Tried to get in touch with my feminine side.

Lounge
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I have had artists BLOCK for over 7 months now and I sorely need a change of venue, a vacation from the boredom of work, home life and relief from lackunookie.

The artist in me has tried things like painting upside down and with the other hand in order to obtain a different perspective or jog other parts of the brain into action.

I tossed out the idea of getting more in touch with my feminine side to a few friends of mine and they loved it and provided me with some guidance into this part of the world where I have never gone before. One friend lent me the dress, shoes and wig.

I have never done this before.

Puppet was a major source of support when I was having second thoughts. She also did the make-up and photography.

I went to the local Wally world looking for assistance with a bra. The first girl was rather shocked at the idea of a man wanting a bra and called for assistance from a more mature woman that had a great sense of humor. The first bra was so small that the balloons would have been just below my collar bone. That resulted in some laughs and she asked me if I wanted to use a dressing room. I told her that it was not necessary – this is all in good fun. So she took me over to the boxed ones. Evidently, “Just my size ™, comes in boxes. I wound up with the biggest they had – a 52D! I knew I would have to get bigger balloons to fill those! I protested and asked for smaller cups, but the lady told me that a 6 ft woman my size would have at least a D cup.

I was filling balloons with water and they were exhibiting catastrophic failure so I needed a source of tougher balloons – more resistant to breakage. Then it dawned on me! Trojan un-lubricated condoms to the rescue! I was able to fill one to over a foot in diameter before it broke in the sink. First pair I made had air in them and they sloshed when I walked. So I made a pair without the air pockets. They jiggled and bounced really well.

I went to Penney’s in the mall and found some fishnet stockings on sale for $7.oo – OohhLahLah! When I tried them on at home, I saw that beautiful lattice pattern on my leg and ran my hand across to feel the texture. All of a sudden I caught myself just in time as I noticed that I was falling in love with my own leg!! That was rather shocking!

Dress Rehearsal – and decision time.

I was still trying to talk myself out of doing this, but if I’m going to make it to work on time for the costume judging, I have to know how long all of this is going to take. Turns out I will have to get up 3 hours early!! After the rehearsal we had a photo session which was a lot of fun.

On the way home I drove down to watering hole N. As I walked in, the owner saw me and a second later when he recognized who I really was he shouted, “My God! You’re UGLY!!” LOL!!

I sat down next to Lady E who is a regular, but her male companion is absent. She also appears to have had way too many drinks, but does recognize what is going on. She starts right in on me - about my boobs!

“Those aren’t real!! Those are fake!! Mine aren’t very big but at least they are real!”
I put my arm around her waist and told her that in spite of my fake boobs and what she thought about her boobs, that, “from what I can see I think yours are very beautiful, however, even in its present default and at rest position, my penis is bigger than yours.”

She started laughing so hard that I thought she might start hyperventilating. “I believe you! I have to get out of here! This is too much! I’m going home. Goodbye!” The watering hole owner is OMG! OMG!! And having a hard time containing himself too. The barmaid is laughing uncontrollably. I just sat there with a big grin on my face. They eventually calmed down and I had a couple of brews. The place was dead (thankfully) and I went home and took all this stuff off.

I was now ready for the Halloween Dress up.

Here’s a shot, courtesy of Puppet.

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Halloween contest day – which is Thursday the 30th at the office this year.

I’m up at 5:30 to shower. I painted the nails and toes the night before. Then came all that other stuff. The stockings - and getting them to sit right. After that was the bra and getting the balloons to sit there comfortably. Those balloons were cold from being out in the trunk of the car all night! LOL! Then there is a slip and the dress. I have a wig, so I don’t have to do all that hair business! Whew!

Anyway, I am out the door and head up to Puppet’s. The lack of hair duties has me ahead of schedule. I arrive at Puppet’s around 7:15 and her son has gone off to work. I get fed two eggs and then we move out to her photo studio where she put on my make-up.

Eye-shadow is a breeze, but eye-liner is torture! What women go thru to be more attractive! All this work serves only to confuse me more in my attempt to get in touch with my feminine side.

So, off to work but I have to stop by my regular flower shop. I put my lipstick on in the car, just like I’ve seen women do. As I walk up to the counter no one seems to take notice. Then strange looks and someone says, “May I help you?” I reply, “Where’s the boss lady? She wanted to see me dressed up like this for Halloween and I need a flower for my hair!” Then the girls start giggling as they realize what is going on. My deep voice and ugly looks gives it right away. Boss lady shows up and she pauses, then, “Oh! It’s you! I didn’t recognize you. You did quite a good job!” She asked her workers, “Don’t you know who this is? He comes in here often!” I’m in there so often that I get a special rate.

Then something happens that will occur to me many times that day, and what Puppet had told me before, “You make a good looking woman”. Now I am really confused because when I look in the mirror I do not see this at all. I know that I am a guy. I can’t be anything else and wouldn’t have it any other way, but throughout the day as I heard this over and over, I eventually gave up on the belief that women are blatant liars concerning the matter. Just maybe, if I would have had sisters, they might have been good looking. Thinking about this I realize the cousins on both sides of my family I have found to be quite good looking. When I was in junior high school I remember wishing that one of my cousins was not my cousin because I found her so beautiful.

I park my car at work, opened the door and as I was getting out I noticed my leg showing! The dress had slipped up, showing my garter and damn near my underwear! That could have been very embarrassing!

Nobody saw me come in, so I drop by my cubie and unload some baggage. Then with great anxiety, I went around the corner to Miss V’s and walk in. She sees me and there is a slight pause, then with recognition, “Oh my! He’s dressed as a girl!” Then from the next cube over I hear, “Who?!”
“Come look, you have to see this!!”

And thus began my day at work of being totally out of character. Being the subject of attention is something I have never been comfortable with and this day it was intense!

I am not getting paid for writing of this adventure so I am going to distill this down to what I learned and expressed.

It’s hard to find a bra that fits and I now understand the strap problem.
Hose keeps falling down and getting ugly runs.
It’s hard to keep your legs together. (I need to find a woman like that!)
Women’s shoes are torture.
Eye liner is torture, both putting on and taking off.
Big boobs give you back aches. (I’m glad I lost mine at the end of the day)

After a long day I suspect that women just want to go home take everything off – get nekked – want their feet and back rubbed - and not have sex. DOH! That is precisely my experience with them!

Oh, by the way, when it came time for the judging, I walked out in front of the judges, turned to the side and as I thrust out my chest I lifted my dress – showing my long fishnet hose all the way up to my garter – dropped it as I turned to show my other side and flipped my hair as I walked off.

I won first prize for the funniest.

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I tried to get in touch with my feminine side, but it was too much and eventually I had to file a restraining order against myself.

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ROFL!

My biggest worry was coming down with a yeast infection, but somehow I was spared that indignity!

It’s probably safe for me now to visit Panera Bread and get me a loaf of Asiago Cheese.

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LOL …

But … i happen to know that you quit work early with the excuse that your feet hurt to bad.

And … i also happen to know that you made your way down to another one of your “watering holes”.

Soooo … we want to hear ““the rest of the story””

waits in anticipation

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Come on Jedi! You can’t leave us hanging like this…

How did it go? Oh I bet you got picked up and, well um, errr. OK never mind, forget I asked :confused: In fact just forget me altogether :slight_smile:

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:open_mouth: OMG! :open_mouth: LOL! :smiley: ROFLMF’INAO!!! :stuck_out_tongue: I love it!

Baby, I dun care what the rest of 'em say…*** you’ve got ***BALLS!!! :cool: You deserve more reps than I can give you! :wink:

You’re a gas…

Bella

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:smiley: And you! LOL! :stuck_out_tongue:

Thanks for the laugh!

Bella

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So did your muse visit after that experience?

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OKay, some highlights from later in the day…it was a riot…quite hilarious!

It was getting towards lunch and my feet were hurting so much that I asked the boss for the rest of the day off. She looked at me with understanding eyes and said, “Now you know little of what it is like”, she smiled and let me go.

On the way home I see that the gas tank is near empty. I pushed the range button and it indicated that I had 120 miles left. Phew! I didn’t want to be an incident at a gas station!

I was hungry and decided to stop by watering hole S and get a sandwich. When I walked in, there was a lot of hooting and hollering going on. Evidently Barmaid Ms. H recognized my car when I drove up and had put 2 and 2 together and alerted the bar. So during the hoots and whistles – with a deeper than usual voice I command, “Okay Fellas! Don’t get excited it’s just Halloween!”

I walk up the bar, take a stool and swing around and with both hands grab my 52Ds and plop them on the bar saying, “Damn! That’s a load off my back!”

Then some fella, trying to convict me on a technicality, says, “Hey, this isn’t Halloween. That’s tomorrow.”

I quickly replied, “It was Halloween today at work and I got first prize for funniest”

Then some other guy says, “Would you buy me a beer?” WTF!? There’s always one in the crowd that wants a free beer.

“Sure there sweetheart, anything for you. In fact, Ms H – set the whole bar up!”

Ms. S across the room starts asking me where I got my clothes and before I know it I’m over on her side of the bar showing off my $7 fishnets when she exclaims, “He painted his toenails too!”

The fella next to her starts reaching for my leg and I say, “Stop right there, buddy! You can get yours at J C Penney too!

On my way back to my stool some guy stops me and pushes his finger into my left balloon. Now here is where I failed to be a lady and slap the damn fool off of his stool.
Instead I told him that I don’t feel a thing – then I grabbed both of balloons, sqeezed and rolled them like some Girls Gone Wild ad on TV and said, “See this? Doesn’t do a damn thing for me.”

I get back to my stool and Ms S buys me a beer.

Someone says, “Hey, here comes Jim. Everyone keep quiet and let’s see if he tries to pick her up.” I play along and Jim walks in and slows down near me and starts to put his hand on a chair near me. Then I see in the mirror that he caught on, smiled shook his head and went to sit over next to Ms S!

After a while, Mr. R shows up, sits two away from me, looks at me and shakes his head.
“You would look really nice on the back of my Harley”

I replied, “Sorry, maybe some other day. I have a dress on and the whole town doesn’t need to see my undees.”

He says, “But they can see them now.”

I look down and sure enough – legs are apart and both garters are showing. DOH!

There was this one fella that came in late, just before I left. He was clueless.
I went and used the men’s room and on the way back to my stool he informed me that I used the wrong restroom. With my deep voice I said, “No, I used the right one. Happy Halloween!”

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XOXO (((((Bella)))))

What would show better balls though, would be to tell Lady S at work,
“My twin sister is a lesbian and has the hots for you. She thinks she is your biggest fan and she wants you to have this portrait of her. Personally, when it comes to you, I don’t like having her as competition”