Operation Hook, Line, and Sink(h)er
Record Log: November 30, 2016
Time of Writing: 10:26 PM (Eastern Time Zone)
Products Used:
IG x3 (3:45 PM with one spray to each side of the neck)
P83 (15mcg) x2 (3:45 PM to front of neck and back of hand)
IH x2 (3:45 PM to wrists)
Lets begin shall we…
Well I am going to start today’s journal with some self hatred. I was a complete idiot today, flat out. Straight up I need to take a minute to chill on the mones and continue to use what works. Why did I change the dosage? This dosage and combo was absolutely horrible which I believe stemmed from the extra spray of P83. I was a little overzealous in the sprays today and it bit me in the ass. It still haunts me as to why I changed the dosage in the first place.
We are going to start out today around 3:45 PM when I was sitting in my car putting on the mones. After I put on the mones the self effects should of been a huge red flag but it wasn’t. I felt like I didn’t give a single fuck about anything or anyone. Also I felt much more serious and kind of like an asshole, which I acted like one today. To be completely fair, I was not an asshole intentionally; I just didn’t put up with anyone’s shit and when I received disrespect I turned into an asshole. Focus was also something that was affected; I had a hard time staying focused in a conversation with a friend. I noticed I kept saying “what” a lot.
So I walk into the school and the whole team is waiting in the lobby for the buses to arrive. I find it hard to talk with anyone or do anything so I stand still while my friend tries and talks to me which I had no clue what he was saying. The two girls I mentioned yesterday did talk to me though, but they were different. Their answers were short and their tone was more aggressive. Aggression is the common theme for tonight’s journal.
Finally the buses arrive and the Varsity team loads up on one bus (I ride on this bus) and the JV team loads up on the other. I find a sit next to my friend and across the isle from S and plop down. With the water bottles in my hand I turn around and ask a girl behind me if she can set these is the back. She makes a big deal out of this as if I was asking her to chop her damn arm off. In return I make a big deal out of it and throw the shit in the back. Some other girls make a comment about it but I ignore them. After that I sit back down and turn around to look at the girl behind me and we lock eyes. She makes this disgusted face and states, “Stop staring at me! It is creepy.” Bitch what! Phew did this piss me off royally and I make some snarky reply that she doesn’t enjoy. All-the-while S is in her corner watching a video and doing homework (I think). The rest of the bus ride was relatively quiet.
At Westfield and during the game not much happened because I was in a shitty mood. There is a couple things I would like to note. Typically if a player on the team wants something from me they ask kindly. Today is was more of a command which didn’t settle to well with me. There was this one moment where they wanted me to take a group picture of them. Again they didn’t ask me to take it they commanded me. So I take the phone and get ready for a picture and here some lip from S. I just remember staring blankly at her trying so hard not retaliate which is the better judgement. Once I get done taking the first picture I walk away to get a drink and they are all yelling at me to come back and take another. Again I heard more lip from S which doesn’t help things. Not too long after that I walk to the restroom to remove the spray of P83 from the back of my hand. My mood lightened up shortly after that.
Summary:
Not the prettiest of mone trials. In fact this was probably worse than the day I OD’d (not sure if today counts as OD since I was not ghosting). As I am writing I am still trying to figure out why I changed the dosage. I think I unintentionally came on too strong as I have read that it is possible to do so, especially with -none products. Please if you require anymore details on today let me know!
Status on S: Maybe Next Time?
