Journal Entry
**It’s been a while - some good and bad
**(Note: It’s a rather emotional entry, so please bear with me.)
Man, it really has been a long time since I last visited PheroTalk properly. The teachers have been slaving us away so hard I barely even have time to check the forums here.
Both good and bad stuff have happened since my last entry.
First, the bad stuff.
I was on holiday for Chinese New Year at my paternal family’s place in Taiwan. Because I’ve always been the “outcast” of the family, I decided to bring along the following in my suitcase:
MX134
Instant Shine
Instant Openness
Instant Sexiness A
Come talk to me
Now, before I continue, some background history about me and my family. I’m considered as an “outsider” mainly because I rarely visit my Taiwanese family. I’ve spent a lot of time on my mother’s side in Hong Kong, and probably because of her lack of confidence, she’s always disliked going to Taiwan because my family there would always compare every single bloody little thing, from the size of expensive fancy rings (my pearl is bigger than yours!) to the accomplishments of the kids (“my kid was a representative of the debate team at his/her high school and went to Paris just for that etc etc etc”). Of course, I didn’t really display much talent in a lot of places - my musical talent wasn’t that awesome, my studies aren’t that great (unless if it was art) and I’ve always been introverted as a kid. And my mother has always been a shy woman so I think that took on a knock on effect on me.
Back to the present: as I was the only member of my immediate family to be in the South East Asian territory for the new year, it was only logical for me to pay them a visit during that time (out of obligation). So, grudgingly, I went along to my paternal grandparents’ for a few days.
Initially, dabbing on the pheros I had during that time worked out alright as it was just my grandparents and my father’s brother’s family. But on the day when the rest of my family was there…the whole event went completely downhill for me. I had on at the time was MX134, Come Talk To Me and Instant Shine, but yet, when I sat at the table with my other cousins (there were around 7-9 of us, I can’t remember, some of them are already married and above 30 and 2 of them were only 2 weeks or 2 years younger than me), I was practically ignored. All my “awesome” cousins talked about were all about themselves themselves themselves. They didn’t talk to me, the one person who only sees them for 1 day a year. Even after lunch when we all went back to my grandparents’ place, they all huddled in a little corner, talking about things. Even when I passed by, nobody ushered me in or asked me to join them. For f***s sake, what sort of 30 year olds were they? It felt as though I was the complete reject, despite the fact that I’m normally the hyper one who can normally fit into most situations (even new ones, I’m normally excited over the prospect of meeting new people). I ended up going to my room and crying silently for the rest of the day. And it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying to fit in - they showed absolutely no interest in whatever I had to say or whatever I was doing (it’s the first time they saw me ever since I’ve entered studies in fashion design, surely they could have asked something about it). Additionally, they seem to love to brag about their accomplishments and somehow rub them in my face, to which I feel like I’m being belittled, no matter what I do.
This was so far the one let down where pheros didn’t work for me. I don’t blame it on pheros, but I swear I’m not going back there ever again for new years (it was a similar situation last year, which was why I wanted to try whether pheros would at least try to swing things for the better on my end). I suppose it’s some sort of prejudice the entire family has imposed on me ever since I was a kid that I can’t wipe off in one day.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not asking for sympathy. But I do wish that I feel like a family member over there for once.
On the bright side, the normal pheros that I use here have worked pretty much consistently throughout my work. This term, I’ve had 2 teachers for a brand new intensive module where the school has decided to shove the design module and draping/drafting together. And both of them, I can tell you, are absolutely whip crackers when it comes to the amount of workload and strictness in quality and class attitude. In most cases, they would scream at some students if their work was poorly made. But I worked hard, thanks to a frequent dab of TAF (and I tell you, I really do work like a mule) and use of MX134 and A314, especially on critique days, I’m proud to say that they’ve never once yelled at me. In fact, no matter how much I dislike them, they both seem to adore me. Adore me to the point where I can stuff my ears with my awesome noise blocking ear plugs and drown myself in my own little world by turning my iPod on (and I literally become deaf to the outside world when I play music - pretty good as I hate listening to my classmates gab) and they would just leave me be and not check up on me so much like they do to the others. Ah yes, the special priviledges I get as a model student. 
Oh, and I’ve been told by one of the teachers that I got loads of compliments on presentation day from a lot of other teachers. Other than wearing the bustier I made (which was also the work I had to present) and making myself look more presentable with make up and heels, I also had on I/S A and Instant Shine. I hope for similar results this Tuesday. 
Of course, I have yet to experiment with some of the mixes I ordered the last time. But given the time factor and the amount of places I go to, I didn’t give them a chance yet. 
(Don’t kill me yet!)
I promise I will definitely try them out this holiday over the next two weeks though!
And hence my need to start another journal here. Enjoy!