# you are perfect the way you are **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [July 9, 2007, 10:59am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/you-are-perfect-the-way-you-are/4560 "2007-07-09T10:59:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 10:59am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/you-are-perfect-the-way-you-are/4560/1 "2007-07-09T10:59:37Z")
**from [approachanxiety.com](http://approachanxiety.com) - eric aka disco** [Approach Anxiety » Blog Archive » You Are Perfect The Way You Are](http://approachanxiety.com/?p=132) **[You Are Perfect The Way You Are](http://approachanxiety.com/?p=132)** [http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/timeicon.gif](http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/timeicon.gif) July 8th, 2007 by [http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/author.gif](http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/author.gif) Eric a.k.a. Disco [http://approachanxiety.com/images/ida1.jpg](http://approachanxiety.com/images/ida1.jpg) In some way or another, you’ve known it all along. You were born perfect. As a child you were you. You didn’t care what anybody thought about you. You had all the love you needed. When you wanted to cry, you cried. When you wanted to laugh, you laugh. As a baby you did what you wanted to do without respect for anyone else. As you got older, you were still you. When you took your first steps, you turned into a little monster. You were you. When the music came on you danced and didn’t care what anybody thought. And now, as you’re older, how much time do you spend locked up inside yourself? How many lessons have you learned, lessons that taught you that it’s not okay to be you, that you weren’t good enough? Those cool kids in school? They weren’t smarter than you, or better or more naturally more attractive. They simply had more social freedom. As life went on, you were affected. You were punished, shamed, ostracized, isolated. You were taught a lesson: I’m not good enough. Everywhere you went you learned this lesson. But it was all a lie. You are good enough. In fact you are better than good enough. You are perfect. You were born perfect and you are still perfect. You are still that child that can say whatever he wants to say and do whatever his little heart pleases. That child has big dreams of being something someday. A fireman or an astronaut. But primarily, that child pretty much just wants to have fun and play. What happened to that little person? Why can’t you be that person all the time? It’s a cruel world out there. A jungle. Dog eat dog. A competition. You’ve done it enough times to know. Walk up to a group of people and you know how they’ll react. It’s hard being friends with strangers. You know what to expect when you walk up to them. And the worst lesson was the lesson SHE taught you. You found her. You didn’t think you would. You thought your heart would be frozen forever before you met her. With everything in side of you, you wanted to be with her. But she didn’t want to be with you. The worst part of all of it wasn’t the pain, hurt or confusion she made you feel. The worst of it was that you couldn’t be you around her. Whenever you got around her you locked up. You were barely human. A dog, tied to her side. All that good stuff that made you you was inhibited. You promised yourself, I will never be subhuman again. And the lesson once again: I’m not good enough. But you are good enough. You are perfect. You are creative. You are flexible. You are INTELLIGENT. There is nothing lacking in you. It’s all right there. It just gets locked up sometimes. Some of us became isolated. In an effort to no longer hear that loud blaring message, we seclude ourselves. You became good at less social things. Things that made you feel good about yourself. But it’s not all you want. You want more. You want to be able to make new friends and date people you’re attracted to. You want to be able to walk up to amazingly hot women and BE YOURSELF. Really, what more do you need than to be yourself? But you can’t do it. You know what’s going to happen. That body of yours will lock up. Why? Is it because you’re not perfect? No. You are perfect. It’s because you’ve learned the wrong lesson. They sent you to the wrong school. You took the wrong classes. You had the wrong teacher. Your schoolbooks lied to you. That big, boldface lie: You aren’t good enough. [http://approachanxiety.com/images/ida2.jpg](http://approachanxiety.com/images/ida2.jpg) You learned that people dislike you until they get to know you. This isn’t true. It’s the lesson running in your head. Every time you walk up to a hot girl, that lesson plays back: you aren’t good enough. She won’t like you. Yet you know, she would. You are the most perfect creature on this god-given earth. It’s just a matter of learning to expect it. All social interaction can be understood to operate in two distinct modes: agonic and hedonic. When a primate acts in agonic mode, he is acting based under perceived threat, anxiety or power. In hedonic mode, he is acting playfully, with an expectation of friendship and mutual appreciation. These two modes have been used to understand the way primates form societies. The second mode, hedonic, is more highly evolved and beneficial to group survival. It is not an absence of competition, but rather an evolution of social hierarchy based not on an ability to harm one another, but an ability to contribute meaningfully to the group. As humans, we can lose touch with that basic friend-making mechanism. In kindergarten it was easy. You didn’t need to think about it. You made friends. How the HELL did you do it? You didn’t know anything! You assumed that everyone was friendly. You hadn’t learned any different. You assumed you were good enough. You assumed you were perfect. And what came into play was a perfect mechanism of friendship. She was perfect and you were perfect. No questions asked. All of us have failures in life. And relationships mark the biggest let-downs for most of us. But we are not our failures. We are not our past. The first step to coming out of our shells is realizing that we are perfect the way we are. There is nothing we could have done differently. We are merely inhibited. We are all creative, fun, flexible, intelligent creatures. We smile at strangers and speak freely to them. We touch other people. We express ourselves in beautiful ways. Learning to expect others to treat us this way upon meeting them is not an easy thing. Sometimes it takes a lot of practice. It takes a lot to realize that you’ve learned some bad lessons. It takes a lot of strength to learn a better message. But step outside and it’s a beautiful world. It begins with an assumption. You are perfect the way you are. ---
**Author:** ![May](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/may/32/1909_2.png) [@May](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/May)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 11:02am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/you-are-perfect-the-way-you-are/4560/2 "2007-07-09T11:02:58Z")
Brilliant! Thanks for posting this - so much of it rings true. 🙂 Best May ---
**Author:** ![Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gone_with_the_wind/32/2227_2.png) [@Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gone_with_the_Wind)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 11:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/you-are-perfect-the-way-you-are/4560/3 "2007-07-09T11:58:41Z")
A counterpoint from the great philosopher Bing Crosby … > [@](#): > > **Would You Like To Swing On A Star** > > Would you like to swing on a star > carry moonbeams home in a jar > and be better off than you are > or would you rather be a mule > > A mule is an animal with long funny ears > he kicks up at anything he hears > His back is brawny but his brain is weak > he’s just plain stupid with a stubborn streak > and by the way if you hate to go to school > You may grow up to be a mule > > Oh would you like to swing on a star > carry moonbeams home in a jar > and be better off than you are > or would you rather be a pig > > A pig is an animal with dirt on his face > his shoes are a terrible disgrace > He has no manners when he eats his food > He’s fat and lazy and extremely rude > But if you don’t care a feather or a fig > you may grow up to be a pig > > Oh would you like to swing on a star > carry moonbeams home in a jar > and be better off than you are > or would you rather be a fish > > A fish won’t do anything but swim in a brook > he can’t write his name or read a book > to fool the people is his only thought > and though he’s slippery he still gets caught > but if then that sort of life is what you wish > you may grow up to be a fish > (music) > a new kind of jumped up slippery fish > > And all the monkeys aren’t in the zoo > everyday you see quite a few > so you see it’s all up to you, > you could be better than you are > you could be swinging on a star ---
**Author:** ![smn1234](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/smn1234/32/2430_2.png) [@smn1234](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/smn1234)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 6:32am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/you-are-perfect-the-way-you-are/4560/4 "2007-07-10T06:32:37Z")
awww good post man ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 10:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/you-are-perfect-the-way-you-are/4560/5 "2007-07-10T10:27:47Z")
Excellant Thank you for sharing 😉 Tisha