Advice with girls/my personal PUA stash (help please)

Lounge
21

Ah, besides listening to the cat’s meow you really don’t have to try that hard to be a gentleman so to speak. However, since some guy’s are more hard headed than others and we all have different personalities then obviously that does make it hard to take advice and use it. However, it doesn’t take much to be a gentleman or look like you can respect girls.

Open doors for them show them respect, and whenever the chance arrives to do a good deed for a woman go ahead and take it. Who cares if you don’t get anything in return, it’s the fact that you’ll be leaving a good aura about yourself that matters.

“Good guys finish last?” Who cares if they do, because although you’re being a gentleman that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to have a “bad” side either. And by bad side I don’t mean sleeping around or the like, but also having a bit of the “bad” qualities some girls like in a guy even though they may not like it. Just make sure to always try to be charming; charm the ladies with compliments and generosity while not overdoing it or making it seem like if you don’t mean it, or like if you’re just doing it to get something in return. Girls can tell false generosity, so basically just plain mean it without expecting anything in return. Just do it, and make it a daily habit.

A nice blend with the majority of it being gentlemen qualities for me seems like a good quality for me personally.

22

Thanks a lot for the tip Mikoto :smiley:. I am the typical “nice guy”, and although I don’t get taken advantage of for it, I can see that as a problem. I think niceness is good and all, but I don’t want to appear overly/extremely nice. I guess that’s all part of the game that people mention. I also heard it’s best not to compliment a girl’s physical features either, and instead the guy should compliment her jewelry, clothes, etc. Girls love the “bad boy” persona, because they appear unpredictable and seem to have lots of character and personality.

23

Revivia,

most important thing is that you find out exactly where your priorities for the learning experience are.

Look at your experiences with the girls and think about what went good and where you had sticking points.
Is it easy for you to get girls attracted and difficult to keep them interested? Or the other way around?
Do you have problems with the friend zone? Do you come across as needy sometimes? Are you not escalating fast enough/missing opportunities?
Or do you already have good success and want to go for the hotter ones?

I advise you to think about it because it takes a lot of time to read about all the different methods and if your goals don’t match the material you read you become confused … or even worse you unlearn things that worked well because a guru said you should do it differently…

i recommend you read the following link to see which directions you can go:

The Seduction Community: A Confusing Mess | Kiss N’ Tale

(i wish i had such information before getting started - would have saved me a lot of time)

especially read about the differences between inner game and outer game (and there between indirect and direct game)

24

thanks a lot man…I will read that and detail more on this post what type of guy I am, and the troubles I am facing and have faced.

25

Well thank you. Any questions, feel free to PM me. :slight_smile:

26

Andrew, sometimes I really like you, sometimes I just want to come over and beat you around the head until you listen to people :roll_eyes:

Just look at recent events… I give you advice about your accident and you ignore it, catlord gives you advice and you ignore it, even dss was ignored yet he was in the same bar as you, watching you make the mistakes. Now, in all of those situations, you eventually listened to what you were being told and reaped the benefits.

Intelligence is learning from your mistakes, you seem to have that one sorted! You obviously have a good brain in your head. What you lack is wisdom, that, unfortunately comes with age and experience.

As catlord has ( and so have I ) already said, you have a habit of asking for advice then ignoring it. Be wise! There are several highly intelligent people on this forum ( and I’m talking seriously intelligent people) who listen to what he says, I’d take bella’s advice if I were you :smiley:

27

After reading that very helpful article, thanks to magnum, I am definately more into the direct method and the natural structured method. I am looking for a gf with a long term relationship, and I don’t believe in using negs (negative comments), memorized scripts or lines to get a girl, etc. Hope that helps explain more about what I’m going for. :smiley:

28

Good point!

I have a weakness for charming gentlemen. A guy can make me feel so girly and make me see him as so manly just by being charming and nice. When it all comes from the heart and a man sees the best in me, it really makes me want to be my best self and spend time with him often.

I think the kind of guy, and girls, that finish last are the kind who do things for others expecting certain things back and not just resenting it when they don’t get it, but sort of pre-emptive resentment. Those people often think of themselves as nice, but they make others feel uncomfortable with insincerity and later guilty for not giving back. So that is not really nice, is it?

I prefer to seek things I enjoy in people and complimenting them on those. If I cannot find anything to like or admire about someone, they are not worth my time anyway. People who are worth interacting with are worth treating with respect. I like men who have the same view on social situations. Also, for men it is nice when they take pride in their masculinity and enjoy being generous and protective.

29

But don’t you get bored with that guy even if it’s genuine?

30

Not unless the guy is actually boring.

If a guy is nice but can only talk about his job and the game on TV, then that is not enough for more than a light, friendly chat of a few minutes.

If a guy is nice and has a variety of things that he is interested in and makes keen observations in daily life, we can have long conversations that are very interesting.
What I notice is that the most charming, empathic guys tend to also be the most interesting ones actually. It takes self honesty and hard work on oneself to be genuinely charming and nice. Men with that sort of character tend to have something interesting to say.

I also give a lot of genuine praise myself to people I enjoy interacting with and it not only makes them seek out my company more and more, but it also makes me like the person even more because I have been actively looking for the good stuff. I have deeper connections and more empathy because of it. I prefer to date men who have habits that enhance their connection with me in return.

31

Cause she probably really doesn’t give a shit about your favorite sports teams

32

So would you say these things are generated more by content which is what I think most guys think of when they think of conversation, or by the structure (give and take) of the conversation?

I’m not trying to pick at you here, I just think when men and women think of conversation they are thinking of two different things.

33

Throwing my hat in -

Content. What a guy says is far more entertaining that HOW it is said. One of the best recent conversations I have had with a guy I was interested was in an office, where he was running round doing this and that, but following the conversation throughout. We veered all over the place in our chatting, topic to topic. We were interrupted, but kept on chatting.

Structure had nothing to do with how memorable that afternoon was.

34

You pick on a lady? In what lifetime? :slight_smile:

No question as to the differences in how men and women think about conversation. However, to sustain what anybody would call a conversation and to be understood there must always be both, at least to some extent. Both content and structure are important. It depends on the context of the conversation. For business or other matters of importance you can’t get far without it. Even small talk…“How’s the weather?”…"“Warm, 82 degrees…” …has content. Mindless chatter can be here, there, anywhere…random content, no structure.

No, it’s not nice. There’s nothing like finding out someone you thought was sincere has been playing you. I’m afraid I’m not in the nice guys finish last camp. I know too many genuinely nice guys who are winners to believe that. The guys/gals who finish last are the ones who aren’t paying attention. God knows I’ve said it often enough that I’m not going to repeat myself. :roll_eyes:

I must say I prefer gentlemen. If you’re not a gentleman to begin with I have no interest, total deal breaker. Frankly, it’s a facade that’s hard to keep up for any length of time. If it/he isn’t genuine, he’s gonna have to be fcking Sir Laurence Olivier to pull it off. Seriously, they just can’t sustain it. Plus, I have an incredibly acute bullsht barometer. :slight_smile:

I do like gentlemen but make no mistake, I prefer one who has a bad boy side that he likes to share with me, at the appropriate time, in private. I love a man who knows when not to be too much of a gentleman. I don’t find that, at all, boring. Quite the contrary, I find it a huge turn-on.

Who said that nice guys are boring? :roll_eyes: I know plenty of nice guys who are interesting. I could give you the names, ranks and serial numbers of several on this forum. :slight_smile: :wink:

Andrew, here’s a thought…

Show REAL Intent In Your Actions And Behaviors - :slight_smile:

Bella

35

You pick on a lady? In what lifetime? :slight_smile:

No question as to the differences in how men and women think about conversation. However, to sustain what anybody would call a conversation and to be understood there must always be both, at least to some extent. Both content and structure are important. It depends on the context of the conversation. For business or other matters of importance you can’t get far without it. Even small talk…“How’s the weather?”…"“Warm, 82 degrees…” …has content. Mindless chatter can be here, there, anywhere…random content, no structure.

No, it’s not nice. There’s nothing like finding out someone you thought was sincere has been playing you. Frankly, it’s a facade that’s hard to keep up for any length of time. If it/he isn’t genuine, he’s gonna have to be fcking Sir Laurence Olivier to pull it off. Seriously, they just can’t sustain it. Plus, I have an incredibly acute bullsht barometer. :slight_smile:

I’m afraid I’m not in the nice guys finish last camp. I know too many genuinely nice guys who are winners to believe that. The guys/gals who finish last are the ones who aren’t paying attention. God knows I’ve said it often enough that I’m not going to repeat myself. :roll_eyes:

I must say I prefer gentlemen. If you’re not a gentleman to begin with I have no interest, total deal breaker.

Though I do like gentlemen, make no mistake, I prefer one who has a bad boy side that he likes to share with me, at the appropriate time, in private. I love a man who knows when not to be too much of a gentleman. I don’t find that, at all, boring. Quite the contrary, I find it a huge turn-on.

Who said that nice guys are boring? :roll_eyes: I know plenty of nice guys who are interesting. I could give you the names, ranks and serial numbers of several on this forum. :slight_smile: :wink:

Andrew, here’s a thought…:slight_smile:

Show REAL Intent In Your Actions And Behaviors

Bella

36

I would say that content is more obvious because you don’t really notice structure unless it is really good or really bad. If someone is having a monologue, he needs to work on structure, or when he is starting a conversation with an awkward line, it may help to just follow a more normal pattern. But if the conversation is good enough, it does not matter if a guy talks 80% of the time or starts without small talk.

Most of the time when a guy is boring he simply does not have a good thing to say. I do understand why guy’s books may focus on structure. After all, good content varies from girl to girl and if a guy focusses on subjects that most girls like, it comes across as creepy, phoney or effeminate. It is best to just talk with some gusto about the things that fascinate you, while being empathic enough to find out which of your topics is suited for a girl and at what angle it is best brought up. Basically, just be yourself but show the facet of yourself that is appropriate in this context with this person.

37

Step one to being an alpha male- Don’t defend any decision you make. You made it because it was what you wanted.

Don’t appologize unless you legitimately hurts somebody.

As far as coming out of the PUA closet…Don’t be embarrassed and dont think that everyone will take this negativley. You are studying social dynamics because you want to be the best person you can be. You’ve decided that you want people to notice you. Thats why you did it. And of course dont defend your decision. If somebody doesn’t approve then wait for them to say something and then you can defend it. By explaining the above. If you must say something about picking up women, put it this way…

“If you consider pick up a bad thing then you could go to a gay bar and people will pick you up in a different way. Can I spark interest in someone, YES, can I hold a conversation with anyone you point out, YES, and can I be the most popular person in the room because everyone knows who I am. So can a pick up artist.”

ENOUGH SAID

38

This is a good thing to start with. I was just about to hit you with another PM. Noticing you are reading the mystery method I will say that there is a lot of good things in his game but then there is also a lot of bull shirt. Personally I don’t see mystery as an alpha male. I see him as an interesting entertainer.

use of neg’s= bad rapport.
use of banter(teasing and playfull pokes in the ribs)= good rapport

As far as complimenting her looks. If you think she’s got an amazing smile by all means tell her. What the PUA mindframe is on looks is…Don’t drool on her arm because she’s beautifull barbie dolls are cheap. You could always try complimenting her looks but then ask her if she has anything else going for her…or a personal favorite:

“Your smile is amazing. It’s distracting me, turn around right now. (back to back with you) ok much better now tell me, what size rims are on your car?”

It’s playfull banter like this that works. Telling a girl she has the orangest tan you’ve ever seen is not going to get you anything. Feel free to hit me with as many questions as you want. I live this stuff, and I love helping people become what they want to be.

39

Thanks a lot for your offer of advice in advance Grant. I will be sure to keep in touch with you and shoot you lots of pms back and forth. :smiley: