I’ve been talking to a new young lady lately and quite frankly I have been boasting about her. Heck the other day I even used the word “love”. The God of Love and Small Engine Repair (a dubious title but someone has to be in charge of it*) was shinning down on me like the brightest star in all the heavens lighting the way for the pilgrimage to a place called home.
So my friend and I went to the bar she works at and like always she was working the outside band area while I chose a table inside. One of my other girlfriends who I still enjoy time with was my waitress. She is great too.
I was wearing:
MX277, 3 to neck
Instant Female Magic, 3 to back of neck
MX288 3 to sides of Neck
SO my waitress, we shall call her V had started off by saying she was having a terrible night. Something about having to close and yada, yada bing bang zoom. OK I pretended I couldn’t hear her, the everytime I asked for something she couldn’t hear me. The Gods of SteveO Brains were not with it tonight (I heard Jasmotech gave them the night off) because I kept getting louder and louder not even realizing she was bantering with me.
To top it off my oneitis was so debilitating that when she said she didn’t want to close cause she was looking forward to “getting off” early and it was too bad I was no longer interested. Geez word gets around quick 
. I didn’t even get it when she said that not everything is always what it appears to be, but knowing how strong my boundaries where maybe I would come to my senses. She and my wing had a good laugh and only on the long ride home and my wing repeating all that I missed did the dim light bulb that lights the receses of my mind come on.
Stupid SteveO didn’t even get what she was saying. I totally missed it until on the ride home with my wing man and no women anywhere in the radius of a gazillion miles of SteveO. It’s not like I have never done anything with this babe before. I have and if you’ve been on the forum for a while you have all seen pics of her and I too. BUT NOOOOOOOOO, I had oneitis and brain damage tonight!
Anyway I was totally bragging to my wing how this chickidee always comes to me. She is never my waitress and therefore can’t be giving off false IOI’s for tips. Every time I am there she leaves her section and comes to mine and sits and chats with me. We have gone out before and I very much enjoy her company. I thought she could be the “one” and create whatever she wanted in the SteveO Matrix.
OK well here is where it gets all meffed up. Z414A4D is texting me about the babe he is with. I text him back some advice on PUA stuff. He txt me back with a picture of them together. SCORE, she is super Babeish and deserves a solid 9 appearance wise. Of course personality and intelligence rates super high on my scale, but the picture of this girl is SMOKING HOT. Props Z414A4D.
My girl is no where to be found. I see her, but never once does she come to say hi to me. Doesn’t seem all that busy and even when it is, she comes around at least to say its busy. My wing laughs at my oneitis and how it is eating into my brain. The God of onetis has these worm like demons that eat away your brain matter and replace it with dung and slime. It causes blindness and sheer stupidity as if 
. OK I need to make an AFC move and do a little chase. My wing, such a fine man, tries to talk me out of it and when he realized there would be no saving grace tonight gives me solid advice so at least I am not completely diminished in all my capacities.
I go to where she is and wow the band is actually pretty good. Who knows though? With my declining brain cells quickly throwing themselves off the shelf of reality into the raging torrent of despair below, fueled by alcohol induced sludge they could have been horrible for all I really cared.
There she was, walking by me, ignoring me 
. What the Fungus had gone wrong? Had I not stood up and barked like a daddy seal while the evil men in plaid shirts and dock hats bashed in the skulls of baby seals to acquire their soft plush coats? Had I not protected her cubs from evil drunken rednecks who wanted nothing more than to soil her womanly charms with their leering glances and nasty foul mouths. Had they not run in fear all the while pleading for their lowly lives as I gave chase smashing bottles and empty glasses, overturning bar stools and destroying their egos and any semblance of manhood they might have had?
Yes, my friends it was a good thing there were bouncers earlier that week who held me back as two drunken louts coward, running from the bar, screaming obscenities over their shoulders, but only as they sprinted out the door into the relative safety of the unseasonably chilly Memphis night. It was our first and only date, but she told me she never felt safer.
And now my babe, my oneitis walked by me time and again without so much as even glancing my way. Her shoulders where slumped in defeat, her normally radiant smile was sulked and gray. Her face squished up when she smiled and always brought joy and happiness into my life for as short as time as the Gods of all things Happy and Finding Extra Money in your Pants Pocket would allow on this most despicable of all days.
I had to know, I had to break down and revert to my AFC days, so when she would next walk by I shouted loud enough so she could hear. Loud enough so she could hear the tones of utter defeat and sadness in my shaking, hurt voice. I was a broken man. A man who had set out to hunt the great Blue Whale, but only to return, tired, worn and old. No whale, only tales of defeat in a defeating sea of tired loneliness.
She turned to me and said as if nothing at all was out of the ordinary, but somehow, dejected, fearful and confused: “Would you like a beer?” OMG the woman who could have birthed my children, mothered my soul, looked at me with such sadness in her eyes I wanted to break down and cry.
Before I could answer she nudged over her shoulder as if she had watched Lassie reruns and was leading the way to Little Timmie who had fallen down the old well. She whispered under her breath, “My boyfriends over there,” nudging again towards a table with a bunch of dudes. Smiled and uneasy smile, I watched in almost relief as her face crinkled up and smooshed her nose into her eyes and I smiled and said no thanks.
I felt the oneitis worms that were eating into my brain wither and die and fall away as the God of Oneitis screamed out in defeat knowing that today, this day, he would go on without my brain to devour on his plate filled with the brains of those afflicted by his horrific disease. Not tonight you evil filth monger from the bowels of all that is dark, nasty and Dallas Cowboy Fans.
I walked away knowing that it was all going to be all right. Even as my precious little lover sat and turned to kiss her boyfriend, at his table of friends, I could see her eyes shimmer from the lights of the stage as she watched me walk off into the night. She was sad and torn between the man she now kissed and the man she let walk out the door. I walked away tall and proud, she sat there slumped and ashamed.
The choice was going to have to be hers. It could never be the same and I will not step on anyone to get what I wanted. I will leave the decision to her, but somewhere in my mind I smiled, knowing just a little bit of me had died tonight, just a little bit and I was still OK.
MX277 had some magic going on with one waitress, but SteveO just wasn’t up to seeing it. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
*Why do you think in Sling-Blade, Karl Childers was so good at fixing small engines and had so much love inside? Well it’s because The God Of Love and Small Engines is one and the same. Just like the God of Burritos and 7-11s is one and the same. Don’t be knocking my religion or I’ll plant wild flowers in your yard. I know where you live 
. Just put my latest order in for another bottle of Ammo a few days ago, and I wouldn’t do that if I didn’t believe in the product! So far, that’s one of my favorite products you guys sell and easily one of the best products on the market.