- NUDITY
I was driving with my three young
children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead
of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”
- OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader
handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions
expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”
- KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get
the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked
her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to
the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
- MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA
and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter,
haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
- POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism
report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about
6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, “Are you
a cop?” “Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report.
“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is
that right?” “Yes, that’s right,” I told her. “Well,
then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you
please tie my shoe?”
- POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when
I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at
me “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure
is,” I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the
back of the van. Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
- ELDERLY
While working for an organization
that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old
daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.
As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
- DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her
parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she
warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.” “And why
not, darling?” "You know that it always gives you a headache
the next morning. "
- DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk
in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that
nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates
had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed,
they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to
say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version
of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaather,
and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.”
- SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished
her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said
to her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me
talk!”
- BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family
bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly,
something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at
it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have
you got there, dear?” With astonishment in the young boy’s voice,
he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear.”
