About time you showed back up on the radar! And What timing! So have I! 
Hehehe… Welcome BACK! Good to hear you are still alive and kickin. 
Thankyou! Tell us all about it and how you’ve been making it all yours with the mones. Spill!
Just read the last post you made. Thanks for the welcome back!
Gotta say: Thanks for all the welcoming back. Love it and appreciate all the love. 
Ok, this is just a little warning note about letting all the stresses we face day to day go unaddressed.
3 x IH to the neck and smeared while wet to the back of my hands
Last night I was with a new friend - let’s call her D - just hangin’, talking and laughing. This was the first time I’d relaxed in over a month +. As you all know, I’ve been stressed about the living conditions I moved out of, the current one is difficult in a new and boring way 
; work, being unemployed; not having the basics etc ad infinitum.
So, we’re talking and she’s prodding the sore points. We’re getting in deep with how I really feel about things going on in my life. Not going to bore you with the specifics, but I had an emotional reaction that produced a physical reaction. I broke out in a cold sweat all over, felt nauseous, wanted to throw up - then apparently I turned chalk white AND FAINTED. I never faint. Well, I have a couple of times in the course of my life; but those have been in reaction to massive immediate stress of the physical variety. Like car accidents. Been in more of those than I care to remember.
She walked me home - less than a block from where we were; and after fighting with myself to get street clothes off I went face down in my bed at 11.30pm and didn’t resurface until 7.30ish this morning.
So, the moral of the story is: Even if you don’t feel like it, EAT regularly. We eat for a reason. Yesterday I had oatmeal for breakfast. Nothing else the rest of the day. The above happened around 10pm.
Don’t put on a brave face to yourself - I forget this sometimes. There’s a difference between stoicism and putting a ‘good attitude’ on your stress, anxiety and fear.
Find someone who will listen to what you have to vent. Not input or help or even empathy/sympathy. Just someone who will let you say what you gotta say out loud. Saying stuff out loud always helps clear the air. Literally. Things change once you yourself hear them OUT LOUD.
Today I feel great. Like a weight’s been lifted. And the foot I didn’t crush hurts. 
The knee I landed on is only lightly bruised and my elbow smarts a bit. That is all. Nothing to be dramatic about; but I’m still shocked at the fainting thing. Wtf?
Glad your back!!! Been missing the easy female wisdom you bring to the forum!
Glad your posting up again, Astrea. I was hoping you weren’t down because I couldn’t get you my wife’s MX297…
I’ll be following you like a bad smell now that you’re back! 
Good to be back - was missing you too. And your always welcome on these ‘pages’. How about you follow like a phero-cloud? That’s more your speed. Bad anything and you in the same sentence is incongruous. You’ve been with me from day one, literally! Will post some stuff as soon as I get some stuff to post.
Haven’t been on much really to participate but I’m glad you’re back.
Welcome back
Thankyou both very much. I’m quite blown away by all the love. Just feel confident in the fact that I missed all of you - exposed myself to myself as a SERIOUS AD Forum Junkie. 
Stangman, I was reading your journal and you’ve been up to heaps! Took me a good couple of hours to revel in it with a cup of coffee, a bunch of cigs and a bowl. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
Are you back Steve? I was gone that long? Thanks for looking after my journal for me while my pc was sick. How was Bulgaria? Apart from beautiful.
I sent you a PM, but yeah I am back. I loved Bulgaria, and I especially loved the women.
Are you familiar with the recording “Voix Bulgare” (can’t remember the spelling . . .) A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. Will be one of those things that will take you back there . . .
Thanksgiving with my adopted family. The house isn’t very big. 3 bedrooms, 1 and a half bath; living/dining/kitchen are open plan, but intended for a single family. This was a single family and there was 19 warm bodies in this confined space. Lots of laughing, talking and playing with babies (3); cats (2) and dogs (2). Really full house. The grandmother is in mid-stage Alzheimer’s, and upsets easily. She has cried because she couldn’t remember someone; and that’s everyone outside the immediate family.
Everyone gets along and loves and cares for each other in this family; but with the unpredictability of Gramma, these people have developed a ‘flash tension’. But all you have to do is make Gramma smile - easy / peasy. So, I wore Shine for her.
3 x sprays IS; all to the top of my head.
3 x sprays IH; all to the back of my hands and smeared up my forearms a little.
2 x sprays IS/B; 1 x spray to each side of my neck.
Self effects: I think the IH was for me - because I like the mellow I get out of it. I’m mellow anyway; as Someone said: “Hell yes I’m enjoying a wonderful thanksgiving with the four best F’s there are…family, friends, food, and … fun ”
This is just a fun day; everyone’s so genuine and affectionate; these family events are redundant for hits. The compliments are genuine and free flowing along with laid back cheer squads.
Gramma didn’t remember one of her granddaughters and got upset. I made her smile and that was the only almost hiccup in 8 hours. Making babies and seniors just mellow and co-operative - they just want to be included. Gramma was so happy to have someone to talk to and in public she’s sweet.
Everyone responded with smiles and happy reactions. Just a shine on what’s always been a fun time and high light of the season.
Planned to go to the mall today. Yes, I know. But there’s things I’ve needed for a long while now; and now I have both money and inclination to do so. Need boots for all the water that falls from the sky onto this city; and upgrade my phone. I had it less than a year and it fell out of a hole in my pocket into a bucket of water. That was 2 years ago - it’s really dying now. Want a decent looking pair of short boots and a new phone.
3 x IS; all to the top of my head.
3 x IS/B; all around my neck.
Self effects: IS on my head so I don’t get it. IS/B just evens out my mood - which is good anyway.
Inside temp: Probably around the 70F mark; a little too warm for the hoodie I’m wearing for the travel. Dry inside as well.
On a mission and go to the kiosk in the mall. Those guys are doing it harder than the store guys, so I patronise the kiosks whenever I can. My CSR is a guy and a particularly upbeat (in an infectious way) personable and funny. He’s very complimentary and I get exceptional service. Don’t really know if it’s a hit; he could just be very good at his job. Anyway, I have a great consumer experience with him and his colleague. Lot’s of laughs, I get a great deal and he does the tricky stuff that everyone gets wrong for the mail in rebate. Cool. As you all know, shopping is not my favorite thing. But this guy made the event enjoyable.
In the shoe store after being around the CSR’s for about 15 mins; both of them are smiley and helpful. In a genuine way. If it’s faked, I’ll leave. But both of them convince me they’re genuine. He does what he’s doing - he seems to have rank over her. She’s attentive and helpful in perfect proportions (for me, today). She’s smiling and willing to look for stock; found a couple of boots that the computer said was out of stock; maintains great eye contact and asks questions to find out what I’m wanting from a pair of boots at this point in time. She doesn’t waste my time with high heels. I’ve got to be able to walk long distances in them or run for short ones; or suede - a waste of time and money in Seattle, it’s so wet they get ruined on the first wear. I appreciate that she’s actually paid attention to my requirements and respects the need for cute.
I can’t decide at the moment. I haven’t eaten yet and the lack of food is hampering my thinking process. My story and I’m sticking to it. So, I go eat (got an overstuffed savory crepe from a very cute Asian guy) which may have been a hit, but by the time I got to the mall, I’d forgotten about the mones.
Went back to the shoe store and got treated like a friend coming home. Again, it seemed genuine; otherwise it’d just piss me off and I’d leave. Not into fake. After trying on another pair, I buy them. Cute enough and will do the job of keeping feet dry very nicely.
After money changed hands, I was still treated with the same care and attention. With half a dozen customers in the store, I still felt like a new customer. Smiles, waves and wishes for my continued enjoyment of the weekend accompanied me out the door.
In truth, I don’t know if it was the mones. All I know is that a situation that usually puts me on edge went so smoothly that I felt completely comfortable window shopping after! Normally, by purchase end, I’d be running out of the complex.
Just another shiny day. Despite the weather, lol.
What exactly is “flash tension?” Is that like a flash flood except with a flood of negative emotions?
Yeah. If Gramma gets upset and gets committed to the upset, eg starts to cry; everyone goes from laidback to super tense in the space of a breath. It’s really disconcerting because, of course, Gramma, being sensitive and mid-stage Alzheimers, flips on a dime and will then take a long time to calm down and even out.
It’s just that they’re so close to the problem. Taking turns with chauffeuring them (Gramma and Granpa) to and from various events; the health problems and ensuing difficulties with idiot doctors (you would not believe some of the ridiculous medications that have been prescribed and caused other health problems!) the difficulties of dealing with seniors that want to maintain their own independence and are simply not self sufficient anymore.
All these things play a heavy role in the tension levels at the family gatherings. I don’t see the Grandparents apart from these events, so it’s easy for me to keep them smiling - and head off any upset Gramma may have. That way, everyone stays smiling, tension free.
Thanx for reading, btw.
The plans of mice and men . . . Yesterday. I had plans to go downtown and pick up a couple of things, catch up with my fake lil bro’ and Kort. Didn’t happen. At 10.16am I get a phone call from D. This is a new friend who works the gas station close to my house. She’s an awesome person, a gigantic heart and so much bs throughout her life - one of those wtf? why to such a good person? Anyway, she rang and asked if I would ‘talk her down off the ledge’ . . . She works the second shift on Saturday and is the only attendant on Sunday. Late finish and an early start.
She drank all night and ended up telling all the peeps close to her exactly what she thought of how they’d been treating her; how much she was hurt by all the bs and attacks; told a couple of people things that were revelations - but she thought they knew. When she rang, she’d gone in to work on 45 mins sleep, still drunk and now in a panic about the things she’d said and having sunk to others’ levels.
The phone wasn’t cutting it, so I told her I’d be there as soon as I got dressed.
3 x IS; all to the top of my head.
3 x IH; all around my neck.
Self effects: None, I’m too aghast at her situation to take in the mone effects.
Outside temp is irrelevant, since I spent my day in the store of the gas station with her.
In her own way, she opened up to me. She spilt a lot of milk and was in a tizzy about what she was going to do to fix it. Bear in mind: this is a person that has put everyone before herself. In my book, she needs to redefine some boundaries, say ‘no’ more often, and do something for herself once in a while. Yesterday, she spilt her guts. The IH was for her to be comfortable with that; and she’s the perfect candidate for Shine. She generates her own, I’m positive.
I got there approx 12.15pm (we’d had a couple of phone conversations before I got to get dressed) and stayed for her shift. We talked about several ugly and childish things that had recently happened and been said to her; we talked about how other people (the guilty parties) would never allow those kinds of things to be said or done to them - so why on Earth would she allow them that trespass? About the fact that all the crap over the last year has actually made her physically sick.
We bonded in a meaningful way - before, during and after the alcohol wearing off. She was ridiculously grateful for me taking the time to hang out with her for the day. She’s one of those people that so rarely get down or sick or any of those things; self sufficient (had to be) - I think she’s awesome in every definition of the word. Being there for her was my privilege. I knew that things were bad (in her mind) when she called, because she called.
After her shift I took her for boutique pizza and fresh baked cheese bread. When she left she was no longer anxious and ready to put the law down to the offenders.
Overall the freakout disintegrated into a real discussion about living the life you choose and how to go about that - like I’d know! But, we did bond in a serious gf way.
Dropped in on her tonight; and all is good in her world. She told those that needed telling what she thought of everything; how that needed to change if they wanted to remain in her life; and has a clarity in her face that she tells me was gone for a year or so. She’s back to her irrepressible self, but with an added twinkle. Can’t even begin to tell you how good I feel seeing her like that. She’s always been a highlight of my day. Today, she was sunshine.
Am I correct in recalling that Instant Shine didn’t do much for you? It seems from your recent reports that it just might be kicking in. I know it took me awhile with Instant Shine.
No, it doesn’t do anything for me in low doses and just makes me fragile and upset in high doses. I wear it on top of my head so it’s not gonna affect me; but I still have to wear something else because it does bring my mood down. Not severely, just to serious and not smiling unless there’s an overt reason.
I wear it to put smiles on other people’s faces. That’s it. If everyone responded to IO the way I do; I wouldn’t even use it.
This past working week I’ve been experimenting with P102. So this is the basics.
3 x P102; sprayed all around my neck.
Self effects: None that I can tell. In spite of having to get up at 5.30am, I like this place and the job; so I’m in a good mood anyway.
Inside temp: It cycles up and down but between 65F and 70F; and dry.
I don’t know what the P is supposed to do; but I found myself in a happy, but task focused mood. It puts me in a mood that doesn’t allow me to become downcast over the sheer amount of work to be done. Christmas rush and the company policy of order turn around is intimidating. I have found I’m meeting the challenge with confidence (especially since my zone has been expanded 3 times since I started) and getting the hang of what I need to get done.
I smile easily, (as I said: I like this place) and aren’t perturbed by the workload. This P gives me a great start to the day. I’m focused without being single minded. Thinking without panicking about what needs to be done to get through the day, the orders, the picking and maintaining my stock.
I like this P. everyone else seems to approach me without any hesitation - since I’m a temp, a lot of the full timers don’t get too friendly with the temps because they tend to come and go so often. I’m making work friends, passing break time pleasantly and leaving at the end of the day dead dog tired but happy.
Got it done.
PS All of my blue bottles are empty!!! Horrible, terrifying situation since I didn’t use the last of them! They evaporated?? Maybe? Can someone shed light on this situation?