Fun!

[Jean9]

3-15-2010

The trip was just what I needed. I hung out with friends who were really nice to me all weekend and was able to go even further with forgetting about my last LTR. I also hadn’t stepped away from studying for law school and applications, and job hunting since I landed in the U.S. I think just getting away from it all was a good move. On the trip out, I wore some CTTM in the car, and chatted away like Chatty Cathy to the driver.

I ended up sleeping with her, but was able to keep a total slumber party vibe about it. I’d been wondering how my vibe was these days anyways… with the pheros to help. And she was totally too femme for me, and seeing someone else (who is a friend of mine, so I wouldn’t want to seduce her away).. I think the combination of vibe and 'mones really carried things off well. I felt comfortable with her and playful, giggly… as well as a nice vibe of friendliness.

Throughout the weekend, I noticed some folks checking me out and others not. I think the main thing that turned me off was that everyone was drunk (Hello! St. Patricks Day!) . .. .and it’s pretty hard for me to get attracted to stinky drunks (unless I’m drunk myself, then all bets are off, but I don’t drink much).

Mostly though, I just had a really good time. A good vacation can be like a breath of fresh air, and this one was totally that.

3-16-2010

I’m apparently “on” today. Everybody’s checking me out. Even from a distance. I’m wearing three squirts of IS/A but I’m thinking I must just be conveying swagger or sway or something. I’m definitely not looking very femme today, just like a 1970s cock rocker. I’ve got beard poking through and all that blue sheen… I find it annoying and I always try to keep it at bay, but I’m just out hitting up the library, so I was like “What the H, right?”

Well, I know I can pretty doggone attractive in “boy mode” . . . but only to fags and straight girls, LOL… how do I convey tonnes of femme very consistently? I mean, I don’t mind the people I attract except I am better at contributing the feminine energy into whatever time we have together, and I really want that to be whats expected of me… I’m hoping these pheros are helping!

8PM

Okay as an experiment I went a little wild with the cops, probably 4 inches from the roller tube all-told… and added EST@50mcg. I’m definately getting a really good feeling from this. Once the stink dried down, I started getting the nice soft and warm (EST) feeling along with the COPS emanating from myself. I feel very confident… and totally sexy. Now where’s that cute guy I can’t stop hoping to meet? LOL

3-17

Didn’t use 'mones or go out much today. Just sat in the library and read case books. Fortunately most judges are pretty good writers, and most cases are basically interesting. This reading is kinda nice.

3-18

I’m about to head over to the Deli, I’m going with nothing but Instant Openness. I’m not in the mood to pour on a lot of pheros, since there’s nothing particularly special going on today… so I’m going to try just one single squirt to the throat, rubbed around via my wrists.

Honestly I’m a little burnt out today. I was sleeping over at my parents house last night and my mom heard someone trying to crash in the basement door. She woke me up, gun in hand, and told me to come help her see what’s up. Checking to make sure everything was safe, shotgun in hand, Definitely did not make for a good night’s sleep. I was pretty shaky afterwards.

okay, hot chocolate time!

-Jeannine
http://theloveoffreedom.wordpress.com just my blog.

[Jean9]

I know I haven’t posted in awhile. I’ve continued to play with pheros on and off. I’ve been going through a phase where I didn’t want to use them. In a way, it reminds me of how I noticed that people would react completely different to me if I wore casual clothings versus wearing tailored pants and blouse. I became rather sick of people at that point and kinda got surly to everyone who would treat me better with the latter than the former.

And no, I’m not a hypocrite in this fashion, myself. I am careful to treat everyone pretty equally regardless of their clothing or style. I pay more attention to the “vibe” I get from the person in terms of how honest, open, and intelligent they are. Bright clear eyes and honesty and clarity go a lot further with me than nice shoes.

So I’ve passed through a similar situation with pheros. I think I’m willing to get back into them soon, but I’m still a little leery of the whole effect that they have. I suspect a lot of people probably go through this.

However, going without, people still treat me rather nicely. I guess it’s also like the nice clothes in the sense that you’ve still got to carry yourself and act in a way to impress people. I don’t mind using pheromones to “get my foot in a lot of doors” so to speak. Also, I’m moving back to Asia shortly and I might use them to help me blow through some job interviews when I’m there. When it comes to the world of getting hired, I will take any advantage I can get. Period.

In addition, I gave my bottle of Instant Openness to my mother. She used it in a sales situation and in one day met not only her sales quota, but the quota for the entire branch for an entire quarter (!!). So she’s pretty well hooked. Again, she’s one of her company’s best salespeople, and they know she can move product. However, it took her from being at the top of her game to really doing crazy things that have everyone’s heads spinning. So she’ll probably continue using that. I might also get her to try instant honest/instant shine as a combo and see what happens.

As for me, I’m thinking of moving back gradually into pheros, just using instant honesty in some situations, and maybe adding some combination of MX300 and a drop of a314 or something in job interviews. Actually, usually in job interviews I need to come off as a totally unambiguous guy, who is in control and in charge.

So I might just go with a couple of drops of a314 for interviews… who knows. Work personae always seem slightly disingenuous to me anyways, as “professional behavior” seems to be a more or less arbitrary set of rules to make sure we don’t interact like honest and normal people :-).

I don’t mind putting on a good suit or whatever for a job, because the environment is all about a front anyways… I’m curious if using a314 or maybe some other phero or combination would actually give me enough social power in the office to be able to be more authentic at work – despite all the conventions that imply that I’m supposed to put on a lot of false faces and be anything but a real person.

Just an update as to where I am at right now,

Jeannine

[Jean9]

I’ve been away for awhile, but I just got some new pheros. Unfortunately most are sold out, so I bought perfumer’s alcohol to mix up some of my EST, and I bought Instant Openness and Instant Honesty. I still have a ton of COPS available as well as IS/A and a smidge of IS/B.

I’m moving back to Taiwan for awhile! So my experiments will mostly be with my Taiwanese students and the occasional social situation in which I use pheros for funzies.

I thought VERY carefully about the whole situation for a long time and I determined that I don’t really want to meet potential partners using anything that I cannot generate myself… Just seems to invite problems, like guys who rely heavily on “methods” of pickup instead of their way of being… so I’m not really using it for meeting lovers or friends. However, in parties and definitely work environments, I’m totally in. Also, occasionally just for fun around people I already know and who know me.

In other words, use it don’t abuse it, a little like alcohol (which can also bring good feelings and grease social wheels for me)

Also, I hear the Asians love the nols, so I stocked up a little and will buy more once I’m there… Also, it might be useful for any days I feel a little down or depressed (moving countries is pretty hard), just to have something to play with and occupy my mind.

---

I did douse myself with the rest of a bottle of CTTM2 the other day before hanging out with a very old and long term friend (and we also had drinks ). It was getting where the pump wouldn’t squirt much anymore, so I opened it and turned the bottle up on me.

Holy Moly! It made me feel Waaaaaaaaaay relaxed and nice. I would say I almost felt high or something, just nice and easy and mellow and pleasant. I rolled down the windows so I wouldn’t get the bad reaction I sometimes get with these pheros (initial headache)… and man, I just felt GREAT.

Cool cool. Looking forward to playing more.

–Jeannine

[Jean9]

Mixing

Here’s my method for mixing.

I had a bunch of EST (1mg/ml) from love-scent.com. I bought some perfumer’s alcohol and measured out exact amounts. I have a bunch of chem equipment around, so I calibrated it all as follows. I subtracted Perfumer’s alcohol until I had exactly 25ml of it in a graduated cylinder. I added 5ml of the EST concentrate.

Therefore 30ml with 5000mcg of EST yields 5000/200 = 25mcg/spray.

So, just something else in the arsenal. Taiwanese boys can get rowdy sometimes when there’s a queer-looking Westerner around, I’ve discovered. So I’m wondering if this will calm the guys around me down if I’m out at a bar or something (but still very friendly)… just a thought.

–Jeannine

[Jean9]

MX138

First Day: I felt pretty decent, not great and not bad. Just a nice day. Maybe a few aches and pains.

Just one squirt.

Went to the bank. I still felt pretty well, nothing any better or worse. The people at the bank were nice to me, but they’re always nice to me. My mom works at one of their branches, so they’ve all known me for a few years.

Plus, I’m about to be travelling again, so I just feel pretty good right now.

Well, I’m using my grandparents car at the moment, and I noticed the tire was a bit flat. So I popped the trunk to see if they had a pump. It was electric but the car doesn’t have a working lighter jack, so… no go. I drove it home thinking it would probably get me back (since it got me to the bank in the first place).

Well, it didn’t. Just as I was pulling into the neighborhood, the tire fell apart. So I pulled up into the gas station at the corner of the entrance to the street.

All kind of annoying, but I was still in a basically decent mood.

I guess I haven’t the faintest clue if MX138 did anything or not. I am pretty sure I would have felt about as good as I did that day with it or without it. Nor could I even begin to tell if it was having any social effects…

So, more testing will ensue later.

Jeannine
A Journey Towards Freedom

[Jean9]

Taiwan

I have not posted in a looooong time, but here’s some updates. I know this isn’t meticulous scientific data, but it could help somebody.

–The Orange Neroli scent stops my sinuses up pretty quick. I can wear Patchouli Oil. I can wear the blue oil from Aveda, I can wear Rose oil or Clary Sage or lime and bergomot or anything I’ve ever mixed up from organic essential oils (except sandalwood). But this danged Orange Neroli stuff bothers me and gives me headaches. Just a bummer, and kind of steers me away from using lots of pheros.

–I haven’t gotten any real positive self-effects from Instant Shine. I must be some kind of weirdo (LOL). Actually, this one tends to give me a headache more than anything else. Though I have used it sometimes in a classroom full of first graders. . . . but normally it gets ME feeling so down that I don’t really know if it’s doing anything, which brings me to…

—MX138. I LOVE this one and I often use it if I’m having a bit of a down day. It works in all my classes to contribute to a positive and good vibe. Seems to put me in a good mood.

Data 1, from Taiwanese English classes (in which I present myself as masculine hetero-normative as possible, though sometimes to no avail … the older students all tell me I’m pretty girlish. Sometimes they’ll just start copying my mannerisms and I’ll realize that they’re pretty right on. Also, if I just shaved, they say my face looks like a girl when I take my glasses off. I act shocked, but I guess… I’m rather pleased when they say this):

First Graders (70% female, 30% male, 21 kids, insane class):

I’ve tried a lot of the different 'mones here. Honestly, I’ve had pretty good luck with Instant Sexiness A. They seem to quiet down more and pay more attention.

3rd-4th Graders (80% female, 20% male, 13 kids, very well-behaved):

Instant openness will get some of the non-talkers saying more during class, which is always one of my goals (I’m an English as a second language teacher, after all, and if they don’t practice when I have them, they ain’t gettin’ it anywhere else around here).

6th Graders (7 girls, 2 boys, rowdy class):

Instant openness seems to be pretty cool here. A lot of these kids are about 11 or 12 and sometimes act “too cool for school.” IO gets them talking and laughing and having fun. One day I popped on 3 sprays of 2x and I was too out of it, laughing a lot, and the kids were laughing a lot. Even the quiet well-behaved girl was just making all kinds of silly comments in class. Okay for once and awhile, but too much for every class. Personally I dig one single squirt of the 2x. It seems like we have fun but still stay focused. I definitely feel “on point” with this.

Instant Honesty, calm and on point. Kids seem to enjoy the time (however, my class is normally pretty fun).

Instant Sexiness A. Honest to goodness, the two boys, who are absolute hellions, will pay more attention and treat me very politely if I use this. Girls are mostly well-behaved anyways. I haven’t tried this on a day when the bad girls were acting up.

The controversial Part: Okay, okay, I know that some things are quote unquote “sexual” and shouldn’t be used in these circumstances, but you’re kidding yourself to high heavens if you think teachers never use sex appeal or sexual power to manipulate their classroom (or people don’t use it at work, for that matter – Napoleon Hill even mentioned it as an ingredient he observed in financial success). I suspect a lot of the warnings about all this are probably more for legal reasons than anything else, and my caveat is that I’m a queer-as-hell weirdo on the internet and I don’t advocate anyone in the world doing anything I suggest, ever, in any regards, with anything, and please tell your lawyer I said that.

But Turn Up the Heat seems to do two things. One, the very young kids listen more when I tell them calmly and deeply that it’s time to be quiet and listen. Two, the girls all just get enthralled. Especially the 11-12 year olds. The ones that are normally non-crusher students suddenly join the crushers getting all bug-eyed and hanging on my every word. Yeah, class goes smoothly and they’ll discipline the boys to shut up before I ever have to say anything. This is a consistent result from many times testing this.

Anyways, I got the idea after watching the other foreign teacher, who is a 23 year old hornball. I’m sure he’s got a lot of these same hormones “naturally”. . and I thought, “I wonder what would happen if I brought in more of that feeling.” Yeah, it does the trick I described above on some really difficult days.

Next up is more IH, and A314.

Jeannine

[Jean9]

So, after a long hiatus, including a trip back into man-land, I’m back and more ready to rock than before. Basically, I started this whole blog after a relationship ended and I was really sad and I came across pheromones one night surfing the internet in my loneliness and I used them for kind of a fun diversion during that time. Then, I ended up liking them.

Well, I went through a few things. I did legally change my name to “Jeannine.” I got pretty subtle and awesome with my way of dressing and stuff. Then I ended up deciding to go to law school and then changing my mind (Mountains of debt, don’t like it. Still living debt-free, at 35, which is one of the best lifestyle decisions I ever made). So, I went back to Asia and started my own synthesizer business. I have made a little money at that but my teaching jobs have provided steady income and savings. I’ve been able to travel a lot (3 times to India, for about a month each). I have had a lot of free time and time for reflection on my life.

But I have been living in a small town. A REEEEEEAAAAALY small town. I’m a well-loved teacher here, who works four days a week and spends nearly all my free-time either riding my bike or swmming in forest streams. I’ve been living this way, with a … Basically I had been taking it for granted that it was a NECESSARY masculine persona. Actually, I had caved to perceived social pressure.

Now, after my last trip to India, I really GROKKED the inherency of my own womanhood. I had some very mystical experiences culminating in some intense times feeling like the persona that I had believed myself to be was DEAD… In fact, my sense was that that person had never actually existed outside my own mind. I had the absolutely clear feeling of being ME. As if all the barriers between me and ME had been removed completely.

At first I thought it was going to take me a lot of time to get back to this feeling once I returned to my home in Taiwan. But actually it’s been the opposite. This sensation has been snowballing, often with breathtaking intensity, for the last several weeks! Even when I walk around in really bland work clothes (I bought a bunch of factory-reject 5.11 military pants to work in, since they get all stained with whiteboard ink)…

Like yesterday for instance:

I feel it more than anything else in my SMILE, but of course it comes through my voice, my expressions, the way I sit or stand. Again, almost like the person I thought I was building myself to be has been such a thin vineer all along and simply passed away, in fact never really existed. It’s as if everything I am doing broadcasts this very deep and complete sense of who I am. I actually noticed that the other women around me stand closer to me and speak in a really natural calm way. The new school-owner’s wife specifically stands next to me, speaks to me, smiles at me, and gestures in exactly the same way she does with the other women Teachers. It’s very clear, solid, and knowing, like it’s beyond even thinking. And she didn’t used to do this.

Anyways, this is quite an exciting time for me and I’m just looking for ways to open up my habits and awareness and … you know what, I’m just daring to ENJOY this whole process. It’s actually like nothing I even imagined. There was always part of me that knew, even if I had a lot of money and got a sex-change and everything, I always had this sense that something would be incomplete, like after the newness wore off I’d be stuck with the same persona. So many transgendered women end up practicing their walk, their talk, their smile, their sitting. It’s really a lot of stress, I guess.

But now, I actually feel like somehow all those gaps just got filled in… and the only way it could have happened was by being given the gift of a deep sense of KNOWING, not just that “I always thought I should be a woman.” But a very specific knowing of WHO I ACTUALLY AM, not just as a woman, but as an essence, a spirit that transcends the body. Like all the “transgender” issues just got bypassed, accounted for, and completely assumed, and now I’m looking to explore this far deeper sense of being, this thousands of years old essence of who I am. It just also happens that this deeper sense of identity is in fact, inherently a woman, and makes all that other stuff suddenly make sense and work.

Anyways, lol, that’s my jumping off point. I just ordered some more pheros, specifically TAL, TAH, and p86. I remembered loving – LOVING – TAL and the IS series, so I’m all getting into the groove of mixing those two. And p86 was one I always WANTED to work with. I think it will really be fun to play with.

–Jean9

PS: You know, I still remember that road trip I mentioned in the last post. I took a lot of pictures but they got deleted with my old facebook account. I was using TAL and IS of some sort as my baseline (a or b it was years ago). My sister and her boyfriend and me and another girl (she’s not into women and had a boyfriend at the time). That trip is part of the reason I immediately thought of pheros as I’m getting back into my own groove. It was so EASY for her to just accept me as one of the girls (since we were just. We even shared a bed together that night in a totally unawkward, companionable way. It was calming and socially re-assuring. I really enjoyed it.

PPS: Anyone looking to experience a true pilgrimage in SOUTH India, I can recommend a FANTASTIC itinerary.

[Jean9]

First impressions from new stuff:

1. I like P86. It ain’t what I expected. One thing I notice is it makes everyone ELSE look a little bit more beautiful to me. I don’t really get a strong self-effect. Also, if I use it while I’m teaching, the kids seem to get into rapport with me and each other… also, if we do something where they have to line up and speak to me to assess something, they stand closer and smile a little more. It smooths things out a little bit. I’ve seen this now two different days using 25mcg p86 in isolation (sprayed on high-chest/neck area).

2. TAH is really really soft. I had used TAL a lot before. I still like it. It gives me a real feeling of confidence and beauty… it’s very nice. But TAH is a different type of feeling altogether. 30mcg in isolation after a shower (with soap) and my girlfriend was way more cuddly and didn’t even playfully fight about which side of the bed she got (we both like the same side. She sometimes whines about it more than her fair share)… she just got very very cuddly with me instantly.

3. TAL, still the best. I love 30 or 60 mcg. Just makes me feel GOOD. I swear this stuff even makes my brain feel clear.

4. I do not like p102. It came as a sample. I decided to try before I looked up anything about it (even after looking up something about it, it’s not clear). The first spray … in two minutes I had something like a face and head tingle as if I was taking mushrooms and they were just starting to hit me. I stopped and said, “Wow!” But then I just got really quiet. Emotionally, almost FLAT. Mentally attentive to stuff. Again, I was confused because this reminded me a little of mushrooms, like I could see everything very clearly and my mind was very open to whatever stimulus I found. Also, I felt relaxed.

So, I decided to try three sprays, just to see what a max dosage would do. It made me zonk out and crash. I thought I would do some relaxation self-hypnosis. It DID seem to intensify the self-hypnosis a little bit, but on the other hand, the heavily sedated and emotionally FLAT aspects were unpleasant. It was like being a teenager and being forced to take prozac or something… just NO FEELING. Eventually I found it draining and saddening (in a vague, flat way).

Since then, I have tried doing just one spray (5mcg) twice and found it very unpleasant, even after showering it all off, the next day it’s got a lingering FLAT AFFECT aspect to it that I do not like. Of all the pheromones I have on hand right now, this one leaves me the most deadened afterwards. As if somehow, it uses up some chemical reserve in my brain and I feel very bad afterwards. (At fifteen mcg, it also left me feeling EXTREMELY non-sexual – too freaking emotionally flat).

---

This also seems slightly similar to the world of nutritional supplaments. You get into it and the community is similar to the pheromone people. You can add this or that amino acid, which may be a precursor to some needed neurotransmitters. Or maybe some herb that is a stimulant or relaxant. But after a time, you also need to balance it out or else use a really really low sustainable dosage. I think p102 might be like this. As if somehow you must add something to your diet that this compound exhausts, or else sparingly use extremely low dosages…

I don’t know. It’s also got me considering the others as well because I have always noticed that I CAN get burned out from pheros (IO is pretty bad in this regard for me). I don’t sleep too well if I have any of them on when I’m sleeping, for example.

It’s also possible that some of us have very sensitive systems. On the last trip to India, my friends and I took mushrooms in Kodaikanal and I tripped the hardest on the tiniest dose… cannot smoke marijuana, or drink coffee either because I just get jittery. In some ways I guess I’m lucky (near spiritual enlightenment on a small dose of mushrooms) and in some ways unlucky (can’t even drink half a cup of coffee). But it also means these pheros touch me hard sometimes. The ones I like I REALLY enjoy, like TAL and maybe now p86. The ones I don’t do well with, IS, IO, and most of all p102, I REALLY don’t do well with.

Just my thoughts.

Going to try and see a trend of self-effects of p86 in the next few days if I can.