I need some advice. Today I wore Instant IS/A which is the larger bottle and its also spiked with cops. I also added 2 sprays of Instant Honesty to that mix. I was rubbing my friends shoulders,arms,neck and back for her to help her relax. I told my teacher I would take care of him next as he is in a high stress job and it always de stresses him. I said I will help you relax in a minute. He then replied I can never relax when your around.I don’t get it he says that to me but then always asks me to rub his hands and shoulders. I asked him about 6 months ago if it made him uncomfortable when I touch him. He said yes. For example I have hugged him twice and his entire body went stiff. I told him I was sorry and that I would stop. That lasted for all of 3 weeks when he started begging me to again to rub his hands for him.The guy is always looking at me but I know he is dating a women from the class. He hugs her but confuses me because I know he cares for me as I do him but he has this strange push/pull love/hate need/dont need you attitude all the time. I am not interested in being his girlfriend. I just care about him he has been hurt by a women very badly. I simply dont understand some of the things he says to me sometimes. If I dont relax him then what am I doing and why would he want me to rub his shoulder and esp his hands he ALWAYS asks me to rub his hands? Guys need help here please.
NON-EXPERT ADVICE:
I think he likes you, but might be a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. What I would do is be direct. Ask him what’s up!
Nobel.
Thanks for the advice. The part I forgot to mention is that the women I was giving the backrub to IS the lady he is seeing. Sometimes I get a strange feeling as they well argue as to who get the message. Also she was playing footsie with him under the table today and it was AWKWARD as she kept touching MY feet YIKES!!!He never responds back to her but as I said he does like her.
Hmm, weird.
Haha, you really shouldn’t put a lot of weight on my advice. Maybe someone else will turn up in this thread with more knowledge.
Sit tight, my dear. I think I can smell Radman coming now… smells like akuto…
Please tell me you’re in college and not high school.
A Student dating a teacher… Hmmm
Are you canadian? Lol
Do you like him? If you don’t want to be his gf and he isn’t making any moves, why are you so concerned?
Maybe, he just wants some massage just like his “gf”
Sorry he teaches a hobby class. I and the other women are both adults. I am just confused because ANOTHER thing I forgot to mention is that when the other lady went to the bathroom I looked at him and told him I would give him his message in a sec and then I said it would relax him and help him sleep. He gave me a funny look and said It doesnt put him to sleep or relax him which confused me cause otherwise why does he ask me to do it all the time. Later on the second time when the other lady was out of the bathroom I again stated I will help you relax he again stated he cant relax around me. Then WHY does he always moan and tell me how good it feels?I am by nature a touchy feely person. I dont want to make him uncomfortable but then he says its feels GOOD. Can u like and not like something at the same time? I am so confused.
The obvious answer is that he is aroused by you and for some reason doesn’t want to be – likely because he’s dating another woman in your class. But if I were you I would really start asking him more direct questions. Such as, “if I don’t relax you, then how is it that you do feel around me?”
Thanks now that was nice and simple.
I Think dbot NAILED that One on the Head… That is Exactly how I would have Seen that Situation as jlynn has Described it for Us…
You arouse him, you rubbing him arouses him instead of relaxing.
Is he sarcastic when he says it?
I’m going to be frank here and please don’t be offended but I’m honestly surprised that you even need to ask us this. Relaxed and Aroused are two totally different states for men yet both are enjoyable (for the most part) If he’s asking you to touch him and telling you that he can’t relax when you’re around then…well in guy-speak that’s actually a pretty forward and obvious statement of attraction.
The bottom line is that he’s attracted to you. Now given that
A.) He’s already seeing somebody and…
B.) You yourself have stated that you’re not interested in dating him I strongly urge you to cut out the touching cold turkey.
Men interpret touch as a sign of romantic/sexual interest, if he knew that you’re not interested he would not make the comments he’s making…he’s actually being pretty obvious by most peoples standards. Continuing with the massages is giving him the wrong message. If you’re seriously not into this guy do a favor for the both of you and stop. I can very easily see him risking his current relationship thinking that you’re interested in him, which leave one woman dumped, him alone as he’ll no longer have her OR you, and both of them angry and blaming you.
I’m sure your intentions are purely innocent and well meaning but the effect will be anything but good.
Bang Spot on… I didnt want to answer because she specifically wanted men’s advice but it was killing me LOL I knew I could count on you, I saw you in the list of posters and kept thinking come on RAD I know you got this one.
Tisha
Exactly. I don’t think anyone could put it any clearer.
I got married to the first man i dated. I don’t have the life experences that most people that have dated and played the field have. This man confuses me because I feel a sense of intimacy with him that I have never felt for any man. It is a very scary feeling.What is esp confusing to me is I am ok to touch him but if he touches me like he was stroking my arm in his car I am scared.Its crazy after he did that I went home and couldnt sleep all night. It felt really nice I liked it but was scared at the same time. It didnt help matter when I got into his car and he looked at me like he was starving half to death.He was looking at ME like THAT. So I am tearing through my purse literally throwing food at him. Whats with the hungry look? I get that alot and its scary.
Btw, yes he was being a smart a.. when he made the statement.
When I was young I was deathly afraid of being rejected…so much so that when women would throw what in hindsight were obvious indicators of interest, I’d fall into this inner debate where I’d question and doubt my perceptions. I’d tell myself that she’s probably not smiling at me because she’s interested, she’s just being friendly and I’m convincing myself that it looks like flirting just because that’s what I want it to be.
So I’d talk to mutual friends and casually let things slip in conversation about how the girl seems weird, or is always acting strange…essentially pretending that I’m oblivious to the possibility that she might be interested in me, at which point I would act shocked when people would say “Dude are you blind? she’s totally into you”. But deep down in made me feel good and a little more confident to hear confirmation of my hopes/suspicions from an outside third party.
I’m not telling you this so we can get to know each other better, I bring it up because I think that’s what’s going on here. I think you’re attracted to this man and for whatever reasons you feel conflicted about it. On a very natural and instinctive level you can sense his attraction toward you, but needed to hear confirmation from an outside third party (the forum). He IS attracted…at least from what I can gather from the information given. He’s probably conflicted as well.
So what we have is a mutual attraction between two people that are feeling conflict about it…most likely because of the woman he’s already dating. The simplest advice I can give can be summed up by the expression “Shit or get off the pot”
In other words, YOU need to decide if you are attracted enough to him that you’d be interested in pursuing a possible relationship.
If the answer is yes, you should make it clear to him that you have no intention of doing anything with him so long as he’s involved with another woman.
If the answer is no, then cut him off from the massaging cold turkey, you’re only torturing the both you.
Hi Tisha,
Can you please address the last post I made. I don’t know if the guys will get it. I DO like the guy and feel something for him BUT am scared at the same time. I did tell him awhile back that I was scared esp when he looked like he wanted to take a bite out of ME but told him it was ME not him.
i never let ANY man get that close to me I dont know how this happened,
Thanks for the reply. I know this may sound kinda crazy but I FEEL relaxed when I massage him. I ASSUMED he was getting the same vibe. Also if thats the pic of you I find it hard to believe you would think a women would reject you. You are very good looking.
Well thank you, that is me but I’m 38 now and my insecure stage was like 20-25 years ago.
I do think you need to really consider your feelings towards him and if a relationship is something you want to pursue though. Can’t get what you want from life until you know what that is.
As for the vibe…men and women are different. Women get a sense of relaxation from masculine energy, it’s like a safe warm place. Men get aroused by feminine energy and it’s an excited and tense state…equally pleasurable unless one allows themselves to become frustrated by constantly wanting and never having.
If men think touching is a sign of romantic/sexual interest I am in MAJOR trouble. I am a VERY touchy person. I talk to EVERYONE,touch people ALOT. Men AND women even people I just meet. I am VERY outgoing. Tons of friends. Does this mean I am sending out mixed signals to most of the people I meet.I read once that sense of touch is very important and makes people feel cared about. When I go to the old folks home the ladies are always kissing my forehead and holding my hand and hugging me. Strangers will meet me and talk to me forever. I LOVE making people happy. Geez I think I need to take a course on Men 101. Any ooks like that? Maybe someone can start a topic for the women like me haha. We are like blank slates. My best friend is also like me and she is older. Stuff just flies over our heads. We are NOT stupid but are naive.