Current mood: Stressed out/confused/wondering what the hell to do now?!!
(Got to split this post up, sorry. I’m 8933 characters over the 30,000 limit!).
So, Friday’s night shift was an interesting one. Got to work with a few good friends through the night. Sadly for me, one of my ‘haters’ (TD), was on shift up until midnight, still trying his darn best to wind me up. 4 months on from leaving and the guy is still can’t act normal! Still to this day, I think he’s the one whom tried to tamper with the electric hand dryers in the crew toilets, shooting out a flame on use due to paper towels and food wrappers being stuffed through the vent that the hot air comes through, igniting on the heating elements. Like I said elsewhere, one member of the team nearly got severely burnt from this! Unfortunately for him, my head is elsewhere, he had no chance. I just switched off from everything around me for that one hour and tried to make sense of what I’d been told by Si T on Wednesday, without much luck.
I know everyone in here has suggested I use A314 and IShine, but for me, I’ve been using 2 sprays of my ‘Party Mix’ on pretty much every shift, both in my store and RL. It contains X2 IShine anyway, gives me that up-beat party buzz I’ve come to love since EH’s Birthday night back in March. Sadly, something always kicks in my mind and I don’t think any neuro-influence product could snap me out of those thoughts! Considering I’ve been staring at most for 31 years from the minute I wake up to the second I go to sleep of my past, present and everything in between, (Social media, courses/training/work, nights out, all the good times and the bad, on loop every single day), it just displays on loop endlessly! Anyhow, correct me if I’m wrong, but there’s many different types of A314? I have the TOGO spay version (A314 Rev. B), so what version is everyone suggesting I use here in the A314/IShine combo? Not got much left of my A3 mind, having used it on the days that SK worked in my store a few weeks ago. Most quietest I’ve ever seen him; and yeah, X2 IShine was sprayed over the top. The 1st time in a very long time that I’ve had him be hospitable towards me, actually work as a team next to me. Usually, he’s just hitting me with insults or passing comment on ‘R’, trying to wind me up at every opportunity, whether on his own or with the other haters’.
Still, let’s talk about Friday (October, 6th), before I get side-tracked again, like I always do!
So, I’m in a happy but cautious mood going into do the night shift in RL. Did a double take when the taxi driver told me how much my fare was on arriving, 4.60GBP! I’m so used to them saying 10GBP and occasionally slightly above. Hell, I didn’t even need to buy a rail pass when working at RL, as the single fare back and forth over 5 days was less than the cost of the weekly pass!
Still, a handful of little darlings stood outside the door entrance as I went to go in, trying to act hard on seeing me, trying to block my entry on seeing me in my uniform! Ha, not a chance kids, you’re nothing like the teenagers we have to endure in GHS, you’ll be turned into cannon fodder if you start on me!
On walking through the door and up to the front counter it was a mixed reaction from people of, “You’re back! Are you back for good?!!” Had to say, “No,” with the sad look on their faces, to have others, mostly floor managers, give me the look of “What the heck are you doing here?!!” Yeah, clearly there’s more to this than I’m being told!
Into the crew room I went, two people I’ve not seen in 4 months sat quietly staring into their cells, said “Hi,” to both, a quick two shots of my ‘Party Mix’ to either side of my neck and into the lions den I went. Damn, got the same reaction as when I walked in, the good one that is of, “Yes, you’re back! We’ve missed working with you!” That was a nice feeling! So, found Si T, it was his night shift, asked what he wanted me to do, obviously clean throughout the night, but he said, “Ask Amy B if you’re needed; and if not, get your break.” Night shifts, straight on your break as soon as you walk through the door, nothing like that in GHS, you’ll be lucky to get one on some shifts, but I went down to the front of the store to have Amy up to her eyes in Drive-thru orders a little panicked, “I’m sorry NH, I’ve not been able to get most of the close done, we’ve been too busy!” I’m in a relatively calm, trance-like state here, ‘Party Mix’ mustn’t have kicked in yet, so I replied with, “Not to worry, it’ll get done, you always know it will get done. Let us concentrate on that later. For now, what do you need me to do?” Got asked to work the OAT, somewhere I hated working on my training 2 years back, now I don’t mind. Kind of a good place to put me to be honest as I get to use my scanning ability like when I worked in the NHS almost 9 years back. Strange thing about this store is it is set out totally different to mine. The poor person on the till effectively has to do everything on BDAP behind them (That’s the beverage and desserts section, located literally a metre behind them). My store, its nowhere near the front counter tills, in its own area, but we do so much more in our open planned space of working BDAP, we also wear a headset, take drive-thru orders for the outer lane, meet and greet the customers as they pull up at the collection window, get the orders together for both counter and drive-thru and present them. Occasionally, we even have to run into the kitchen to help out, but none of this at RL, everything is so compact, it actually feels smaller than when I was last there.
Had Abbey S come in, she’s on the night shift with me, someone else I can talk to, get along with. My lovely hate group as you know from other postings have targeted her both on shift and online, still do from what I’ve seen, maybe they should get to know her like I have, she’s a nice person, a little mad at times, but still dedicated to her work; and as we all know, anyone that says they like their job in that place gets hammered with all kinds, so in a way, I know exactly how she feels! I said to her, “Abbey, I can’t get used to the store being so new; and the equipment being so old. Actually, have they replaced anything? Looks like the equipment we had when I left!” She replied with, “The only thing they have replaced is the fridge in BDAP.” I walked over and took a look, “Nope Abbey, it’s the same one from when I was here!” She responded with, “Are you sure? I’m sure they said it was new!” “No, Abbey, I’m pretty sure, look at the bottom here, that’s from when that guy smashed the door with the fry baskets. I still see that, cannot forget!” She stepped in, looked and went, “Wow, you’re right, there’s the dent!” “Yeah, Abbey, he hit the door, the glass then proceeded to try and rip out the till from the counter. I didn’t even know the cables were that long, he was practically in the corner holding the till threatening to kill me, completely out of his tree. Never seen eyes like that, totally black!” Abbey responded, “Yeah, he was completely off his head, hope he’s locked up now!” I replied, “Doubt it. The Police said I couldn’t be a witness after I moved to GHS, don’t know why, as I see it every day, always will. Even saw the Officer that took my statement a couple of weeks ago, when he came through out Drive-thru; and he was gobsmacked by what I told him. Kind of makes you think that people can do whatever to you and get away with it. I sat in that car for an hour recalling everything; and apparently I was the lead witness, as I was stupid enough to go back inside 3 times! That’s me though, my team, my family, that I call you all, you come 1st. I don’t care about me, he could of done anything to me, all I cared about was getting everyone out. Kind of left 5 or 6 in there though, cowering down side 2, I had drinks to get out to customers that hadn’t received them. I stood on the doorway watching right afterwards, customers wanting to come back in asking when we were open again, with this guy inside smashing the place up! I had a thought that if he moved, I’d off been right back in there stopping him from getting to those I call my friends, I’d of put myself between them!” Abbey was like, “Wow, didn’t know it was like that, everyone else was outside!” Yeah, I know, wish I’d of gotten everyone out! Now I’m recalling it again, feck!! Like I’m not stressed enough!
Got sent on my break. Tea and OJ, that’s all I ever order (Can’t be repeating what happened to me in the NHS), add in a couple of chocolate bars and I’m happy. Gives me the energy to carry on, well that and a few sprays to my neck just before returning. It’s like an instant ‘wake-up’ and the scent of neroli, it just puts a smile on my face every time I use it, love, love, love that scent! Was tempted to do an update into this journal whilst on my break, but TD walked in and stood close behind me, couldn’t have him seeing where I write, what I write! They’ve all tried to find this place, even told me so, my place of escape for over 2 years now, of what they have said and done to me on shift and online; and what with iOS11 being added, the website address now appears and stays at the top of the screen, so there’s every chance that they would come to see it. Couldn’t have that, albeit, they’d come to realise just how much cr*p they’ve put me through in that time!
Still back to work; and I nearly went to clock in! Ha, I’m not in this store now, have to remember that, I cannot clock in, pah, wish I was, miss everyone, but on going back, the mayhem that I walked into had now died down and Shaunna (aka Sausage) was stood before me now with a piece of paper with a nice list of cleaning tasks that she’d drawn up to be done by everyone. Everyone, bar her! I always remember what she told me not long before I went to leave, that “No man shall ever tell her what to do;” and sadly that night, even though I’m effectively her manager, over her, would she actually do anything I’d ask her to do, she was completely refusing, wondering off and talking, instead of working, don’t know why the heck she was in, when we were all tasked to get the place spotless by the next morning due to an inspection/VIP coming in to visit! The other three staff on with me, we were all cleaning and stopping every few minutes to serve the customers; and the constantly asked one another, including me, “When is she going to do something tonight? She’s done nothing since she came in!” Yep, nothing new! Even worse was when she would say every hour, “Right, I’m off for a ciggie; and when I come back, we’ll continue cleaning.” Ha, you mean us, not you?!! Kitchen and back areas looked like a bomb had hit it. S, gave abbey the lovely task of ajaxing (Polishing) all of the stainless steel equipment from the front of the store to the very back. Apparently, it shouldn’t of taken more than 20 minutes, according to S! Are you having a laugh?!! Magda and I are working the OAT/Drive-thru and Jess is scrubbing the cup holders of the drive-thru, following the directions of S, based on the 10-point cleaning list. Shortly after 20 minutes and S shouts at the direction of Abbey, “You’ve been over 20 minutes, why haven’t you finished yet? You’ve only just gone into the kitchen, you have another 10 minutes to get it all done!” Are you kidding?!! There’s units pulled out, grills pulled out, people are trying to do their own cleaning, whilst cooking the food for counter/drive-thru and this person thinks that someone can ‘polish’ all stainless areas to the point that you can see your face in it, in 10 minutes, you’re having a laugh! Maybe it would get done, if she picked up a cloth and lent a hand to get the jobs done quicker, but then she had this great idea of Magda and I swapping from our jobs and taking over the cleaning so that S and Jess could have a break. Well yeah, fine, I don’t mind that, thought I was there to clean anyhow, not run the front counter, but, Magda and I ended up having to stop and do both, as Jess had to constantly use the front till; and S was nowhere to be seen! To be fair, it was the 1st time I’d had a good look at the cleaning list that S and drawn up to be done; and there was nowhere near what was required, written on it. This thing was like 10 bulletin points. Mine would have been about 2 pages! The walls were black, not on the list, the units needed pulling out (Those on wheels), S told me I didn’t have to, I beg to differ, sorry! I mean, instead of starting at one point; and working your way forwards, we were doing little bits here and there, so it was taking longer to complete! Si T clocked me cleaning the walls in B3, asked me what I was doing, so told him. He said, “You’ve been brought it to manage that area, not clean (Not what I was told/asked by Nathan on the Wednesday shift), where’s S?” Responded with, “Outside, having another ciggie! She didn’t even ask, said it was her scheduled ciggie break, clocked off and went! Wish we could all have one; and I don’t even smoke!” Si replied with, “Lazy Bi*ch, she needs to do the cleaning, you need to concentrate on working the OAT/Drive-thru. Magda is going home in a minute and there’s so much that needs to be done!” Responded with, “Tell me about it! You know me though, I don’t go until it is all done!” With that, I went back to working with M and J all commenting on S sitting outside staring through the glass back at us, whether she was going to do any work. Have to say, probably not, but I’m well and truly used to that from this person, why should tonight be any different?!!
S comes back, immediately has a go at Abbey for taking now well over an hour to clean the metal surfaces. To be fair, I think she was right on that one, shouldn’t of taken that long to do all those areas, but yes, there was obstacles and some of the kitchen staff thought it would be funny to wipe their fingers across what she’d just polished, meaning she had to do it again! Nothing like making the job harder, when we have only a few hours left to complete it all in. Kitchen was by far the worst though. Around 430am, though, Si asked me to clean the walls along the entire back corridor, as no doubt that would be an area inspected! Not a problem, meant S had to do a bit of work, finally! However, around 5am, S came running through to the female crew toilets, and let’s just say she didn’t sound too healthy in there! Had to go and quietly tell Si, that I though S was in the process of being sick. Got the response of, “The lazy bi*ch will try and say she can’t do any more work now!” I went back to cleaning the walls, only to hear cries of “Oh no!” come from within the kitchen! Remember that lovely grease trap thing we have in GHS, that well, has a bad habit of overflowing if the filter isn’t changed regualrly? Well, RL had had one installed only a few days earlier and no one told them that they should change the filter over every 4 hours, so there was a tidal wave of greasy water coming gushing under the backroom door, out into the back corridor that I was working in. There was that much, it went into the crew room, the store room and female crew toilets! Si was cursing everywhere, lol, squeegying the water out of the back door. I got the grim task of mopping up the toilets, store room and crew room. Whilst there, Abbey came out to get stock; and I don’t know what made her say it, but she said, “I wish you were back, but what with R, I know that you cannot!” Say what?!! Okay, this is the 1st I’ve heard off of anyone as to why I cannot come back, other than what my BM Marc had told me a now month ago about my previous BM, Vicki, saying she “Hated me and wanted me out of RL in June!” So, I phished for more info. “What is it you know Abbey, as no one is telling me anything?” She replied with, “Well, R has apparently gone to Luke (Ops Consultant), over you harassing her online. She said that if you get transferred back, then she will take it that the Company isn’t taking it seriously; and that she will leave!” Safe to say I was blown away by that. I didn’t know it had gone that far, to senior management, even more so that no one had even told me! Why haven’t I been told? I’m standing here, learning this from a crew member, in a corridor on a shift that I’d picked up a few days earlier. Hadn’t I of done so, I’d of still been none the wiser, thinking that the reason was my ex-BM apparently hating me for no reason/explanation! What the hell did I do to deserve this? I went on to say to Abbey, “You’re joking?!!” She replied with, “No, I’m not! It’s ridiculous!” I’ll say! Safe to say I stood there stunned, continued with, “R sent things to me also. I posted on everyone’s wall, not just her’s, no one else has done this. Jesus, I was genuinely concerned when she posted about that guy in the car a few weeks back, even more so when everyone posted online a couple of days later about that guy that went missing for 24 hours. I thought the worst, that she’d been lucky. I cannot believe this Abbey, I’ve been lied to by my own BM, Marc, told that I couldn’t come back because Vicki hated me and wanted me out of this store; and now I’m being told this! What the heck?!!” Abbey responded with, “I know. It’s crazy! She’s probably taken it out of context, you know what she’s like!” I replied with, “That’s what I said to Sasha a month ago, that she’s taken what I’ve said out of context. I cannot believe this, I’m in shock. What the heck am I even doing here, if I’m not supposed to be working here? They scheduled me two shifts, I’m back tomorrow for a 9am-6pm! Hell, why did they even give me this shift if they know I’m not to be here?!! Rachel is one of your best managers, she is my best friend, the nicest person I have ever come to work with. I cannot get what you are telling me through my head!” Abbey replied with, “I know, I couldn’t believe it when she told me, she said you were stalking her online!” “WTF?!! Are you kidding me?!! She wrote directly to me, tagged me in her posts to me, even forwarded them onto her own snapchat. I cannot believe this Abbey, I cannot believe it! How the hell has she got that thought of me. Even on her Twitter page did she say she thought I wanted to ‘abduct her, tie her up, lock her up and keep her in a basement for 24 years!’ How the hell can someone say that of me, think that of me, I would never do that to anyone! The amount of times I’ve jumped to her defence from customers threatening her, gangs of kids and adults coming in/standing on the door, threatening her; and she thinks this of me?!! Christ, this is unreal, I cannot get this through my head. Why has no one told me, that’s what I don’t get? Why have they kept it from me?” Abbey replied, “I don’t know, I thought you knew!” Responded with, “No, Abbey, you are the only person to have told me this in full. This is serious Abbey, and no one has had the decency to tell me, approach me or ask for my account of events. I just can’t believe this! Thank you for telling me!”
With that, I went straight to the office and confronted Si, shaking uncontrollably. “Erm, I’ve just been told why I cannot come back here! Safe to say I’m a little shocked to say the least. Are you aware that R has gone to Luke over me allegedly harassing her online?” Si replied, “Jeez, no I didn’t!” I continued, “Well, at least now I know the bull story told to me by Marc a month ago about not coming back, but why hasn’t anyone bothered to tell me?!! I’m in shock Si. I had to learn this from a crew member!” Si repeated what he said to me on Wednesday, “All she said to me was you wrote to her online then sent her some massive thing to her PM box, that she won’t read; and is ignoring it. But no, I didn’t know she had gone to Luke about you, she never told me that!” I went on to say, “Si, you’ve seen my journal on Wednesday with your own eyes, including that massive thing! I don’t think it even took you 5 minutes to read everything; and that was two posts! I could go on to show you what has been posted online, I have them all, I don’t delete anything, can’t anyway, lol, the way my account is set-up, but isn’t R in today, doesn’t she work Saturdays from 7am? It’s 5 past 6 now, I can’t be here is she does come in! She may see me, turn around and walk back out again; and I cannot let that happen, won’t allow that to happen, I have to leave now, in a few minutes at the very latest. She is an excellent manager, she brings out the best in everyone, you cannot lose her! I’m out of my mind with this, I cannot believe what I’ve just been told! I need to get out of here, she could come in early, what with the inspection, I just cannot be here when she does. I cannot have her feeling stressed in what will probably be an already stressful day, it’s just not fair! Why didn’t anyone tell me, that’s what I just don’t get? Did they think I wouldn’t find out? At least now I know why some of the staff are acting weird around me.” With that, Si said I could go, just as SK walked in half asleep, thank god he didn’t just hear all that, especially after all the things he’s said for months over R; and here’s me getting the raw end of the stick! Probably should of told her what he constantly said about her, both him and the others, but like I’ve said time and time again, I don’t like to see her upset! But, before I left, I said to Si T, “What about tomorrow’s shift, I’m supposed to be on a 9am-6pm?” He responded with, “Just come in. As I said, nothing has been said to me, so just come in and do it!” With that, I left, went home, slept for pretty much the entire day. I guess after doing 27 hours of work, lack of sleep is going to catch up with you at some point!!
For me though, half asleep, still stressing by what had been said to me only a few hours earlier, I turned to my other friend Sasha via our PM page. I couldn’t keep what was now killing my head even more to myself! “Jesus Sasha, this thing with R is far worse than I thought!! Sorry if you get a load of text now, but I have to speak with someone, confide in someone. My head is in bits with this; and I just do not know what I have done or what to do?!!” Sasha responded with, “What’s up NH?” I continued, “Wednesday, before I left RL, I spoke with Si T. I’ve spoken to him over many things over the years, always someone to give good advice, also. Had to ask him what the heck was going on with R, as he seemed to be hinting to speak with him, throughout the shift? I showed him my journal from when this all kicked off, including what Abbie J had said in my 2nd post on FB (all in the journal); and what I had sent to R (Also in the journal). He was hesitant at 1st about reading it. He realises now, that there’s a bigger picture to all of this. R apparently told him that if I went back, she would leave! I couldn’t work out why based on a few posts that both of us had sent one another; and R has forwarded on elsewhere (Snapchat). Si said, “Rachel thinks you want to do things to her, get inside of her!” Where the hell did she get that idea from?!! Is this what was being said in that group chat? Still no idea what went on in there, or who has said what?!! Has this got anything to do with me posting my genuine concern towards her, when she posted on FB about that nut trying to abduct her a few weeks back?? I seriously think she’s seen that and added me into it!! But as you know I was concerned. There was a guy that went missing in the same area 2 days after R saying she was stalked. It was all over FB, but he turned up safe and well nearly 24 hours later. Still made me think on seeing that, that she’d been lucky thinking the guy in the car had struck again!” Sasha replied with, “I haven’t heard or seen anything that says that what si said all that’s been said in the group chat is that she’s fed up with it all and that she doesn’t wanna speak about.”
I continued on, “Si told me not to speak to Lucy Z, Paul K, or Wez. He said you are someone I can trust, which to me, you are. Safe to say, what he said has made my head go west Thursday/Friday back in GHS, trying to work out how it had gotten to that!! Abbey S gave me even more pieces to the puzzle right near the end of the shift this morning. Turns out that R has put in a formal complaint about me regarding harassment! Who to, I don’t know? Words cannot describe what I think or even feel about that. I am in total shock! How the hell has it gotten to that? More to the point, what has she said? Nobody is telling me anything!! Everything has been taken way out of context; and it has to be resolved now, not later, as I said two weeks ago when this started. I know you said, “Give her time, as it’s too fresh at the moment.” This is serious Sasha, this cannot be left for weeks/months, it will never go away!! Lucy B drove me home on Monday, brought up R in the car, told her that I write everything down in a journal, it can be used to show I’m not some nutter. Told her that R has had access to it since June, but don’t think she has ever logged in. If she had, she’d of seen how I feel towards her. I considered her my best friend. She is an awesome manager to work with, wouldn’t want her to feel the need to leave. I told Si what Abbey had told me, he didn’t even know!! He just went , “Jeez!” In shock himself. Who the heck do I speak to now? No wonder Marc was screaming at me about not returning, I bet it was because of this! Why won’t anyone tell me anything, it’s driving me nuts?!! She hasn’t seen that post by the way, the one that I sent. Si told me R said, “NH sent me a really big message, but I’m not reading it!” I really do think she should, but I think she should now do it from within my journal as she will see the bigger picture.”
Sasha responded with, “I think she has put a complaint in to Luke about u
And Vicky not sure when and why.” I continued, “I’m in there tomorrow. Half are saying, “Are you back?” Everyone else is just acting really weird around me.
It’s got to get resolved Sasha, I’ve got to speak to someone. How the hell has it gotten to this? That will explain what Lucy B was on about in the car, “…speaking to Luke about it.” Why am I not even being asked about it? That’s what’s getting me. No one in management is saying anything! I don’t want R to be told, “Oh, NH’s back working here!” When I’m not, I didn’t do my schedule. It was changed right up to a week before I came this week, and as you know from when I 1st started posting in here, I had been told I couldn’t come back because of Vicki. Now as we know, it transpires that it is because of R. She’s done nothing wrong, I feel I’ve done nothing wrong. Hell, when Abbey S told me, I went straight into Si, told him, said, “I’ll have to go if she’s in this morning in case she comes in early for this inspection. Don’t want her stressing out on seeing me, for what will already be a stressful day!” Really hope no one has harassed her today, with me being in.”
Sasha replied, " I know yeah maybe speak to Luke about it so you know fully what’s going on personally I think its ridiculous and she shouldn’t of reported you atal
No one has said anything to her today and she’s been happy all shift."
I continued, " Thank Christ for that! She makes the shifts run so smoothly, makes everyone so happy, that’s why I loved working on her shifts, albeit it would only be once or twice a week. She’s a damn good manager! Liked by most, but yeah I’m going to have to speak with Luke/Lucy/Vicki, find out what the hell is going on. Like I said, no one is telling me anything. Kind of making me nervous about going into RL to work, as I’m worried in case she’s in there or picked up another shift, don’t want her stressing out over god knows what. All that is in my mind is that it has to be resolved and it has to be done in the next few weeks."
After that, we spoke no more. I had to go out for a walk, calm myself down. Didn’t really help, but seeing a bit of daylight was, after spending so many hours in work!
