighting enemies that don’t exist. A lot of the pheromones can help in this process by blunting alarm reactions, and making us want to be more in harmony with each other. How was that? 😃 Diane ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/157 "2009-04-27T15:24:18Z")
> [@diane999](#): > > Ego is an often maligned thing. It really should be honored for the role it plays. Ego is our body’s balance point, that point where we feel safe and secure. It’s purpose is to keep us there, where we feel safe and secure, and to warn and attack when our security or safety of body feels threatened. In this regard it has always performed faithfully, and true, and has never, ever failed us. > > Ego is a good thing. > > The hard thing about Ego is that it can seem so inflexible. Ego forms during our childhood years, when we are powerless and vulnerable. And because it is so faithful and true, it will continue to function as though we were _still_ children, still vulnerable, still weak, and still powerless. It keeps us _uber_ safe, _uber_ non-vulnerable, and it seems nothing can get beyond this so-loyal guardian. But we aren’t children any more. > > The nice thing about Ego is that it is trainable, is flexible, and can be made more appropriate to our current life situations. Part of that is identifying when Ego becomes alarmed, taking the time to step back, count to ten and analyze: “Am I _really_ in danger, here, in this circumstance?” and holding yourself still long enough for your body to calm down from all the alarm chemicals it has running through it… before reacting. Over time, this ability to step back and analyze gives us the ability to react and respond more appropriately. And Ego is trained for a better role, and we don’t waste energy fighting enemies that don’t exist. > > A lot of the pheromones can help in this process by blunting alarm reactions, and making us want to be more in harmony with each other. > > How was that? 😃 > > Diane i loved this post. _picking Diane"s brain_ could you list some pheromones in your opinion that are good for blunting? could you list some pheromones in your opinion that may encourage alarm reactions? im guessing 'none is an alarmist … ---
**Author:** ![mamba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/49beb7/32.png) [@mamba](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mamba)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/158 "2009-04-27T16:19:22Z")
Pheros helps us through others. When we feel down, not confident about ourselves, pheros are here to send invisible signs to others, who then react positively (unless OD-ing), giving us more confidence through their words and/or reactions. It the “reversed law of attraction”. when we feel down, some elements come up to put back balance interesting way to look at it! ---
**Author:** ![diane999](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diane999/32/1110_2.png) [@diane999](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diane999)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/159 "2009-04-27T22:33:56Z")
> [@Lor](#): > > i loved this post. > > _picking Diane"s brain_ > > could you list some pheromones in your opinion that are good for blunting? > could you list some pheromones in your opinion that may encourage alarm reactions? > > im guessing 'none is an alarmist … In my personal experience, there are a ton of pheromones that are good for blunting the alarm reactions. Please note, however, that not everyone, or even most people, will have the same reactions that I do. Testing is still the name of the game, and your reactions will most likely be unique to you. P74 - harmonious Androstenol - Alpha and Beta - social, encompasing Androsterone - protective and loving EST - protective and loving P86 - lovely, sedating P87 - blunts _all_ emotional response P91 - thoughtful, harmonious, loving TAC - body harmony TAH - sweet P102 - sedating, body harmony P103 - sedating, body harmony There are a lot that are potential irritants that may ramp up alarm. Any of the pheromones that give us that extra “energy” push, I think has that potential. Androstenone - irritant and fighting, can cause anxiety attacks in some women and some men TAA - OD, can cause anxiety P74 - OD, can cause anxiety P80 - protective, but physically excitatory P84 - amphetamine-like P90 - energy P100 - amphetamine-like P107 - amphetamine - like TAF - in a certain small portion of people causes fight or flight, and can cause visual alarm/jumpiness Diane ---
**Author:** ![magicj76](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/magicj76/32/1858_2.png) [@magicj76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/magicj76)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/160 "2009-04-28T14:57:30Z")
wow wonderful post Diane ! As usual… One more thing : There is everything -good or bad - in everything -good or bad. We see a portion of it, and the way we are enclined to see things makes us see this portion subjectively. If you decide that you want to find the good side in every thing, you’ll find it. If you decide that you’ll find the negative, you’ll find it. The decision is not always conscious or completely deliberate. When it isn’t deliberate, your vision is highly influenced by what happens around you. And what happens around you can be influenced by the use of pheromones. When we are not confident enough, pheros are here to send a positive feeling to others, thus making them react -more or less- positively, thus making us react positively to their own reactions. All that brings confidence so that we TRULY ARE confident. The results of confidence are not immediate, that’s why on top of confidence, we also need patience… but that’s another story ! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2009, 7:24am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108/161 "2009-04-30T07:24:06Z")
Wow. This thread really became derailed. I’m not gonna touch the drama with a 50 ft pole. Not productive at all.. I understand where the OP is coming from, and I agree that the singular phrase “Just be more confident” is not very helpful. That’s like someone asking “How do I become rich?” And you respond “Make some money.” 😛 However, I disagree regarding the ‘two camps’. Good experiences can increase confidence. Bad experiences can lower your confidence. But here’s the thing missing point. How does that first good experience come along? By putting your ego and pride on the line and going for it. If you’re learning a new skill, you **will** fail several times before getting a good experience. No one picks up a new skill without some failure. At some point, risk is required, your ego must be wagered, and you will be uncertain about the outcome. So, if good experiences definitively increase confidence, bad experiences decrease confidence, then it seems like the only way to really increase confidence is to survive the streak of bad experiences until the good experiences start rolling in. There comes a point where you decide that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail, you’ll keep trying. Otherwise, you would try something once, see that you failed and refuse to try it again since you’re looking to increase your confidence, not decrease it. Positive thinking is the key then. If you don’t believe you can learn a new skill, why you would continue trying to learn it? Thus, if you are to succeed and learn a new skill, and which, hypothetically should lead to good experiences and consequently increased confidence, then you need to believe you can learn the new skill. So we discover that success truly is a matter of belief. I have confidence, and if some people looked at me, they might assume confidence comes easily to me. I’m tall, I’m muscular, I’m smart, I’m handsome, I’ve got charm. But do you honestly think I haven’t failed before? Have I ever crashed and burned horribly? I sure have. Many many times. If I let those failures effect me, then I would never have gotten anywhere. But I didn’t. I learned what I needed to from the experience and have grown. That is why the ‘mentalists’ assert that _changing your mind_ is more important than experiences. You really do create your reality, but until you accept that belief, you will only see the limitations you create for yourself. I have a friend who is always having financial and emotional problems. He refuses to see that he is causing his own problems. He blames his past, and his disability. What I see is that he is lacking money because he doesn’t have a job, spends his money on cigarettes, non-nutritious microwavable food and other ways of spending money in the wrong places. He doesn’t look for a job, and instead complains about the kids who get support from his family. When it comes to his emotional problems, I see his instigating and causing his own problems, but then blaming his parents. He wonders why his landlords won’t give back his deposit when he trashes his apartment like he has a daily janitor. Essentially, he’s content being stuck in in his reality and refuses to accept that only _he_ has the power to change his situation. Sorry, I’m getting off track. Anyways, the point I was trying to make was that we do control our reality. The whole inner/outer locus on control thing. It’s just a matter of if and when you see this. If you deny this belief and you find what you’re looking for, then cool with me. But if you are still struggling later down the road, give it a try, you don’t have anything to lose by _thinking_ positively. Ultimately, Gegogi’s comments regarding confidence resonate the most with me. Confidence **is definitely** earned. How did I become confident? I took risks, when those risks burned me, I got back up and tried again. When I realized that I started succeeding, the confidence came. But again, it’s not because of the good experience that I became confident, it was because I overcame a challenge. I overcame my insecurities and went for it. I ignored the bad experiences (the critical ‘mental’ aspect), and embraced the good experiences. In learning to play lacrosse, I dropped the ball several times, gave up countless goals, and was laid out onto my back until I was too sore to move. My confidence came when I began catching the ball, stopping plays, and laying out other people. I made team captain before any votes from my teammates were cast. I earned that captainship like I earned my confidence in my lacrosse abilities. Those good experiences weren’t just handed to me. The mentalists aren’t bullshitting you, but I do think that they are jumping a little ahead of the point that you are at. That’s why you view it as two separate perspectives. Okay, I feel like I may be going in circles here. Just my thoughts, I need to go pick up some ganja real quick. 😃 [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108.md?page=7) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/why-the-phrase-be-more-confident-by-itself-is-bad-advice/28108.md?page=9)