32 Reasons why Cookie Dough is better than men.

[Wolfy]

I know, but I thought it was cute.

32 Reasons why Cookie Dough is better than men.
 
   
  1.  It's enjoyable hard or soft.
  2.  It makes a mess too, but  it tastes better.
  3.  It doesn't mind if you take your anger out on  it.
  4.  You always want to swallow.
  5.  It won't complain if  you share it with friends.
  6.  It's "quick and convenient".
   7.  You can enjoy it more than once.
  8.  It comes already protectively  wrapped.
  9.  You can make it as large as you want.
  10. If you  don't finish it you can save it for later.
  11. It's easier to get the  kind you want.
  12. You can comparison shop.
  13. It's easier to  find in a grocery store.
  14. You can put it away when you've had  enough.
  15. You know yours has never been eaten before.
  16. It  won't complain if you chew on it.
  17. It comes chocolate  flavored.
  18. You always know when to get rid of it.
  19. You  can return it--satisfaction is guaranteed.
  20. It's always ready to  go.
  21. You won't get arrested if you eat it in public.
  22.  You don't have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.
  23. It won't  wake you up because it's hard.
  24. You don't have to find an excuse not  to eat it.
  25. You can tell your friends how much you've eaten without  sounding like you're bragging.
  26. It won't take up room  in your bed.
  27. It's easy to pick up.
  28. You never have  unwanted cookie dough chasing you around.
  29. You know what the extra  weight is from.
  30. It won't get jealous if you pick up another  one.
  31. It never has an insecurity problem with its size.
  32.  It is very pliable.

[TiggerBear]

Ummmmm… I ahhhh…
Oh, nevermind!!

[mark-in-dallas]

How about a little balance here, dammit!

And 107 reason why beer is better than women!

1. You can enjoy a beer all month.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5. When beer goes flat you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. HANGOVERS go away.
8. A beer doesn’t get jealous when you grab another beer.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
13. A beer won’t get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
14. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
16. A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
19. A beer is always wet.
20. beer doesn’t demand equality.
21. A beer doesn’t care when you come.
22. You can have a beer in public.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don’t have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. Beer always comes in multiples of six.
26. Beer doesn’t mind being in the “wet spot” that IT left.
27. You can’t catch anything but a “buzz” from a beer.
28. After you have a beer, you’re committed to nothing other than
    dumping the empty bottle.
29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty.
30. When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
31. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
32. Beer looks the same in the morning.
33. Beer doesn’t look you up in a month.
34. Beer doesn’t worry about someone walking in.
35. Beer doesn’t worry about waking the kids.
36. Beer doesn’t get cramps.
37. Beer doesn’t have a mother.
38. Beer doesn’t have morals.
39. Beer doesn’t go crazy once a month.
40. Beer always listens and never argues.
41. Beer labels don’t go out of style every year.
42. Beer doesn’t whine, it bubbles.
43. Beer doesn’t have cold hands/feet.
44. Beer doesn’t demand legality.
45. Beer is never overweight.
46. If you change beers, you don’t have to pay alimony.
47. Beer won’t run off with your credit cards.
48. Beer doesn’t have a lawyer.
49. Beer doesn’t need much closet space.
50. Beer can’t give your herpes or other nasty things.
51. Beer doesn’t complain about the way you drive.
52. Beer doesn’t mind if you fart or belch.
53. Beer never changes its mind.
54. Beer doesn’t tease you or play hard to get.
55. Beer never asks you to change the station.
56. Beer doesn’t make you go shopping.
57. Beer doesn’t tell you to mow the grass.
58. Beer doesn’t mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
59. Beer is always easy to pick up.
60. Big, fat beers are nice to have.
61. Beer doesn’t pout or play games.
62. Beer NEVER says no.
63. Beer is easy to get into.
64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
65. Beer doesn’t need to go to the ‘powder room’ with other beers.
66. Beer doesn’t wear a bra.
67. Beer doesn’t mind getting dirty.
68. Beer doesn’t complain about insensitivity.
69. Beer doesn’t use up your toilet paper.
70. Beer doesn’t live with its mother.
71. Beer doesn’t blow you off.
72. Beer doesn’t care if you have no culture or manners.
73. Beer doesn’t bitch, yell, or cry.
74. Beer doesn’t mind football season.
75. A beer won’t make you go to church.
76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell “carburetor” than a woman.
77. A beer doesn’t think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78. A beer doesn’t think DOS is pronounced “dose”.
79. A beer doesn’t give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
80. A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with babies are “cute”.
81. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while.
82. A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say “doberman” instead of “doberperson”.
83. A beer won’t get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
84. A beer won’t claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
85. A beer won’t raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up.
86. If you mention a “three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8” around a beer, it won’t think you’re talking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
87. A beer won’t whine that seatbelts hurt.
88. A beer won’t smoke in your car.
89. A beer won’t argue that there’s no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
90. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91. A beer will actually support belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta.
92. A beer is always ready to leave on time.
93. A beer never fishes for compliments.
94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
95. Beer tastes good.
96. If you take a beer outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it, the beer won’t accuse you of “date rape”.
97. A beer won’t raise any objections to an evening of watching “John Holmes’ Greatest Hits” on your VCR.
98. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it.
99. A beer won’t make you pick up some tampons when you go to the grocery store.
100. A beer won’t accuse you of lying when you say you read Penthouse “just for the articles”. (You are lying, but the beer won’t accuse you of it).
101. A beer won’t worry that you’ll go to jail if you videotape a Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the National Football League.
102. A beer won’t fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with the excuse: “But I saved a quarter!”
103. A beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
104. A beer will never make you turn off “Fists of Fury Theater” on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
105. A beer won’t accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say “Gene Hackman” instead of “Gene Hackperson”.
106. A beer won’t make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
107. When you’re through with a beer, the thought of another beer doesn’t make you ill.

[tfer15]

awesome

reps

[savior1110]

haha great!

[Lady_D]

OK so I think beer and cookie dough are better than men and women… Or then again umm maybe not.

But very funny - reps for both of u!

[Wolfy]

MEN VS. WOMEN

A compiled edition from various sources

Women have many faults
Men only have 2
Everything they say
And everything they do

RELATIONSHIPS

First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers
to it as “that time when me and
Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis.”

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to
her girlfriends, and she will
write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots.” Then she will get on with
her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
breakup at 3 am early on a Sunday
morning - he will call and say “I just wanted you to let you know you
ruined my life, and I’ll never
forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you
to know there’s always a
chance for us.” This is known as the “I Hate You/I Love You” drunken
phone call, that 99% of all
men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer
courses to help men get over
this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.

SEX

Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.

Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her
place as part of the
foreplay.

MATURITY

Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults.

Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving
each other wedgies after gym
class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

HATS

Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

COMEDY

Let’s say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching tele-
vision, and an episode of
“The Three Stooges” comes on. Immediately, the men will get very
excited - they will laugh
uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man’s
favorite Stooge.

The women will roll their eys and groan and wait it out.

HANDWRITING

To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their “i’s” with
circles and hearts. Women use
ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s.” It is a royal pain
to read a note from a woman. Even
when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the
note.

BATHROOMS

A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush,
toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar
of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A
man would not be able to
identify most of these items.

MAGAZINES

Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked women.

Women’s magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is
because the female body is a
beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and
should not be seen by the light of
day.

GROCERIES

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store
and buys these things.

A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a
lemon, and something turning green.
Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By
the time he reaches the
checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car
on The Beverley Hillbillies. Of
course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less
lane.

GOING OUT

When a man says he’s ready to go out, it means he’s ready to go out.

When a woman says she’s ready to go out, it means that she WILL be
ready to go out, as soon as
she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup…

SHOES

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and
then slip into Reebok
sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks.
When she arrives at work, she
will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them
off because her feet are under her
desk.

A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.

LEG WARMERS

Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she’s walking the dog or doing
the dishes, is allowed to
wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants.

A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the “Gimme
the Ball” number in “A Chorus
Line.”

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

MIRRORS

Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.

Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any
shiny surface - mirrors, spoons,
store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head…

GARAGES

Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages,
they watch TV in garages,
and they build useless wooden things in garages.

MOVIES

For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses
Vivien Leigh for the first time in
“Gone With The Wind.”

For men, it’s when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark’s
face in “Public Enemy.”

JEWELRY

Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that’s it. Any more than
that, and he will look like a
lounge singer named Vic.

MENOPAUSE

When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of
complicated emotional,
psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the
changes varies with the
individual.

Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator
glasses, a snazzy French cap and
leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign
sports car.

THE TELEPHONE

Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone
to send short messages to
other people.

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning
home, she will call the same
friend and they will talk for three hours.

LOW BLOWS

Let’s say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television,
and one of the fighters is
felled by a low blow.

The woman says, “Oh, gee, that must hurt.”

The man doubles over and actually feels the pain.

DIRECTIONS:

If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar
surroundings, she will stop at a gas station
and ask for directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop and
ask for directions. Men will
drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks
like I’ve found a new way to get
there,” and, “I know I’m in the neighborhood. I recognize that White
Hen store.”

ADMITTING MISTAKES

Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.

The last man who admitted that he was wrong was General George Custer.

RICHARD GERE

Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who
works out at the health club
and dates only married women.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and
soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and
secret fears and hopes and
dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

DRESSING UP:

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read
a book, get the mail…

A man will dress up for: weddings and funerals.

NUDITY IN MOVIES

Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene.
This is because every movie in the
history of movies has been produced by men.

The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard
Gere. This is another reason
why men hate him.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the
earth.

Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

CAMERAS

Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for
state- of-the-art equipment, and
build darkrooms, and take photography classes.

Women purchase Kodak Insta-matics, and often produce better-looking
shots.

POLITICS

Men love to talk about politics, but they often forget to do political
things such as voting.

Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys are growing
up and getting into politics,
because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election
night.

LOCKER ROOMS

In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and
women. They exaggerate about
money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do,
and they fabricate stories about
women.

Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in abstract
terms, either. They’re graphic
and technical, and they never lie.

LAUNDRY

Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his
surgical pants that were hip about
eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out
of clothes, he will wear a dirty
sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes
to the laundromat, and expect
to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

WEDDINGS

When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the “ceremony.”

Men talk about “the bachelor party.”

CHEERLEADERS

Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American.

Male cheerleaders are scary.

GYM SOCKS

Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.

Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have
pictures of clouds on them,
and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

TOYS

Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of
11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older,
their toys simply become more
expensive and impractical. Examples of mens toys: miniature TV’s, car
phones, complicated juicers
and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on
command, video games, and
anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six “D” batteries to
operate.

PLANTS

A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation.
The man will water the plants.
The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead
plants. No one knows why this
happens.

MUSTACHES

Some men look good with mustaches: Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.

There are no women who look good with mustaches.

NICKNAMES

With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names
like “Ultimate Pecs” and “Big
Turk,” women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah
and Michelle get together
for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and
Michelle.

But if Mike, Dave, and Jack go out for a brewski, they will
affectionately refer to each other as
Peckerhead, Scumbag, and Louse.