Where did you apply your ‘buttcheese’ if you please? ANNND… did you add any mones to the picture?
Waiting for more cookies… 
1Alpha
There are always cookies for you, Alpha!!!
Today I wore: 4 sprays IH, on my forearms and hair, 3 sprays p83, also forearms and hair, and 3 drops of EoW, one to each forearm, and one to the chest. Eow definitely has some sort of reaction with my skin… because the area it touches gets very red for about 20 minutes afterward, and you can see exactly where it dripped down… its very strange!
I covered the eow after my drive to school with some tahitian orchid.
Self Effects: I think I woke up this way, but I have felt very confident all day… like in a ready to party type mood. It COULD be the cops prolonging it, but I am pretty sure I put them on BECAUSE I was feeling it.
Effects on Others Hmmm where to begin. I think L might be intimidated by Cops. he was quieter than usual… and we had a bit LESS interaction, but the interaction we did have, we laughed a LOT. He did try for my attention once or twice, to show me things on his phone that he thought I’d find funny… I really have no idea how to read it anymore…
T was very fun today. He gave me a double high 5 for a good grade I got on a test… and kind of lingered holding both of my hands for a split second… then I ran into him a second time and he asked what I was up to almost as if I hadn’t said I was going to class, like he’d have asked me to do something. I added him as a facebook friend today, so we shall see what happens.
My lab partner is a football bro-ish guy, and as soon as we sat down, he immediately gave me some gum, and started chatting. He’s mildly flirty, and obviously attracted to me… Its amusing to see how affected he is.
I think that’s about all for today. I haven’t decided what I will do on Friday…
I also think I might like to trade my IS/b for some IS/a. I know that my personality is more like IS/a… and I thought b might soften and balance me out… but I think it’s just not congruent so I am not sure.
So this morning I was feeling pretty good again, and decided to try out a new mix.
I used: 3 drops Eow and 3 drops EST.
Self Effects I was enjoying my ride to school with the radio the upbeat music was really nice. When I got to class, it was a more lighthearted, chatty group than usual, normally we all just work at our computers on our own.
Effects on othersNo real significant hits. I think one guy in my first class noticed me for the first time today… and I did run into L quickly and he was very flirty playful… but I didnt have a ton of interactions today so it wasn’t the best day to judge.
I just ordered IS and Is/A on a whim! I am excited to try them out! Verrryyy sad that a full size IH is 120$… yuck!
Tomorrow I am going to go back to what I did wednesday, because it seemed to disarm L, and attracted T very well. I might add a 4th p83, just to push it. We’ll see how I feel. 
…iiiiinnttteerrressstinngggg.
wore 5 drops Eow, 4 sprays IH, and 4 sprays p83. I covered with a little orchid, and also did not have time to shower after my morning workout… so I think I OD’d a bit today.
self effectsmeh. I was pretty grumpy this morning, but I have a fever, and did not take any happy pills today, so I do not think it was mone related. I was definitely feeling like I wanted to be snuggled… but that’s pretty typical.
Effects on Others Well A female friend announced LOUDLY when I walked up to breakfast how pretty I looked. That was nice. Then when I saw L, he immediately said the room smelled funny. I said I didn’t shower after practice and just doused myself with spray, and told him to smell my arm to see if it was me.He said it was. He described it as a mix of guy smell with girl smell, and also said it was like his high school locker room. I asked if it was good or bad, and he said it was just weird. Later he said he got used to it.
He and i did not have the greatest day. I just felt tired and almost short with him. We weren’t BAD… no fighting or anything. just… not great. We did joke a little, and a few things made us laugh, but I don’t think either of us were in the greatest of moods… so after class we just went our separate ways and didn’t prolong the interaction.
The INTERESTING part of today happened with T! He is most CERTAINLY interested in me. He invited me to come to a party at his place tonight, but I have a race in the morning so I can’t go out. He mentioned that he was totally free tomorrow night… and I suggested he think of some plans for us. Another friend of his also walked up during the conversation… I was all planned to say “so why don’t you take my number…” but the other person was there and we got interrupted. He and I are always all smiles and flirty eye contact and its… very clear. He’s got my facebook… so we shall see if anything comes of it, or if we will have to wait until our next interaction on Monday… which I wouldn’t hate… because I AM feeling a little sick and could use the extra sleep this weekend.
I feel very strangely about being attracted to someone else and the thought of actually doing something about it. Not that I don’t WANT to… almost like I SHOULDN’T be doing it. I know I am not ready to have another relationship. But I suppose L was my first REAL long term boyfriend… so I am curious to see how someone else would treat me and if we really are missing something. Bleh I don’t know. Emotions are so confusing. I need to stop thinking about them and just go with what I feel.
I am REALLY excited to get my IS and Is/a. Haven’t received shipping confirmation yet… so no hope for the weekend… but I really think shine will be great for where I am right now.
I bailed on class today… I’ve got a pretty nasty head cold so I just slept it off… plus I know seeing L when I am not really happy just makes me irritable.
I have to go to work tonight, though, and I gave my two weeks notice recently, so this will be horribly awkward… but THANKFULLY my IS got here today!
AND AND AND AND! I got a surprise sample of p130!
I am very excited to try it! I did some reading and it seems GREAT for me! I can get a bit introverted in big social situations because I feel anxious and such.. and all the reports I read say that p130 is wonderful for shedding that fear. THANK YOU
I will play with this one this weekend for sure!
I also got IS/A just to compare… Not sure when I will be able to test that… I am so impatient!
I have quite the stash going, though! yay!!
Sorry to hear about your cold! Can get nasty. BUT, I KNOW you’re fighting it off as YOU are a fighter AND a Lover!
P130… GOOD FOR You! Take it out for a spin by it’s lonesome and see what it does. I suggest you give it a try by itself on YOU first. Focus on seeing what it does for you, if anything.
THEN, you’ll be able to better handle the events as they trans-fold before you as to what this P130 does in social interactions with others on a one to one and in a group. Also, at what distances you see a reaction and which you don’t.
Stash is growning strong! You’ll have a mini locker of mones soon enough. Of this, I KNOW!
1Alpha
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She is not just a fighter and a lover, but now she is also a reporting user. <3
I might not always get a chance to post in the journals, or any threads lately with the workload piling up, but I read them. I have to say I’ve been enjoying yours. Welcome to the community of like minded
Oh! Oh oh oh!!! Yaaaaayyyy! Cookies for everyone now!!
I am so glad! I know I have a lot to learn… but I am enjoying reporting along the way!
My mental state is very interesting today. I feel very differently about my breakup and have been really getting into what exactly is important to me. I’d kind of come to the conclusion in my mind before that the point of life to me was just to be happy… and the thing that makes me most happy is being with and loving another person and all the wonderful ways there are to do that… But I am realizing how much of a dependent spin that puts on just about everything else that I think. I’ve kind of called to attention just how little social interaction is actually present in my day to day life- primarily because I have been reporting on “hits” from wearing mones… And that is largely because I based my happiness off of one thing, one person, for a long time.
In one of my classes that is about multicultural perspectives of wellness, today we talked about bonobo monkeys and how advanced their quality of life is… because they are such a relational species versus the competition based baboon… We also talked a lot about how our lives are made by the relationships we have with people.
People… plural. Not just one. Its definitely making me want to focus more on my relationships with all of the people in my life… I have no shortage of friends… but I often let myself be consumed by the pace of my life and don’t spend the time I should on those relationships… and instead shy away from it for my own introspection.
Also it does not hurt that I am 100% in the stage where EVERYTHING about L really irritates me. I think he’s just such an idiot for not seeing the way I do about our relationship. I just think its a very stupid situation. I am actually mad at him for hurting me the way he did. I know he can’t change it and he didn’t intentionally do it and blah blah blah its not necessarily his FAULT. But I feel irritated right now… and I want to call him an idiot.
I am also frighteningly starting to realize that it is very possible that I can and will find happiness with someone else. It is comforting… but also very sad to think as well, because I don’t necessarily want to let L go.
Not much with mone useage today- I sprayed some IS last night, but my boss wasn’t in, and my job is(was!) so quiet that I was not around anyone long enough to notice anything.
This morning I put on a few sprays of IS/A… but then went right to my morning workout. I noticed I felt really confident about my body, and did catch one of the guys looking at me a little… but not much, because I was around L’s teammates, and they all know that I was his for a long time… so I am not really “fair game”
Tomorrow I will have the big tester of IS. I will pair that with IH and see what happens! Maybe right before I see T I will combine a tiny bit of one of the sexier mones, depending on how I feel.
I haven’t played with my EST at all yet! Bah! That one has my favorite described effect of them all, but I’ve just been using all the others first. I am definitely deciding to focus less on L… things with him will be whatever they will be and there is nothing I can do about it anymore.
Also I’ve decided I want Tease, and the massageXS oil also… but I have GOT to slow down my spending for a little while… eeeek.
Today doesn’t count for mone testing… L and I were PISSY today.
Immediately this morning he decided to sit next to someone else… and the arguing just grew from there.
…all over text message while we were in our separate classes, mind you. GREAT.
finally I get so tired of it I called him and told him I was coming to talk. Now.
At that point I was wearing 4 sprays of IS that I’d put on myself before lab in the bathroom to try to calm myself down and feel less pissed at him.
Maybe these helped? As soon as we were in person, we didn’t argue so much as really communicated things that were making us unhappy… but he is so messed up with words that I don’t think arguing in person is possible for him.
I also got him to say that sometimes he did think he loved me… he just never felt sure enough or like it was right to say it. I then pointed out that he never even felt sure enough to say where he wanted to go eat dinner… that him “not being sure” was absolutely not a sign of a flaw in our relationship.
This really is a problem for him. I don’t know if it’s some sort of communication disorder… or if it’s brain-fog type depression? (this is linked to both rheumatoid arthritis, AND is something in his genetics…)
Anyway. I think we genuinely cleared out the anger we’ve been dealing with… and are trying to let a friendship fall into place now. I think I am a bit crazy for still thinking we may work it out romantically… but hearing him say he did think he loved me sometimes was reassuring in my theory of what is going on with him. I just don’t know how to help him fix it… or if I even can. When I say I think he really has a problem.. he doesn’t deny it. He just doesn’t say anything… and I ask him what he thinks, and he just doesn’t know. When he tries to voice his feelings he gets lost in his words… he will start to speak… and just not be able to get out a coherent thought. Does anyone have any experience that might be similar to this? My immediate thought is that it is something psychological, maybe along the lines of depression, because it also affects his ability to feel sexual sensation… but the speech part of it makes me feel like it could be a communication disorder.
What can I do about this? Where can I research more, and how do you say “You need professional help” to someone without making them hate you?
People can be very mean.
I will try to keep this as phero-centered as possible, but there is so much else in my mind I really don’t know if I will be able.
Friday I had morning practice, and actually forgot to spray on before I saw L in class because I was a bit rushed. We were alright. didn’t talk too much… but we have an exam soon so we have to focus.
i did spray on IS/A and IS before running into T, and nothing horribly out of the ordinary happened. We are still in the awkward stalemate of no one making a movie. My self esteem is pretty low from last night so I’d really like something to happen with him soon.
Then hours later, I had come home and showered and gone back up to campus to meet some friends for a group dinner in the dining hall, and I wore shine and IS/a and a spray of IH. I don’t remember how much. But I do remember some hits… just a lot of charged eye contact with guys. I ran into L there also, he was surprised I was there. We didn’t talk a ton…
now, Saturday I decided to go out with friends last night, and I went heavy! I did 6ish drops of Eow, a little EST, IS/A, shine, p83, and 1 of p130!
i really did not do dosing as specifically as I should have… i wasnt feeling too into going so I just kept adding a spray of this and that…
Eow definitely leaves red marks wherever I apply it for 20-30 minutes. I also forgot to cover it today except with the neroli. I could sort of smell it at the party, but not strongly. However 2 people did comment it smelled really bad when I was around, but it was SO crowded that it couldn’t be traced to me.
A guy did come to talk to me… he seemed really interested in me… then my friends wanted to move so it didn’t go anywhere.
A few guys were pretty nice to me and flirty and such with “let the lady pass!” through the crowd type of things, but nothing else really.
Then one, who I have definitely seen out before, who has never shown interest before… I was walking through the crowd, and I made a joke about how hard it was to get by… and he said to go ahead in front ofhim… and then he came behind me and started dancing with me? I was very surprised, but went with it! and was having a good time, and he put his hand on mine and was very obviously interested UNTIL Someone did something very very mean.
A guy I know, Erik, is on the mens team, and sort of friends with L but not really… we have never been really friendly but we never had a problem either I thought… Apparently he was friends with the guy dancing with me… and came up to him and like signaled “cut” across his throat type of thing as if the boy should stop dancing with me right away…and he tried to be really smooth about it… except I fully saw him.
The guy I was dancing with immediately stopped and walked away from me.
I don’t really know why I was that girl that he SHOULD NOT dance with? I hardly know the other guy, and wasn’t intending on doing anything other than dancing for a minute or two on my way to finding my friends. The fact that Erik thinks that poorly of me to be publicly mean is really pretty hurtful.
It got me thinking a lot about the mens team in general… I don’t think they like me very much. I know that I can be a bit loud when I am uncomfortable.. . but I don’t ever think I’d done anything that WRONG with them. I know I am an attractive girl… or at least I had thought I was above the type of standard that guys would DRASTICALLY stop their friends from beer goggle-ing. I just wonder if they all don’t like me, then? And if L is getting pressure from these guys to not see me? Do I have a bad reputation with his friends?! What would I even have done? Ugh.
It hurt my feelings a lot last night. I am just having such a difficult time these past few months, and I really thought I was starting to be back on the up… but I guess not. I don’t know why so much of my opinion of myself is whether or not someone else loves me. I wish I didn’t rely so heavily on that for my happiness… but I can’t figure it out. I just keep coming back to the fact that I just have so much MORE happiness when I am with L. When I feel like I am someone’s. Almost like I matter more because I am so important to someone. I don’t even know if it’s just L, or if I am just dependent in general.
It’s not that I am hopeless or feel worthless when I am single… just… like something is missing. I don’t know how to fix that. I had such a great day with my team today and was so happy just being with my great new friends… but i still just keep feeling like L is missing.
It also makes me kind of wonder what is so wrong with me that Erik would do that. I keep trying to tell myself its not a big deal and he’s just an ass… but UGH.
I think I want to work on testing my EST. I’d really like it if people could start to see me as a bit softer, and I want to work on that within myself as well. I also would like it if people could be nicer and protect me a little more… I think I really need it lately.
Hello!
It’s been awhile! I have used my mones a bit, but nothing too notable.
Today I wore:
EST- 4 drops, 3 sprays IS/b, and 1 spray of p130.
I saw L, and we were okay. I hope we’ve reached an actual friend state by now… I really want to get back together but I know there is so much we still have to resolve.
T did an interesting thing also… we saw each other, and he almost walked right into his classroom… and then turned around to come talk to me. We are still at the awkward stalemate of not making the next move, even though we are clearly attracted to each other.
I do want something more to happen… but at the same time… I am so in love with L that I don’t necessarily WANT to move on yet. I don’t know what I’d do if something were to start with someone new, and he figured out his issues and wanted to try again. Blegh… BUT I don’t want to ruin my chance at something new by waiting for L when it might never work out. Ugh.
I will see L again in a few hours.. so I will add another something… maybe some cops just to be sure the attraction stays strong…
How much EST did you wear? EST can make you come over as someone who is dependent and that never has a good ending. Interdependence is the way to be . Good luck all the same
You should be upset over the pansy that straight stopped dancing with you cos his master said so over Erik IMO.
Hellooooo!!!
I have been meaning to report…but my semester has gotten so crazy! I have a LOT to report today, though… so even though I should be studying… well… I couldn’t resist.
before I get into my day and pheros, but an update on the guys in my life and where the last stretch of time has taken us…
First-- L. Well. I love him. I just do. We are on decent terms right now, but still no mention of being together… He still just doesn’t want to be with me. I still feel very strongly for him, but I am doing my best to not get stuck waiting for him, and because of that miss out on my life.
I feel very happy lately. I have wonderful friends and most every other aspect is fantastic… so as much as I miss my relationship with L… I am doing alright.
T- He is so incredibly sweet. We did hang out one night… just talked for 3 hours (I was wearing IH!) and seemed to really hit it off. He’s very shy, and openly admitted to having OCD and some anxiety issues, so he doesn’t do much initiating of conversations. I think I came on a bit too strong the past few days… so I am currently backing off a bit. We have great chemistry… I just need to let it work. I am not necessarily looking to jump right into anything serious, so I am okay with letting time do its thing.
My progress with Pheros… Most of my instants are gone… and I’ve been trying Eow and EST in different combinations and situations lately. I think I like Eow the best when it was applied the night before. it’s much more subtle and feels natural.
EST makes me feel very girly. I haven’t noticed much of an effect on others yet… definitely not the protective/do things for me/take care of me that I’ve been looking for.
I definitely like IS/b more than IS/a. I know that personality wise I have more of the “a” characteristics, but want very much to be a “b”… so A just makes it too extreme, whereas B balances out and feels very very feminine.
Shine I don’t think I care much for. Its effect hasn’t been too significant.
P130… I still have some of, but I have been loving. it is very helpful at removing the little bit of anxiety I can feel sometimes in large group situations…
p83… I think want to get more of. IH I also want more of. I like both very much.
I also have been wanting to try Tease lately as well… I think I may order that today.
TODAY I wore- 4 drops Eow, covered with Tahitian Orchid… applied at 8am.
Self effects: I felt very attractive this morning. There are a lot of things combining for that to be true, but I know Eow helped and I was definitely feeling pretty sexy this morning.
Effects on Others. I saw L. I felt like we were flirting… but there is always just our undeniable chemistry so who really knows anymore at all.
T- I only saw very briefly. I am afraid I may have been a bit too forward this weekend so I am trying to be a bit more coy… not sure EoW send that message, though.
The REAL story, though, comes with a boy I will call “C” I’ve known C for about 5 years now… we’ve ALWAYS been very very flirtatious, very close friends, touchy feely… but I never thought he was into me, kind of just figured that’s the way he was. Well I bumped into him in the hall way today… quite literally… he bumped right into me on purpose because I didn’t see him… put his arm around me, and we chatted like normal. We ended with some VERY flirty words… and an hour or so later I got a text that simply said.. “Perv ” And… well… it DEFINITELY escalated from there… and we had QUIIIIITEEE the afternoon. I wound up going over there, and well, bow chicka wow wowwwwww…
hahahaha. I am pretty glad that happened, because it’s been about 4 months… and I was VERY MUCH wanting some… and C is someone that I know and trust so I feel much better about that than someone I just met or from a bar or a relapse with L or anything like that. i think it’s VERY interesting that this all happened because of Eow. We’ve always had attraction, but I don’t think he’d ever seen me while I was wearing it… funny how quickly that turned up the heat!!
Anyway… I am going to catch up on reading everyone else’s stories… and then buy myself some tease to play with!
Oh man, a bit of a splurge tonight!
a bottle of Pink Sugar, too…
Not to mention a lovely chat with Steve! Thanks again for the quick call!
I am super excited to have new things to play with!! I’ll post more when I get them!
My sweet spot with EoW is definitely 5 drops. Today I wore that, covered with Very Sexy by victoria’s secret- 4 to the neck, 1 split on my forearms.
I can really smell it now because the VS has totally worn off, but it definitely is a better combination than my orchid spray. I can’t wait to use pink sugar, though!
I also used 3 sprays of the p130 tester I was given, hoping to get people to say more of what they’re thinking.
Saw L today… was typical. nothing major to report. Sigh.
Did not see T or C today.
One of L’s friends that I have a class with was COMPLETELY enamored with me today,though. I sat in the row behind him, and he kept turning around or flicking my book or trying to talk or distract me. We’ve always been friendly before… but today the Cops got to him for sure!
having a bit of a down day, also… Not thinking too much of it and hoping it will soon pass… but it’s definitely one of the harder ones and I keep thinking of missing L. Hopefully in a few hours I’ll go to the library to study with some friends and that will get my mind away from this.
Pink sugar smells like I’m a princess!
Its very potent, and ONE spray is enough to be noticed.
I haven’t been around people much this weekend, as it’s the start of Thanksgiving break and most people have left town for a little while.
I’ve got work tomorrow, and I don’t expect there will be many people, but you can bet I’ll be wearing this yummy one!
Love the yummy Pink Sugar. I’ve ordered it along with Blue Sugar. Well, I wear Blue Sugar, BTW.
The Pink Sugar is for my A!
I haven’t heard it described as Princessy smell… LOL!
1Alpha