Hi everyone I’m a 22 year old female from the land down under. I’m new and, like every new member, could do with a little advice!
I’ve done quite a bit of research on the products available on Love Scent for women and thought I had it all figured out - then I came to this forum, read about a dozen new products and I’m back to knowing nothing! Your input would really be appreciated.
Personality wise, I’m outgoing and I win people over through force of personality (I’m sure some people find it too much but meh…) I’m a lesbian and I have some deep-seated issues with women, which cause me to avoid, ridicule, resist their attempts when they approach me on a sexual level. I think they’re probably a little attracted to me due to the jerk factor. I find that they’re intimidated by me due to my personality and the fact that most of my friends are gay men, who intimidate them in general and it also makes them think I’m a straight girl collecting gay guys as bffs.
I want them to not be intimidated and approach me. I won’t approach them because of my issues, not because of anxiety. I’m not really going to stop hanging out with gay men and “normal” lesbians really don’t like them for some reason. So, something to make me less defensive, appear more receptive and make them more sexually aggressive.
I considered Primal Instinct but you guys have confused me with recommendations of stuff from smartmones.com
Unfortunately there isn’t any product that will do the work for you. Pheromones send signals about you to others but they can’t over ride someones free will.
I’d start with Instant Shine and Instant Openness. Instant Shine is uplifting and makes people feel good about being around you. Instant Openness is excellent for easing conversation and making approach easier from both sides, yours and theirs. However, you need to be congruent with the signal you’re sending or you’re not going to see the effects you’re looking for. Translation, you gotta be in sync with the signal your projecting and work it. If you wear IO and just park yourself with your boys it ain’t gonna happen. Approaching you while you’re on your own may be a different story but trying to break into a crowd like that when you’re already intimidated is neigh on impossible for most women/men gay or straight.
From your own description of the situation…
Think of it this way… would you approach yourself? They don’t know WTF is up with you because you’re confusing them. And if you spray on anything and continue the same behavior you’re going to be disappointed with any product that you use because it “doesn’t work”.* You* have to work first before the product will do it’s stuff. Capisce?
If I were in your situation, I’d really try to work on overcoming my issues. I don’t want to get too personal but are you also physically intimidating or is it just your attitude? Frankly, if you wait for them to approach you, you might have a long wait. If you have personal issues that prevent you from getting what you want, that’s what you need to work on because there’s no solution to your problem that comes in a bottle. Damnbit.
If you want to appear less defensive and more receptive you actually have to be those things. As far as making women more sexually aggressive, girl, you oughta have this one. Don’tcha know the way to get a girl is through making her feel comfortable* first?* Theres’ a lot to be said for creating sexual tension but any smart PUA knows that comfort is the foundation on which you build. Gotta start there first.
Being a “jerk” will only get you so far and only with certain types of women. If you don’t break free of what’s troubling you, you’re never really gonna get in the game. And something tells me you’d be a spectacular player if you’d only help yourself to score.
I know that’s not what you wanna hear, chica, but that’s the real deal as far as these molecules go.
I forgot to mention you should go over to the intro section to introduce yourself. That way you can qualify for a nice juicy $25.00 gift certificate to get you started!
Or maybe Mickaelia can move this over there for ya, if she sees it.
Don’t worry, I know I need to work on my psychological issues! I’ve studied psychology and body language and know my own behaviour contributes to the fear, almost deer-in-the-headlights, look I see in them. Lesbian women here are very shy/submissive/indirect though. They like beating around the bush, playing games and it makes me more defensive. It’s a vicious cycle… I’m defensive because they act like that, they act like that because I’m defensive.
I’ve heard good things about IS and IO in this forum. I have a question though - Sites other than this forum talks a lot about Scent of Eros, Primal Instinct, EoW, etc, while this forum seems to talk very little about those and mostly about the Instant range, Mx135, etc. Is that because people in here are experienced and know the prior is crap?
No, they’re not crap, kiddo. They’re all good products. My personal assessment…
Scent of Eros, (Androstenol/copulins), is part of my permanent arsenal and I wouldn’t be without it. It’s often my base product to which I add other molecules. It works great all by its little self and smells good enough so that it needs no cover but it’s light enough to cover with your favorite fragrance should you wish to do so. JVKohl who is a member/contributor on this forum is the creator of SoE. Google JV Kohl and you’ll find a reputable dealer. I prefer it to Primal Instinct, which is also Androstenol/copulins, although the content of both molecules is higher than in SoE. I’ve used it and found it to be hit/miss. It’s unscented and I actually think it has diffusion problems do to that fact, as unscented products often do. So, if you decide to purchase it, make sure to use a cover scent to help get the molecules out there. (“Unscented” doesn’t actually mean no scent. Pheromones are stinky buggers and some of the unscented ones smell like feet/ass. Seriously, lol.) BTW, when using pheromones, higher doses don’t necessarily mean you’ll achieve better results. Often times, less is more.
EoW reports are all over PTalk. I’ve reported on it and written about how to use it properly countless times, in fact just a few days ago, and so have many others. I’d venture to say that any woman who has come here asking questions about what products she can use to give herself an edge, to appear more attractive/sexy and to attract more men…whether it’s to wear out to a club to attract ONS or if she’s trying to spice up her marriage/LTR…she’s purchased Essence of Woman. And yes, it works exactly as intended if used properly. It’s been known to raise men’s testosterone levels 150%, within 15 minutes of exposure, when worn by a woman. Although that’s obviously not your purpose. Some women claim to get self effects from EoW and have also reported on that. When using any pheromone/combination of pheromones your mileage, as to your self effects and the reactions you get from others, will vary. The only way to figure out what any of them do for you/others is to experience them and see for yourself.
I’ll also add that using social pheromones, rather than sexual ones, could get you more of what you’re looking for.
PheroTalk is primarily a research/development forum. Which means we test pheromones and putatives, which are suspected pheromones, and the forum is where we report our findings and AD collects/reviews them. We primarily discuss Androtics products because it’s their forum! Scent of Eros and the products above, that you heard about from the other forum, are also allowed to be mentioned/discussed here.
You’ve heard correctly. Instant Shine and IO are wonderful products and are in the Instant/Consumer Line because both products have been tested and reported on for years. To earn that spot they’ve been proven to work as stated, consistently. The Instant line is easy to understand/use, especially for newbies. And intended for people who’d like to use pheromones but may not want to participate on the forum or become testing/reporting users but just want to use a product that gets results w/o a lot of experimenting.
FYI… MX135 has, unfortunately, been discontinued.
In my opinion, Androtics is state of the art. They’ve set the standard for the best, most effective, highest quality pheromone products available on the market anywhere…in the world…and to which all other products are compared. Yep, you read that correctly! As I said, that’s my opinion as an experienced pheromone user who’s tried myriad products from other companies. And no, I don’t work for Androtics in any form.
Does that help to specifically answer your questions?
Bella gave you awesome suggestions and advice. I agree Ishine and IO are great. I would suggest some P74 but your new and shouldn’t just jump into the advanced stuff just yet but keep it in mind for future reference. IH can help you connect more. SOE seems to attract lesbians to me but you dont seem to have any trouble attracting its just connecting so I would go with the others for now.
You didnt ask for advice on this subject but you did post it and I give advice so here go’s. You can take it or leave it but I will say I am very good at what I do so read it and think about it. You dont have to do anything other then that if you dont want. Its just something to contemplate.
Maybe if you look at there behavior and yours from another perspective you will see it with more clarity and in seeing it clear your defensiveness will subside on its own. Maybe that DIHL looks make you defensive because its a reflection of your own fear.
Why do people really get defensive ? Its usually not because of something someone else did. Its because they are scared, nervous, uncomfortable. I know I know your thinking “I am not scared, I dont have anxiety” That’s like saying “I’m not human” we all have fears and anxieties buried so deep we cant see them. Having issues is a human condition we all have. Yep even me
Anywho…You may be outgoing but that doesn’t mean you dont feel those feelings. Your defensiveness is your way of protecting yourself from being hurt. Long time ago when perhaps you first realized your sexual preference or just on the play ground playing with the other girls that defensiveness may have served to protect you from the judgement of certain people but now that your more comfortable in who you are and what you want its not working for you. The very thing you used to protect you then is hurting you now.
For them…
Maybe its not your actual defensiveness that makes them beat around the bush or play games. Maybe thats how they deal with fear You see in them that fear and its the shadow of your own fear. Usually the very thing we see in others that we dont like is the shadow we hide within. That’s why we dont like it, it forces the shadow into the light.
Fear… its a shadow we all have in different areas of our life. There is nothing wrong with the shadow it only has power when hidden. Once you bring it into the light and see it for what it is…just a thought, then it sort of loses that power over us.
In any cycle someone has to step up and stop the behavior for that cycle to stop. Since your actively looking for ways to stop it then its gonna have to come from you. If you see that they are just as scared as you are of being hurt then its really simple to make the cycle stop. Just stop. I know its sounds crazy and most people think there is some brilliant deep solution and a 12 step program we must adhere to before we can conquer this but its really just that simple. Stop listening and reacting to the fear thoughts in your head. They are not real but mirrors of what we are afraid can happen. Those are just thoughts until you put them into action and they become reality. You dont have to put them into reality, you can just stop thinking them and start thinking new thoughts.
Life can be so simple if we just take a deep breath clear our minds and let it happen. Its our scary thoughts of what could happen that screw that all up.
So you dont need to really “work on yourself” to stop. Stopping takes hardly any effort at all. You dont need to take a class or study psychology. Its fine if those things interest you but just know all you need to do when those scary feelings and thoughts start coming up and you find yourself becoming defensive is to consciously say… stop and feel the feelings that come up. Know they only come from thoughts and not from some real danger outside yourself. There are plenty enough real things in life to be scared of without being afraid of the ones that are not real yet and most likely never will be.
I have clients usually ask me at this point… “but what if the scary thing happens ?” Stopping is not a guarantee it wont happen. But it is a guarantee you wont make it happen. Right now your making it happen. Most the times our fears never come to pass unless we put our thought into action and when they do they are not as bad as we hyped them up to be in our thoughts.
Its like being afraid of dragons. If you see one run like freaking hell but dont run from the one in your head or you will spend your life running and that just sucks.
Hopefully I have not offended you because I dont mean it that way, but I hope I gave you some things to think about that may help you find more clarity and will just be one more tool to have along with your mones to help the situation. Pheromones are great and I am a huge advocate for them and AD but they can’t solve all problems and I know you know that. This is a great forum for pheromone advice but over the years its transpired into much more. Its why we love the place so much.
Wow, thanks Bella, I think you answered every question I could possible have!
Hi Tisha No offence taken, I agree completely.
In general, from my own experience and that of others, the girls where I am are very insecure. They stay in packs and are unwilling to speak to other women unless introduced by a friend. They like a lot of drama. They also have a lot of animosity towards gay men. Their attitudes at clubs is just unacceptable. I can see that sometimes their behaviour is in response to my own but half the time, it’s in response to their own issues. If they said hi and tried to have a normal conversation as opposed to making sexual advances or behaving like idiots to get my attention, I don’t think I would be so defensive.
I developed attachment issues from a bad break up, which has actually gradually turned from passive fear, into active avoidance, then into active hatred. It explains why my defensiveness has become aggressive. I’m going into therapy because it’s too deep to fix myself, seeing as I react instinctively whenever someone makes a sexual advance.
On the bright side, I know nothing scary would happen if I let things play out! I’m not afraid of rejection or some other negative response from someone I barely know. My fear stems from not wanting to be abandoned by someone I love and trust, which isn’t really relevant when meeting a stranger. I’m forcing myself to talk to girls so I can see that it doesn’t harm me - which I think is the one of the usual strategies for people trying to overcome phobias.
Pheromones won’t solve all those problems, but in the situation where a girl approaches me “normally” and doesn’t put me on the attack, it might push things in the right direction
Thank you both for your input. I definitely didn’t expect this forum to be so helpful!
I’m a 22 year old female from the land down under. I’m new and, like every new member, could do with a little advice!
