13 Reasons to Smile
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it.
So I said “Implants?” She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for President and over fifty for Miss America?
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail…but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Wow…that was fun!”
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”
Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl - Alt - Delete’ and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn’t you know it… Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
“If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier”
And remember:** life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.**
