What I’ve already got:
Generally everyone opens up to me. For some reason, everyone wants to share their deepest dreams, and feelings, and secrets with me and values my insights. A friend told me last night, “you always say the kindest things to me!” and I said, “that wasn’t kind, it was just listening!” But I listen well and I strive hard to say exactly what I think and feel while respecting other people’s boundaries. I work hard on authenticity. I feel deeply pissed off at myself when I make little lies, even the kinds we all think are harmless.
I’m never without company at the party, and sometimes it’s someone wanting a therapy session.
I’m attractive. On a good day, everyone under a 7, male or female, who can be attracted to a somewhat femme, somewhat masculine, xy genderqueer with a few curves (39 29 40) and a shaved head, will hold eye contact with me and smile, or else make initial contact, then turn their head back and have that little surprised look… (it’s a lot of people, BTW)
What I’m looking for:
A lot more femme vibe, with more sex appeal added.
I’d love to pick up more cute guys who aren’t in the gay scene. I have noticed a lot of “straight” men are in if I keep things feeling open, but they have to feel like they won’t be judged and can really share what they want with me. I live in Atlanta these days and I could get a million guys that look like Rob Halford, but that’s not what I’m looking for.
(I also believe ambivalence between a “straight” identity and feelings of sexual arousal are what draw a lot of hate and violence from “average” men towards femme boys and transladies – I have been threatened a few times, but thankfully never actually been assaulted)
I’d love to pick up more girls with a butcher edge, or even some trannybois. I often end up with the femmes, but at heart I’m pretty much a bottom, and I identify with my sense of a reservoir inside that longs to be tapped… often I’m unsatisfied with my girlfriends if they don’t have that warm and masculine shining light within them. Or more frustratingly, I can usually FEEL IT inside of someone (otherwise I would have hardly paid attention to her anyways), but I have trouble drawing it out of them… I’d love to turn that on and activate it in the women I spend my time with. One of my favorite matches was actually a transman, but he decided to try not to be transgendered anymore and live as a woman and broke up with me.
I can do that “center of the sun” shining light of warmth, but truthfully I don’t identify with it and I don’t like to provide that aspect of a relationship. It’s just not what I identify with most of the time.
I’d love to find something long term, with the right person. I’ve had some fun flings, but I’ve also lived with three different lovers for about a year each. I’m not looking for a bunch of hook-ups. I like building connections with someone.
Now I know pheramones don’t do all that. I’m just trying to fill everyone in as to where I’m at and give a feel for the type of person I am and what I want to enhance…
Suggestions anyone?
–Jean9
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