Earlier, I posted a little story about the musings between me and that girl. If any of you didn’t get a chance to read, I’ll give you a brief summary.
So there is this girl from church that I happen to take interest in. One day she decided to talk about her feelings, and I took the risk of being a permanent friend. I decided, “what the heck”. So I took a big gamble. She shares with me that her boyfriend is a drunk, abuser, and jealous jerkhead, so I offer some advice and emotional support. Later, she finally realizes that he couldn’t change, so she dumps him.
Now I said I would give her two weeks. She has been giving me mixed signals lately, and seemed to enjoy my presence. So today I took her to the park and got some ice cream and we had a fun time. Later I go back to her house and sat on the couch in her music room. So I took people’s advice from the last thread and was straight up with her about. I may have not used the right approach (yet I didn’t receive any triangle gazes), so I told her this: “I’ve been thinking about my feelings towards you, and I want you to be with me”
Her reply? She said she would of said yes, but she said that she just got out of a ten month relationship. So we have about 15 minutes of awkwardness before I decide to leave. She claims she was sorry, but I know her game. She said she loved me, and if she really meant that, that wouldn’t be the case right?
So here I am now. I’m disappointed, yet I knew the whole time I was taking a big gamble and decided to go against the rules of pickup and relationships. But I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Two weeks was obviously not enough. She has taken a blow to her self esteem and well as being able to trust her own judgement. That takes more then two weeks to rebuild.
If this is what you said your statement made it all about you and your feelings. Not good. You should have said something like…
Your a lot of fun to be around now that your not with your EX, wanna start dating.
See mild neg and your asking what she wants while still indicating what you want. Now if she says no to this you haven’t risked as much as just flat out telling her what you want and getting rejected and it displays your high value instead of just indicating you were waiting around for her to get over her EX.
I don’t see her as playing a game, I see her as being reluctant because she has been hurt. Don’t assume when someone loves you they want to be with you either. I love many of my male friends but I don’t want to be with them. Now if she said I am “in love with you” that’s different.
What you do now is still remain in the same relationship with her but act as though her answer was no big deal. Don’t take her out for ice cream but sit with her in church and do all your normal habits. Act as though your interests could stray elsewhere. I am sure there are other girls in church you can flirt with or be nice to. If she expects you to hang with her after church let her ask. You wanna play a little hard to get so its not just you pursuing but its a mutual thing. If she asks you to hang out say something like “Oh I thought you were not ready to date”
Crazy as it sounds its like dancing. You lead but she must step with you to make it work.
I agree with Tisha, two weeks was totally not enough time after a ten month relationship. Perhaps more like two months would have been a better choice. I mean even if things had turned out differently and she was cool with how you approached the situation, you really don’t want to be with a girl who’s harping over another guy. Plus being the rebound guy is never a good thing if you’re looking for something long term.
But call me crazy I don’t see how you screwed things up so badly that it’s un-fixable, give her sometime to get over her last guy, and DON’T let that awkwardness between the two of you persist… and see where things stand between you and her in a few months. But in the mean time it really couldn’t hurt to see if there are any other ladies out that ya dig.
Yeah, you guys are right, especially Tisha. She asked in a text if I was ok, and I was straight honest her and said no. I told her honestly what I’ve thought of her after the fact and told her I’m moving on. Now it was a little hard to find happiness when the church decided to go to the zoo, but in a few weeks, I’m sure that my mood will be over and it won’t be awkward being friends again.
But I’ve thought, and maybe she isn’t for me. She’s really naive at times, which I dislike about her, so maybe it was a good thing that I’m not with her now. It seems like that she’s going back to her asshole of a boyfriend, but I’m dettaching myself before this happens because I have a life, and I know there are plenty of better ladies than her.
Actually it’s now official. I was surfing on facebook and she’s together with him and the whole shebang. Didn’t mean a thing all that she said to me. I’m just going to move on and let her be the stupidest human being in the universe.
Ugh… Sorry to hear that man. To be honest she’s starting to sound like one of those people who will bitch and moan about how bad their life sucks, but when they get an opportunity to better themselves they just let it pass by.
It’s probably for the best that you’ve decided to move on.
Yeah your right. I don’t want somebody to drag me down in my life. Surprisingly, I keep learning stuff from this, qualities to look for other than looks. I think that’s another aspect to the game that others may not see. Cause today, beauty is pretty common. Finding beauty + right person is pretty hard though.
