Today I had my first experience with pheromones. My package had actually arrived several days ago, but due to a series of unfortunate events[1] I’m not really allowed to leave my house anymore, but today with the permission of my mother and supervision of a younger sibling, I was allowed to go to the nearby community pool. Which for those of you who don’t live in my tiny Northern Virginia Neighborhood is the work place of one of the most attractive blonde lifeguards I’ve ever seen, and one of my biggest crushes in recent memory.
But there was a dilemma that even I, as a first time user of pheromones was fully able to recognize. How could I try out my pheromones, and go about wooing the girl of my recent dreams, if I had to swim in a pool full of chlorine? The answer that first comes to mind is…dont swim in a pool full of chlorine, but if I didn’t swim then it would become obvious that I had walked half a mile just so that I could talk to the pretty blonde life guard!
So here’s the idea that I came up with, spray all of my pheromones in my hair, and just avoid getting my hair wet while in the pool. Any onlookers would just think that I care to much about my hair, which I do, so I didn’t really mind.
But these past fews paragraphs have just been my thoughts. I haven’t yet applied my pheromones, and I haven’t yet trekked to the community pool. First I had to shower. After showering I put on my swimming trunks and then spent a significant amount of time getting my hair to look like something I wouldn’t want to get wet. Now there was just one more step…the actual application of the pheromones. My mind was racing with thoughts about mixing and sweet spots, -rone and -none. I looked at my bottles and took inventory I had one bottle of Ammunition, Instant Shine, and Instant Openness. I was more than a bit skeptic that these colognes could actually have any affect on anyone including me, so to make sure that there would be noticeable effects, I sprayed 3x Ammunition, 2x Instant Shine, and 2x Instant Openness. The Ammunition had this distinctive musky scent that I didn’t really enjoy, but the smell of the Instant Shine was much better.
Almost instantly a strange feeling came over me. It’s hard to describe the emotional aspects of this feeling, but the best word to describe it would be flustered. I was excited, angry, confident, anxious, and I felt hot not as in sexy, but more like why was the inside of my body boiling. Later my sister told me that my ears were burning red, but a red that would be better described as purple or burgundy.
As I signed in to the pool one of the lifeguards said I wasnt allowed in. He then said he was joking, but he had never said anything to me, not even when I crashed his graduation party a couple of weeks ago, so it was interesting to see this hint of passive aggressiveness. I wonder if it was due to the pheromones.
So I walk in to the pool area, and I see the blonde lifeguard. I feel like calling her blonde lifeguard is a bit misleading because it implies that I dont know the girls name, or have any sort of prior relationship. We were sorta friends mostly by a mutual friend, I already knew she was going to be working, because I had asked her when the next time she was working would be. But we definitely aren’t close friends though we did go swimming in our underwear the day we met, but that was spur of the moment teenage fun. I wasn’t even sure if she was going to say hello. She’s at her lifeguard chair I say hi to her, she says hi back, I stand there for a moment still feeling really flustered (like I had described earlier), I can’t think of anything else to say, so I just walk away 
a little awkward.
I stood by her chair for about 30 seconds, so I’m not sure if the pheromones would have had any effect on her yet.
I get in the pool making sure not to get my hair wet because I dont want the pheromones to wash off, and I just sort of wade off to the side waiting for her to be on break. I notice I’m getting a lot of looks today mostly from young girls 6-11 (but then again that was the biggest demographic present at the pool)
So finally her break comes and she gets off her high chair. I’m not really what I should do but I still feel so flustered that nothing is really coming to mind. She walks right by me without saying anything, but I think I saw her smile a little. She goes to the little room where the lifeguards hangout, and I think damn I blew it, now there’s an awkwardness. At a loss for what to do I climb out of the pool and walk over to my pool chair bed thing. I lay down and take out my ipod, it’s obvious I’m not tanning though, because I’m hispanic and in the shade. I look over at the lifeguard room and see her peak out, she see’s me, but she goes back in. Then about 30 seconds later she comes out walks right towards me, sits down next to me, and says hi 
We talk for about 45 minutes about school, life, friends, gilmore girls (huge progress over the last time where we talked for 45 minutes about our one mutual friend) I get really into the conversation and the flusteredness wears off, though that might have just been due to time. I didn’t really look for indicators of interest or anything like that,because I really was enjoying myself and that stuff slipped my mind, but she came and talked to me when she didn’t have to, and stayed when she could have left. Eventually her break was done and she had to go back to work. I waited until she was back in the sign out room so that I would have one more opportunity to talk to her. As I ask her for my members pass back she says “Hold up a sec, let me check when I’m working next, so you can come visit me” There might not have be a difference except in my confidence, but last time I asked her when she was working next so that I could visit her, this time she took the initiative.
I’m still not sure whether she likes me a little, or if the difference was us moving up to being actual friends now, but all in all I had fun talking to a girl I liked…and that’s all I really wanted from pheromones. I’m going to see her again on Friday, but I’m not sure what combo I should wear.
Thanks to anyone who actually read this.
Until next time…A high school kid.
[1] So basically what happened was me and some friends made firecrackers, which if you don’t know are peanut butter and weed spread between two graham crackers and baked in an oven for 25 minutes (the fats and oils in the peanut butter absorb the thc from the weeed), so we ate them and we go to the beach, we start walking to 711, and on the way there they kick in, I hadnt been eating or sleeping properly the last couple of days, and that combined with the firecrackers made me start passing in and out of consciousness in the 711, some lady called 911 the paramedics came, then the cops came they searched me and I still had a pipe and around .5 on me, then I got drug tested, and basically I’m not even allowed to go open my mailbox anymore, and I have to go through this Restorative Justice program to keep it off my record.
