I increase the effective range of pheros in a couple of ways.
If I’m in a bar where I’m comfortable doing so, I leave my jacket on my barstool. I’ve sprayed a gram or two (it seems!) of pheros on my leather jacket in the past four months and I touch it up with a spray or two whenever I go out to socialize. Spaceland and Instant Honesty x4 are probably impregnated into the collar from the back of my neck, -none to the waistband from sprays to my belt and crotch, shine to the front opening and lapels .. you get the picture. My jacket is my surrogate pheromessenger, my phero-totem. It’s not that unusual for me to come back from shooting a game of pool, for example, to find someone has taken the empty barstool next to my jacket, smiling at me when I return (e.g., that’s exactly what happened last night: my jacket had already introduced me; thank you, jacket.)
While my jacket is claiming my territory and invigorating people who pass by or sit near it, I am finding a reason to visit almost every area of the bar. I’m shaking hands, hugs, etc. with people I’ve met, just catching up with them, shooting pool, buying a drink, and being introduced to / introducing myself to new people. Hah, the bartenders at my ‘home bar’ used to feel proprietary about me – as if I should choose one bartender and buy all my drinks from him/her. I’ve trained them not to feel slighted if I sit in their area but get up and get a drink from the back bar or just from another bartender on the opposite side of the room.
If I am in a strange place, I pump myself up to move and keep moving from one area to another – I will say hello or find some comment to make with someone in each area. The phero trail leads everywhere, criss-crossing the space, but there are ‘pools’ of phero where I stop for a minute to talk. I open with anyone I find attractive, and the casual observer can’t tell whether I’m flirting with someone or just making another social stop, not that it matters much to me. There’s enough social proof implicit in my behavior that most people don’t question why I’m talking to them.
Connecting with people all over the bar is easier if you’re comfortable approaching, if you have something to say. I almost always have a few “questions” to ask people that I never phrase as questions, but rather as self-disclosures:Instead of asking “Why do you like this place?” I will make a self-disclosure and say “I’m curious to know what you like about this place.” First, this establishes that I will be making candid self-disclosures, and invites that person to do the same. Functionally, it’s the same as asking the question, but it pre-empts return questions like “why do you ask that” or “why should I tell you”. If someone wants clarification, I’ll again avoid a direct question and say “Well, I was wondering what features of this club you found appealing” – another self-disclosing statement that functions as a question. (Oh by the way, I make it a point to open with a self-disclosing comment that is 100% and only 100% honest – if I am not curious about what someone likes about the place, I won’t say it. It’s that congruence thing. But I usually AM curious.)
If you’re into hypnotic language patterning, you’ll notice that “the place/this club” becomes a transitional object/concept. It makes it easy to slide from talking about what one likes about the place (“I like the low-key atmosphere here”), to telling what one likes about the current conversation (“I like that observation, very witty!”), to what one finds attractive in the other person (“I sense you’re a warm person and I like that in you”)
Also, “what do you like about this space/place” is an existential moment, inviting introspection. But it’s still perceived as a “low pressure, low risk” question to answer.
Socially, that market-research-type “question” will sometimes make people wonder if you own the place or are working for the owners, but at the very least it establishes that you take a more than casual interest in your surroundings, including the people present there. Not only does the question itself portray you that way, but the fact that you asked the individual that question underscores it.
And yes, often enough people will tell me, in thirty seconds, what they are looking for (in general) that night. The Instant Honesty might give them a nudge, of course. Sometimes their answers are in code, but it typically only takes Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs, not the Rosetta Stone, to interpret. And sometimes answers are as explicit as one can get – as if they were just waiting for someone who has a genuine interest to ask.In addition to the “what about this place” question, it takes me about two minutes to look at the front page of a newspaper, or of the Yahoo portal to pick up four or five topical news items that I can use.
Todays bits:Mr Universe arrested / believed drunk / actually diabetic
British hacker loses US extradition appeal
Stem cells –> heart valves
Prehistoric whale found in Tuscany Italy (inland)
French train land speed record on rails 357.2 mph
All of the above applies to low-to-moderate densities of people in a club or tavern.
When the house is really packed, I touch up the shine regularly and don’t move around as much … and it’s purely opportunistic “let the pheros fall where they may.”
If anyone has advice for how to deal in a packed club, please let me hear from you.
; another woman might have some insight.