I’ve seen a lot of guys here asking how to turn friendship into a relationship or just to escalate things further. Most of us are good people that just want and mean the best things in life. However, sometimes those qualities will automatically put us in the friend zone. Many, if not all guys have been there in that situation one way or another. The following is based off of my experiences and is in no way a guidebook or a step-by-step process to do this.
Why we fall.
Whether it be physical/sexual/emotional attraction, we do it because she’s someone who’s cared for us and have been there because in a female’s mind, that’s how friends are. It’s just they’re more affectionate, and that’s the thing that differentiates female friends from male friends. We can share some of our deepest emotions and feelings with female friends but can’t even share it with friends we consider family. Why is that? It’s because of that evolutionary programming we have in our head that females are the nurturers. Out of that develops attraction.
Why they don’t.
They see you as a friend, everything is level with them as it is with their female friends. With the exception of “male things”, everything is pretty much equal in terms of emotional and physical commitment. They can cuddle with you and their female friends, they can take them shopping and you shopping, etc. They also know that having a male friend is convenient because females will stab each other in the back for a guy any day of the week, she doesn’t have that problem with you. She has that masculine presence without having to commit to someone and having to deal with the downs of a relationship while getting a decent amount of upside potential. You just never built that type of attraction with her.
Can these things be changed and you have a shot of having something with her? Yes. Absolutely. Is it worth possibly altering your friendship? Well that’s up to you to decide.
First things first. There has to be some inkling of physical attraction for her. It just has to be there, 9/10 there will be, you might not be able to tell but believe me, from all the girls I’ve talked to out there, there will be some.
You have to make changes slowly. You can suddenly be this new guy that was once doing x, and is now doing y. Or is dressing like A, but was normally dressing like B. Whatever it is you have to do things slowly in the attraction phase. You SHOULD know exactly what attracts her, because she’s probably told you and talked about guys that attract her all the time for you. You already have the keys to open the doors, you just have to pick the right one at the right moment. Whether it be getting into shape, being more alpha, opening up, being more adventurous, if its beneficial to you then do it. If changing yourself is going to lead down a path where its not good for your well being, its not worth it. No woman is ever worth ruining your life for. But if its for the positive then I would go for it, because either way you’ve made a change in yourself for the better.
Pheromones can come in handy to help you with this. A314 or Instant Gentleman for respect, IO or IH for extroversion, AMMO or TUTH/IJ for those women who like bad boys. And so on. Whatever it is you have to do these things gradually because it is too much of a shock and won’t seem genuine to her when it comes down to it and you might just fail and lose a friend in the process.
You have to also build up sexual tension. That’s done by very very subtle comments at first, and eventually leading up with no so subtle. I originally started talking to girls and becoming more social (when I was with the friend in question) because I’d given up on the idea that anything would ever happen. As time progressed I grew more confident and she noticed it, I even hooked her up with a friend of mine because I completely threw away all notions and just left it as us being friends. It wasn’t until she saw I was of value to other women that she realized what was under her nose the whole time, but unfortunately it was too late at that time she came around to realize. We ended up dating for a few years and things ended. She moved on and I moved on, she’s on her way to leading a happy life and getting married. If her fiance did not prohibit me from talking to her, then I know we would still be friends to this day. I’ve never turned a relationship from friendship since then, it’s only been hookups here and there with friends who understand that I wouldn’t take anything more serious with them or that they didn’t want to. They ended up seeing me as a high value person that was their friend as well. They know that the attraction that was there was great and that it was worth trying things out to see if things could progress, and if they’re mature enough, you can try that and if things don’t work out you can still keep a friend.
Point being, it works and you have to make positive changes to your life and see yourself in a confident high valued person. The rest will just fall into place. Just know that friendships can be ruined with this and that there is no set proof that this would work, sometimes things aren’t just meant to go in that direction at all, if you keep pursuing it you still might lost that friend. Go into it with an open mind and no expectations, regardless you’ll learn something new about yourself and develop great new habits and better your own interactions with others.