I should have posted more about me in my first post, but of course, there were ten other things going on and I was rushing!
I am a 42 year- old divorced, single mom from the Northeast United States. My ex-husband totally checked out emotionally and sexually from me when our kids were born. It was like he’d done his job and now he didn’t have to talk to me or touch me again. Long story short, I met someone else, asked my husband to leave and pursued another relationship.
It has been 3.5 years of on- again, off- again, because of trust issues and because my ex husband keeps causing drama. He is still mad at me because I took his cushy life away from him, it’s not that he misses me or the kids. He is a half-assed father at best, and he treats me terribly. He wasn’t very open sexually and it always felt forced with him.
So, the other guy, he is The One. I know it, he knows it, and everyone who loves me knows it. Even my ex told me, 'He’s the One. Losing him is killing you"(one of the times he caused problems and I lost my love). We have an awesome chemistry, just all around.
I’d really love to help him to relax around me and let us have a real chance. When we are together, it is so comfortable and amazing! I never knew how much of me I was holding back until I wasn’t holding back with him. He says the same thing about being with me, that being with me makes him feel natural and safe. But every time we start to get to a point where we are truly going to be together, he backs off. He is afraid, he has some insecurities and they make him over-think things and he talks himself out of being with me.
When we are together, he doesn’t doubt, he is so happy! Then we won’t be able to see each other for a few days and he just runs scared. I know that pheromones won’t help when I am not with him, but maybe if I can make him even more open and comfortable when we ARE together, he will begin to relax.
I am just really desperate, and this is kind of silly because right now we aren’t seeing each other, so this may be an excersize in futility. I truly hope I can find some help, because I have never in my life bonded with anyone like him. I can FEEL him when he isn’t around! I know that sounds crazy, but I will feel him, and I will look out the window at work and he will be driving by, and my friend will ask me, 'How do you Do that!?"
I think if he doesn’t come back, that I will have to spend my life alone, and I know I wasn’t made that way. I am happiest when I have someone to love, and spoil and make feel special. I CAN be alone, I have done it. But I really want to share my life with this one extraordinary, special man. Please help.
