Well Guys, Its Been 4 Months, and I Hit "Just a Good Friend" Zone :(

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
21

Okay I am not trying to be mean or anything but ill be 100% honest with you.

there is nothing you can say for her to change her mind but there is one thing you can do that might get things going.

don’ttalk to her everyday in your vacation …you said your gone for two weeks right ? well talk to her maybe 3 times in that two weeks and make sure its not weekends.

after you come back give her couple days before trying to contact her and there is the most important part GET A DATE WITH A GIRL ANY GIRL and make sure she finds out somehow … than watch how she takes it and reacts to it. oh ya and tell her your okay with the friendship deal even if your not.

I mean you have nothing to lose here from that message she made it clear that she doenst want break up her relationship for you so try this and see how it words you might be surprised in more than one way.

22

All these guys here in Belize told me give her a hug, maybe sneak in a kiss on the forehead, then tell her I’m tired of her shit, and for my sanity, things are gonna change, walk away.

I’m gonna get her a necklace too that “matches her eyes,” but I’m not gonna give it to her unless what happens is favorable.

Like the idea or no??

23

Lakerman, there’s a fine line between persistence and stubbornness. I admire your tenacity, but I think if you really want the best chance, you should just accept the friendship you have now. If she later ends up breaking up with her current bf, then you’ve got the green light. If she never does, then you get to decide how long you’re willing to wait. Make it long enough, and you just might have yourself a long checklist of great girls that you never gave yourself a chance to see.

You might regret it, you might not. But push for it, if that’s what you really want to do. That’s the important thing anyways. Just be aware that if you push, you might lose something you didn’t realize you held dear. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe your relationship isn’t really a friendship, but just an infatuation, perhaps a mutual infatuation. Either way, realize that you might lose whatever relationship you have now.

Really, it’s up to you. Some say take what you can get, others say push for what you want. Each has its own regret if it turns out wrong. Each has its own cost for success.

Figure out what you’re willing to pay.

24

Buying the girl a necklace to “win her over” if your interaction goes well is standard AFC - It’s like buying a girl a drink at the bar if she gives you the time of day.

Either buy her the necklace and just give it to her - without any requirements attached - or don’t buy her anything.

In my opinion, while you know she has a b/f, I would suggest not buying her anything.

25

ya I agree with wrlprchnx …because think about it your doing all this things for her and what you getting in return ? I would say move on be her friend and try find someone else for now at least.

26

I’m back from vacation.

I was in a 3rd world country, and I hung out w/ a few LEGIT pimps.

I told them my situation, and they said don’t look for a relationship w/ this girl, just try and deflower her. They told me to ignore her a lil bit, at first, play a lil mysterious, which I did.

Then they said, talk to her, put my hand on her shoulder, and tell her that i like her, i like spending time w/ her, and acknowledge she has a bf and tell her i dont want to interfere, so since i like her and like spending time w/ her, when she needs to talk or wants to have some fun, just gimme a call and we’ll do sumpin.

They told me “IDC how much of a christian she is or a virgin. you’ll have her in 3-4 weeks. when u have her, tell her that she has a bf and they shouldnt do that. then when u hangout w/ her again, say how u thought about it and u really want it.” they then told me i’ll get myself in a lot of trouble b/c “i’ll quickly find her to be annoying.”

This was gonna b what I was gonna do, but this mysterious thing did not go as planned. The first day, she DID ask if I hooked up w/ nebody (she made it sound like excitement, but the guys told me she was gonna ask this) and I answered maybe. She asked y i was being so mysterious, i just kinda shrugged my shoulders. I thought the first day back went well. She asked me to “tell her a story about belize,” and i told her, theres nothing really to say (which, honestly, is the truth. somethings happened there im not too proud of, and i would tell her, just not in front of her friends that dont really like me too much)

To make a long story short, I was planning on telling her the entire “i like u” thing tomoro, BUT she told me off today in a BAD way…it coulda been thru jealousy cuz, although I’ve been acting nice towards her, I haven’t been talking to her or paying her AS MUCH mind, but I didn’t think she had it in her to tell me off. I had to make up gym classes, so I made it up w/ her gym class (before I left, she wanted me too, but it was the only time I could make it up neways) and she told me when I was patting her on the back “DONT TOUCH ME” and then went on a tantrum in front of her friends in lunch (she rolled her eyes at me, not playfully) then told me GO BACK TO UR OWN GYM CLASS.

Honestly, I don’t remember EXACTLY what she was telling me off for, but she was. i’m keeping up the charade of not caring, but IDK what to do.

I realize I’m stupid for staying on this girl, I realize I NEED to move on, I realize I should never have gotten w/ a taken girl. Easier said than done.

I do want a friendship w/ her, but IDK if I can be that jealous friend. And I can’t “just forget her and ignore her” because w/ school, we are forced to hangout quite a bit OUTSIDE of school

HEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPP

27

Lakerman, maybe it’ll help to figure out what exactly about this girl attracted you? It’s possible you’re nurturing a fantasy of her, rather than seeing who she really is. Once you get free of your infatuation, you might realize that she’s not completely who you thought she was.

I used to be really into this girl. She’s hot, outgoing and fun. She can get most guys wrapped around her finger. We didn’t date because she had issues with my past history. She acted as if she was too virtuous than to have a relationship with a cheater. A year later, she’s in a relationship with someone who had to buy her jewelry to keep her happy. I couldn’t ever be with someone who sacrifices their values for money. She’s not attractive to me anymore. Yes, she’s still hot, but she’s not who I thought she was. I was nurturing a fantasy of her that wasn’t real. That’s what kept me hooked.

The fantasy was what hooked me, not the girl. I had to take a look around and see what was really there. I realized I was building her up for no reason. Take a look at yourself, and ask yourself, why does she matter so much to me? What does she offer me that no other girl can? I think the answer to the second question is – nothing. She offers nothing more than every other girl. Sure, other girls aren’t going to be exactly like her, but there will be many others that are similar, and might even end up being a better match for you.

28

Thank you Phya.

Lakerman, I’ve been following your story and had my say about it in the past. This advice above right here is key. You’re saying she got all aggressive on you because you acted a bit mysterious and didn’t tell her all your details? Pfft. You don’t need the drama. Hold that head up and walk on my man. You be the man you’ve gotta be in the meantime and I’m sure she’ll let you know if she’s wanting anything more than friendship. She knows where you stand and where to find you.

29

Lakerman, keep going the way you’re going and pretty soon you’ll be 70, and home alone with your cats.:open_mouth:

30

Believe me, I tried that.

My problem is, I get too attached to one girl and can’t see any others as being beautiful. The only way, honestly, I get over girls is by losing a friendship.

Sad, but it’s true.

31

I don’t think so. I think you’ve only given it a fleeting thought, and instead have mostly been consumed by your desire for her. I’m not faulting you, blaming your, or even saying that what you’re doing is bad. I understand where you’re coming from and it’s not easy to just ‘drop it’.

But I do think you can be more honest with yourself. Do you know what it means to really be ‘attached’ to someone? Have you ever been addicted? I mean a real addiction, not ‘Oh I couldn’t live without my ipod!’, like ‘I’ll suck your dick for some blow.’ addiction. This isn’t one of those cases, you’re building a mental prison and voluntarily locking yourself up in it.

I think your pride is getting in the way. Your pride won’t let you let go, which is why the friendship being broken is the only way you’ll get over it – you are forced to get over it, regardless of what your pride wants.

But I’ll try and be constructive. What is it about her specifically that makes her ‘beautiful’? You’ve gone on and on about how she’s so great, but never really cared to articulate it. You’re not letting yourself see other girls as potentially beautiful. What you’re doing is..well, in short, you’re being being shallow. Perhaps not in the typical sense where we mean to say that you are only looking at physical beauty. I mean you are shallow because you are not looking into the depth of the other girls. You refuse to recognize that there is potential beauty and worth in these other girls. I don’t feel that you’ve sufficiently given it an honest shot. You simply see these other girls, notice that they are not ‘the one’, and reject them simply on that basis.

I dare you to put together a list of things that she brings to the table that another girl cannot. Really, go ahead. Physical beauty? No, other girls have that. Intelligence? Other girls have that too. Fun personality? Serious personality? A large vocabulary? A religious upbringing? Rejection of religion? 6 toes? Okay, maybe that one. :smiley: (and even there, I know another girl with 6 toes. :stuck_out_tongue:)

Go ahead, please, show me how this girl is the only one that can be beautiful to you. I won’t buy the ‘but it’s love’ response, I have doubts that this desire is based in love.

Be honest with yourself. I mean brutally honest. What does she really mean to you? This is a long and tedious introspective process. It is not done overnight, and a lot of people fail in the time and effort required to do this. Instead, they let outside circumstances dictate what they do (you pushing until the friendship is dissolved, forcing you to forget about it.)

32

Well from experience, the ones you can “steal” easily are the ones that who leave you just as easy. You should really not push her even further, just leave it at friends and maybe in a few months or so, when she doesn’t have a boyfriend something will happen.

33

I’m gonna take all your advice, and I’ll do the “friends” thing.

Today I went up to her in study hall (remember, she sits by herself, her friends all have gym when she has study hall, and visa versa), and said “oh, you look busy.” Then went to turn around and go back to my friends, but she said “no, I’m not.”

So, I sat w/ her, and told her some stories about Belize. She listened, smiled, and laughed and said “now I understand why you didn’t tell anybody else.” When SH was over, she walked w/ me to class and to my locker.

There’s still no doubt in my mind that she’s confused and she likes me, and, as I told you guys before, she’s expecting me to talk to her to lay the shit on the table.

I’m gonna tell her I really like her, and I treasure her friendship, and acknowledge that she has a bf, and that I don’t want to step in between that.

I’m going to put an end to this. And besides, she told me she wants to hang out w/ me in Greece (we go in April, I’m Greek and speak it fluently and know about the country and islands fairly well).

She and her boyfriend, obviously they are young, he’s a year younger than her and I, and she’s heading off to college (pretty far away), and he’s going to be in high school. They aren’t going to last. Who knows, there may even be a messy break up. Me, I got her friendship, and perhaps something A LITTLE more than that. True, she’s going to be going to prom w/ him, not me, but I’m still gonna probably have a date for prom too. She knows not to talk about her boyfriend in front of me because it bothers me, and I know she’ll do her best to keep him far from me.

I guess her friendship right now is the most important thing to me. MAYBE she realizes that she likes me more, or MAYBE something does happen to she and her boyfriend (but, right now, they are in VERY good standing. She’s in love with him, and I believe she’s in “like” with me). But right now, I have to accept a friendship role.

I can’t mess that up.

34

She knows not to talk about her boyfriend around you because it bothers you?

Dude… not cool

35

I agree, that’s already kind of like controlling her. Actually you are, if this is correct. Not good at all, and that just might give her a look as to what things may be if she ever does get with you. Not that things would go that way, but she could associate that with what a future with you may hold.

Just let her talk about her BF, who cares.

36

No, its not like that haha

I never told her not to talk about him in front of me. I think she just feels it puts me in an uncomfortable situation or whatever.

She’s too considerate. If she did talk about her BF around me, I wouldn’t say “shut up” or anything to her.

37

Just a girls opinion, but it sounds like she likes you, has feelings (hence the jealous tantrum), but IS in a relationship (girls dont usually fool around or cheat, especially not good christian girls, even breaking up is hard for us to do). Now is a perfectly ripe time to cultivate your “friendship”. So maybe its not the ideal time to move on, how about expanding your horizons, dating around, flirting with other girls, Believe me, when she sees you have value to other girls, your value to her will skyrocket. In the meantime, skip the game, be very nice, chivalrous even (us old fashioned gals love) but let her see how other women ADORE YOU (pheros help here)!!! If you expand your dating pool, most likely, in the time she is broken up with her boyfriend you will probably have moved on to someone else, or if its meant to be, it will be. Either way, win-win and keeping your friendship.

38

I’m opening doors for her, acting nice to her, and I’ve been talking around. I have a “date” this weekend (I put that in quotes cuz its a BIG maybe, but either way, everyone’s going to think I went on a date), that is going to go to her ears (not by me, of course).

Today, during lunch (maybe b/c she sits directly across from me at the our table, idk) I caught her staring blankly at me several times. I just pretended that I didn’t notice. For a field trip we are having, I forgot my permission slip and told the teacher, and she said “John, can you call me and remind me to bring mine in? I keep forgetting mine too.”

I thought this was kinda weird as I haven’t called her in a LONG time. I feel like I’m on the proper path.

39

OH and also, she was telling me that she buying a dress for senior ball. I think she may have seen some uneasiness on my face, so she said “b/c with the musical and everything I won’t have time for buying one when we get back from Greece.”

I never heard her say “I’m going w/ Luke.” I hope I NEVER hear those words right now.

BUT, she had a folder that looked like a blown up picture was in it that she brought to school yesterday. I have a STRONG feeling that it was a picture of her and her boyfriend.

Mixed messages, much?

40

Okay I hate to do/say this but your letting this girl control your life and every spec of it … you love her yes and she has a boyfriend right now so the best thing you can do is move on and find someone else for now at least.she knows your interested in her and she will continue giving you a little something to keep your around as a back up and if you continue chasing her your only going to hurt your self and make her life more interesting (fact that she has a guy chasing her and sorry for saying this kissing her ass)

if you want be her friend great all the power to you but ill say find someone else and pay more attention to them …if she really wants you she will get ride of the boyfriend and she will come around and if not than its w/e your only 18.

sorry if its a tad harsh but just telling you how I see it. correct me if I am wrong.