I know. Lol. I actually had given up on that and was wondering why I couldn’t reach it with the guys I was most passionate about. Trust me I was the only one that could get me off at one point but how intimate is that and it got frustrating after a while.
I think not knowing what it was I was satisfied if it felt good and it wasn’t wam bam thank you mam. Now that I know what it is like and if guy is not the one. I am not sure if I can go back to the days when I can enjoy being satisfied with good sex without the big O. Is that bad?
I sometimes feel sorry for the guys who really want to pleasure women but sometimes fall short because they were never taught, the women before was not honest enough to tell them it wasn’t all that good or took the time.
I felt bad once for an ex who kept trying because he felt bad that I couldn’t so I faked it. I hope he never reads this. lol
I think if the man is willing with time the woman will get there. It took time for me but when it happened I was shocked as he was. I have been hitting the O’s ever since.
Some people would say it’s more important to have an emotional connection than a sexual one and maybe that’s right for them. Just because you’re emotionally compatible it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be sexually compatible. I’m emotionally compatible/connected with many people I’d never want to sleep with. But within a romantic LTR I find it hard to maintain an emotional connection w/o sexual compatibility. For me they go hand in hand. It’s that particular level of shared intimacy that binds you so closely to one another. The best/most satisfying relationships have both.
Ah, not knowing what it was changed things. No question there’s still satisfaction in the fact you liked being together and that he tried his best to please you. But still, no matter how I cut it, it’s not really enough to ultimately satisfy me for the long run. So no, I don’t think it’s bad because I believe that’s what most people are trying to achieve. To be able to reach that point with the one you love/care about is the goal.
I think you’re safe, lol. You can only go so far and sometimes it’s easier, less complicated, and kinder to both parties to just cut to the chase. I understand why women fake it occasionally. I don’t blame them for doing so but I can’t do it.
It doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the sex w/o the big O…O…O… it’s just that I’m not willing to fake it. I’ve never made a guy feel bad because he couldn’t get me off. If he was trying his best why would I? By the same token, I don’t mean to be unkind but, I don’t feel right about faking it just for his sake. There have been times I wish I could, lol.
If he actually asked me if I got off then I’d have to gently/affectionately tell him the truth and assure him it wasn’t a big deal because I really enjoyed being with him regardless…that we’re still getting to know what each other likes and there’s always next time.
It’s a worthy pursuit. Sometimes all ya need is a little practice.
A good kiss is important to me but I am also patient. I must like a guy a lot to french kiss with him, so I’d like him enough to care about his feelings. That said, if it does not get better after a while, we may not be suited for eachother on a physical level and should not be lovers. But guys can be nervous for the first kiss and have a much better second kiss.
I hear you. I think more guys should read this to see that women are not that easy to please true but we are not to be feared and fear only makes things worse.
I expected a whole different reaction from the women and I am glad to see that all in all we are willing to be patient with the men.
Oh I agree I didn’t expect the amount and kindness I’ve seen on this page – but perhaps we are all just very special women.
With that being said I also really feel that the brain is the sexiest organ. I don’t mind discussing what I like and what they like. Of course I don’t mean it in a clinical way like a discussion with a Dr. But I am more than willing to tell a man what I really like. But for a lot of women sex is still very embarrassing. Sigh. I can say once a man has realized that I’m not embarrassed they usually find these discussions very stimulating. I’ve learned some amazing things about my partner that I may have never known otherwise.
In my younger days there were times I faked it. It seem to be the right thing to do – I think as women there are times it just isn’t going to happen. And if you know no matter what your partner does you can’t, well, sometimes faking seemed the easiest, kindest, quickest, way to handle it.
Now however I now know a lot more about my body. There are still times when I enjoy sex but I don’t have a snowballs chance in hell of actually hitting that O. Hormones, and stress wreak havoc for me. So again I am not afraid to tell a man that there are times it just isn’t going to happen and that I enjoyed all the pleasure we did share, or are going to share. That this is not his fault. That we did or will have fun but not to go for the gold if it isn’t there.
Some people miss the silver lining because they are too busy looking for the gold.
I think personally, and I could be a rarity on this one, but if I am not getting my woman to get off I’d rather know than to have her fake it. Growth of a relationship is built on the enjoyment of one another. That’s just me though
I chose the second one… cause gee… what can you do if you really like someone? You might as put some effort in training them right lol. I am extremely patient but I have a short temper so if there’s a lot of sloppiness with hardly any improvement I’m movin’ on.
For those ladies complaining about bad kissers… Hey at least you have guys trying to kiss you! Well… the drooling/dripping/swallowing was a little disturbing though but still!! I go on dates and stuff but guys have trouble even touching my hand Sigh, forget about teaching if they keep running like that lol
True but after a while it starts getting annoying though, being a gentleman is definitely a great quality but some of them are so shy to the point I get a little suicidal.
I went to the movies once with a guy and he was a gentleman for sure but he was so I don’t know… uncomfortable? He had his arms and legs tightly crossed and was leaning opposite of me. I was thinking, why the did ya ask me out if you’re acting like I didn’t take a shower for a few weeks? (sure I was wearing eow, but I swear pink sugar did the trick and everyone was fine with it!.. well except him…)
The other guy I went out with was so shy… He was soooooo shy to make a move, he had trouble asking me for a hug. Oh right… I forgot, he tried to ask me out for 6 months (Good lord). At one point I thought that I’d probably have to grab him by the shirt, mount over him and start the make out session. But then… I said no to myself because that is rape.
Every once in a while being aggressive is called for especially when you are with someone already but being the one to always initiate sex or make out sessions is a downer so I don’t blame you girl.
You need a good mix between gentleman and freak…how about putting an add out that says : “I WANT A GENTLEMAN IN THE STREETS BUT A FREAK IN THE BED”
See heres my problem. I’m a complete gentlemen on the surface but I can’t touch women. I mean like I do but its quite a rarity. Touching has always been a issue for me even with family I’m really close to. HELP ME
I’m a freak in my mind but I feel like I’m doing something wrong if I show that to a girl so I conceal it down to the very nitty gritty.
See Micka the moral of the story is us gentlemen suck because we can win over the girl with consideration and sweetness but then we want to treat the thing of our affection like it has a barrier around it
You’re a gentleman on the surface but you can’t touch women? Do you mean only guys who aren’t gentleman can touch women? Or do you mean that you’re only a gentleman on the surface? (Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! ) You touch them but it’s rare? Do you have the desire to touch them but hold back because it makes you feel too uncomfortable/vulnerable to show affection and/or you fear you might be rejected? Or don’t you like to touch them? Sorry if I’m dense. I’m also having trouble spelling, crap. I may still be asleep, lol.
You are not a freak. Dammbit! Not a chance. We woulda sussed you out by now! And you’re not doing anything wrong. (I think I just woke up!) So you do want to touch her but are holding back! It’s perfectly natural to want to touch someone you’re attracted to. You are the only one, so far, that’s stopping you. You’re blocking yourself. Yes, you* are* taking a chance by letting your feelings be known, but if you don’t tread in the water you ain’t never gonna learn how to do a triple lutz. * Bella stares at Ol Am *…hmm, ya look like you can tread water to me! Ya gotta get off the dime and make a move.
Woman are made of flesh and blood. We want to be touched by the sweet considerate man who won us over! Withholding physical affection confuses and saddens us and makes us feel undesirable. We need and want you to show us! It’s not just putting a barrier around her. You’re also shutting yourself off and putting a barrier between you. What good is getting/having the girl if you can’t express yourself with physical affection? You want that, right?
Edit to the story: My husband is an “us gentleman” of the first order, a rare breed. He’s also an animal and former PUA extraordinare, lol. Woof! Go figure. Winning over the girl with consideration and sweetness is what enables her to trust you so there are no barriers between you. The barrier should be around the two of you. Just you and your monkey.
Baby steps, Ol Am. (I know you’re OA, but you’re Ol Am to me, if that’s OK with you. Josie likes it! )
You gotta start somewhere. If you want to overcome your problem/inhibition, slowly chance showing that kind of affection (touching), when genuinely moved to do so. Whether it’s with family, friends, or a love interest. Open yourself up to the possibilities and it could come back to you ten fold. Take a chance, when the spirit moves you. You might like it.
You’re not dense, Bella. Jeez, there is a lot I could tell you. Maybe in an email, maybe I’ll put it up here. If women are genuinely confused, maybe I could shed a little light on it. But forgive me, I’ll be brutally honest because this subject has irked me for a very long time.
Firing up the text editor. This is gonna be long…
Today’s the day when you come to me for answers, lol. I never thought I’d see that day.
Fantastic. Hugs all round. ((((Bella)))) Mustn’t forget Selva. ((((Selva))))
An “us gentleman”? Still scratching my head over that. My turn to be dense, lol.
Whoaa Wait a minute… Who said gentlemen dont touch women ? I think that may be your barrier. Someone taught you to be a gentlemen but they didnt clarify what it means to be a gentlemen at least not fully.
Same thing can happen when parents teach there kids not to talk to strangers. Its good advice but everyone they dont know is a stranger and then they grow up to be anxious every time they try to approach or talk to someone they dont know. Logically they are adults now but that subconscious belief is still there. “something bad can happen if I talk to strangers” What there parents fail to teach them is who is a stranger. How do you know who is safe to talk to and who isn’t ?
Now you gotta ask yourself. What do you believe it means to be a gentleman ? Think back to what your were taught it meant and what you believe it means now.
If you believe that gentlemen dont touch or have sexual relations and you believe yourself to be a gentlemen then that presents a barrier for you. One your not even conscious of.
Your problem with touching women or anyone for that matter can be as simple as one small belief you were taught as a child and that belief may have been appropriate and true for you as a child because children dont fully know the difference between good touch and bad touch just yet but its not true for the man you have grown into… You have to realize what was true for us as children is not always true for us as adults.
Your still a gentlemen if you touch people as long as you are polite. kind, considerate, not overly pushy. You know what is appropriate in different situations now. You can read people better now and know when they are open to touch and when they are not. Touching in itself is not bad. Just like anything else its the intention or the person touching that can turn it bad. If your on a date obviously the girl is interested in you or she would not be there. You can certainly touch her its to be expected.
I agree with Bella, start with baby steps but also work on what put that belief that all touching is wrong or bad. Its that belief that is holding you back. Where did it come from and was it the truth or just someone else’s perception of the truth ?
Sad to say but I dont think it has any traceable origins when I think about it. I get what you mean though I shouldnt say ALL gentlemen dont touch women its more like “my” thing.
I’m unaffectionate unless I’m around something like a dog or a cat or something of that nature. I’ve never liked physical greetings with men like high fives or shaking hands or the ghetto hug or the bumping fists but I do it just to go along with it. Same thing with women. This kiss greeting I get from spanish and sometimes phillipino women makes me uncomfortable to the core.
Maybe something hurt me a long time ago from touch and from then on I carried it with me. I can’t really recall any time in my life having something like that though.
I know I’m weird like that :o Let me learn how to verbal flirt first then Ill work on kino flirting. Its going to take me years to convert IOI’s from women into potential dating material. Girls are attracted to me I just dont know how to make it work.
Everything has a traceable origin its the law of cause and effect. It may not come to you right away and thats normal. The subconscious has many layers but just think about it some and over time it will come. Dont obsess on it or anything though.
You should learn to meditate… seriously. You would be surprised what you see when you quiet the mind. I cant tell you how many times I have wondered why something bothers me or why I have a certain belief and just asking myself that question and quieting the mind helps dig it out and bring it to consciousness. When your mind is busy worrying or being anxious or even just doing the day to day things its like a crowded stadium. You cant find what your looking for easy. When you quiet those thoughts one by one its like emptying the stadium until you find that one little thought that explains everything.
Its OK to learn how to verbal flirt first and go at your own comfortable pace but it doesn’t hurt to get to know yourself and why you believe what you believe while you doing that.
But within a romantic LTR I find it hard to maintain an emotional connection w/o sexual compatibility. For me they go hand in hand. It’s that particular level of shared intimacy that binds you so closely to one another. The best/most satisfying relationships have both.
Sorry if I’m dense. I’m also having trouble spelling, crap. I may still be asleep, lol.