Well Guys, Its Been 4 Months, and I Hit "Just a Good Friend" Zone :(

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

As some of you already know, I liked this girl who is dating another guy who I KNOW can’t even tie my shoelaces on looks, personality, value, “swag,” and just overall fun-ness. The girl is vERY good girl (runs away if sex is being talked about) and VERY into her Christian beliefs.

I’ve liked her for 4 months, and she knows because a friend of mine told her “without me knowing” (even though I knew full well). During the SuperBowl, she and that friend (who’s a girl BTW) came over to my house. We were watching the Bowl, and she had her legs curled up resting on mine, and was playing footsies with me the entire game. I did the whole “hand on leg thing” and she did nothing about it. I started playing with her hair, and she just stared at me with those captivating, green eyes and perfect smile.

I’m leaving for 2 weeks to Belize tomorrow, and a couple of days ago, she told me ‘I’m gonna miss u, school isn’t gonna b the same without u.’

In a study hall during school, I noticed she sits by herself and just writes in, I guess, a journal. I planned on going over to her today (I don’t go to that study hall, but after just learning that she’s in there, I’m going to start to) and just telling her that I knew my friend told her I liked her, that there was truth in that, and I didn’t say anything because I thought it would blow over, and it didn’t. Needless to say, snow restricted me from doing this today.

So, I sent her a FB message telling her I wanted to talk to her when I got back, and I liked her, and w/e. Here’s her exact reply:

And then right away she told me this:

Then, she started chatting with me online and told me just friends is good w/ her, and I told her that IDK whats gonna happen w/ our friendship b/c its real hard for me to call a girl that i really like ‘just a friend.’

We go to Greece in April w/ school, and being Greek, she wants me to be by her side to help her out. Her boyfriend, whose a year younger and goes to a different school, will not be attending.

I tried MY ASS off not to go to friend’s zone with this girl, and I did anyways. 4 months of work for nothing, and I know I’m gonna get a bunch of “move-ons” from you guys, but I’ve been trying to for SO long now. It’s just very unsettling to me that a 10th tier guy is getting a top tier girl, when I know my name has more value on the ‘market’ than her boyfriends. Girls at my high school, I’m pretty much spent with. They show no interest in me, and I show no interest in them.

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a phil opinion after the jump

jump_____

To be honest…i dunno. If i was in your position (were talking about me now) i think i would leave it as friends. she was responsible enough to actually talk to you and be polite and all that mushy gushy stuff in the email. She did’nt play dumb. Basically even though you got the short end since she wants to keep it the “f” word, you gained big since she told you straight out what she feels. Thats a big thing right there and you got something good. Now if she were to play dumb and be disrespectable about it then hey, i would just cut her off. I may even throw on some instant jerk, instant honesty, some crazy ultimate alpha sprays and just let the pheromones do their work. But thats just me. You respect me, ill respect you. You f*ck me over ill forgive you but wont forget. You really disrepect me and now we got a problem.

Its scary but in my opinion is to at least try the friend route…try.

3

im not gonna give you a “move on”, cause this is more a “you should never have spent 4 months on a taken girl in the first place”. one thing would be to show you would be a cool guy to hang with if what she has ever goes wrong. Thinking that you have higher value isn’t an arguement for her to logically prefer you over him.

Especially at your age where people are on the first round of crushes, they will try to make it work no matter what.
i was ready to marry the first girl i truly loved and wouldnt have given it up for anything even though she wasnt good for me.
i know of a 17 year old girl that has a boyfriend she hasnt seen in a month because he just ran off somewhere, and when he reenters the country he’s facing 3 months in jail.
AND SHE IS STILL NOT CONVINCED that he is bad for her, simply because she’s in love…

i know its hard when they get cuddly like that and still dont see you as more than a friend when you both know that YOU want more, but thats just girls, and if you’re wearing pheros then its more likely to happen(cuddle-type stuff that is)…

4

Thanks guys.

I’m afraid though because this girl and I have grown fairly tight (I mean, cmon, shes cuddling w/ me watching football) and, I feel, the only way I can get over her is by, truly, talking to her minimally. IDK, under our circumstances, if thats possible.

5

I wonder why many people are so obsessive? Its best to look for someone who loves you back. Forcing yourself to be with someone who doesnt have feelings for you is just gonna destroy yourself.

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I’m with AlienInspector here! You spent 4 months chasing a girl that already had a boyfriend, and now you’re upset. Why, becasue she didn’t dump him for you? What if she did, and then another guy came along and started chasing her and she dumped you for him? How would you feel?

Sorry, but I can’t say that I have much sympathy.

I have a feeling that if you leveled with her and told her that for the last 4 months it was your intent to get her to leave her boyfriend to be with you, and that you think you’re so much better than him, you’d probably lose her respect and friendship too.

I don’t think you’e going to get a lot of move-ons from us, maybe more like a lot of “we told yold you not too’s”, becuase if I recall, many of us did tell you not to pursue her, and that you wouldn’t like it if somebody were to do it to you.

7

I actually was about to pose a similar question.. Has anyone in here been able to get outta the “friends zone” and went on to date said friend? If so, how did you go about it, how long were you stuck in the “friends zone” before you made a working move?

8

then never talk to her again, at least while the crush is there. ask yourself what you value about her. the way i see it, you’ve spent all this time picturing yourself as her boyfriend, not her friend.
This means that you will allways have expectations for what you’re hoping for everytime you meet(this damages you even more as it keeps you off the market).
if you tell her that she will understand that you dont want to talk anymore and the cut can be clean.

If you truly value her friendship then your feelings will tell you, but do not fool yourself into being around her expecting something, and come clean and tell her whats up.

hope this helps, alot of us have been there, i know i have.

9

actually i agree with mark-in-dallas about coming clean you will lose some respect.

i said it because just breaking it off will leave her wondering, but then again she kinda knows whats up.

mikeman, ive done it but its not pretty, to answer your questions: 1 year and an ultimatum, i simply said that either we started dating or we never saw eachother again. obviously you need some ioi’s to do this lol…

10

IMO a girl isn’t quality if she’ll just up and dump her current guy if another guy who is interested comes along.

Show some respect - Leave it as friends.

Keep it up like you are and you won’t even have her friendship.

11

Just a bit of advice from a girl, knowing the way girls think. Especially because i have noticed we are the same age, so that’s gotta count for something in the way of knowing how she may or may not be thinking right now.

Well, no matter how nice a girl is, and how intellectual she is or whatever there is always a part of her that needs something in a guy that isn’t so ‘nice’, i mean ‘nice’ is good and all, don’t get me wrong, but i like my friends being ‘nice’ not my boyfriends.

Obviously you don’t wanna be super horrible or anything, like still be nice but you need to slip in little put downs about her too, i mean it sounds like she’s just got so comfortable in getting things her way with you, and knowing that your always gonna be there for her, that she needs to stop and think actually, he might not like me as much as i thought he did and have something to miss about you, you know? and something to work for.

stop trying so hard!
whilst your away i highly recconmend some reading.
Check out “the game” by “neil strauss” otherwise known as “style”.
he’s one of the most successful pick up artists in the world, and im pretty sure there will be alot of advice in there that will help you step back from the friends zone and into the zone you wanna be in.

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes.

Best of luck, Affectivity x

12

I have, and now been with the guy for well over a year :slight_smile:
Just take a step back and leave them wondering.
they need put downs, need to know your not there for them so much.
they need something to work for sometimes, remember its more fun for people when theres a chase behind it.
My best advise is, don’t appear so open about things.
don’t be shy, be yourself, but be drawn back from them rather then touchy feely and always trying to get in contact with them,
they’ll realise theres something missing in their lives..

13

I remember having a oneitis back in my early high school days, and let me just say that the outcome wasnt pretty. From my experience, when a girl says she only sees you as a friend, just move on. You have a better chance finding someone else who appreciate you for who you are than to stay with someone who doesn’t even show your respect.

Affectivity is also right on the money. Just take a step back from those people and stay focus on stuffs that keep you happy or passionate. When those people dont hear from you in a long time, trust me, most of the time they will be searching for you.

14

HAHA it’s really funny cuz I have a rep for being a lil badass, and I was discussing w/ one of her best friends how he’s WAY to excessively nice. Also, I think I have to throw this one in here, a little after the elections, her bf threatened me telling me to back off or he’d make me, I told him to come see me (I’m 3X his size) and he never responded. But, w/e, I know it was stupid to pursue her, and even though I ALWAYS get INSANE IOIs from her, I have to play the ignore card, I guess.

15

ALSO, other than A314, which pheromones did u have in mind???

I get somewhat of a ghost effect when I put 2 drops of that stuff on.

I’ll be honest, I LOADED myself w/ ammo (I think 4 sprays which is a lot for a teenager) on Superbowl night, but I was only hanging w/ girls, so nothing negative from guys. That worked well.

16

I agree, but he won’t listen. So just leave it up to him bro.

17

You know, i can appreciate where you’re coming from here, especially since you’ve been researching alot of PUA tips and tricks, but i REALLY just don’t agree. Yes, PUA is AWESOME at getting the girl. But keeping the girl? Who wants a man that constantly puts you down and belittles you? Who wants the asshole to stay around? Hit it and get out of there? Maybe. Stick around for the next couple of years? Highly doubtful.

That being said, don’t be the excessively nice guy that will do anything to please your girl. Here’s something to think on… women WANT their men to have a backbone. Fact. They WANT you to occasionally go “no baby, i really want to go to the game tonight, so we can have a dinner party another night.” It shows that you’re not just agreeing with anything they say, which is a huge bonus. Who wants a yes-man for a LTR? That would get old real fast.

For pulling a girl away from her guy, i suppose PUA is a much better solution, as otherwise you’ll probably get dropped into the “my amazingly nice friend” zone pretty durn fast. But for getting a girl who really wants to be with you? Try to surprise her with a nice dinner. Offer to help her out when she’s least expecting it. It doesn’t have to be a huge deal. Help her clean up after a party. Show that you’re in it with her and want to be there for her.

Aaaaanyways, as you can see, 12 sprays of Instant Honesty and a bit o’ the Irish Water has taken hold, so i’ma leave with that.

18

I’m gonna do it.

Revelation: Last year, I liked a girl (not as much as I like this one) and I was getting IOIs, but she wasn’t the dating type, so I didn’t even want to get into it. I ignored her, and eventually got over her. I’m going to do the same thing here.

She DID keep telling me ‘you never know’ when I spoke to her, but I don’t wanna think about what could be, I’m gonna worry about what is.

19

Don’t ignore her outright. Just keep a very good distance. If she approaches you, give her 30 seconds to a minute of your time and then make like you’ve got more important things to do. What I mean is, don’t snub her or be an OBVIOUS asshole. Just act like the situation is no skin off your back, and you’ve got stuff you need to take care of.

Give her a reason to seek you out.

Then again, this is coming from someone with shitty luck with women, and a LJBF situation from highschool that mirrored your’s… except I was seriously socially inept and couldn’t handle it. Ended up losing one of the best female friends I had. Ah well… Live and learn. Whatever you do, don’t gamble a good thing for uncertainty.

-D4

20

Understood.

Thing is, just to put it bluntly, I don’t imagine myself DOING any of my friends, so I really don’t know to what extent our friendship can go to, and IDK if she just considers me a friend like she considers every guy she talks to, or if I’m her best guy friend aside from her bf. I don’t think it’s the latter.

I spoke to her a little more and, after telling her I was confused about this, she admitted she was a lil confused to, but wouldn’t elaborate.

She said she’s going to miss me a lot and class won’t be the same without me when I told her I was going, and I truly think she meant it. I just know that we may grow apart a little bit after being away for 2 weeks.

I think, for my own mental health, I have to put our friendship aside so I can get over her, even if it means completely ignoring her.