Do you think that some people just settle for each other?
Instead of falling in love with each other, do we just settle for each other because we fear being lonely?
I think most definitely people do settle and coincidentally most people are unhappy.
I fear loneliness just as much as anyone but that doesnt make me get into relationships deep down i know i dont want. You can have all the friends in the world but you can still be lonely if you dont have a partner.
Because i wont settle for less than… love, i guess you would call it, does that mean i have a greater chance of ending up by myself?
I’m not advocating settling in any way, shape or form… but one thing to remember is that sometimes we create reasons why being with someone would mean settling.
I think alot of people aren’t happy with the people they are with because they hold on to beliefs of unattainable beliefs of having a partner who is perfect in every way, shape and form.
Life is not about being happy 100% of the time, that includes your love life. Even when you have met the right person you will fight with them, and you will have moments where you wonder whether it is right. People make themselves unhappy by holding on to the belief that there is a perfect person out there for them (and therefore that they are settling for the person they are with).
My criteria for a partner - Does she satisfy both my intellectual and emotional desires on a sufficiently consistent basis to ensure that on an overall basis the compromises that I make on my freedom for the relationship are overshadowed by the net happiness benefit from my relationship.
Well at least that is the criteria I would like to hold myself too… I tend to stay in relationships long past their due date.
I agree. You have to be realistic about people. Even the “perfect” partner for you is not going to be a perfect person.
In my experience, what matters more than anything else is that elusive thing that people tend to call “chemistry”. You can have chemistry in a lot of different areas. Sometimes you have sexual chemistry with someone, but nothing else. Sometimes you have intellectual chemistry, but nothing on the physical level.
For me, it’s got to happen at the intellectual, emotional, and physical levels for it to be right, and it tends to be VERY obvious to me when that happens. So great, you’re clicking on all levels - everything is perfect, right?
Wrong. What you’ve got there is the basis of a great relationship, but not the whole thing. She’s still not a perfect person. Maybe she’s cranky in the morning. Maybe she’s got health problems. Maybe she’s phobic about dust mites. After a few weeks, the new relationship euphoria is going to wear off, and you’re going to start noticing these things.
At that point, you need to actually work on keeping the relationship happy. You need to suppress your impulse to shoot your mouth off when something irritates you. You need to establish a habit of thinking about what kinds of things will make her happy, and doing them. You need to identify the things about yourself that irritate her, and try to minimize them. You need to give up some of your “me time” in the interest of “us time” (and no, “us time” doesn’t always mean sex). Frankly, there are so many things that can derail a relationship, it’s kind of amazing that ANY of them work out. You have to be alert to those things, and zap them before they do any damage.
A lot of people end up miserable because once they fall in love, they figure their problems are solved, and they can stop worrying about it. All that’s happened is that you’ve exchanged one set of problems for another.
Some people do settle, I’m sure. But I think complacency is probably the greater cause of misery.
I tend to “Settle” for people I really know won’t work out in the long run. It’s really bad sometimes. But still, you have to be realistic about it… Like everyone else said noone is actually perfect all of the time. Don’t settle for too little but don’t expect too much. Once you figure out your happy medium it will be all good =). Unfortunately I’ve got to work on that one too haha.
to be serious tho…generally women have to settle a lot more than men do. and more women are destined to be alone then men are…there’s really no insightful reasoning behind this..it’s simple statistics. women outnumber men..it’s as simple as that. there is no way in hell every woman is gonna get paired with a man…also consider that men start to die off starting in their mid 20’s and that they have shorter life spans you start to see why this happens. lets get real for a second…men are in short supply..that’s not an opinion thats a fact. women just don’t realize it until they get in their 30’s and start having trouble hookin up.
Yes some people settle out of fear of being alone and I think its sad. I do think people have a unrealistic view of what a relationship is like though. A lot of my unmarried girlfriends are looking for something that doesn’t exist. They watch to much TV and think its all romance and roses. People are not perfect if they were they would not be people they would be gods.
Whats important and what you should never settle on is the basic foundation of any relationship… Common values and morals, Mutual respect, some of the same core goals. As long as the foundation is strong the rest will weather anything.
My husband and I have the same goals and common values but other then that we are as different as night and day. We have different interests and hobbies. Different preferences and perspective on just about everything. We get a long great because we trust and respect each other beliefs and individuality.
My GF’s are always saying to me “I cant believe you let him race cars or do this or that” I always say… what do you mean by “let”. I didn’t give birth to the man I married him. People need to be realistic and stop judging others by what they think they should be or what they want them to be and see them for who they are. That’s not settling that’s called being a individual.
No. I think humans are naturally gregarious. As to relationships, perfection is not a reasonable expectation, of course your definition might have some bearing on that.
Relationships need care and fostering. Anything else and they won’t last.