There is a reason why things that are a part of your past should stay there.
I made my mix of A314, P96, Beta Nol, P75 and P130 added on.
As you may all have known I was seeing someone that meant a lot to me at a point. A break that shouldn’t have happened and I completely understood why.
It made me realize a lot of things about myself.
So we get to the bar, it was for a good friend of mine’s birthday. We say hi to everyone we know, and of course I say hi to the birthday girl first and there she was. We had that awkward eye contact and that was about it. I knew this night going forward, this wasn’t going to be what I expected it to, there wasn’t even going to be any civility throughout the rest of the night, so I just moved on and had as much fun as possible. I know most of the people there so it was going to be a fun night regardless, and it did turn out like that.
As far as hits were concerned I don’t know if it had anything to do with how she was reacting but it was odd enough that everyone started to notice a pattern coming along.
Everytime that I was with one of our mutual friends, she would immediately jump right in and talk to them. Now there were a good amount of people there and she could have just left us alone and let it be, but no, she had to get into it and just put herself there. This happened with everyone of our mutual friends that we were interacting with. I was getting drinks for the birthday girl, and she immediately brings herself there and just takes over the conversation. I just found it really weird that she couldn’t let them be alone with me or converse for that matter. It was almost like she wanted me to know she was there. Which I knew because she didn’t say anything.
I know her, so I’m like this is her way of trying to talk to me. So I did a very subtle tap to her hand, either she ignored it or didn’t notice but I didn’t try after that. I just couldn’t be bothered at that point. It kept happening to the point that it was getting annoying. It’s like a damn dog trying to piss on her territory, immature for someone of her age, but what can you do.
I did notice that she kept looking at me. It may have bothered her that it wasn’t bothering me, and I was still having fun, joking around, laughing, and just having a great frigging time. I haven’t seen some of these people in years, and it was just great to come back and catch up with them. I thought it would have bothered me more, but nope its gone I was even thinking of just writing her a quick message on facebook to squash whatever it is she has against me, but right about now, I don’t even see the point in taking the high road. I believe people like that will get exposed for who they really are, no need for it. However I’m still debating cause I will probably see her more now but I’m so borderline, I don’t know what to do, but for now no.
In the end she tried to make me look that she’s with another guy, and I sorta cared, but I really didn’t. I know her tactics and she’s tried to pull that with me before and now, let her do what she wants to do, I just won’t have none of it.
I really don’t know why the feelings are gone. I thought it would hurt more, I thought that it would bother me a heck of a lot more than it does with me now. It does bother me, but not in the typical “i’m down because it didn’t happen” its more of no matter what I do, those feelings will never come back. That’s what gets to me the most, that how can something so great once, be nothing now.
I know its partly because I won’t settle for anything less than what my standards are. I know my worth and I’m not going to compromise to chase past feelings that may not even be there anymore.
I’m going to have to think this over if I even want to take the high road and relieve some of the tension between us for the sake of our friends.