It’s a common question. Isn’t it? And we like to believe that we have the answer.
“I’m myself”, one might say. But then, that begs the question; can we ever, really, know who we are? Or are we all just living in the conviction that we are the definition of what we’ve always done before? That we are what we are taught to do, we are what we are comfortable doing, we are what we believe we are - but are our beliefs really a valid source for truth? Especially as our beliefs are inevitable influenced by the outside world - things we do not control - things that can be manipulated and tweaked - can anyone, ever, truly know oneself?
Yet, who we believe that we are is constantly influencing what we believe we can achieve. And what can and have been achieved is often the definition of what we are.
So if you look at it that way, everything is really just a matter of experiences and how these effected us.
Many people have been very negatively influenced by their years of living and have grown to be prisoners of their own minds. They know that their fears are irrational but they cannot - emotionally - get rid of them. They know that what they are doing is destroying and limiting their lives - but they keep doing them. Continuing a path of already experienced pain seems easier than breaking it and potentially risking an unknown pain.
And I am here to say that I am one of them. And I believe the greatest cause of that is my childhood. In a nutshell - you could say that the movie Requiem For A Dream is a pretty good description of how it looked. I never realized though that I was so deeply scared by it. Because I don’t come off as a someone with a psychological problem - neither to me or to others. I’m a rather laid-back and outgoing person. I have it easy to interact with people and am usually pretty smiley. It seems like people tend to like me. Both males and females. I can’t even say that my looks have failed me either. But yet, there’s always been something that has been holding me back from being who I want to be and living as I want to do.
It feels like I have never been able to create the future I wanted because my past was haunting me. And I’ve come up with all of these excuses. To myself and to others. And I have really believed in them. I didn’t see how much of a problem I really had with social anxiety. And that I didn’t believe in myself as much as I thought. That I was more insecure than I intellectually thought was rational.
I was a very introvert and broken child. It took me quite some time before I felt more comfortable with playing with other children. And even though I did took the courage to do some sports - with pleasant results, and try occasionally to interact with others even after school - I’ve always done my absolute best to avoid social situations. The thought of meeting people I don’t know seems to scare me. It seems like I tend to be very self-conscious and fear judgment. And because I’ve always avoided things many have taken as just a natural process - like going to parties and just socialize - I’ve grown to be rather ashamed of myself. My lack of experience is something that I find embarrassing. Even though I’m just a 23 year old male and do have much of life ahead of me - it’s hard to accept how much time I have wasted. Which is a very bad circle of course and cannot be made undone no matter how much you regret it. Thus it’s just a waste of energy and intellectually I realize that the best way of overcoming fears is to confront fears. Think less, do more.
At the same time I’ve never been that miserably either. I’m rather comfortable with being alone and it takes quite some time before I really start to miss that social bond. So to me it for a very long time just felt like it wasn’t a problem - it was just a choice of mine. And in a way, it was a choice of mine - but it’s more than that. There are existing fears in my subconscious that is limiting me and have done so for all my life. I’ve never taken any risks. And if you don’t have the courage to find happiness - you never will.
And now it’s time to do something about it.
I’ve been unemployed as well for a time now and I am in many ways starting from the bottom. I’ve been isolating myself for so long that I don’t spend time with more than my family nowadays. I still meet people here and there in stores and at the gym - but I don’t spend time with anyone and the best way to change this is probably to apply for a new job. That way I’ll get used to daily socializing again - I’ll get used to being around people. And instead of doing what I’ve always done before - I’ll try to be more open to socialize after work.
This is my first post and even though the $25 gift certificate was a high motivator behind it - I also have a question. I’ve been looking through the forums and must say that it feels like a very friendly community with some very sharp people in it. And many of you seem to be very experienced with pheromones and how they work - so hopefully you’ll have some nice tips to offer.
What I am wondering is - what would be the best pheromone product for me to use? I mean - I do have that social anxiety in me. My self-esteem isn’t as high as I’d like - even though I probably come off more comfortable with myself than I may actually be. Perhaps Instant Shine would be something? I am exceptionally poor so I can really just afford one product for now and would appreciate advice what would be the best for my “new life” so to speak.
So yeah - that’s it, folks.
