I was so temped to “accidentally” brush his leg, but I didn’t do it because I was afraid it would make him suddenly very conscious.
If you do something to another person and you are afraid that they get conscious of it, you are tricking the person.
Sooner or later they however will usually become conscious. If a person becomes conscious of having done something that they feel bad about having done, it has consequences.
It’s not like she did a lot of damage. At the same time thinking “I don’t want the other person to be conscious of what he’s doing” usually means you are doing something questionable.
She’s an attractive woman so there exists some attraction. He still wouldn’t consciously want to do anything that might start rumours.
Now he has to be more conscious about his behavior with her to avoid interacting with her in a way that starts rumours.
Most people have little conscious control over most of their actions. If you are doing anything with strong effects on the minds of other people than I think you should feel responsibility for it. Even if you are building on something that already exists in the other person, you still shouldn’t get them to do stuff that they later consider to be a fault.
If she could have said with a cheeky smile: “It’s not like I don’t enjoy the contact but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have that contact in front of the class.”
I wont quote from her journal because those are private and for registered members only but go back to it and read after what you quoted. She was referring to conscious as in causing self consciousness or tension not unconscious as in lack of awareness, but that is neither here nor there.
I don’t agree with your ideal of tricking. Evoking emotion and response with any of your senses is not tricking someone. Yes it influences but to trick is to imply he could never feel those emotions on his own and if he cant pheromones wont evoke those feelings and responses.
Its like saying hugging someone is tricking them into feeling comforted. It just doesn’t work that way.
True but sitting next to someone and bumping knees after you have sat down with everyone else in the class is not going to start rumors. Being attracted to someone is not going to start rumors. Teachers have favorites and they flirt. They are human like the rest of us. Sure he has to be more careful and so far everything she has reported he has done has been normal platonic behavior. She has not tricked him at least not yet.
Finding out where he eats lunch and pretending to bump into him would be tricking him because your not presenting the truth. Evoking emotions that he actually feels is just not tricking in my opinion.
I don’t agree totally. We always have control over our actions unless of course we have some sort of mental illness or brain condition. How we act is always a choice. I do agree there are times when we are not totally conscious of what we are doing but we are still in control and we are still the ones doing it. I think its a cop out and a way to not take responsibility for our own behavior to say “so and so made me do it, I was not conscious of it” Yes he may think about it later when he gets home but what he should be thinking about is what in him made him react the way he did not what did she do to evoke how he reacted. He cant control that she is attractive, he cant control that he is attracted to her but he can control his actions.
As far as I can see so far he has not done anything that can be construed as sexual or forward. He is controlling his actions.
It has been a hectic weekend and I didn’t have time to reply. I cherish the comments from you all and i am very glad that your guys are so generous in giving me advises.
What you said is very true Tisha. The hectic weekend and your comment made me I stepped back to see the situation. My rational self is telling me to withdraw because the crush on him is growing like a drug.
The busy weekend without sleep was like a 48 hours emotional torture because I was upset on Friday, and on the other hand I was at the critical bottle neck of my project. The message from you and the conversation with my friends reminds me to just let things go. This might take a while to adjust but I shall invest on something more healthy than obsession.
Honestly he could have done this just to see how you reacted to it, that’s what I tend to do. If it were me I would be paying attention to see if me ignoring you had any effect on your mood, if you seemed happy and perfectly fine the next day I would probably come to the conclusion that it was an accidental touch but if you actually were coming off as depressed etc I would associate that to the recent encounters, play it off a little more and then maybe try to initiate the touching again to see if it has any effect. Confusing I know but that’s how I am sometimes but he maybe different!
Best advice I can give is wait it out and don’t keep your mind focused on him its not worth the distress it seems to be causing you.