A314 is one of the most pleasurable potions to use for self-effect as well as effect on others: you treat yourself with respect, others do likewise … that’s congruence the A314 way!
Hair stylists massage your head for an extra couple of minutes, or touch your hair with … eh, reverence. Waitresses in diners comp your coffee with breakfast … or give you their employee discount (25% off). Bartenders don’t take your money … really, no kidding … or charge you the “visiting bartender” insider rate. Retail clerks “discover” for you the merchandise in the back room that is exactly what you were going to purchase but which has a “60% off” tag on it; or they give you the 50% discount on everything, including the stuff already on 40% discount and not eligible. Baristas not only offer you an extra shot of espresso in your latte or Americano, they invite you to join them in downing a doppio on ice with soy; or they tell you your drink is free today (sometimes, they tell the whole room your drink, your drink only and no one else’s, is free – ask Jasmin, lol!)
Bus drivers act as if they are your personal limo driver: you want to exit where? “Here (middle of the block, not a stop), thank you for riding with us today.” Cab drivers on longer rides ask your advice on a variety of matters. Young lads and lasses out dancing ask you if you’re willing to be photographed with them. Reverend ministers ask your opinions and ideas of god and of prayer. Alcoholics anonymous members leaving a meeting treat you like a fellow recovering drunk – like one who appreciates their learning and the pain of their wisdom (this is actually a damned high honor, maybe better than a gratuitous PhD.)
Actors and actresses coming from rehearsal invite you to opening night.
At the grocery, checkers and baggers in ~other~ lanes make it a point to thank you for stopping, and to wish you a good evening. Maitre’d hotes send rounds of complimentary drinks and dessert to your table … or hook you up with special table services. Cops pat you on the back and call you “brother”, offer you a ride home, or to work, if the weather is inclement. Community center staff, who normally tell anyone who wants help with Wi-Fi to **ck off, actually reset the router when you ask them, and write a note for other staff to read on how this solves a recurrent problem.
And then, the “why not take me home, I am from the right kind of family, we’re the same kind of/class of people; we have a winterhome in Vail and a summerhome … blah blah.” Or, the very amusing, “So, you are here slumming as well, is there anything interesting?”
Those are SOME example of outright, unabashed, direct A314 hits. Most of them from complete strangers, not from people I know.
Add in the scores of lingering glances (daily) and manufactured occasions for meeting … this morning, a very manicured and expensively tailored woman about fifteen years younger checked out at the Whole Foods ahead of me and was going to make a production about forgetting her credit card, then reconsidered – I think she realized she might be inconveniencing me with a “show” of this sort. She recouped, finished up promptly and then slid over to read the bulletin board at the exit … standing like a model before me after I finished checking out. Beautiful, sexy.
THESE more or less non-stop indirect/subtle hits … are like moments in the sun, opportunities to notice a person, spread some self-regard and warmth. Tres gentiles. Be generous with your spirit and pleasure in life and A314 pays handsome dividends. The more you welcome people, the more honor and respect they seem to heap upon you.
If that doesn’t change your attitude and behavior … then you are wasting your money!!
BTW: Doesn’t mean you have to become equally arrogant in responding to guys who try to dominate you … but you can be Teflon so that none of it sticks. I think women (and men) are much more impressed with a confident and … suave ? … bypass of confrontation – stay focussed on the fun and don’t get hooked.
Of course, you can be cocky-funny in a way that ambiguously pokes subtle fun at an AMOG without overtly putting him down.