damn I had a crazy case about 6 months ago…wish I would have knew then 
I’m gonna try telling some of the story here. Is that ok?
I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. Maybe a few of you can give me some non-mone advice.
Sure have it 
Just a little advice about that. Give details that will help formulate advice, but don’t identify or implicate anyone. And another vote for what Steve said to begin with. IG, IH, and maybe some IS (though being all shiny-happy might come off as smug in court, so… maybe not). Leave the A314 at home.
Well I won’t give the entire story, or give details about her and her past because it would cause bias against her. We never went out officially, but we liked each other for a very long time (never friends, but flirting on and off over the years) and this past summer we spent a night together. It was my first time in half a year, so I wasn’t that good and it was awkward. I felt it was also too soon to do it, and she agreed afterwards, and we both said that we regretted doing it that early. I was hoping for this to lead to a relationship though, but things changed after that.
2 months later she said she wasn’t attracted to me anymore. This crushed me as I had liked her for years, and told her I needed some time off to get over her but maybe one day we could be friends.
3 months passed and I txted her just to see what was up and if she wanted to get a coffee. She goes mental on me, says I’m harassing her and that she will call the police if I don’t stop talking to her. I am a patient person and know she has been through a lot in her past, so I don’t hold it against her, but I am still totally confused as to what is going on and why she’s acting like this.
I txted her on New Years, just to wish her a happy new years, but go no response (wasn’t really looking for one as I txted a lot of people that)
And finally, 3 months after that I write her an e-mail, just asking what’s up and to wish her a happy birthday. I attached tickets to a concert she wanted to go to as a gift (she mentioned them the very first time we spoke years ago and I still remembered it). She said it was thoughtful but she couldn’t accept them. I ask why, and then get no response.
Here is where things get heated, I am walking home from work a few weeks ago, from out of nowhere, her car swerves in front of me on the sidewalk, she gets out and starts yelling at me to stop contacting her and that this is harassment etc… She says she went to the police with this and contacted my university. Then she accuses me of raping her. So now I am scared that if that’s what she went to the police and school with then there’s going to be trouble.
What I found interesting was that even after she said all she had to say, I don’t think she wanted to leave right away, she hasn’t seen me in almost a year, and think she kind of missed me. I told her to ‘get out’ and she kind of made excuses to stay (the whole ordeal was only about 3-4 minutes on the street). I was wearing A314 and IH x4 so I was very glad for that.
So now, I have to find out which police station has a file on me and who she spoke to in my school and if it is just about harassment or a rape charge as well. Also, I am thinking about getting a restraining order on her. The way I see it, I haven’t done anything wrong and have treated her like a true gentleman would since we met. I txt her once every 3 or 4 months and don’t think that’s so terrible considering we had been close. She’s the one who has made me paranoid of walking the streets now, as her car may pull up at any moment (who knows may be inside next time), and she’s the one who refuses to give me any explanation as to why she’s been acting like this.
If anyone has any advice about what to do about the police situation, or about why she has been acting like this, I would be grateful. Thanks guys.
So you knew each other for a long time.. Did you notice in her relationships/friendships that she was a bit volatile or maybe push for attention then push it away. I’m not a psychologist but I’ve seen and read a thing or two over the years.
To add to that point some are very insecure about intimacy and then react in crazy ways to try to justify it in there heads.
But definitely wouldn’t contact more if it seemed your not welcome, or things were spoiled. Sometimes easier to start over, unless you both were really attached.. then you need to assess it a bit differently.
Did she ever threaten talking to the police before this? Even just to cover up her own actions? Ever notice any other bad habits of hers?
Answer what is comfortable…
Protect yourself. Do not contact her in any way again. If you do contact her again THEN you CAN be charged with harassment (rule of three).
Without talking to HER try to find out if she has done this to other guys (women like this usually have a pattern. . . .seduce, shag, regret, accuse. . . .lather rinse repeat)
Also a restraining order against her might not be a bad idea. Find out what she said with the school (IG and IH here too) and the police. If she HAS filed charges . . .lawyer up and/or sue her for slander (but only your lawyer contacts her and hers)
100 mcg EST.
100 mcg MEO-EST.
(“rescue me!!”)
Well I would have to agree with Steve, stay away from the a314 and in this case if she is calling rape the last thing you want is to give off some crazy alpha male signature. Hell you may be even better off with something beta. If anything maybe go with IH and IS skip maybe the IG but what they will prob be looking for is to see if you’re anyway aggressive so..just my 2 cents.
This rule of 3 interests me. Is this a real thing? It’s kind of harsh. If someone you cared about or a close friend just suddenly didn’t want to speak to you, wouldn’t you feel you were entitled to an explanation? And in asking for an explanation, you can then be charged with harassment? This is crazy. No one wants to help out the one who wants to preserve relationships or friendships, they are just labelled as crazy stalkers. In fact, she’s the one who followed me in her car and confronted me in the street, that should be more grounds for harassment than a ‘how are u doing’ e-mail once every 4 or 5 months.
I was going to e-mail her this week though, but this time not to try to restart contact again, just to find out which police station she went to and to whom she spoke to at my school, also a good-bye while informing her about the restraining order.
Does anyone know what happens with a restraining order? Will I need to go to court and will it turn into a big ordeal? I just want something to deter her from finding me on the street again.
If there is a restraining order then you have to stay a certain distance away from her, but she can come near you so you can always get one on her as well. If you break the order then yeah you’ll end up in court. Just stay away from her she sounds crazy. If you need an answer why things went the way they did ..that’s easy “she crazy lady!” lol
Twisted Ostrich, thx for the response. What I feel is that she doesn’t value herself enough to be with someone who cares about her as much as I do. Everything she’s been through, the sicknesses she has, the other guys she was with, her appearance even, all show me she doesn’t value herself.
I’m just wondering why in the world she followed me and stopped me on the street. She could have just replied to my e-mail. I know a part of her must miss me but I just don’t understand why she’s acing this way. A part of me feels if I continued to push, she would break down in tears and explain why she was doing all this. I know there is something she’s not telling me (ex. maybe i got her pregnant that one time and she has my baby hidden somewhere now). But at this point, it’s not worth it to continue trying to figure it out. I know I am miles ahead of her in every aspect of my life. She can stay with her trash men.
As far as you know right now, there hasn’t been anything filed with the police department. If there has been, you don’t want to be sniffing around. If she hasn’t you don’t want to start a restraining order on her. That would be the provocation needed for a completely crazy girl to file rape charges.
There are two possible scenarios:
- She filed charges and the police are doing an investigation. Remember, anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of law. If you start calling around police stations trying to give your version of the story or trying to get information on any investigation then the police will record everything you say. In court the prosecution will try and make you out to be paranoid because you raped a girl and were trying to patch things up with the police. If you decide to testify and your testimony deviates even a tiny amount from any of the statements given to the police, the prosecutor will grill you on the discrepancies and this makes you look absolutely terrible. The trial could be 6 months after your arrest. Think you can remember everything you said versus a police record? Think again. It makes you look like a liar to the jury and the jury is allowed to give as much or as little weight to the credibility of each witness’ testimony. They see you fidgeting and not remembering things you said versus the two days of highly organized testimony from crazy crying girl… you are dunzo. Of course, remember, the police don’t even have to tell you the truth. The police CAN lie; they conduct investigations not Boy Scout camping trips.
So you don’t contact the police. What do you do? Well, a little known secret is that the prosecutor often helps direct police investigations. As it is now, it looks like it is her word against yours with some circumstantial evidence based on your contact. It could go either way but is enough for at least a trial on the matter of rape. If the police ask you any questions, they aren’t doing so because they are your friends, they are looking for any information that will help in your prosecution. Don’t talk to the police. If you get arrested or detained you must immediately ask for your attorney and say “I am exercising my right to remain silent.” That’s right, you actually have to say that now due a recent Supreme Court case. You must actually explicitly reserve your right to silence. Just sitting there without saying anything is not enough. They cannot hold your exercising your Constitutional Rights against you, so don’t be afraid to say it. Above all, be polite and level-headed when dealing with the police. If they just want to ask you a few questions, tell them that you don’t answer any questions without your lawyer present. That’s it. Don’t get angry, don’t be rude and don’t become a problem. If you have to repeat yourself, do so respectfully.
I suggest you seek out a respected criminal defense lawyer in your area and have a face to face meeting with him. It might cost you a hundred or more dollars for his time, but both the peace of mind and the practical advice he can give you specific to your State’s Laws are invaluable.
- The other scenario is that she hasn’t written to the police at all. If this is the case, don’t provoke her. Never talk to her again. Got it? Restraining order is a bad idea. You might think it is a good idea, because it gets you a leg up in the courtroom, but it might also provoke her to start more legal or even non-legal trouble. This is something you should talk to an attorney about, obviously, but let’s be completely honest here. She is seeing somebody else now, right? Without knowing the full details of the story, it seems like she is claiming rape because she needs to defend her honor to whatever guy she is seeing these days. Some women are crazy enough to send an innocent man to jail because they convince themselves that they actually were raped in order to protect whatever relationship they currently have. Don’t be that guy. Or maybe she isn’t even seeing anybody. She just needs to rationalize it in her own head for whatever screwed up reason.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. In the future, if a girl “goes mental,” avoid avoid avoid avoid. Now there is still a lot you can do to protect yourself in this situation, but you are going to have to talk to an attorney BEFORE the shit hits the fan.
You should also watch this video on not talking to the police:
Hammer,
Thank you for that response. I may actually change my strategy now. I still feel like it’s best to contact her in order to say goodbye and to find out which police station she went to. Also, I wanted to find out if she went to them with just harassment charges or with the rape thing. She told me she would go to the police with the harassment thing back the first time I tried txting her months ago. The rape thing she just accused me of a few weeks ago when she confronted me.
I do think it’s a good idea to get an attorney though, thanks for that advice. I think if this goes to court though, there is nothing that I really did that was wrong, and judging from our profiles and our pasts, she’s the one who will get slammed.
EDIT: I don’t know if she has another guy now, i’m leaning on 65% no, and that she’s just acting this way because her life is just so depressing and she feels she doesn’t have anything.
If a person tells you not to contact them 3 times, and you do it anyway, that is Harassment. Yes, this is real. No you aren’t entitled. If you contact her again you’re just asking for it.
If she’s escalating her treats that is a clear sign to stop all contact in addition to the fact that she clearly asked for no contact. THAT DOES NOT MEAN “I WANT YOU TO SAY GOODBYE.” Calling her even to ask what police station will have the effect of encouraging her to file charges.
I understand, you are still emotionally invested in this girl who doesn’t reciprocate the same for you. The solution isn’t to dig yourself into criminal charges. There is no reason for you to know what police station she (could have) filed charges with. It doesn’t help you to ask and it only hurts you. Ask yourself why you really want to call her. Knowing that you are risking jail to talk to this girl with no actual good result means that you are still emotionally invested and thinking with the wrong brain. Please, take a step back. Acknowledge your emotions and acknowledge that things are and have been over. No girl is ever worth even being charged with a crime. Don’t think about trying to “beat it in Court.” Try thinking about never having charges filed in the first place.
You do realize that just being charged with rape can ruin your life and follow you around forever, right?
Hammer,
I get what you’re saying. The whole situation is just so unfair to me that’s all. I’m not allowed to know why someone I cared about doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I’m not allowed to talk to her just to find out. I’m not even allowed to know if the police and school really have a file on me, and if they do, what the charges are. I can’t prepare for anything, while she has all this time to prepare.
I was hoping a goodbye e-mail would just show where we are at now. I’m assuming when you say goodbye to someone it’s not harassment. I can’t picture her going ‘oh, he doesn’t want to see me anymore, well i’m taking this to the police’. I think psychologically, I just need to say goodbye, it would be good for me.
And on another note, one of my friends whom is a girl, has a restraining order against someone, so I will ask her what the protocol is and if it’s worth it. At this point, my ‘how are u?’ e-mails are not as bad as her stalking me in the street, and then confronting me in public, yelling and screaming. I should have more on her than she has on me, and if it doesn’t require frequent court visits, I will get the restraining order. It actually did affect me and I find myself scared as hell, checking every car that passes now to see if she’ll pull the same thing, hoping that next time she won’t either hit me or have other people in the car to get me.
I think she’s said good bye to you pretty clearly. If you’re smart you would walk away from it and stop having high expectation in others. You can’t expect someone to act the same way you do. Everyone goes through weird breakups. I think your issue is you haven’t let go and prob think if you ask “why” or sit down expect to get an emotional “goodbye” you might be able to salvage the relationship, sad thing is there is no longer any relationship to salvage. Sorry bro time to move on.
No, at first I thought this, but I’ve already realized she’s not even in the same league as me. I am a respected member of my community, take care of myself for the most part (not including this situation), and am going places in life. She is a depressed individual, is obese, has a sexual disease, brain disorder, irresponsibilities with pregnancies and abortions, past boyfriends were also mentally ill, generally dirty, piss into beer bottle types, even to call them ‘thugs’ would be a compliment, they were below thugs.
So I don’t think I’m still attracted to her in that way or anything at all, I do think however that I may feel I need revenge for the absolutely shitty way she’s treated me, seeing as how I’ve never treated anyone as nice as her in my life. So I guess in that way, I am still emotionally invested.
But I decided not to write to her again, I want to go through with the restraining order though, because after her car pulled up the first time, I am scared. Hopefully it can just end there. I am still worried about what she told the police and school, but I guess I just have to wait. I may ask the school about it (I think this the better alternative to asking the police). Thanks for everything guys. If this does escalate somehow, I’ll be sure to use plenty of IH. I should walk around with a to-go bottle of it constantly just in case.
Be careful about revenge as well. If this does end up being a legal battle, keep your nose clean, stay above all that, but be humble, show no anger, justice (her case getting thrown out or you being found not guilty) will be the best revenge.
If it doesn’t escalate, you still need to rise above it. “Living well is the best revenge.” Know that you are “the adult” in this situation. Reframe your thinking to reflect that. Above all though, NO FURTHER CONTACT.