You’re kinda courting this girl who drops many signs that she’s into you. She’s hot as hell. GREAT personality. She’s already one of your best friends. Lot’s of texting & smiles & shit like that.
However, for all the evidence that she’s into you there’s just as much evidence that she’s a full blown lesbian.
What products do you use? Do you make a pass at her or do you try to draw out her sexual orientation? You dont want any awkwardness cos she’s such a good person & you’ve already formed this DEEP connection with her.
I think what he’s saying that she sometimes shows no interest in him whatsoever and “might as well be” lesbian, not that she actually is (correct me if I’m wrong sirius ).
I’m pretty curious to see what people suggest here, because I have an almost IDENTICAL situation.
Whether she IS a lesbian or not, I can tell you from my little experience that IO IH and Ammo or TUTH should work fine. Not too much Ammo or TUTH but no problem with IO.
Take her to a bar with 2 or 3 friends and see what happens !
If she’s a lesbian, no product or line of reasoning or hot guy will change her essential nature. You are born gay and that’s the way it is. Do you think a mone product will “fool” you into becoming gay? Didn’t think so. Just enjoy the friendship and don’t waste your time with romantic connotations.
Hi SiriusC
What’s the evidence? That would help in sizing up the situation.
This is the chance you take when you make your move. If you’re willing to “risk” the friendship…then go for it.
Only one way to get a semblance of an answer…as I said above. Ask her out. Still it doesn’t mean she’s gay…could be bi. Dunno and neither do you…find out. Then come back here and tell us aaaaall about it.
For the time being avoid the sexual stuff in favor of the socials. I’d go with Instant Shine, Instant Openness and, most definitely, Instant Honesty.
Heavy on the Honesty, baby.
I concur with Bella, lots of Instant Honesty, stick mostly to socials. If you want to keep it simple, Instant Honesty and Instant Shine. Everyone loves Instant Shine. It’s the cool kid everyone loves.
Also, as mentioned by other members, more information about the situation would be helpful. You say you guys are pretty close, I’m sure close enough to know that she’s single? If that’s the case, then you could ask her, hey you’re single, how come I never hear/see you date any guys? Then you’ll know where she stands. She might say she hasn’t met a guy she likes yet, or no one has asked her out, etc..or she might say because she likes women.
If you don’t know if she’s single, then you could say, hey I don’t know if you’re single or what, cause I’ve never seen you with a boyfriend…etc..
Hi SiriusC,
you just asked us for advice for a very tough problem… I agree with Gegogi (I always agree with him), if she’s a lesbian, nothing will help you. If she’s not, or if she’s bisexual, you can try to use TUTH with a load of socials. I’ve seen that TUTH works VERY well with those that already shown interests, so it may be helpful.
I know this sounds silly but her sexual interest on her facebook profile is listed as “women”. Also, there are several pictures on her profile that suggest this & she’s dropped subtle hints that she’s slept with a woman & is interested in another. But very subtle. However, she’s texted me late at night, texts me almost too much, we do a lot of shit together, she was insanely nice to me during 2 really tough times, & I get that smile…know what I mean?
I’ve carefully tried prying it out of her but she seems to avoid it. I can’t “just ask” because it’s just too awkward for me.
And I don’t think they’re born with it. I’ve heard many a story of how women have been turned lesbian, have been turned straight, & the same goes for men.
We honestly have such a connection that I think I can “turn” this girl, if she’s something to be turned in the first place.
The only thing missing from this equation is sex. You throw that in & we might as well be dating.
Also, a major problem (for me at least) is that she doesn’t drink. I think I’m almost too dependant on that lubricant.
Alright, so thanks for the advice so far, and keep it coming!!
So you guys are basically dating, are very close to the point where you feel like the only missing intimacy is physical intimacy and yet you’re uncomfortable asking her about her sexual orientation?
I’d say if you can’t discuss it face to face, you’re not ready for it. It’s simply just another aspect of sexuality, you can discuss your own sexuality, can’t you? That girl is hot, I wanna have sex with her. Or, I love it when a girl looks back at me with that ‘come and get it’ look after a sexy dance.
If I can’t even articulate what makes me happy, I’m probably not ready for it to happen for me. For example, I have no idea how I expect my wedding to go – I’m definitely not ready for it. I won’t even speak of it.
I might want kids, but I don’t know if I’d be comfortable talking to my gf seriously about kids. Either way, if you can’t ask her directly about it, then maybe you guys aren’t as close as you might think, or you’re not fully in reality with the situation at hand and you might be chasing a fantasy, not in the sense that you don’t deserve her or anything, but rather that your are attracted to a fantasy that is constructed with your friend as the foundation.
As for girls that ‘turn lesbian’ or ‘turn straight’, they are just bisexual. They weren’t fully homosexual to begin with. They might not have admitted they swing both way, but apparently they do. I suppose you could argue that they are legitmately homosexual since you can’t prove they are attracted to both genders simultaneously, but either way, they’re basically bisexual if they go back and forth.
I used to have a gay acquaintance, if asked he was gay, he acted somewhat gay (not overly flamboyant, but enough), BUT he’d get with girls every once in a blue moon. Huh? He was bisexual if he was sleeping with guys and girls, but I suppose it was ‘fashionable’ in a twisted way to say he was homosexual.
I agree with you. People are born into their orientation. Nothing wrong with that. You could temporarily sway someone’s opinion, but the long-term outcome might not be great.
Many of us expend energy on those who may not be quite suited. <sigh>
Sounds like your best friends to me. My BF is a male and there isnt anything I wouldnt ask him.
Perhaps she is just not ready to come out or she is afraid of losing your friendship if she does. She may sense that your attracted to her and is using this attraction to hang onto the friendship.
Either way if she is truly a lesbian there is no pheromone in the world that will make it not so. People cant just turn there sexual orientation to something else. They are born the way they are born but society makes them feel they need to hide it. So when someone eventually comes out of the closet after having hetero relationships they didn’t just turn gay. Then finally gained the confidence to come out.
Now if she is just BI you got a chance. I suggest using heavy Instant Shine and Instant Honesty and a few sprays of Turn Up The Heat or Ammo.
If that doesn’t work use heavy IH and Instant Female Magic and jump right in and ask.
As pyra mentioned if your ready for the next level you should be able to talk about anything.
Tisha brings up a good point, because of pressure to comform to societal norms, even seemingly heterosexual women might turn openly homosexual once given an appropriate environment to do so. Past heterosexual activity could be attributed to social pressure, the woman isn’t automatically bisexual if she’s had both heterosexual and then later homosexual relations. Though, I suppose in an extreme case, you could argue the opposite.
Either way, none of the generalizations (or rather, attempts at) will help as your friend (as I’m sure you’re aware) is and individual and might not fit any,some,all generalizations. The best thing to do is talk to her openly about it.
I have to agree with Gegogi, Phya, Phernoob and Tisha, sexual orientation is determined before birth, but societal norms cause many people to hide their homosexual preferences, and they date outside their comfort zone to try to convince themselves or others that they are heterosexual.
It has been proven that in developing fetuses, at around the 8th week male fetuses have a wave of testosterone wash over the brain, which cause the development of male sex organs. Without this testosterone wave male sex organs would never develop. It is also theorized that this testosterone wave alters brain development, and is the reason that male and female brains develop and function differently.
It has also been tracked and proven that in male fetuses in which the wave of testosterone is weaker than normal, or natural testosterone production level is abnormally low, the majority will develop and/or exhibit homosexual tendencies later in life.
It only stands to reason that Estrogen has a similar impact on female fetuses.
Granted, there are life altering events that can cause people to make conscious decisions to alter their sexual preferences, but the foundation and intended orientation is laid before birth.
I also have to agree with Phya, in that if you are not comfortable enough in talking with her about her sexual preference, then you are not ready to move into a sexual relationship, regardless of whether she likes men, women, or both.
If you can’t ask her point blank about her sexual preference though, maybe you can turn it into a neg and get it out that way. I.E., When she compliments you or says something nice, you say something like: Yeah your just saying that to make me feel good so that you can get me into bed. Then listen to her response and watch the body language.
Here’s a couple of interesting articles on testosterone and fetal development:
Uhmm, sirius a lot of good advices here already. I didn’t really know what to reply yesterday since i never really been in similar situation but everyone’s post have been really informative
Maybe you can hint here back, like tell her that a girl you know if kind of interested in her, indirectly and well said so she wont really know if it is friendship or romantic interest. But maybe enough for her to tell you more
The first intimate relationship a boy has is with his mother.
The first intimate relationship a girl has is with her mother.
The first intimate relationship a boy has is heterosexual.
The first intimate relationship a girl has is homosexual.
It is much more natrual and common for a girl to involve herself in a homosexual relationship than it is for a man. Her earliest (not verbal but emotional) memories are of being intimate with another female. Sorry to be so politically incorrect, but sexual orientation is not decided before birth. It is determined by a very complex interaction on biological, psychological, social and probably spiritual levels.
I have known many women who went back and forth in their sexual orientation. It is not rare. Whether she acts on it or not, she obviously has a heterosexual attraction to you, SiriusC. In so much as this woman’s sexual orientation – or perhaps the term is “sexual confusion” – is determined by nonbiological factors, you should expect a girl who has had difficult relationships with both partents. She has a difficult time accepting the female sex role because she has difficulty identifying with her mother. She has difficulty loving a man because she had difficulty loving her emotionally or physically absent father. If you win this woman, there are emotional scars you are going to have to be ready to help her cope with. I’d have to guess that her unwillingness to drink is about a fear of losing control dating back to a family life that all too often seemed terrifyingly out of control.
I’d disagree with the notion that you should ask her about her sexual orientation. If you ask her, she is likely to feel compelled to be consistent with her previous choice and shut the door on a sexual relationship with you. Why force her to give the answer you do not want. Discuss sexual orientation after you’ve slept with her. I’m not saying that is likely to happen, but tactically it is your only chance.
OTOH you can’t let her drive you crazy forever. If she doesn’t drink, I’d suggest a good amount of P83, IH and as romantic an evening as you can put together. See what happens.
I suspect you are dealing with someone who is very sexually repressed. That is what you have described, emotional intimacy without the physical. You may not realize what you are reacting to, but you can sense all that pent up libido. It has an exciting, glowing quality to it. You are drawn to her like a moth to a flame. This is not a healthy situation. I am not saying you shouldn’t try to seduce her. You want her. You should. It may be the best thing that ever happened to her. But understand what you are dealing with. She seems exciting, but that excitement will not flow smoothly and that is why there is so much of it there to begin with.
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