Pheromones for my husband, or counseling and a weekend away first?

[Kris]

Hi!
I have been reading this forum and looking at all of the products, but I do not have any idea what I should purchase. This forum looks great and the members are so nice and helpful. I hope someone can give me advice on what products I need. I have tried EVERYTHING else, so I thought I would give pheromones a try. I am not sure what information you need to give me advice, so I will tell you a little about myself and the situation.

My husband and I are both 37, both work and have one 5 year old son. We met when we were in middle school and dated off and on until we married in 1998. (Yes, we dated other people when we were “off” )My husbands parents HATED each other, but stayed together until he was in college, so he did not grow up in a loving and affectionate home. So, of course he is not an affectionate person, but it has gotten worse. He is also a negative person who worries about everything. But…I love him and I know he loves me, he just has a hard time showing it. (He does have some good qualities )

The problem…He NEVER NEVER NEVER wants to be affectionate and he NEVER NEVER NEVER wants to have sex. Yes, I have tried everything and I do not know if my ego can take to much more. I have heard it all…I’m tired, I have a lot of paper work, blah blah blah. He does not have any problems getting “hard” when we do have sex, so that is not the problem. We are both healthy, have a nice life and reasonably good looking. I am lucky if we have sex every other month.

What products should I buy to make my husband relax, snuggle and sexual? I want my husband to “WANT” me!

Any advice?

Sorry for the long question and Thank you so much for any advice on what products I should try.

Kris

[Mtnjim]

Can mom or mom-in-law take the 5 year old for a week end?

If so, then a nice hotel room (out of town, perhaps at a nice resort) and room service, a teddy for you and a nice back rub for him.

[Carrie]

My first thought is counseling, because you two really need to talk about this. He needs to hear how important this is to you … I know for me, it would be a deal-breaker.

But if it’s pheromones you’re after, then try Instant Honesty; if anything pheromonal will make him feel like getting to the root of things, that will. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[LaurieNY]

I second Carrie’s motion.

Could your hubby be self-conscious about something, perhaps?

[Mtnjim]

My husband and I are both 37, both work and have one 5 year old son.

When I posted my suggestion it was based on the above. Is there a possibility of over commitment?
Would some “time away” help, before resorting to “talking about it” and counseling?

I’m a firm believer in Occam’s razor, The principle states that one should not make more assumptions than the minimum needed.

[Lor]

a nice instant honesty talk with a councelor sounds about right.

this:

Can mom or mom-in-law take the 5 year old for a week end?

If so, then a nice hotel room (out of town, perhaps at a nice resort) and room service, a teddy for you and a nice back rub for him.

and this:

My first thought is counseling, because you two really need to talk about this. He needs to hear how important this is to you … I know for me, it would be a deal-breaker.

is the best advice ever.

my ex and i are 36 and 34, with a 12 and 5 yr old.
after 13 1/2 years we split.
why?
we needed counceling and were working too much to do it :o

a few breaks from the kids would have helped but that never happened.

pheromones can definately help, and you can have more sex, but thats just the same thing with more sex.

instant sexiness B, EW, instant shine .

my

http://www.smilieshq.com/smilies/sign0134.gif

[Mak]

I’d make a suggestion, you need to really ‘buddy up’.

He needs to talk, a lot, about himself, to open up and find you a good listener, who is compassionate and understanding.

Whether councelling or phero’s, the means don’t matter. It is how he’ll be tempted to talk, and how he will be received by you.

You’ve been together for long, so it will take some effort, courage, and patience on your side.

If he starts to feel he can talk in comfort, he will start to listen back, and then you can talk about you.

[Thalion]

@Mak

I’d make a suggestion, you need to really ‘buddy up’.

He needs to talk, a lot, about himself, to open up and find you a good listener, who is compassionate and understanding.

Whether councelling or phero’s, the means don’t matter. It is how he’ll be tempted to talk, and how he will be received by you.

You’ve been together for long, so it will take some effort, courage, and patience on your side.

If he starts to feel he can talk in comfort, he will start to listen back, and then you can talk about you.

Mak makes an excellent point… that he needs to feel he can talk in comfort.

It is SO important to listen without being judgemental.

My ex-wife and I had similar issues. Every time we tried to discuss it, she would get judgemental… I would get defensive…and then it spiralled downwards from there.

Listen… listen… and then listen some more. You need to get him talking, but he probably won’t until he feels comfortable.