Oh Boss. You have uncovered my secret fantasy. Yup, I think I would be good at the hands-on practical aspect of things. Get everything standing straight in a row. Lend a firm hand to the proceedings.
Woofie. Sex with a few extra people? Sex? People? Isnt sex the thing that happens in the books I read?
Oh dear, Miss Jane must start recruiting for that job. I have an opening someone can fill…
HAHA, but not everyone wants you smack it around after you get things Fluffed. 
That really depends on the novels you read.
having skimmed a few of the “Housewife Porn” Novels, from time to time, the Christian ones are more tame talking about the emotions, etc. Then there are ones like Daniel Steel(?) where they get pretty graphic.
Take some of the more graphic novels and add a few people watching not just the author.
And this is not just BD/SM stuff; like this instructional video on how to use handcuffs in bed:
So its monday. surprise, all the kid at the neighbors for a sleepover…
im wearing
LAM
Instant sexiness B
instant shine
3 sprays of each
so we drive to a nice restaurant with outdoor seating. i am wearing a really short skirt, halter and sexy shoes. he thinks the shoes are too much so i put on flip flops.
dinner is ok. light convo. no touching. nothing. no connection.
no flirting. GOD. WTF am i doing wrong? we get home - he gets in the pool. still there.
sorry, i must be falling down in my testing - three weeks and not so much asa peck on the cheek!!!
damn i primped for this…nada.
sorry about your fizzle,
Was it the black leather skirt and matching bra? 
Edit- I missed some good points.
1- he noticed your shoes, unless you pointed them out, you were standing on him or they are really really special, he must be gay.
2- You didn’t take everything off and follow him into the pool? oh wait, he likely would have jumped out.
Is he shy? maybe he needs a nudge in the right direction.
if you are dating casually for three weeks, (3 or 4 dates) he should have taken suggestion, hints or opportunities to move in my now.
but then I am a hands on kind of guy, I take opportunities to lay on hands, even when I probably shouldn’t (shoulders, arms or knees)
as a teenager I had Roman Hands and Russian fingers.
Flip flops? He doesn’t like sexy shoes? That’s a first…never met a man who doesn’t like sexy shoes. 
I suppose drowning is out of the question…tempting…
WTF?!!!
Next trial…
> Knock out drops
> Restraints…cuffs are fine
> 100mcg Instant Honesty under his nose
> Beef jerky flogger
Go to work Jane. Beat it out of him. 
Seriously…I don’t think it’s you…I really don’t. 
Bella
Been there, done that, in a marraige where I tried so hard to get him to notice me and be interested. Finally found out a bout a twenty year porn addiction. It ain’t you babe. And my best friend’s dad had told me at the time, if a guy ain’t getting it at home, he’s gettin it somewhere!! You’re fabulous, he’s an idiot!
That’s a story all in it’s self.
Sometimes us guys are clueless and miss the slight hints, not everyone is scientifically observant all the time.
Sometimes it has taken someone grabbing my “mini-me” and whispering seductive things in my ear to get me in the right direction. (it was her fault she got me a cool new video game for my birthday)
A lot of guys get caught in that. Personally, I kinda lump it in with strip clubs. You ain’t gettin’ any so why bother.
That can work both ways though I think it can be a little more true for guys than gals. I guess you can alwys ask “Hey - we have not had sex in X months. Are you gay now, getting it online or someplace else?” Of course you gotta be ready for the answer.
Amen.
Yep - happens to the best of us sometimes.
“Ohhh - that is why you are wearing the Victoria’s Secret next to nothings, the “hot outfit” and the sexy perfume … I was wondering … I thought maybe you just dressed like that so we could sit in the Sports Bar and watch the fight on TV.”
Yeah - I’ve tried that too. All I get is “the look”. The “You’re so full of s*** and we both know it so I won’t even bother to go into it” look.
Hey Phernoob,
Sorry I haven’t hollered at ya in awhile…but I’m keeping up with what’s going on with ya.
It ain’t you sweety…it’s him.
And just remember while he’s looking of in another direction, some man (mens) are looking in your direction.
And what’s the other saying…oh yeah, One mans junk is always another mans treasure.
This situation isn’t your fault Noob honey…wait maybe it is, Maybe your’e just too good for him.
feel better Noob… I got a real feeling your life is gonna get a whole lot more exciting, and I bet the farm that he will then sit up and take notice.
We always got ya back here.
djacquelyn
Thanks for the support as usual.
I did come out and ask him if he was gay - twice. He said no. He also said, “I like your face, I like your body, but not your personality”. Ouch.
Sooooo. Ima write this personal stuff so ya dont think Im a pathetic loser or a geek or something.
Was at a “friends” house. He asked me point blank if I was still planning on splitting from the H. Then said we should get together. Not five mins after I left, he texted me to remind me about getting together.
Is this a good thang?
So you’re with someone who doesn’t like you? He’s a jerk and not worth wasting pheromones on.
You deserve better and should take steps to get it.
What? What a jerk! Who the heck says that to his wife?
Miss Phernoob, if I was in your sexy high-heeled shoes, I woulda punched him in the nose by now. That is one hell of a guy.
Phernoob Girlfriend,
What a jerk…sorry, I know he is ya hubby and all, but he is sooooo not worth the credit you give him of having to call him husband… I think we should start calling him " that man, yeah the jerk that I’m living with" that title is sooooo much more fitting.
Yeah, if it were me, I’d definitely start taking steps to get my happiness…I’m not suggesting the “D” word, but I personally would be having myself so much fun, and I would definitely find someone to spend some time with that can appreciate "my personality " as well as some other things.
he is not worth you at all.
but it will get better Phernoob, cause from this day forward you are determined to make it better…grop the zero and get ya self a hero!
And Noob, we all do really support you okay, so you ain’t alone and no we don’t judge you either okay…so go make some fun, romance, love and hell yes even some lust 
happen in ya life
djacquelyn
Noob darlin’ … there is a pathetic loser in this story, and it is NOT YOU. You’ve got more personality in your lil pinkie toe than this guy will ever have. He is SO not worthy!!
Divorce is your FRIEND.
I wanna see Miz P-Noob get her groove on! Sounds like the men are already lining up!
Thanks again ladies. Its so hard to have perspective on stuff when people around me really dont know whats going on - ya know. Not that I want my friends and neighbors to see my dirty laundry. My H seems like the perfect guy to everyone. Tall, dark, handsome, very fit. He is really just a sad guy who has been brought up to be dissatisfied with his life, but expects others to change it for him. I call it the “poor me” syndrome. Quite a few of his family members are like that.
My attitude is: If YOU dont like something, YOU have to change it. Dont wait for someone else to GUESS what you want.
So like I said before. Ima douse myself in pheromones, and go out and get me a KICK ASS job w/good money - and get the hell out of my situation!
So for the fun part…
There is this dude I know. He is cute and sweet and funny
He specifically asked me if I was still planning on starting my “D”. Wow, that took me by surprise. Was it the Instant Honesty? Anyway. He suggested we go out for drinks sometime. (I think I mentioned this in an earlier post.)
Does this mean he is interested? Did he ask me out? Or does he want to be pals?
I am out of touch with this stuff. Plus I am surprised.
I was wearing MX274 at the time too.
How do I interpret this?
He knows if waits until the news gets out he’ll have a lot of competition.
CuteSweetFunny Dude is definitely interested and is jumping the gun because he doesn’t want anyone else to get there first! Yes, he is asking you out and I’m sure if you encourage him his invitation will get more specific. It also sounds like he wants you to be clear that your marriage is over before he starts anything with you, which in my book is a plus.
Holy crap! Thanks! Now I feel like i have been sniffing spaceland!!
When I DO hook up with him (when he is back in town), Im def thinking of wearing P83.
Good lord I hope he doesnt change his mind while he is out of town.
Crazy thing, I was actually debating telling my H that i would be hanging out with this guy (as we are already kinda sorta friends - long story). My bff said - no way - this must be on the DL. At first, i was naively thinking that this was a just pals thing to catch up on shit - so why not tell the H. But looking at your responses - it looks like the guy may be a tiny bit interested, sooooooo. hmmmm. nah, he prolly just likes me as a friend as we have so much in common that its bizarre. Did i mention that he is 10 years younger? so he could not poss be interested in dating me.
Girl - take off those blinders, NOW! You are a sexy, smart, hot babe with a wicked sense of humor … all I can think is that your husband’s frigidity must have you so demoralized for you not to know that! I’d say he ought to be whipped with the mighty sausage of doom, but that’s too good for him.
My mom was 11 years older than my dad, btw - don’t rule youngerguy out for longterm, and CERTAINLY don’t rule him out for fun!
I have no idea if you should tell H you’re seeing youngerguy - I gather he hasn’t acted too jealous before but divorces can get ugly when there’s money/property/kids involved. The nicest-seeming guys can turn into raving asshats in that situation. Discretion might be best, or if he truly doesn’t care if you see other people, then get his apathy on the subject in writing.