Hello all, I appreciate any input as I’m fairly new to this and quite confused as to my approach. I’ve read quite a few post in the past several weeks and my head is spinning, so I’ll just ask some of the vets on here their thoughts.
My ex and I have split (divorced) after 12 years. It was a very nasty ending that I didn’t see coming. We hadn’t spoken for a very long time and have just recently opened the lines of communication. I’ve done many things wrong and owned up to it and I’m truly sorry for my behavior. Yet, she takes a victim stance and has no fault in the downfall of our relationship.
We usually chat for a few minutes here and there when I drop my kids off and on occasion spent a couple of hours discussing the past. I don’t rock the boat with accusation and just listen to her feeling. She has said that there’s no chance of reconciliation, but I always sense a hesitation.
Your thoughts on my approach?? Should I try layering? Maybe some instant shine or honesty one weekend and follow up with something stronger the next weekend? Go for it all at once? Help please…
Not knowing hers and your ages, I am basing my estimations on being mid-30’s to early 40’s. (only real change would be less for younger and a touch more for older)
I would start with IH
Probably A314 and/or Instant gentleman as well.
Instant shine might help as well.
I would start with IH and IG or A314, possibly some shine. Then after a month or so of small talk fold in some Ammo, for a few meetings. then try a touch of TUTH.
IO might help get her started talking as well, but the Honest vibe from IH is what you need first; probably best alone, to start with. Then a drop or two of A314 to add in some trust and respect.
Then that also depends on the situations that led to them being and Ex.
There is no reason Ex’s cannot be civil especially with children involved, but don;t expect anything more than friends. (which is why I suggested the IH, and IO as a primary. open honest communication is the basis for may relationships, be them friends, neighbors, or lovers.)
I tried some pheromone mixes around one of my Ex’s (girlfriends) realized how powerful they were and quit having contact with her. As she was almost stalking me and she had left me for greener pastures in the beginning..
As for things working out in an intimate relationship, who knows? I’m good with being civil. She’s going through an identity crisis… finding out who she is and what she’s made of. Maybe at some point in the future we could work toward being lovers again.
I’m thinking that the Instant Honesty would be a wise move. Thanks for the input it is much appreciated.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to just let go and let her make up her own mind. It may take some time but she has to make that decision on her own and anything you do just complicates her decision. Start taking care of yourself and look around… if you give yourselves some time apart, you may find that you are happier with someone else. I know that may sound impossible right now but trust me… time and distance heals all wounds.
Bro, let her go… if she wants you, she’ll find you.