A friend and I were taking advantage of the hot weather we’ve been having recently to make some repairs to the windows in his garage. There was very little wind that day, muggy and very humid.
I was wearing 2 shots of IHx4 to the neck and was chipping the old putty away from the wooden frame with hammer and chisel. My buddy was helping out with a brush clearing the debris away.
He was well within range of my cloud and suddenly says, ‘You’re gonna need that new pussy now, yeah?’
Huh? What the… ‘What did you just say?’
‘You’re gonna need that new puss… oh, shi… I meant, puss… goddamnit!’
He starts stuffing his knuckles in his mouth, then takes them out and breathes in deep. I could see him mouthing, ‘PUT-TAY! PUT-TAY!’
He tries again as I’m struggling to keep a straight face. ‘You’re gonna need that puss… NO! Holy… what is wrong with me?”
I didn’t say a word and imagined a halo around my head. A tarnished, blackened halo, but a halo none the less.
His girlfriend comes out of the house to find out why he’s yelling obscenities all of a sudden. With her watching, he manages to say ‘putty’ without a Freudian slip, but it was absolutely hilarious watching him silently work his lips and tongue before he felt confident enough to say it.
He managed to see the funny side of it though and we both cracked up. His girlfriend just looked at us, absolutely disgusted, poor girl. She thought we were male chauvinistic pigs! But we managed to explain before she kicked him out of her bed and exiled him to the sofa for a fortnight. I narrowly escaped a ban on coming to the house for ‘encouraging him!’
I swore I didn’t do a thing. I felt the halo break, but not a thing, m’lud. Neither of them know about my partner-in-crime, the Honesty.
Musk