# Women, why do you choose a man for marriage? **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [March 24, 2007, 1:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696 "2007-03-24T01:03:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 1:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/1 "2007-03-24T01:03:01Z")
Just wondering… what makes you decide you want to marry and stay with a man? I’m trying to understand some seemingly contradictory things, so I figured I would ask women, instead of listening to men. lol ---
**Author:** ![jpballerina](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jpballerina/32/1004_2.png) [@jpballerina](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jpballerina)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 1:08am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/2 "2007-03-24T01:08:09Z")
Well, I haven’t found one that I was willing to swear myself to yet (though I’ve been engaged twice . . .) but if I was seriously looking, I’d be looking for someone to be as commited to me as I would be to them. I only want to get married once. I would also need someone who would be wiling to have fun (in life and especially in the bedroom. Role playing anyone?) 😃 So, what is the real deal? Well, if I’d found it I’d be married, so I’m not sure, but someday I will. 😉 xoxo jp ---
**Author:** ![thr3shold](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/thr3shold/32/2316_2.png) [@thr3shold](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/thr3shold)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 1:08am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/3 "2007-03-24T01:08:51Z")
I think the answer is going to vary depending on age and history. My girl just feels incredibly lucky to have me. ---
**Author:** ![Nunya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ac8455/32.png) [@Nunya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Nunya)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 1:10am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/4 "2007-03-24T01:10:25Z")
well I’m a commitmentphobe of a pretty high order, but that’s because marriage to me means forever. so here’s my list: ~mentally stable ~able to handle stress ~capable of earning a good living, and supporting me and kids, while i’m nesting and such (this doesn’t mean he needs to support me forever or anything - just while i’m tied up with biological duties) ~a solid idea of what family should be, and the loyalty it involves. this is on top of the basic requirements for me to be attracted enough to have someone as a boyfriend. ie - the personality stuff - intelligence, humor, level of affection, chemistry, etc. ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 2:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/5 "2007-03-24T02:56:48Z")
I am also wondering what it says about a man if a woman chooses him to have children with… from a woman’s point of view. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LaurieNY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bbce88/32.png) [@LaurieNY](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/LaurieNY)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 3:07am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/6 "2007-03-24T03:07:37Z")
Humor. Humor. Humor. Trust me. Humor, sharpness, a true sense of the absurd, open-mindedness, and a thirst for learning and knowledge. All the men I’ve ever been attracted to have these things in common. ---
**Author:** ![Holmes](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/holmes/32/2128_2.png) [@Holmes](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Holmes)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 3:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/7 "2007-03-24T03:18:03Z")
> [@LaurieNY](#): > > Humor. > Humor. > Humor. > > Trust me. > > Humor, sharpness, a true sense of the absurd, open-mindedness, and a thirst for learning and knowledge. Yup, I’m screwed. I got the sharpness, though. Nice and pointy on top. ---
**Author:** ![jpballerina](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jpballerina/32/1004_2.png) [@jpballerina](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jpballerina)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 5:22am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/8 "2007-03-24T05:22:17Z")
> [@catlord17](#): > > I am also wondering what it says about a man if a woman chooses him to have children with… from a woman’s point of view. 🙂 If I were looking to get married, that is one thing I know I’d be looking for. Someone wants kids and who is good with them. That’s personally important to me. Just not right _now_ . . . give me another 10 years and I’ll get back to you on it. 🙄 xoxo jp ---
**Author:** ![AKmedic](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/akmedic/32/1487_2.png) [@AKmedic](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/AKmedic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 5:38am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/9 "2007-03-24T05:38:42Z")
Well, I can’t speak for the other ladies, but here’s my list of requirements for a partner. - Kind, generous, and loving. - Intelligent and a hard worker. - Treats me with tenderness and believes that a relationship should have mutual respect. - Resilient and deals with stress well. - Wants to have children someday, is patient with children, and kind to them. Is willing to adopt if we can’t have children naturally. - Loves animals. - Likes the outdoors (hiking and stuff like that). \*]Believes in monogamy and marriage as a lifelong commitment. I would like someone that is analytical yet are balanced and is able to think right-brained as well as left. I will probably end up marrying an engineer or scientist. ---
**Author:** ![LaurieNY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bbce88/32.png) [@LaurieNY](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/LaurieNY)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 6:20am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/10 "2007-03-24T06:20:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Yup, I’m screwed. > > I got the sharpness, though. Nice and pointy on top. See that? I bet you have a better sense of humor than you think you do. Hey, I laughed. ---
**Author:** ![slykitty](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/slykitty/32/1443_2.png) [@slykitty](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/slykitty)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/11 "2007-03-24T21:25:31Z")
I thought i might add my two pennies worth!! I look for someone who is loving, caring and kind, someone who i can talk to as well as have a good argument with (afterall i know that there will be arguments and we gotta communicate when they happen)🙄 I also look to see that the man has earning potential, not for my own agendas but so that with combined incomes we can live relatively easy, someone who is happy (most of time) and realistic. Pretty much what i have in my current bf who i have been with for nearly a year now, it has crossed my mind that this could be long term potential marriage potential, however our or shall i say MY stumbling block is the issues surrounding sex initiation…oh did i mention that he has got to be good in bed 😕 hahaha Hope That Helps ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 4:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/12 "2007-03-30T16:36:04Z")
Alright, so none of these answers surprise me. But none of them really answer my question, either. I will ask a different way. When a woman sees these qualities in a man, and she decides she wants to be committed to that man, why? ---
**Author:** ![Nunya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ac8455/32.png) [@Nunya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Nunya)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 4:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/13 "2007-03-30T16:47:12Z")
> [@catlord17](#): > > When a woman sees these qualities in a man, and she decides she wants to be committed to that man, why? let me ask you this - when you see a woman that’s hot and you want to shag her…why? ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/14 "2007-03-30T19:54:40Z")
> [@LaurieNY](#): > > Humor. > Humor. > Humor. > > Trust me. > > Humor, sharpness, a true sense of the absurd, open-mindedness, and a thirst for learning and knowledge. > > All the men I’ve ever been attracted to have these things in common. What does humour actually mean? Girls definitely seem to like men who can make them laugh, but laughter signals different things and I wonder whether in this context humour is the same thing as it is for a standup comic. (My sense is certainly not… but if that is the case, what exactly is being signalled?) ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/15 "2007-03-30T20:06:13Z")
> [@AKmedic](#): > > Well, I can’t speak for the other ladies, but here’s my list of requirements for a partner. > > - Kind, generous, and loving. > - Intelligent and a hard worker. > - Treats me with tenderness and believes that a relationship should have mutual respect. > - **Resilient and deals with stress well.** > - Wants to have children someday, is patient with children, and kind to them. Is willing to adopt if we can’t have children naturally. > - Loves animals. > - Likes the outdoors (hiking and stuff like that). > - Believes in monogamy and marriage as a lifelong commitment. > I would like someone that is analytical yet are balanced and is able to think right-brained as well as left. I will probably end up marrying an engineer or scientist. This one, in particular, was interesting to me. Obvious once said, but I hadn’t previously seen that in the lists of qualities women seek. ---
**Author:** ![AKmedic](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/akmedic/32/1487_2.png) [@AKmedic](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/AKmedic)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/16 "2007-03-30T20:47:55Z")
> [@PheroQuirk](#): > > This one, in particular, was interesting to me. Obvious once said, but I hadn’t previously seen that in the lists of qualities women seek. It probably comes from my experience with Fire/EMS. If a dude can handle an emergency calmly, he’ll probably be able to keep it together during other life crises. One of my exes was way too high strung and it was annoying to watch him freak out about every little thing. ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 9:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/17 "2007-03-30T21:24:13Z")
> [@Nunya](#): > > let me ask you this - when you see a woman that’s hot and you want to shag her…why? You’re comparing apples and coconuts. When I see a woman who is “hot” and I want to shag her, it’s because my lizard brain says “Release the hounds!” It doesn’t have any indication of any sort of relationship, commitment, desire to have children around me or take care of them, or wake up next to this woman every morning. It is, quite simply, a desire to use her body to cause my body to ejaculate. Crude? Yes. True? Yes. This is not to say, however, I act on this “Nice ass, shag her” urge, because I don’t. For me to be sexually involved with a woman, and not suffer emotional damage as a result, I cannot just bend over any woman I have offering me woman wet and share body fluids. I must have an emotional connection of some sort. Otherwise, self respect drops, self esteem drops, self confidence drops, and I get depressed. My question is aimed at not finding out that sometimes women think with their pink bits, which I certainly already knew. I want to understand why women choose a man for a long term commitment, especially one involving children. What makes the qualities that trigger this response, trigger this response? What is she looking for? Does she respond this way to an Alpha, or a Beta, or something in between, or something else altogether? Does it have to do with love, or is it a practical decision? Is she acting on genetics alone, or does it say something about him otherwise? ---
**Author:** ![Nunya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ac8455/32.png) [@Nunya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Nunya)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2007, 9:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/18 "2007-03-30T21:40:50Z")
> [@catlord17](#): > > You’re comparing apples and coconuts. When I see a woman who is “hot” and I want to shag her, it’s because my lizard brain says “Release the hounds!” It doesn’t have any indication of any sort of relationship, commitment, desire to have children around me or take care of them, or wake up next to this woman every morning. It is, quite simply, a desire to use her body to cause my body to ejaculate. > > Crude? Yes. True? Yes. This is not to say, however, I act on this “Nice ass, shag her” urge, because I don’t. For me to be sexually involved with a woman, and not suffer emotional damage as a result, I cannot just bend over any woman I have offering me woman wet and share body fluids. I must have an emotional connection of some sort. Otherwise, self respect drops, self esteem drops, self confidence drops, and I get depressed. well now - this is sort of what i’m getting at. men and women have different biological imperatives. to a man it’s about spreading seed, to a woman it’s about finding a worthy mate. which only makes sense, because being a mother leaves you soemwhat vulnerable, because now you not only have to watch your back, you have to watch the backs of your children too (i’m speaking in a very primitive way - not 21st century, we can bring home the bacon, and fry it in a pan) So biologically speakign you need the help-mate that can help you hold down the forth and ensure the survival of your young. So from that perspective women are wired to be selective in a mate, and to look for commitment, and a suitable spouse. Much like your wired to like boobies or whatever. > [@](#): > > I want to understand why women choose a man for a long term commitment, especially one involving children. What makes the qualities that trigger this response, trigger this response? What is she looking for? Does she respond this way to an Alpha, or a Beta, or something in between, or something else altogether? Does it have to do with love, or is it a practical decision? I think the women that have responded to these questions pretty adequately. we’ve all given you our lists. I don’t know about the alpha beta thing at all. I’m sure that factors into the equation on some level, but i think it varies with each woman. One woman might want a full on alpha, another might prefer a beta. i think there’s no blanket answer that will cover it all. I think making the decision is both based in love and pragmatism. or rather it should be. Love is great and all, but if he can’t handle his own life, is he going to be the best mate? > [@](#): > > Is she acting on genetics alone, or does it say something about him otherwise? this question i don’t understand. ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 1:49am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/19 "2007-03-31T01:49:46Z")
> [@AKmedic](#): > > It probably comes from my experience with Fire/EMS. If a dude can handle an emergency calmly, he’ll probably be able to keep it together during other life crises. One of my exes was way too high strung and it was annoying to watch him freak out about every little thing. Interesting. There seems to be a difference between aptitude at handling emergencies vs handling chronic long-term stress. For example I am good at the former but trying to better handle the latter. Selye’s GAS… ---
**Author:** ![Mohammad\_Shah](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mohammad_shah/32/873_2.png) [@Mohammad\_Shah](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mohammad_Shah)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2007, 2:05am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696/20 "2007-03-31T02:05:37Z")
> [@jpballerina](#): > > If I were looking to get married, that is one thing I know I’d be looking for. Someone wants kids and who is good with them. That’s personally important to me. > > Just not right _now_ . . . give me another 10 years and I’ll get back to you on it. 🙄 > > xoxo > jp …I can’t wait that long!!😛 [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/women-why-do-you-choose-a-man-for-marriage/2696.md?page=2)