I have this friend with whom I share a strong chemistry and attraction.
You can often find us exchanging obscene gestures and sexual innuedo (WTF, right?)
Well, I’ve had enough of these references and gestures -__-"
The attraction is there, I just need a strong something or another to push him over the edge (I’ve been over said edge for awhile now )
I’m thinking of trying EOW, but would like some advice/input first?
I don’t know if this is relevant or not, but we are both ‘dominating’ so to say.
He is also older (mid-40s)..
You are 19 and he is mid40s. Im not judging - just be aware that you two have two completely different chemical set ups right now beyond the fact that it’s an awful idea in general. No judgement - just be advised that the issue is most likely a chemosensory disconnect. That disconnect is probably because it’s an awful idea.
Trust me, you said strong chemistry and attraction but you are 19. You will find the very same with somebody else in less than a week
I’m sure somebody here will have advice on what to wear but I wanted you to know what’s happening.
I’m another who would second caution with cops - IME they can be very unpredictable and go badly wrong as often as they work well.
Then there is the issue of them sending a particular vibe - As-in freshly-fucked, or slapper! Are you convinced that is what you want to send to this guy. Esp as there is such an age gap?
Also, cops are not pheros and frankly, there are other pheros here that may well be better for setting a mood that sits better with your personality?
Your 19 and he is in his 40’s. I dont doubt there is a sexual chemistry that you have described however I have to wonder if he is dominant as you mentioned what exactly is holding him back ? Most single 40 year old men would jump on the chance to be with a willing 19 year old girl.
I dont think copulins are the answer for you. You produce them, he is responding to them already hence the sexual gestures and innuendos.
The age of 40 to mid 50’s for a guy is a time of change. Women go through menopause but what few people understand is men go through whats called andropause and in a attempt to hang onto there youth and status they turn the attention to young females in a attempt to salvage there ego’s and prove to themselves they are still young virile males. So they flirt with young girls and exchange innuendos and sometimes even have sex with them. However on a intellectual level, on a compatibility level there is nothing there. My guess is he enjoys the exchange because of how it makes him feel but he is also aware that those other connections dont exist.
Attraction already exists its the connection that doesn’t. I dont mean to sound harsh but my feeling which is usually spot on is he is not into you but the way your reaction to his sexual presence makes him feel
I am going to assume you want sex and not a relationship. For that all you need to do is make a move. Call him on his game. Flat out tell him …“you talk the talk now its time to walk the walk”. You mention your dominant so you shouldn’t have a problem doing that.
If your looking for something more relationship wise then you need to find out what is holding him back. I suggest IH but keep in mind you may not like the answers when they come.
I am not close minded to relationships between those with large age differences but they rarely work any place but Hollywood which is really just a illusion. There are those very rare occasions when they do though.
I know this is not the answer you want to hear but I am not going to suggest you spend money on something that just cant do what your hoping it will.
Oh, silly me!
I didn’t realize that being 19 makes me an unintelligent floozy who doesn’t know anything :\
I couldn’t POSSIBLY have the ability to look past things such as AGE and determine whether or not I like someone due to other factors such as beliefs or interests :\
No, my love interests are expected to change like the weather, eh?
What are you looking for with this man, what is your goal? What do you think his goal is with you? And would taking this to a sexual level hurt any one else, (I mean besides possibly hurting either one of you, which is a risk any relationship can have)
I dont know you at all, but although you may be a very intelligent and capable young woman, a man that age who is interested in such a young woman is often not a very mature man and sometimes is not a very bright man either. I have seen over the years a number of my friends marry with twenty years difference between them , and in about seven years they break up because the younger partner grows up and the older one does not.
Also, if it is just a sexual interaction you are looking for, it may be that he is unwilling to involve himself because of the possible consequences. He may think it smart to keep a good friendship a friendship, because it is something worth keeping.
Regardless of your ability and intelligence there is such a thing as experiental knowledge, the knowledge that comes from living life a long period of time. You can’t get this knowledge from any other way, and it is not caused by differences in IQ. This experiential knowledge is what makes the differences between people of different ages. After years of living, people develop a form of “common sense” based upon the decisions they have made over the years, and also based upon what they have seen over and over in the patterns of behavior in the people around them, and they tend to understand themselves more, and mellow-real changes occur in their brains over the years that make them very different people than they were when they were 19. Did you know that your brain is still developing over the years and that there are physical changes that occur in it as you age? Some of the things that seem to make older people look shallow, boring,close minded and jaded to some younger people ( and also make young people seem childish, impulsive, moody and flighty to older people) There are real differences in outlook that are not just based upon maturity and intelligence. Both outlooks are valid for both sets of people and are based upon their experiences. We also have different outlooks based upon the era we grow up in, which impacts our ideas, outlooks and goals.
I have seen some selfish and self involved guys get young girlfriends and over the years they lose them because when the woman gets a few years older she realizes that the guy is just not very grown up, she grows and he remains the same. I also have met a few men who have married very young and attractive wives that are many years younger, and after the years go by they regret the decision, which was based on sexual attraction, but they now find the young woman shallow and self involved. One man, who was a friend of mine, really misses his first wife that he left for this younger woman, and it is a very sad situation for every one involved.
Also, sometimes some young women are willing to put up with behavior in older men that women their own age would find intolerable.
It may also be that he does not act on an impulse because he cares about you. he may like you and think that is it simply smart to let you be and have you as a friend. The consequences of acting on a sexual attraction with someone your age may be something he would want to avoid- other people would judge him, his friends may think he is a jerk, people who know you may be hostile to him.
Even if you are both wonderful, well rounded and sound people, there are often good reasons to keep it platonic. Of course there are exceptions to everything. However, I cant help but wonder, why this man? There are so many people that you can be attracted to, and so many men who would find you beautiful. If you did have a goal that you would like to possibly marry and have a family, and grow old with someone, you would be wise to find someone who could be an active father and husband and able to do the things your family would need.
I would never come on to a person so much younger than I, because I wouldnt be able to contribute to our family, raise the kids, work as hard, play as hard as a young person would be able to, I would get old and over time be a burden to him. I wouldnt do that to someone I care about!
Finally, another possible thing, many older people simply are not sexually attracted to younger people. I know that this is not what is projected by the media, but I have talked about this with many people my own age, and most of them agree. Yes, young, fit people are sexy, but when we age, we pick up many other signals , not just sexual signals. We become parents, and we see people in other ways than we did when we were younger. If he is a father or an uncle to a young woman around your age, he has been programed over the years to see the young woman as a child, and as she aged, he was programed to see other women that age as children too. It is a natural consequence from good parenting, ( at least in many healthy people, and for very good reason) At a party while we were having this discussion one very drunk and totally inappropriate man told me that unless a woman has a few wrinkles and lines on her face he “cant get it up”- which I suppose he must have thought flattering to me, I thought he was awful, but I also thought he was honest. He called women under 25 “kids”.
as for me, I simply don’t find men your age sexually attractive, I am biologically programed to find men my age sexy! ( When I see men in their very early twenties, I feel more motherly than any thing, want to feed them perhaps, think they are “cute”, perhaps want to see them dating a nice woman, but thats about it) So it may be that although he likes you and flirts with you he may simply find you too young for him. If nothing has happened, it may be that he does not want the relationship to be any thing but a flirtation.
I do realize that you may find me insufferable, and think I have no idea about you and your life and the situation and that is completely true. I just feel protective of you as I would of any young woman in a situation like yours. I also have had a life time of experiences, and it may surprise you what my life has been and what it has become. I may have some wisdom for you, regardless of how out of touch you may find my words, and please keep in mind I mean you the very best life that you can have for yourself and that is what motivates me to write. I hope that you can open your heart just a little and realize I mean you well.
Even if you are an exceptionally mature and clever young woman, I would be concerned for you because I would wonder why a man that age would come on to you and question his goals and his values. Some very good men that age would realize that you are very young and would leave you alone because they care so much about you and want you to have a better future than they could give you. If that is his reason to not try to get involved with you, well that would be noble, wouldnt it?
one last thought, if you were a mother, or an older sister, or even a friend of a woman your age, would you suggest that they be careful? Treat youself with the same care and concern that you would have for your little sister, or best friend.
Actually, no disrespect meant towards the OP in the slightest but her reaction to your post wasn’t surprising to me at all. At her age, she probably gets quite often from older folk the lines of “Because you’re so young, you don’t know what you’re getting into.” It can get pretty frustrating I’m sure however…
In this case, I be going with John and Tish on this one. Given all of that, OP, you’re an adult, so do what you think is best because in the end, you’re the one who makes the choice, not us. You live with the consequences, good or bad, not us. We’re just giving our advice based on our experiences.
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