Even though you demonstrated the ability to ‘deceive’ us (about Friday, in this thread), I’m going to try to respond to your statement above, as if it is true. I mean all this in a good way, but I have re-worded it heavily because I’m afraid you might take it wrong. I am not a professional therapist - I’m just another human being who has hurt and hoped in some of the same ways you are going through, and maybe thought about it from some sides you’ve not bumped into yet.
This is a series of “what if” questions, with many parts. Mainly I’m hoping you might get some ideas - I’m NOT dissing you, nor your wife, and I’m NOT telling you what to do, and I’m not justifying anyone’s behavior, either.
What if your wife’s misbehavior is, just theoretically, influenced by someone in her workplace awakening her “deeper needs” with pheromones? How would that change things? What if it’s not really entirely her fault?
What if she felt a need for, just say, more excitement than she was aware of within her marriage, and she saw an easy, non-threatening, almost impersonal way to spice life up, without the risk of disease, pregnancy, body oder, or even much commitment? What if she saw her activity as a way to “preserve” her valuable marriage with you? How would that change things?
You say you go through periods of intense concentration on work - and it stands to reason that she would miss your part of the marriage when you are “working” that way. What if she valued her marriage to you so much that she found a way to semi-safely “fill in” for you while you were unavailable, so that she’d be ready for you when you returned?
I can’t get over the way you’ve grappled with the contradictions in your own explanation of your strip club obsession. You say you won’t, but you do it anyway. As long as you’re spending money regularly, the employees at a strip club will provide the service you are asking for, I suspect. You may enjoy it more if you think they are wildly happier than they are with other patrons - you may even be right.
Because you smell real nice (lots of pheromones), I can see your strip club pheromone cocktail as kind of a compensation - you’re making it seem, to yourself, that you’re getting more than you’ve paid for, right? And, for them, you’re hoping that they give you more than you’ve paid for with cash, right?
I know you feel you had good reasons to look around on her computer, but what if she feels violated? Like maybe you would feel if you came home and found she had dressed up in your clothes and taken pictures of herself for someone else, or some such? What if she felt you would honor her privacy, and now feels you’ve let her down?
What if there’s some truth to this silly conjecture: Your wife had superficial but sexually charged relationship(s) online, and you’ve now had superficial but sexually charged relationships in a strip club. Now you’re even - you wife has been paid back for her misbehavior, right?
Now what?
Next time, maybe see if your wife is into some mutual spanking?:o You’ve both been very, very naughty. 
I’m thinking that, if my spouse was to do stuff like you and/or your wife, I might want to get closer, to understand better, and to find out how the relationship can be adjusted to provide for what is needed, by both partys, and to sustain and grow the relationship? But, how?
Both of you are reaching out big-time - you just haven’t found the right wave length to meet each other’s needs yet. Maybe you’ll find it in a pheromone bottle, or pictures of privates, or spanking, or who knows what else, or maybe you’ll give up before you find it?
Why not concentrate on pheromones for getting together with your wife?
Stuff that will make each of you more open to the other. Pheromones for sexuality is where you’ve concentrated during this strip club thing - but why not look at what you can do for the times you see your wife, or plan a dinner-date pheromone cocktail for how to get yourself to open up and really listen with acceptance to your wife’s story, and to get her to tell it completely?
I guess I just think there’s more to pheromones than sexual displays (strip clubs or online pictures), and maybe you’ll be better off in the long run if you somehow get past this “confidence building” phase, and move on to the real life part where the people deeply love the ones they have real sex with?
Okay, this is all none of my damn business, so you can tell me to buzz off, and I’ll deserve it.
These are just the thoughts I had while I was wading through reading this entire thread. I honestly hope this helps.