# You're probably starting in the wrong place. **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [July 21, 2014, 9:28pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462 "2014-07-21T21:28:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![thz2310](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/thz2310/32/756_2.png) [@thz2310](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/thz2310)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2014, 9:28pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462/1 "2014-07-21T21:28:19Z")
If you are looking for something to help your approach anxiety or social phobia, that is. I came here 4 to 5 years ago looking to rid myself of all of my social fears and become the charming alpha male who could get any girl at any time. I spent hundreds on [pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/), thinking I knew how they worked. I saw some weird things from women of Indian and African American descent, and from the girls who I actually interacted with, but for the most part I didn’t notice any positive signs because I was still keeping to myself almost entirely. Eventually I started learning how to work on myself from the inside. I went to therapy, I read books, I started trying to build muscle at the gym. _And only then_, was I still in the exact same place I was before. Yep. No change. You can talk about your feelings, learn about socializing, and be completely shredded all you want, but the only thing that is going to get you over your fear is getting out there and talking to people. Learn to be incredibly interested in other people. Make embarrassing mistakes in social situations and just roll with them. Learn to balance truly caring for every person you come into contact with, and not giving a single fuck about what that person thinks about you. Because in the end the only person whose opinion matters is your own, unless you decide that you value that other persons opinion. But that is a choice you make, not something that you live in fear of. For me, when I stopped worrying about the opinions of the people closest to me, I stopped worrying about the opinions of every one else as well. As I have gone along this journey of being comfortable socially, and learning to have fun in any situation, I have learned so much about myself. My personality, the way I think, my strengths, my weaknesses. And I continue to learn more every day. Only since then have I learned how to use pheromones to enhance the positive qualities that I possess. And let me tell you, I get quite the bang for my buck. I am not saying that if you spray some random pheromones on and have positive results. You probably will at some point. And it is a lot of fun to do. But I just want to reach some people who are in a similar situation to what I used to be in. So my final thoughts to those people are these. Work on making yourself the best version of yourself. Be unapologetic about what you want, own your desires and own your intentions. Learn from your mistakes, but never let a failure hold you back from taking another chance. Recognize small successes as growth, and know that you can use that growth as momentum for more growth. And lastly, remember that it is never too late to become the person you want to be, but you aren’t going to spray them out of a bottle. Love. ---
**Author:** ![Aghor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/aghor/32/1558_2.png) [@Aghor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Aghor)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2014, 11:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462/2 "2014-07-28T11:00:37Z")
did u ever try MX 297 / 390 ?? ---
**Author:** ![vanadium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@vanadium](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/vanadium)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 5:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462/3 "2014-08-02T05:03:05Z")
Thanks thz. Someone needed to say it. I’ve mostly been on the opposite end of the social scale since I was a teenager, but I have had SO MANY friends who were cool, tall, handsome, smart, caring and in every other way great catches, yet my most strenuous efforts, postmortem analyses, and advice (we all want our friends to be happy?) seemed to help as much as I’d have liked because they couldn’t (usually “refused to”) do the stuff that came “naturally” to me (after a lot of book study, observation, self-analysis and -yes- completely embarrassing screwups). Though I can’t honestly say I regret any of my biochemical, social and psychological luck/study (it made up for my height, middling looks and other less-than-Hollywood traits), it was often somewhat awkward – I’d often refuse to meet the girl they were interested in “until they sealed the deal” (which they usually failed to do) because their friendship meant too much to me, and didn’t want to risk that she might show some interest in me instead (not necessarily “I want to jump his bones” but just “ooh, he’s fun” which often led to my friends giving up). They often insisted that I play wingman for them (I prefer having female friends play wingman for me, myself), but no one can be an effective wingman for you unless you are willing to fly point and are skilled in aerial combat. YOU have to shoot down the prey if you want the score! You have to be able to tuck into your target’s six, and pull the trigger. It’s a fun lifetime game, once you get into it. So learn to play! And don’t feel bad about being a beginner --we all were. That’s how we learned. The only shame lies in not learning and regretting your lack of success. Once you start learning, pheros can be a great wingman for you (but a good human wingman is STILL a treasure beyond price) Don’t make the mistake of thinking it’s all about technique or patter. Learning to observe reactions, react appropriately – and SEE/LEARN from mistakes is a major life skill in the workplace, love, marriage, raising kids, and every other social realm. ---
**Author:** ![MagnaMarta](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/magnamarta/32/573_2.png) [@MagnaMarta](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MagnaMarta)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462/4 "2014-08-11T20:42:49Z")
I have to comment here Thz. I have really bad social anxiety, and for me, Ishine had the pleasant and unexpected self effect of greatly reducing my social anxiety. I sweat profusely when I talk to others in public, even if I don’t feel uneasy. Ishine has really helped me, and I can say it’s not psychological, because I wasn’t expecting that to happen. I just noticed one day whilst out & about wearing some Ishine and yakking to people that I wasn’t all sweaty. This is what I have experienced. 🙂 but your post is brilliant, making a good point. ---
**Author:** ![CelticPrince](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/celticprince/32/397_2.png) [@CelticPrince](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/CelticPrince)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2014, 12:58pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462/5 "2014-08-12T12:58:45Z")
Hey Magna Marta, I was reading your last post and it kind of hit home. I have to speak publically from time to time, mostly to groups of doctors or businessmen, and I break out in sweat at the beginning. Its like clockwork. I dont feel uneasy either, and I do it 5-6 times a month for years now, but it still happens. I just remember to bring a handkerchief with me and I move on. It stops once I get going into my talk, but I have always wondered what caused it. The closest thing I remember earlier in my life was when I was in high school and college. I played college basketball and I used to get bigtime butterflys in my stomach before games during warm ups, sometimes to the point of nauseousness. Then the game would start and I would be fine and feel better. Performance anxiety maybe? Definitely something psychological. Its like my brain sends a signal to my adrenal gland that dumps a load of adrenaline in my bloodstream, which triggers my sweat glands. Weird stuff. I think I will give I. Shine a try next time I talk. ---
**Author:** ![thz2310](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/thz2310/32/756_2.png) [@thz2310](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/thz2310)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462/6 "2014-10-11T04:22:47Z")
Thanks for your reply Magna Marta. I am glad that IS has helped you, and I definitely know what you are talking about. A314 gave me a boost to my confidence before I ever had any, so even when I felt it I didn’t really know what to do with it at that point lol. ---
**Author:** ![Treehugger](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/treehugger/32/1333_2.png) [@Treehugger](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Treehugger)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2014, 8:31am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/youre-probably-starting-in-the-wrong-place/62462/7 "2014-10-11T08:31:06Z")
Thank you for this thread. I feel like for me, when I use pheros (especially A314 [P75](https://pheromonelabs.com/product/p75/) and Ammo), I can experience the world from a socially comfortable person’s perspective. It literally feels like I’m a whole different person. I feel like that once I’m at that point, it’s a realization that I carry with me in my actual socially anxious personality. I’ve really made a lot of progress in the past month working a socially stressful job along with my pheros. On my off days, I often find myself doing stuff I never would have done a month ago. They’re little stuff, tiny details, but they really do count for me. Pheros for me are like a friend that encourages you to do what you’re normally afraid to do. It’s like someone is shoving you into these stressful situations whether you like it or not, and that’s why I continue to use them. I’ve failed so many times on pheros that my pride can take much more hits than before. I worry less about dumb stuff I used to feel bad and guilty about.