For those of you that have been following, I had a little situation recently. Make a long story short, I like girl, girl likes me, she slept in my room cuddling with me twice wearing MY clothes, I helped her with her math homework, her friends told me it was annoying how much she’d talk about me, etc., then one day, it all stops. She wants space and tells me to be patient, but it seems that she loses ALL interest.
This has been bothering me so much. I stopped talking to her so I seemed disinterested, but I just can’t go any longer. I was thinking, wear IH and straight up tell her “I like you, I can’t understand what that means, but I do. Now, I’m giving you space and being patient like you said, but I gotta know, is there light at the end of this tunnel? Or am I wasting my time?”
OR should I continue the “don’t talk to her cuz she’s definitely over you, but when you see her, smile and say ‘hey’” treatment?
“What is freedom? Freedom is the right to choose:
The right to create for oneself the alternatives of choice.
Without the possibility of choice a man is not a man
But a member, an instrument, a thing.”
–Archibald MacLeish,
Pulitzer Prize – winning American poet
Ultimately the power of choice should be in your hands
This seems to me like a classic case of friend zoned.
Easy to get in, hard to get out.
I think that you got way too friendly with her without keeping sparks and tension between you and her.
I would just act normal. In these situations, there isn’t something that you should be “acting” because acting isn’t really how you’re feeling or believe. You’re in college with a great stock of mones. You seem to have a good outgoing personality so just move onto the next one. In college that tends to happen, it’s like you’re all little kids waiting to sample all the candy in the store. The gummy bears might be great now until you discover snickers jellybeans.
Tell her how you feel. Otherwise you’ll never know. Better you get your feelings out,take a chance and she never talks to you, than just let her not talk to you. What do you have to lose? And it could turn out positive.
move on. Forget her for now. Just talk to her casually here and there. If you ADMIT you like her, you will drive her further South. Source: my experiences
DEFINITELY not friend-zoned. I don’t even consider her a friend lol.
We were hooking up, I always kept the pot warm, SHE always kept the pot warm, and then it suddenly stopped.
Last night I went to her room asking her to borrow her mug. We spoke briefly, she just wanted to know how my birthday was. She looked at me with those “I want to jump on your bones” eyes, and giggled a lot.
I don’t think I’m gonna do what I set out to do. I’ve seen a counselor for a while (not for “problems,” but at college, having a professional to talk to about anything is really nice. VERY underrated and I recommend it to all), and he told me that college students have the completely wrong idea about love. Sex with someone you love on a consistent basis is going to be MUCH better than having sex with a different girl every night. I could not agree more.
He DID want me to go to her and tell her I liked her, and that’s that, but I decided not to. He also referred to the girl as a “basket case,” but said all girls were at her age, and it’s more important for them to be grounded with a group of girl friends than to have a guy so early in their college career.
It’s hard for me to see other women right now, and he said I really shouldn’t, because I like this one. Nothing to calculate, but at this very moment in time, I like her.
Part of me still wants to think she and I are going to work out (she fell for me once, why couldn’t she fall for me again?), however, time will tell. Time will rather distance us or bring us together. We’ll see.
Never tell a women how you feel until AFTER you’re together. This girl is playing games. I’ve seen this one many times in my 34 years of living. Two reasons a women “all of a sudden” seems dis interested…either 1. She actually is dis interested. 2. She’s testing to see if you’ll fall for it and chase her, ie game play. If I were you, instead of playing a game, "pretending to be dis-interested, or pretending to be anything…I’d call it out on the spot. Gauge if what comes outta her mouth is bullshit or not and proceed from there. You are the man correct? You’re a man right? You live on your own terms yes? Not hers right? Okay. You’re in control? Yes you are.
Good point, but I think it’s unfair to just assume they’re all games. I have acted disinterested. I even hooked up with another girl (and she knows about this).
Maybe she is disinterested, which doesn’t make sense to me. How can you go one day completely naked on a guys bed making out, touching, etc., and then the next act as if it never happened? And it’s definitely not regret, she told her friends she ‘loved when I was sexual with her.’
She told me she liked me, and I told her I liked her. It got pretty deep. The reason it stopped is b/c she said “we were too relationship-y,” and she doesn’t really trust guys so easily b/c of her last bf who cheated on her. I told her that I wasn’t her last bf, and she said to give her a lil space, and be patient, and we’ll see where things go.
I’ve done that, but IDK if I’m chasing my own tail or if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Hoping for the latter, of course.
I was hanging out with her roommate in her room just now. And she asked me about the girl. And she said that she’s ‘going thru a lot of shit right now,’ and told me she was unsure what I should do, but she’s intrigued and was going to bring something up.
Rewind a couple of weeks ago. The girl I like brought back another guy, and she was crying. She stubbed her toe, lots of blood everywhere. I cleaned it for her, she was talking to the other guy, looking at the other guy, holding onto the other guy’s hand. I was the one cleaning the toe. I remember him saying to her “thank you for teaching me math.” And I said something along the lines of “haha so I teach you math then you teach others?”
Fast forward to today. I looked over her side of the room, and on her little white board where it used to say “I own this shit.” with my name, was writing that said “Thanks for helping me with Math <3 Matt.” I asked her roommate about it, and she insisted it was always there. And she told me that I gave him shit the one night.
I left her room and said “I get it now.”
NEVER was it my intention to “give this guy shit,” but I’m sorry, my territory is my territory, I cannot let someone else get on it. I almost want to tell her “if sex will end this right now, then c’mon baby, let’s f*#$.”
dude, you will go A LOT further by being a man and not taking sh*t, then falling for her tricks and disinterest. Source: many experienced men Listen to this happytapping…
Stop being beta and get your mind right, she’s in college, you’re in college. I told you, and I’m pretty sure others have, that in this stage of the game, most people will go and do anything and everything they can possibly want to do. It’s not that they’re trying to hurt you, that’s just the nature of the beast. You’re probably pissed so don’t even try to confront the guy, he did it to you, you’ll probably do it to someone else, that’s just how it’s going to be.
Lick your wounds and move on, plenty of other ones out there.
Trust me, I acted alpha throughout the entire situation. The reason it stopped was simply b/c she liked me, and she was OK with it at first, then it hit her that she was just a first year in college; way too early to get involved with anything.
IDK if she hooked up with anybody else. Would it bother me if I found out? Sure. Am I going to get upset about it? Probably. Will I DO anything about it? No.
She and I can’t be friends. It’s that simple. When I see her, I’m still that “nice guy,” smiling and asking her how she is. I’m not even going to do THAT anymore.
Anything is possible. I have 3 more years here, she has 4. Maybe down the road something happens, but most likely in a month I’ll be laughing about this, re-reading the thread, and laughing at myself.
I realize that LOADS of guys wish they had my girl problems. I know I’ve got game. I do attract girls. I was willing to make this girl more than a “bump in the road,” and for a while, it seemed like she was accepting that, but SHE now wants to be just a bump, a notch on my belt, so be it.
Because I didn’t have sex with her, I may feel like I haven’t conquered her (her roommate brought up this argument with me. I thought it was interesting).
Her roommate asked her if she would have had sex with me, she said ‘no,’ although I’m calling her bluff on that one (we did everything but, but the way the situation was going, hadn’t my roommate been in the room, the inevitable would have undoubtedly happened).
There are flat out BETTER girls out there for me. I thought this girl was SO perfect, but she showed me her flaws, and I wasn’t digging them. Sure, she was basically handed to me on a platter, and I’m going to have to work to get another girl even better than her, but c’est la vie.
Hey man I personally think A314 will def help. I was in a very similar situation as you, wore this for the very first time infront of her, we ended up having sex. I just told her straight up asked her what she wanted from me and if she just could answer my questions seriously and whole heartedly. Then I told her how I felt, she said she was sorry. I looked at her, and she just tackled me… A314 will show her that you are serious and you are incharge. You get to look like you really care but you have no problem letting go that you are much more capable of doing just fine without her. Best of luck man.
I personally say talk to her, because I know how you feel I waited in a 4 month slum before I got my chance to say what I wanted to say and know what I needed to know with a honest response.
