Hey everyone, hoping to get some help on a complicated situation I’m in. I guess its one of those cliche best friend moments where I’m in love with her and can’t break out of the friendzone. It’s a little atypical though. So I will just start at the beginning. I’m sorry, this is going to be long.
The day I met her it was at a party at her house with some friends I made at a newish job. Her best friend and I became friends, and she asked if my friend (another coworker) and I would hang with her outside of work. Normally, I don’t do this sort of thing, as I like to keep work separate, but now that I’m no longer management I figured eh, what the hell why not. I decided to accept the invite and my friend and I would be meeting other people we don’t directly work with, they’re in a different department in a different building. More eye rolling from me. So, we get to the house, I see my friend who invited us, give our greetings and we’re all on the front porch of this house just chatting with a small group. The front door opens, a ray of sunshine pierces through the darkness and shines on the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, with the most amazing personality I have ever experienced. I know, gawdy. But it’s how I feel. We instantly hit it off, she asks for a hug, rather then shaking my hand. I should preface this by saying I’m not socially inept at talking to women, I’m very open and flirty and easy going, and can keep confidence up, by no means bragging just a statement.
Well, not long after our interaction is where she introduces me to her boyfriend. Tool of a dude. But, whatever right? Wrong. I shore up my feelings, as I don’t wanna do anything stupid, I just met this girl, I don’t subscribe to hasty actions. So we all hang out, its a great time and it’s time to leave as its way late now, and her, my buddy, and I are the only ones left awake. We say our goodbyes and we’re off. Along the next few months she texts me with some innocent chatter, and “hey we need to hang out soon” banter thrown in. As I said, she worked in a different department in a different building and always worked later then me. So when she started saying she misses me, and that I should visit I was a little thrown off, and played it off like shes just being friendly. This goes on more and more, and I do eventually visit her often. Every time I visit her face lights up and she runs out and hugs me tightly. She tells me often I give great hugs. All this time, months, I feel its not my place to say I have feelings for her, our friendship is valuable to me, and I wasn’t really looking to get into a relationship.
So, a position opens up in my building and its more money and better hours then where she’s at. I give her a heads up and put in a good work and she applies and subsequently gets the job. So, now we’re working together in the same building but still different departments. We become much closer, and confide in many things with each other, and connect on many levels. Easily each others best friends. More time passes, and things start spread around that something is going on between us. We spend a great deal of time together, breaks, and such while at work. Our personalities change when we’re around each other, smile more, she glows, I feel more like myself then around anyone else. Other coworkers tell us that we’re super cute together and that we should be a couple. Everyone sees it. But, she already has a boyfriend, and it’s not my place to pry. She’s worth more than that to me.
When we hang out, we often end up cuddling, nothing further have I let happen. I admit I just love it. Well, one night, we were just hanging out, and cuddling, and she quietly says “I have to tell you something… I have really strong feelings for you.” My heart sinks. I don’t know how to react. Me, the silver tongue devil who can talk his way out of anything, is speechless. All I can muster is a pathetic “you… can’t say things like that…” She replies, “I know… but I wanted you to know” Meanwhile, I’ve been head over heels with her since the day I met her. Our evening wraps up, I hug her, and send her off. The next few days aren’t awkward, she smiles more, is much more bubbly and more “I missed you, even though I just saw you”. I like it, and carefully pick how I’m going to tell her. We’re out one night and get some time away from crowds and I just start bringing things up, and ease her into my own feelings. She seems to light up as I tell her everything. She hugs me and tells me I mean so much more then words to her.
We spend more time together, and more chatter around work that we’re either sleeping together or are a secret couple. It’s kind of exciting being talked about in some strange way. Anyway, I have a little vacation planned with my one best friend and my friend from work I mentioned earlier. It’s a short stint 3 hours away for a 4 day weekend. Long story short, my buddy from work has a family emergency and ends up not being able to go. I’m disappointed but not upset, life happens. I have an epiphany. The activity I’m going on vacation for is a huge interest of hers. What… if she comes? Don’t know unless I ask right? “Hey… so… if you could come with me… would you?” for the sake of speed, she says yes. I’m not a total douche, and I ask her boyfriend if he wants to come, as, well, just because I don’t wanna be THAT guy. Turns out, he can’t go, has other plans that weekend, but doesn’t care if she goes. So, Thursday I leave, she meets me and my other friend Friday night after she gets off work. Obviously there’s only 2 beds in this hotel, and as we’ve cuddled many times, it was only natural we sleep together. To say the least, the weekend was intense, it was amazing, it was so much more then I ever thought it could be. We had a blast. It made us so much closer. No, she hasn’t cheated on her boyfriend. At least, not physically. We later admitted to pretending we were a couple to each other while we were there. She actually brought it up first. That was where things started getting… difficult.
Not a few weeks later, our group goes out and all have dinner. Her, my friend I speak about, another coworker and I just hang out, they leave, leaving just her and I. She had too much to drink and I won’t let her drive home. We’re literally halfway between mine and her house, and split the difference and go back to my place. Planned to let her sober up and then drive her back. Best laid plans right? Well, she insists she wants to just stay and that I can drop her off on the way to work. I agree. We end up staying up the entire night cuddling. Things got super intense and she, while sober, started trying to tease me. And it escalated. Before anything physical could happen I stopped it. Stupid? Yea. But like I said, I value her so much more then a tarnish. She cheated on her boyfriend once, and hold’s it over herself like a penance that she constantly makes up for. Even though she is fully emotionally invested into me and claims I do not simply fill in the cracks when she’s not with him. Which, she spends much more time with me than him and he’s not even caring about it.
She speaks often that I treat her better then her boyfriend, make her feel more beautiful then he does, make her feel like she can be herself more around me and overall has a better feeling around me. She has said she had started resenting him, and feels bad that she is. They have only been together for 2.5 years. I was never big on ultimatums. But, by this time I needed really just put it out there. I want her in status and title. She tells me she’s not sure, and she’s sorry she does still have feelings for him and now she’s conflicted. She brings up to him her feelings for me, and how she feels in their relationship and things she is upset with. He breaks up with her. Says they can’t bounce back from this and should just stay friends. She goes into a frenzy because it wasn’t exactly on her terms. She immediately tells me that we can’t keep talking like we do, as its way intimate and that she had a convo with him. She calls me crying, and I calm her down. Her friend lives down the street from me, and is having a bbq, I suggest she goes there and sees her, and just relaxes and we will figure it out. She asks me if I wanted to go, I said no no go see your friends, just relax. She stops at my house on her way and we talk. It doesn’t really lean in the we’re gonna get together way but I didn’t expect it to, she was emotionally distraught. She ends up at her friends, and later on goes to see him after. He decides he was hasty and wants to work on things. So that’s that. We talk the next day and she is distant. The day after I put my foot down and ask her where I stand and what’s up. She chose him. So I said, well if that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll do. I still care about her deeply and just want her happy. I mean that genuinely.
So, thats where things basically are. She admits to still having deep feelings for me, and I told her that for her sake and the sake of her relationship with him she needs to pretty much ignore me. If she needs anything I’ll be there but I cant be a distraction to her, and if she truly wants to work on their relationship then I need to remove myself from the equation. That works for all of 3 days. We ignore each other when she walks past, or if we see each other. But I can’t take my eyes off her even if I don’t speak. She opens the dialogue and says she misses me and wants to talk. So, I indulge and we talk. She tells me she doesn’t want to lose me, but she understands I need my space. We talk about how we’ve been ignoring each other, and how hard it is. I reiterate my stance and that I think she’s making a poor choice since the entire time we’ve been friends she’s been hurt by him time and time again. She says she’s still got strong feelings for him regardless and want’s to work on it. I tell her, if we have to try so incredibly hard to change how we act towards each other theres a huge issue. But well alright if shes set on staying with him, then there’s nothing left to say and she should go. We can be cordial at work, and friendly but things will be much different now. She wearily says alright and goes.
A week passes and I’m clearly broken up about it. I feel like I broke up with her and obviously we haven’t dated. Doesn’t help that we work together, but that’s life. Then, my friend who I’d been mentioning earlier has to put his dog down and is distraught. We were all a good group of friends and she suggests we take him out with another friend on our normal out night of Thursday. We all agree and meet up at the spot but decide to change venues. She asks to ride with me instead of driving alone. First red flag but I’m stupid and agree. Thankfully she doesn’t drink too much this time, and after I take her back to her car. We end up cuddling in my car for 5 hours and talk and fall back into just how we were before. She eventually leaves and the next day it’s like all the same as it was before. I’m clearly broken. I decide that I can’t hurt more, only longer and since I want her in my life so badly I’ll just let this happen, and if things come to a physical point again I won’t protest because what if that is exactly what she needs to finally leave him?
It’s almost like she can read me just as the same as I can her because we’re feeding off each other. Then now finally getting into current time frame, and she says it might be better if we don’t cuddle like we used to because when we cuddle it’s dangerous. I awkwardly chuckle it off and say sure. That was Monday. I’m sick of this roller coaster and pretty much stop texting her after work unless she texts me first. So now she’s coming up even stronger. I ignore her texts during the morning and she asks if everything’s alright. I say “yep, everything’s just fine” and she says she misses me and then is more clingy at work on breaks.
Today things came to a head and I tell her I’m unhappy that thing’s are still kind of like this between us. But everything that’s needed to be said has been. She doesn’t know what to say, and I tell her we should go, and that she knows I want a full relationship with her. She hugs me, and I close her car door and walk off. She back up to me and asks me to text her. I say no. She asks if she can text me, I say sure. And she smiles and I leave.
So, I’m so sorry this is as long as it is, but I needed to describe all this. Basically we know that there is an immense amount of tension and that there are clear feelings. But I feel since she made a mistake in her and her boyfriends relationship and she has tried to fix it and atone for it, but he still treats her poorly she feels like she will be giving up and will have wasted her time. Basically I’m wondering if there is anything I can use, or do that will just maybe help her either miss me more, or I don’t know, solidify me in her mind as the better choice or something positive at least?
Thanks for reading.
