Persistent malicious, no. Persistent refuses-to-accept-no… refuses to follow my wishes in leaving me alone… refuses to stop trying to contact me, ask me for another chance (as if 12 wasn’t enough), and generally get it that I wasn’t kidding when I said that I would leave and stay gone if she showed me she wasn’t being honest and faithful.
When I get emotionally involved in a woman, I tend to become very steadfast, focused and faithful. The relationship is extremely important to me, so I am very active (and pro-active) in making it work and keeping it healthy.
After years of time and self and effort investment, having to be the one who rips it all up and walks away is rather devastating. This always affects me similarly to the death of a loved one, and in my emotional recovery period, I am unbalanced in my perception and responses. What people write or say may not be perceived the way it is intended, and my responses may be strange, inappropriate or even offensive. Unintentionally, of course.
I’m not looking for pity. I just want to make sure I apologize for and explain any odd, inappropriate or offensive behavior on my part. I thought I had this all dealt with, which is to say I have been doing well with it… but this month she’s been busy rippng up my heart again. Can’t take no for an answer.
The way things are going, I am just waiting for her to find some way to show up in person and either try to seduce me, try to offer herself as my submissive again (she’s not submissive… lol), or beg me in person to take her back. I suspect something along those lines will be happening around August of this year. By then, if she doesn’t find some way around my IM blocks, ignoing her e-mails and phone calls, and generally trying to forget her and move on with my life, I should be able to handle it without difficulty.
For the moment, however, I just want to explain that I’m not necessarily myself right now. So if I should be in any way offensive, inappropriate or out of bounds… it is not intended to be.