need advice, quickly

Field Reports & Anecdotal Experience Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports
1

Hey folks, thanks for reading..

Ok, Ill try to make this as simple as I can, and even simple is long and boring…

So I have been friends with this girl since sophomore year in highschool (a little over 7 years ago) When we met, she was on the highschools basketball team, and would always ask if I was going to go to her games, which I would. I had always had an interest in her, but I was always stuck on thee friends side, she would always have a bf, I would be the best friend. After highschool she moved pretty far away to go to college and play basketball, I barely saw her, but I was also away at college having a good time myself. Sophomore year of college she moves back into NY bc she was too far from home, and since then has played college basketball for her school. Due to her transfering, she didnt play basketball right after her transfering, so she stuck around this year and is still playing, and her last game of the regular season is on saturday.

Heres where it gets awkward. So we have always had a good friendship, chat on IM now and then, text, so on.. But it seems that within the last few months we never talk. Ill message her, she’ll reply with one word and thats it, no convo. She never seems to talk to me unless she needs something… Dont get me wrong, shes a busy girl between working a job, going to college, and playing on the basketball team, but I know she still has free time, and it seems like she just never keeps in touch anymore.. To make it even more weird, last month I drunk emailed her telling about how great she is and she sent me this thing back saying, that I am such a good friend and that I keep in touch so much more than xyz and xyz her best friends during highschool, which really meant a lot.. So heres what gets me.. I am such a good friend, but yet, whenever I try to talk to her, she either doesnt reply or gives me a half assed reply, if thats what I get, I feel bad for xyz..

So this past week I sent her a text asking if something was up, and asked why she hasnt been replying to my texts, asked if it was bc she is too busy or if I fucked something up, again, no reply.. Keep in mind, shes been a good friend for years…

So I almost take her no replys as back off.. But I dont really know..

Her last college basketball game (of the regular season, and of the games I would be able to go to) is on saturday, about an hour away, and I would make the drive, but I am undecided if it would be wrong.. I dont know if shes mad at me, or busy..

Just so torn because in highschool, I went to like all her games, a lot of our relationship was based on her basketball, and given this would be my last chance to watch her play, I wanna go, but I dont know if its right..

If I went, I would def wait around after the game, and shes always game by and chatted for a bit when I have came to her games.. So I think if I do go it would be a good chance to say “what the fuck is going on”..

Please help me, tell me what you would do.. shes been a great friend for years, and just been awkward for a little bit.. I have a big stash of pheromones too, if you have any suggestions what to wear to the game should I go..

THANKS A BILLION FOR YOUR ADVICE!

2

honesty.. plz dont get upset or take it the wrong way but i think she is kinda just using you.

she probably is just really confused and she’s not sure if she likes you or not. im sure she likes you enough to consider taking it to a next level but at the same time, she knows that you’ll always be there so she really doesnt have to put herself out there, u know? she doesnt have to try too hard because u’ll always come to her game, you’ll always be sweet and she doesnt have to talk to you unless she needs something. (thats how my ex was too after we broke up)

i mean.. im not saying dont go to the game, but dont just play into everything she does. go to the game, ask her whats up and just be honest and see whats up. just convey to her that you feel like she takes you for granted, even at just a friendship level and see where that goes. if she’s cold to you even there, just say fuck this and leave, you deserve better than somebody who doesnt even have the time to respond to a text.

alright.. sorry if i sounded too cold about it, and i hope it works out :slight_smile:

3

I just think you should stay away, you deserve to be treated better. Expect to be treated with the same respect you treat others. If she is your friend, she should be behaving differently towards you. You may have great high school memories, but they may be just memories. Back off until she begins to treat you better.

You live in NYC, you must have noticed how much girls change when they move here, they leave the sweetness behind very quickly.

4

For what it’s worth, I agree with Chasm on this one, you deserve to be treated better. I think we can all recognise that you have been in the friend zone for years and are pretty much stuck there.

Now I think we all know that you are going to go to this game anyway, if nothing else, to get some answers. Remmy has given you some excellent advice. When you do go to the game, think what you would advise a newbie to do, leave the A314, ammo etc at home, load up on the socials, particularly IH and discuss it with her. Who knows, she might be looking to make a break with the past and start her own life, equally she might have confused feelings about you and be desperately trying to let go. Unless you two discuss it, you will never know :wink:

I hope you hear what you want to hear, whatever it may be. Keep us posted.

5

I think you should go. If you truly have that long of a history and friendship, and if it means something between the two of you (basketball), you should go. Even if nothing comes from it. Sounds like there is no hope for a relationship, but maybe you could salvage a friendship?

6

Mike,

Go to the game if you really actually want to go - if you sincerely enjoy watching her play and feel like it is worth driving an hour to do it then go.

If you are just going because you think she would want you to go she will consciously or unconscously sense that lack of inner sincerity while you are there.

Do what is going to make you happy - if seeing her is going to make you happy… then do it BECAUSE it makes you happy… not because you have some expectation of a future reward for your actions.

Another thing… if you want to broach her lack of response to your reaching out - do not do it in an accusatory manner (I.E. Wtf is going on) - if she is already feeling bad about not getting back to you it will put her on the defensive and maybe even justify what she has already done in her mind… (her feeling bad and acting defensive is probably a best case scenario)

If you go be friendly, be happy to see her and if you really want to broach the subject of her non-responsiveness - do it playfully (I can’t really tell you what to say because it depends largely on how you end up talking to her).

Erm… one last thing… if you go, the best way to gauge her current feeling for you is to greet her with a big hug - If she considers you a good friend it WILL be appropriate (since you haven’t seen her in a long time) - even guys who consider each other good friends greet with a hug (albeit a much different kind of hug) when they haven’t seen each other in a long time.

7

thanks for all the advice, I am still trying to figure out what I want to do.. Maybe I am just that friend thats always talking to you, maybe I just need to give some space..

I am thinking ill prolly go to the game and load up on IH and go from there.. Will keep you all informed, thanks again

8

Wrlpchnx offers good advice, as do the others. I’ve been on the other side of the coin before, and I guess I wasn’t communicating enough for a girl I was close with. She flat out told me that either I step up my time invested in the relationship or she was just going to cut me off. The circumstance were a bit different than yours, as she had a bf pressuring her to cut me off.

Either way, I took two things from that experience. You can play hardball if you want, but you definitely risk losing the relationship. It would have been easy for me to say, you wanna listen to your bf? Go ahead, throw away a 6 year relationship. That’s something I chose not to do, but I certainly didn’t feel that great about her new bf wanting me out of her life and the manner in which it suddenly popped up. She definitely could have picked a smoother manner with which to present her concerns.

9

Just don’t put all of your last hopes on the pheromones. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, then she will not want to talk to you pheromones or no pheromones. Now if she really was busy, then that is a different story. However, was she really busy? I don’t know, so what I suggest is ask her in person whenever you see her again and just have a friend to friend conversation. Then just bring up that subject, and yes a combo of IO and IH sounds a little helpful.

Just cut to the chase, and hope for the best. Talking to someone in person is always way better than talking through a screen.

10

So I bit the bullet and sent her a text wishing her luck in her game tonight, she replied thanks, and that she wasnt mad at me(when I txted her earlier in the week asking if she was mad or something) she said shes just been super busy, and she was sorry for not getting back with me.

So I think going to the game tomorrow would help fix up anything, shes too good of a person to block out the rest of my life..

11

Well, there you go then, go along, support her and chat away like the old friends that you are!

I’d still load up on the Instant Honesty though, you never know what might be revealed.

12

Indeed

(damnit I keep going to hit alt-1 to send like this is my email)

13

So there you go man, maybe she really was indeed busy. Since she already said that she was busy, maybe bringing it up again in person isn’t necessary since she already answered. However, like diamond said just load up on the IH (I also suggest some IO to make conversation happen on a more deeper level mixed with the IH.) Either that or some CTTM 2.

14

will do, thanks a lot guys!!

15

Best of luck! These guys have given you great advice. Be the friend, no pressure, wear the pheros and see what happens. Look forward to hearing about it on Monday!

16

As a female who is sick and tired of generation text, I would imagine when she says shes tired of typing xyz, she means it. I know if Im dating someone, and there is more text, im or email than convo, I am NOT interested, period. You lose feelings/attraction and site of the person, impersonal and safe as texting is, its also the fastest way to lose someones attention/attraction.

17

change of events I guess.. texted her after tonights game saying congrats, and that I was planning on making it for her game tomorrow, she responded telling me coach is mad at her for this reason or another and that she thinks it would be a waste to make the trip, and that she prolly wont even play much because of that. She said it would make more sense to wait for the playoffs. They will either be an away game for her, (but not a far drive for me) or at their home court, and she said I could stay up there and party.. After she said that, I figured she wasnt telling me not to come tomorrow because she didnt want me there, she really just thinks it would be a waste..

So unless something changes, I am not gonna go tomorrow, hope they get a home game for playoffs

18

Well, I do not know what I could add to what you have already been told.

As has been stated you obviously are and have been in the friend zone for a while. I think Remmy (and a few others) are basically right in that you have been in the friend zone and she has been a little … rude … not responding to texts. People ain’t that busy in college. Unless you have been overdoing the texts …

Personally I would go to the game because you were going there to see a friend as much as root for her playing BBall. You can always root for her team and support her all the same. And have a talk afterwards. You should be able to get a pretty good lay of the land at that point.

But as always it is up to you. And good luck and best wishes whatever you decide.

19

Very good point.. no one ever said I cant go to this and a playoff game.. haha

Ill see how hungover I am when I wake up, decide that way.

Will keep you all informed.. Thanks again for all the input :slight_smile:

20

Does that sound like a REAL friend? :cool:

A REAL friend, eh? :cool: Everybody’s busy. She’s so busy she can’t call and say hello? Maybe my definition of a friend is different than most.

Alcohol and feelings never mix, 'specially when you’re in the friend/dummy zone. She know’s you’re crazy about her Mike man! And if she’s one of those that needs fans … she doing swell.

A light didn’t come on!? I don’t know what your filtering system is doing, but that = you’re bothering me. Or if you’re really crushing, and not knowing you’re texting/calling to much … you’re really annoying to her.

You know. You may not want to know, but you know. Sometimes we want something to be the way we want, it blocks our vision, and we don’t see what’s really going on. You like her to much, Mike. That’s your problem.

I reserve all rights to be wrong.

IF you didn’t do anything wrong, she can’t be mad at you.

If you want to go, go. Where ever she has you in her thoughts, you can’t get any lower … unless … you start stalking her.

Whatever you do, don’t hang around, and DO NOT ASK her what’s wrong. Watch the game, and be the first out the gym. Sometimes life changes things … just because you’re someone’s friend, doesn’t mean that they’re your friend. You have to understand.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and remember … at the end of the day … you have to be happy with you. So make you happy, even if it keeps you as a sucker in her book. All jokes aside … sounds like you need better friends.

Again … Good Luck. :wink: