Hi, Fame. 
Welcome, sweetie! Glad you found us!
Unfortunately there isn’t any product that will do the work for you. Pheromones send signals about you to others but they can’t over ride someones free will.
I’d start with Instant Shine and Instant Openness. Instant Shine is uplifting and makes people feel good about being around you. Instant Openness is excellent for easing conversation and making approach easier from both sides, yours and theirs. However, you need to be congruent with the signal you’re sending or you’re not going to see the effects you’re looking for. Translation, you gotta be in sync with the signal your projecting and work it. If you wear IO and just park yourself with your boys it ain’t gonna happen. Approaching you while you’re on your own may be a different story but trying to break into a crowd like that when you’re already intimidated is neigh on impossible for most women/men gay or straight.
From your own description of the situation…
Think of it this way… would you approach yourself? They don’t know WTF is up with you because you’re confusing them. And if you spray on anything and continue the same behavior you’re going to be disappointed with any product that you use because it “doesn’t work”.* You* have to work first before the product will do it’s stuff. Capisce?
What pheromones can and can't do: realistic expectations for newcomers
If I were in your situation, I’d really try to work on overcoming my issues. I don’t want to get too personal but are you also physically intimidating or is it just your attitude? Frankly, if you wait for them to approach you, you might have a long wait. If you have personal issues that prevent you from getting what you want, that’s what you need to work on because there’s no solution to your problem that comes in a bottle. Damnbit.
If you want to appear less defensive and more receptive you actually have to be those things. As far as making women more sexually aggressive, girl, you oughta have this one. Don’tcha know the way to get a girl is through making her feel comfortable* first?* Theres’ a lot to be said for creating sexual tension but any smart PUA knows that comfort is the foundation on which you build. Gotta start there first. 
Being a “jerk” will only get you so far and only with certain types of women. If you don’t break free of what’s troubling you, you’re never really gonna get in the game. And something tells me you’d be a spectacular player if you’d only help yourself to score.
I know that’s not what you wanna hear, chica, but that’s the real deal as far as these molecules go.
BTW, you don’t scare me. 
Bella